Showing posts from September, 2013

Ty was born on a beautiful fall day - just like today

He died on a beautiful fall afternoon, too.  I checked the weather this morning, and it looks like another seven straight days of perfection ahead. This weather has always been my absolute favorite, but of course now it leaves me ambushed with the sad, gut-wrenching memories of one year ago.  Thankfully, some of those memories of Ty's last days are incredibly beautiful and they keep me putting one foot in front of the other.  Whenever I recall Ty's unbreakable "smile of the day," I continue to be awestruck and inspired.  This was just 10 days before he passed away.  Fall in New York is so incredibly perfect.  The trees are enchanting, the crisp breeze fills my lungs with purity and the sun continues to warm my face.  Days like this prove to me that God is all around.  Ty, too.  Every falling leaf is a poetic reminder of our love and loss.  As much as I find myself smiling at my most favorite memories of Ty, I also find myself haunted by the memory of the day Ty

Excitement among the sadness

September is going to be sad.  It's as simple as that.  But I learned very early on in this grieving process that if I don't keep myself busy, I will fall apart.  So... busy we have been.  The first annual Mahopac "TYathlon" is tomorrow and we are so excited.  It is already a huge success raising well over $50,000 for childhood cancer research.  We have over 250 athletes registered.  I can't thank the entire team of volunteers enough.  They made this happen and I will be forever grateful.  In addition to the TYathlon, there is a team of wonderful women who are also fundraising for the foundation at the Warrior Dash tomorrow. Go team "warriors for muddy puddles!"  I will thinking of you all tomorrow with gratitude.  As I've mentioned time and time again since I started this blog, September is childhood cancer awareness month.  Something I did not know in September of 2009, but became all too familiar with in 2010.  So, this is my third childhood c

Slow weekends are the worst

Quick update on the big race next weekend.  The deadline to register is Friday and we hope you can join us for the triathlon (sprint) or the 5K by registering here .  If you don't wish to participate, but are nearby and willing to help out - please don't hesitate to email ASAP.  We need several volunteers for the early bird shift (starting 5:30AM) and a few others to help out at the 5K starting 9AM.  I hope to see you there! I've said this before.  The worst days are those spent at home with nothing to do.  We normally live such an incredibly busy lifestyle.  We have plans every weekend!  However, with the TYathlon coming up in a week, we took it easy so Lou could train in the morning and I wanted to catch up on things around the house while spending some quiet time with Gavin.  What was I thinking? I did laundry and I cried when putting away some new school clothes in Gavin's closet.  The top row is lined with sets of two.  Two gray blazers, two

Seriously, September?

After 9/11, missing person fliers covered every building, every lamppost, every parked car on my block for weeks to follow.  I lived one block East of the Armory, where families went to report missing loved ones. So, back-to-school is in full effect and tomorrow is 9/11.  God help me get through September.  Then, next week will mark the day we drove home for the last time from the hospital. Ty's very last time in a car as I stroked his hair, covered his t-shirt in tears  and held him in my arms in the back seat.  How I wish that hour-long car ride could have lasted forever.  Like, if we never get home to where he is supposed to die, then he would never die.  I was just telling Lou how I relish in the memories of Ty's scent.  His hair always smelled delicious, no matter how dirty and sticky from long stays in the hospital and sick spells.  Yet, Gavin can take one small lap around the house and end up with the stinkiest feet and sweat-smelling hair.  No matter what, Ty was

September, back-to-school and all that goes with it

This past week has been so fast, I don’t really know how much I even have the energy to share.  In between back-to-school and all the other “anniversaries” we have ahead of us, Lou and I have been in constant flux.  We are capable of passing time with friends and family, but while we smile and enjoy the company we are simultaneously toeing the line as we fight back the grief that continues to chip away at our souls.  We have immeasurable anxiety and our anger is, at times, hard to manage.  We have to remind one another that the real reason we are so angry over the literal act of Gavin’s “spilled milk” is because the nagging pain of our loss has made itself more and more known over the past few weeks. Sadness is so physical.  Grief can be personified.  If only you could see how another person is feeling, right?  If you had that ability to see it as I walked past you on a crowded street, you wouldn’t help but notice the fact that there is a steel weight – and it’s huge – that sits on m

Go Gold in September

Today marks the first day of childhood cancer awareness month, and as one of our board members pointed out - Chicken Mcnuggets are trending but nothing on going gold for childhood cancer. President Obama decided NOT to light the white house gold despite the request from more than 25K people who signed the petition. Of course, everyone is talking about it in the childhood cancer community, but we have to get this awareness to break out of the box and into the hearts of the billions of people who are otherwise immune to the cause.  We have 30 days to make this trend #gogold4kids.  Please feel free to save the following images and use them as your profile or cover images throughout the month.  My hope is that some day - with all we are doing to spread awareness, help families and fund research - there will no longer be a "childhood cancer community." September is a big month for the cause, but it is also one of the scariest months for me, personally.  I have been dr