Friday, May 6, 2011

No miracle today. Maybe tomorrow.

Ty's MRI showed that the two new lesions that appeared in his cerebellum two weeks ago are, in fact, tumors.  And, they are growing.  It isn't the news we were praying for, but by no means should anyone lose hope.  Our doctors are still confident that there are good treatment options available, and so are we.

Of course, my heart is heavy, my jaw is clenched and my head is throbbing because of all the times I've held my breath and my tears today.  Lou says that we shouldn't be so surprised.  That maybe we set ourselves up for disappointment by hoping they would go away like the time the "lesions" in his spine did.  I know his point is valid, but I was just so positive and so confident I thought somehow my attitude and my certainty would make it true.  And, in the end maybe it will.  Ty can still beat this, and I am not the only one who thinks so. 

When Ty had his MRI of the spine last week it lasted over an hour and I stayed in the room with him the entire time.  Looking down the tunnel to see his tiny little nose and his big bright eyes looking down back at me, I tried to focus on praying for him. 

Sometimes when my mind gets the best of me, I face conflict when I'm trying to pray.  There are so many children afflicted with cancer, what would make one more deserving of a miracle than another?  And, of course, I want each and every one of these beautiful innocent babies to get better, but if there could be just one miracle please let it be Ty!   I can't help but be selfish, and I hate how selfish I sound when I'm talking to God, but I think he understands.  How could I not be?

So, my mind went off on a tangent over that long, painful hour and several times since. I know there are miracles.  Many of you have even shared your amazing stories with me about how wrong doctors can be, and how your loved ones have beaten the odds.  And, I believe in Ty.  I know it is his own will, strength and determination that has gotten him this far.  But, if there is a miracle to be had… how do WE win the miracle lottery?  How can I "pray harder" so I can be heard?  I'm not even sure I know what that means, to pray harder?  Do I need to be on my knees until they bleed?  Is that more effective than laying in bed or praying in the shower?

I ask God all the time to tell me what I need to do to help Ty be chosen.  I will leave my family and let him live his life without me as long as he can live his life.  I will do whatever I am told I need to do.  I hate myself when I begin making promises (I'll go to church more, I'll be a better person) but sometimes I can't help it.  When I was recently sharing these thoughts with one of my best friends, Nancy, she made me laugh out loud.  She was listening to my prayer dilemma and she said something along these lines:

"Well, Cindy, I love you and the next time you are talking to God, please tell him that I will do anything for Ty's miracle, too!  Tell him that I will even be 400 pounds for the rest of my life.  I swear that I would walk around and live my life as a 400 pound person." (Please note that this is coming from a petite individual).  Nancy, I love you.  I don't think that is the kind of sacrifice God is looking for, but Thank you so much J  I am so lucky to have such great friends who support me and make me laugh through all of this. 

Today's news isn't great, but we are okay.  Ty will begin chemotherapy in about 2 weeks, and there has been reported success with the treatment he will be getting amongst patients with ATRTs (Atypical Rhabdoid Tumors).  Although the pathology on Ty's particular cancer isn't exactly the same as an ATRT, it behaves very similarly so we hope this will bring positive results.  In the meantime, he is singing and laughing more and more.  He is amazing!  I haven't seen him looking and feeling this good in months and it fills our whole house with warmth and white light.  The Campbell's are going to get through this. 

Love to you all.  Thank you for caring so much. 

17 comments:

  1. I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers <3 May many many miracles come your way!

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  2. That's right you guys stay strong and keep fighting!! Ty responds extremely well to the treatment options! He is totally going to beat this unfortunately it will just take time!

    So happy he is getting his strength and play back in his game!

    Owen my five year old said, "Ty I love you!" He had me change his computer password to Ty! Too cute.

    Prayers, hope and love are being sent your way! Enjoy this gorgeous day!
    Brooke, Eric, Emily and Owen <3 <3 <3

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  3. The fact that Ty keeps surprising everybody should tell those doctors that he will be a miracle case.

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  4. I pray daily for Ty and your family, as do many other people. You're definitely not alone with your prayers and I think you've done a great thing for Ty by bringing his story to our attention so that we can all pray for him, too.

    I'm sure you've heard many stories of others who have beaten cancer, but I wanted to add one more. If I were in the midst of what you and your family are facing I think I would want to hear as many "happy endings" as I could get my hands on. So this is my contribution . . . . We have a neighbor (6 y.o. boy) who was diagnosed with an ATRT when he was one-year-old. He underwent surgery to remove the tumor, extensive chemotherapy and radiation at Dana Farber, and he is doing amazingly well today. Doctors find no evidence of cancer in his body now, and he just seems like any other happy, extremely active six-year-old. I'm praying that you'll have this same type of success story to tell about Ty in a few years.

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  5. Even though we don't know each other I read your blog everyday or as often as you update. My heart goes out to you and your family. Keep the faith.....it's not over til it's over!!!! Miracles do and will happen

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  6. my heart aches for Ty, and your family. i am so sorry there was no miracle in the results of Ty's mri today. i wish i had answers as to why things happen as they do. of course, i don't and probably never will. again, all i can offer is support, positive energy, prayers and love via this blog to each of you. hardly seems enough...

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  7. Cindy & Lou,

    ((((Hugs)))) My heart breaks for you and your family. I thought about Ty all day long, actually, I think about Ty every day all day long. :) He is such an icredible little boy and he DOES NOT deserve this. No child does.

    Your story, your son, and I am sorry I may offend anyone, but it makes me question my faith at times, and makes me very angry with God.

    Why does a child have to suffer. I understand that if there was no suffering, there would be no compassion, but truly I do not understand cancer, as I dont understand how children and murdered and so on and so forth.

    I truly do not know how you have such superior strength, but you do. I have never met you, but I think you are incredible. If someone is 5% of the mother you are, they are an excellent mother.

    As far as that beautiful little boy??? I truly still believe he will beat this. I do. Look at him, he has come so far and you say that he is thriving!!!!! I do not know too much about brain cancer, but I would assume that someone whose cancer is progressing, wouldn't be thriving as Ty is! He is amazing, and he is such a strong little boy!

    MRI????? Alone? My 3 year old steps on the scale at the doctors office and starts screaming like someone is truly hurting him! Ty amazes me every day. The moment I first read his story, I knew that this little boy was a fighter.

    I will continue to pray, cross my fingers and do whatever I can for Ty. He is such a little fighter!

    Team Ty always! ;)

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  8. Super Ty will prevail. A setback yes, a defeat no way!!
    Keep the faith!!

    Prayers keep going!

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  9. Cindy:
    So many times I think I am a nut and then I realize that when you believe in God with your whole heart, we are just all so his children. I pray in the show, I have tried to make deals with Him and I to have begged, pleaded, banged my head, cried a gazillion tearns and screamed for Ty. I will not quit begging and I continue to hear my Grandma's words, God has a plan. I am hugging you and Lou and sending kisses to Ty and Gavin. We are all here with you.

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  10. Still believing, still hoping, always praying for Ty and all of you. Stay strong!

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  11. Obviously, this is not the news we were all hoping for. I know in my heart that this is just another bump in the road to Ty's recovery. Ty will defeat this! Praying for you and Ty and sending you lots of love.
    You're the best, Cindy. Have a wonderful Mother's Day. Love you!

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  12. Cindy, this blog has broken my heart into pieces. I was so positive today wearing Ty gear at the relay knowing that “today was the day” and then leaving the relay to go eat dinner with a 31 year survivor a 13 year survivor and a 23 year survivor I knew that TY was going to break all of their records combined… I read the blog in the car and could not even muster up the want to smile and celebrate. I love this little boy so much, I would care for him and hold him as if he were mine and knowing that this is not a boo boo that asingle person can just kiss away is heart wrenching.

    I will never lose hope. All of my friends above that I mentioned all had a terrible diagnosis and they are all here and happy.

    Ty you are so loved baby and I only pray that God will protect you and take this terrible disease away.

    Cindy you know how to reach me if you need me.

    Mary E. King and the rest of the King family
    GA

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  13. Often when I see Ty's photos, I feel like I'm looking into the eyes of an angel. Your prairs are being heard sweety! They are! There's just too many voices for this little boy of yours not to be heard. Someone on the other end can see him and everything he's going through. They know. Ty has in many ways, already won this battle! You're all in our hearts and minds. We pray everyday in our family for this little boy! Every day! God Bless You Ty!!!

    The Chase Family,
    Newark, DE

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  14. Happy Mother's Day Cindy! I hope you enjoy your day!!!


    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  15. Ty is a fighter and will continue to persevere and beat this! Wishing one of the best, most brave and courageous women a very Happy Mother's Day! Love and blessings to you all! xoxoxo

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  16. There are no fair weather fans here! It's another setback but like you said it doesn't mean we can't move forward.

    I pray that you guys are feeling okay today.

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  17. This certainly does NOT mean that Ty won't get his miracle. God has a plan, we can't always understand it, sometimes it is too big or too complex for our minds, but know that he HAS a plan. Sometimes it may seem that he doesn't hear our prayers... But He does, Sometimes it's us that can't hear his response. But know that each struggle makes us stronger, and Ty is the strongest of all of us.

    Much love, hope, prayers and faith coming your way from the Talbot family.

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