Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christmas memories

We decorated our Christmas tree tonight.  It was so nice!  I wish I was able to get some better photos - these are terrible - but better than nothing.  Ty and Gavin hanging their first ornaments.  Ty chose a spiderman ornament (although I think he is growing out of his obsession over superheroes just a little) and I gave Gavin an extra sparkley one that he was eyeing.  Of course, it was broken just seconds after this picture was broken.  I saw it coming which is why it's so blurry; I was jumping up to grab it right as the photo snapped.  Ha!



I swear, almost half of the things I unpacked were gifts that we received last year, during our most difficult times.  There were so many beautiful things that I was so happy to unwrap under these much happier circumstances.  To all of you who were here for us last year - friends and strangers - I know I was unable to properly thank so many of you and I just want you all to know how grateful we are. 

I came across a card in one of the boxes that was written by one of my closest friends.  It was a simple, beautifully written note that was sent to console me.  I cried like crazy after reading that.  I don't know if they were happy tears or sad tears, I honestly don't, I just know that I am relieved and sometimes it takes reminders like that to help me exhale and relieve myself of some grief that was building when I didn't even know it. 

Last year, everything at Christmas was a "last".   I can't even begin to put into words what that feels like.  Ornaments that Ty picked out were purchased so they would be a reminder of the child we were going to lose.  I took endless videos.  I saved everything he drew on. We met with our at-home hospice nurse and I stared at her with confusion.  I thought, "What will she be doing when he is dying?  Will she be rubbing my back, whispering kind words?  I don't want her to!  I don't want her here!!  I wish she would get the hell out of here!!!"  There was a piece of me that hated that nurse.  I know that sounds so unfair and unrealistic, but I can't control the fact that I felt that way.  It was what she represented, I guess.

This year, I am hanging angels everywhere because that's where I feel them... they are everywhere.  I find more magic in the word "believe" because it has new meaning for me.  My eyes are open.  My son has beaten all odds and it is a miracle.  The tumors that existed in his spine last Christmas disappeared and there is no real medical explanation as to why.  The doctors simply don't know (but I do, thank you God).  I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I am certainly rejoicing over today. 

XOXO

10 comments:

  1. ...and may God bless you all. How about making today and every day Christmas? Just because. You are already there. Thinking of you from the west coast.

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing the beautiful photos and the happy times. Your family is such an inspiration. Wishing you the most wonderful Christmas season.

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  3. Beautiful

    Prayers from Texas,
    Robert

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  4. Cindy so many people could benefit by reading your story of Ty. As much as we are here to pray for you and your family, you are there giving us hope, faith and belief....thank you. xoxo

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  5. Hi! I love your blog. You are an amazing woman, writer, mom, friend, and wife. I don't know how you do it! I am so happy to read about Ty getting better. Just in time for the most magical holiday! I wish you, your husband, and your unbelievably beautiful children a wonderful Christmas! All my love from Minnesota!

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  6. I just love you guys so much. Every blog fills my heart. The Campbell's are one amazing family. I'm sure this Christmas will be everything you want it to be. SuperTy looks sooo great. He continues to inspire me and my family. God bless you all!

    All my love,
    Elaine

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  7. Hello,
    I have a question about your blog. Please email me!
    Thanks,
    David

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  8. I can't wait to PINCH you!

    That is HILARIOUS that GaGa's sparkly ornament broke right after the picture! I was laughing so hard! Too funny.

    Last Christmas was the opposite of this Christmas. Your story about the hospice nurse was so poignant. It really brought me there. Wow, it's crazy to think back to those days. Isn't this crazy and can't the craziest things happen?

    Believe.

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  9. ps I adore these Christmas pics. They are warm and fuzzy and Papa is like Santa. I love the way Ty looks gorgeous and precious and how Gavin looks like an adorable 2 year old about to drop a fragile Christmas ornament. They're great!

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  10. It is like smile central on your blog these days!!! What a great thing it is. I was at Debi's last night and I went there expecting to see you and Ty...I just had it in my head that you all would be there...I am sending you some pics from Max and Ruby by mail. Hope to see you soon.

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