Remembering

Today is a national day of remembrance.  There is a worldwide candle lighting on the second Sunday of December every year to remember children who have died at any age of any cause.  Tonight, Lou, Ty, Gavin and I went to the NYU hospital to light a candle for Remy.  My dear baby cousin who lived for 95 days to teach us all how important it is not to take life and beauty for granted.  As Pete and Mary would say... to Relish Every Moment You have. 

So many friends were there to support Pete and Mary today.  I am so amazed at how wonderful people are.  I was especially happy to see an old classmate and soccer teammate, Kerrie.  She lost her sister ten years ago and she came with her parents and her husband to light a candle in honor of Remy and her sister.  Love was all around them and everyone. 

To quote from my amazing cousin Pete (www.ourlittleremy.com)

We are lesser because:
We have a permanent hole in our souls that will never be replaced.
We are greater because:
We became parents.
We are greater because:
We have grown closer together as husband and wife than I could have ever imagined.
We are greater because:
We learned what real love really is.
We are greater because:
We learned the true meaning of life.

I borrowed this photo from Mary's sister.  I lit a candle for Remy at NYU tonight, and right now I also have candles lit for Tanner Eichele, Ronan Sean Thompson and Angela Anna Leva (Fran, I didn't know, I'm so sorry). Below is a quote that I borrowed from Tanner's mom.

"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they passed away--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they passed away. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that, is a great gift." ~Elizabeth Edwards

 
This weekend I took Gavin with me to visit a WONDERFUL family who have done so much for us over the past year.  While I was there they asked me how old Gavin was.  He is two years and seven months but I automatically answered, "two and ten months."  I know I did this on accident because Ty was diagnosed at two and ten months.  I have been so preoccupied about that lately because Gavin is approaching that age.  I am sick over the idea that a baby so innocent and sweet as my little Gavin would have cancer.  I forget that Ty was so young when all of this started.  And even so much smaller (Gavin is WAAAY bigger than Ty ever was).  Why isn't there a cure yet?  It's just sick.

I should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago but I can't.  I'm in mourning tonight and it's a good thing.  Otherwise my house is quiet.  Ty has been absolutely amazing these days.  Even despite the recent switch to Etoposide in place of the Temodar he has been on.  In fact, the only side effect I notice right now is that he is sleeping very late - he wakes up after 9AM some days!! (can't complain there!).  The other afternoon I watched him, secretly, as he played by himself for almost 30 minutes.  He scoots across the floor on his butt (not walking yet), opens his toybox, and talks to his toys.  Just like I remember doing in my earliest childhood memories.  Oh..., how life is changing for me.  All is good.  So... very... good.   And I have each and every one of you to thank for that.  XOXO!  Good night.