Showing posts from April, 2014


First it was mad cool, or ri donk ulous.  Now it's amazeballs .  Well, Gavin decided to coin another fresh term for something that is really great.  #Indredibaloney.  He had me laughing in the car on the way to preschool this morning.  Where does he come up with this stuff?  I'm not even sure he knew it was funny! So cute.  I think incredibaloney is so superSWAGafragilistic I might have to put it on a tee-shirt.  But seriously he is a funny kid for rizzle .  I thank God for him every day.  His adorable voice alone can make me smile no matter how heavy my heart is feeling. Look at how big he is?  It hurts.  I am not going to get into how much it physically and mentally hurts to watch him grow older than Ty, that goes way beyond words on a page.... I'm talking about the general Mommy hurt you feel when they are growing up too fast and you just can't stop it!  Where did my baby go?  He kept asking me on the days leading up to his birthday if he would feel different

Carpe the Hell out of this Diem

This year, Easter falls just before Gavin's fifth birthday (which is tomorrow! So crazy!).  Knowing all too well how hard it was to watch Gavin hunt for eggs all by himself last year, we are so grateful to our friends Anthony and Yasmine for inviting us to stay with them in Long Beach so Gavin could wake up with his buddies, Eva and Theo, before going to my mom's house for a proper FEASTer.  It was truly a blessing.  It changed everything and last night I went to bed reflecting on a blessed Easter with great friends and family. These days I am trying so hard to embrace each day knowing my life is already fulfilled.  I have been given the greatest gift and learned so much from that little boy who left too soon, everything from this day forward is just a bonus.  I try to seize the day and I often fail miserably, but I will keep trying :) For example - Gavin and Theo are both turning 5 and we later celebrated Gavin's birthday with my family on Easter, so I had to plan a birt

He is still here. Always.

Lou has been sick.  He came down with a fever a few nights ago and has since been sleeping in Ty's room to try and keep it from the rest of us. It's sadly appropriate that Ty's room is the "sick" room.  Not at all because Ty was sick too, but because it is a comforting place to be.  When I was pulling down the covers for Lou and setting aside a drink and medication for him the other night, I was a little jealous.  I could barely resist the urge to climb between those SpiderMan sheets myself and sleep in peace for hours on end.  I wanted to feel closer to Ty.  I sat on the edge of the bed and remembered what it felt like to sleep on that tempur-pedic hospital mattress with Ty in between the two of us.  I looked out his window, thinking about how he has the best view in the whole house.  I looked around at all of his incredible things and remembered each and every one of them and why they are so special.  Even the little paper wallet on his nightstand that leans a

Gavin doesn't get it and that's okay

HAPPY HAIR Gavin doesn’t understand Gavin tries so hard to understand, but his little mind just can’t comprehend the idea of heaven or spirits and I don’t know how to help him with it.  It’s okay, he isn’t hurting or suffering over the confusion at all, but I wish there was a way to teach him what is so grossly intangible.  He believes that Ty went on a rocket-ship up to heaven and that it is located in outer space.  We never told him any such thing, but ever since he saw the hyperbaric oxygen chamber that one time (we called it “the rocket ship” in an attempt to make it exciting for Ty) that is just what he came up with.  I think it’s because we always say “Hi Ty” whenever we spot the brightest star in the sky, too. Truth is, he also believes there are other places in the universe where Super Heroes are real and where they live.  He’s four/almost five and this is just how his mind works.  Our conversation at the kitchen table today: “Why did Ty have to go to heaven?” “Beca