Thursday, December 22, 2011

Come on Christmas Miracle!

Come on, Christmas Miracle!!! Please don't lose momentum now!!! While I know what an amazing and joyous miracle it is to have Ty here with us this Christmas (and that alone is truly a miracle), I am asking everyone to please keep Ty in your prayers and ask God to allow his healing miracle to continue for many, many, many more Christmases to come. May his cancer never, ever, ever, ever come back.

We went to the hospital today for Ty's bi-weekly check-up and infusion. We woke up early so we could participate in a Christmas party that was being held on the pediatric floor. When I took Ty to the bathroom before getting in the car, he was unable to hold himself up on his own two feet. This is a drastic change from yesterday, which is always alarming. I laid him down to change his pants and I saw him reaching over with his right hand to pull up his left arm, which was otherwise limp. He gave me a look like, "huh, that's weird" and I gave a calm but urgent call out to Lou to come and see what was going on. Ty was so incredibly weak on his left side this morning that the two of us could barely focus the entire rush-hour ride into the city. It doesn't make sense. "What could this possibly be other than cancer?" is the only natural thought that was running through our heads over and over and over again.

His doctor simply couldn't explain it. Once again, Ty has stumped everyone. Of course, they ordered an immediate CT scan to check for any tumor activity. Lou and I were sick all morning in anticipation of the scan. Time was standing still. We put on our best smiles for Ty, and for the sake of Christmas and all of the hard work everyone was putting into the party, but I made eye contact with countless people throughout the day who were wondering why my eyes kept filling up with tears. I am still not over it.  Ty, on the other hand, seems to have no idea.  He was happy as could be today!!  He had so much fun and was smiling from ear to ear all day.  He has such an incredible spirit, I am so in love with that little boy. 

The good news is, the scan didn't show any tumor. Partial exhale, thank you, God.  There is one questionable area on the brainstem, but we need an MRI in order to draw any conclusions whatsoever about what's going on there. So, instead of January 4th, Ty's next MRI has been bumped up to Thursday, December 29th. Christmas and all of the fun we have planned over the next week should help Lou and I hold it together until then. Not knowing for sure is better than hearing those words we are most fearful of. I hate the uncertainty, but I hate bad news much, much, more. I am okay with this for now and I am trying to remain confident that the scan on Thursday will remain clean.

I am so tired of playing this guessing game. I don't want to try and laugh it off while saying things like, "Ty has broken the rules again, and no one knows what all of this means! His doctors just can't keep up with him <insert smiley face>." In reality, there's nothing amusing about this. There is no smiley face to insert. Watching every symptom... tracking his every movement with scrutiny... banging my head against a wall hoping for an epiphany that explains it all (other than a relapse)... feeling so sorry for him when I see him lose some of the independence he's been working so hard for because he can't get around again.... it's literally eating me up inside. Or, rather, it's more like I'm suffering from a very slow and deadly bleed that keeps me teetering on the brink of consciousness. I am losing it a little over here.

When we were waiting for our CT appointment, we had about 1/2 hour to kill. I told Lou I wanted to take Ty across the street to Saint Catherine's church. I'm so glad we did. It was surprisingly warm outside and while I was sitting in the pew I saw the priest who helped me back in May when I stammered through the church doors in hysterics. He recognized us immediately and was so happy to see Ty looking so well. I told Father Jordan about the upcoming CT and he blessed Ty and told me "he's gonna be okay." I believe him. I do, with all of my heart. I know you all believe, too. Thank you for that.

Goodnight, everyone.  Hoping to report that Ty is stronger tomorrow, or at least the same. 
XOXOXOXOXOXO,


13 comments:

  1. stay strong, keep the faith , everything is getting better, sometimes things don't seem to make sense but I believe

    Prayers from Texas,
    Robert

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  2. I'm praying... Remember to breathe. You're all so very blessed.

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  3. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Ty has been doing so well it only figures that he was due for a step back. I can only imagine how hard it is to stay calm. I'm sending all the positive energy I have, praying for peace at the same time. I will never stop believing in the miracle that is Ty Louis Campbell. My biggest prayer is that the Campbell's have the best Christmas EVER!!!

    All my love always,
    Elaine

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  4. Keep your chin up, all will be well. It's just a small bump in the long road you have already travelled. Ty is strong and can get through this too! I believe you'll have an incredible Christmas and Ty will bounce back and be better tahn ever:) Yes, I'm inserting a smiley face!! Sending LOTS and LOTS of prayers and good vibes your way! Merry Christmas Campbell family and may the New Year be a blessed one!!

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  5. I BELIEVE!! ;). Stay strong, don't let stupid cancer ruin your Xmas miracle. This is just like a lump in great mash potatoes, everything is still good and will continue to be good!! <3 and prayers always

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  6. I am counting down the minutes until the next update. I want Ty to be doing better today. He and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas.

    Hugs from Canada

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  7. Live in the moment and enjoy this holiday season with your beautiful family. Don't waist one second thinking about tomorrow because making the most of today and every day is all that matters, no regrets. I know it is hard, I can't even begin to imagine but I hope knowing that all of you are in our hearts and our prayer helps ease life's ups and downs. Life is never guaranteed for any of us, it can be gone in a blink of an eye so all we can do is live life to the fullest every day, make it count and thank God for the time we have. Give the boys a big hug from all of us and have a very magical Merry Christmas!!! Sending love and support your way!!!

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  8. Stay strong and continue to keep believing! Ty is a miracle! Anxiously awaiting your next post to see how he is doing today!

    Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas together!

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  9. Thinking of you guys and praying for all of you, always. Sending positive thoughts that this is just a hiccup and the CT comes back clean. SuperTy is a miracle and he is going to live a long, healthy, happy life!

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  10. And let every thought end with Father Jordan's words..." he is gonna be Okay".

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  11. Sending lots of warm and loving prayers that everything turns out well and that you and your family continue to reap in the rewards of our collective prayers for Ty.

    I pray to St. Jude every Wednesday since I was in my early 20s and since coming to your blog, have included Ty and your family in my prayers to St. Jude.

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  12. Praying and sending lots of love! Don't stop believing! My family will have Ty at top of our prayer this this Holiday season for sure!

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  13. I know everything will be just fine. BELIEVE!!!

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