Still surreal sometimes

Some days, I still can't believe this has happened to me... to us.... to our beautiful, undeserving Ty...  Sometimes it still feels like it isn't real. 

We took a family vacation the last week of July.  I was just a normal, working mom with two baby boys taking some much needed time off.  At the time I thought I knew what stress was, trying to balance deadlines and dinnertime on a daily basis.  I remember I even facilitated a virtual work meeting while at the lake house and kept up on my blackberry so I wouldn't come back to a tremendous workload.  A week after I returned to work, I found myself taking my perfectly happy, healthy boy to the hospital on a hunch that something just wasn't right. 

Today, we are still here.  Four surgeries and three hospitals later, I'm still laying next to my now 3-year old boy in a hospital bed, computer on my lap and Max and Ruby on TV.  Sometimes it's so routine it's as if my life has been like this for ages, other times I can't believe it's been more than a couple of weeks, let alone almost three months.  Life can change so unexpectedly.  Surprisingly, you learn to accommodate.

Although it's unfair to Ty that I am learning life's lessons at his expense, there are some very important perspectives I will always carry with me after living this nightmare.  First, that people are kind and good.  I have been so surprised and touched by how many beautiful people have been so tremendously supportive--some of whom I haven't been in touch with for over a decade, some of whom I've never even met.  At the beginning of all this I was warned that I may end up being disappointed in my friends and family because times like these can be very telling.  Instead, I feel the opposite.  My best friends will never change and will never disappoint.  My family has shown me how strong our ties are, even those family members who live furthest away and those that I don't hear from frequently have been sending their unending love and prayers and giving me strength.  My work colleagues have been beyond supportive.  My oldest friends and acquaintances have sent caring emails, checked in on me via facebook, sent gifts, attended fundraisers and made donations.  Complete strangers have become true friends.  I hope to be a better, more thoughtful person from this day forward as a result of this.

The second biggest learning to come out of this is my overall perspective on life.  I used to get so stressed over everything, especially trying to find time.  Now, I think "what's the worst that can happen?"  So I miss a deadline, or I am late on a payment.  The worst thing imaginable is happening right now, and this, too, will pass.  Time will go on and eventually it will be okay.  In fact, today Lou got in a car accident driving my new car.  It was bad, but thank God no one got hurt.  That's all that matters.  The car will get fixed and I could care less. 

MRI tomorrow, then we are homeward bound!!  Hopefully we will be on the road around 2PM.  The tumor board meets on Wednesday to discuss his situation (yes, there is such a thing as a "tumor board") and we will find out their recommendations on next steps Wednesday afternoon. Thanks to everyone for your support.