Saturday, May 14, 2011

Keeping it together

Ty has been sleeping it off all day.  He gets head pain, he throws up, he falls back to sleep.  It's good, I prefer him sleeping peacefully rather than awake and irritated. 

I, on the other hand, am going stir crazy.  I drank way too much coffee, I've been sneaking handfuls of sugary garbage from Ty's "treat bag" throughout the day, and there is absolutely nothing on TV to hold my attention.  How many times can I check Facebook in an hour for no reason?  Bored is an understatement. 

Lou came this afternoon and I was so excited to do some laundry and take a shower.  It's a community shower here at the hospital and I had the unfortunate luck of sharing my shower with someone else's booger.  That's right... there was a pretty big booger stuck to the shower curtain.  Instead of the long, hot relaxing shower I craved, I was haunted with visions of accidentally brushing up against the curtain the whole time and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I also planned on getting outside today to escape for an hour or two, but it's already 7PM and supposed to rain.  I can't even tell you where the day went. 

In the past three weeks, three young warriors I know from our various hospital stays have been laid to rest.  I am in shock over the news of these beautiful souls, and it terrifies me more than I can possibly put into words.  These are kids that always appeared stronger than Ty.  Kids that seemed to be on the up and up.  I can't help but completely obsess over the news.  I can't stop thinking of their families, wanting to know how they are coping.  I started looking up other children that we have met along the way, and uncovering more and more disheartening news.  My mind has been spinning out of control and for the first time in a long time, I was afraid I would land in a very dark place - and I can't allow that to happen.  Not now.  Not when Ty needs me.  F-YOU F-ING CANCER!!!  How can all of these innocent children be taken this way?  I hate your guts!!   Finally, I looked up a boy who Ty shared his room with the very first day he checked into Sloan Kettering for chemotherapy.  His name was Spencer and today he is cancer-free.   THANK YOU SPENCER for renewing my hope.  I cried like crazy when I found your site on caring bridge.   

This weekend will continue to be a rough one for Ty, but he is a champ.  A little fighter, indeed.  I love him "big much" as he always says, and he will never cease to amaze me with his positive, fun-loving attitude.  Here is an oldie but goodie that keeps me smiling when I feel knocked down and wiped out.  I could spend hours looking at our "life before cancer" pictures.  How could I ever give up on this!

 

12 comments:

  1. whenever i feel sorry for myself, or am feeling envious of something i see at pottery barn or j.crew, i read your blog and you keep me in check every single time. i feel in my heart that you all have to beat this. there just isn't any other option. i pray for you guys all the time. so do my kids. god bless ty. keep staying strong cindy and lou.

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  2. What a great picture of the two of you!!! I can see where Ty gets his beautiful smile! Like I've said before, I truly believe that God has huge plans for Ty, so I feel in my heart that Ty will survive this horrible, ugly disease. How unfortunate that those other precious babies lost their battle, however, you have you remain strong and positive. I know, easier said than done, right?? I will continue to pray for our SuperTy!!!

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  3. Cindy you are just so funny. I laughed so hard i cried(my favorite emotion). Keep a look out for boogers, they will get you...lol..
    As for the what ifs, its ok. It keeps the fight strong. Don't worry, as parents we do it all the time. What if they fall down or get hurt, or...... The list goes on and on. Its natural. But keep your head high and shake it off and know when you are tired or down WE are all here and fighting for Ty. You are never alone.

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  4. I tried to read your post to my kids but just cannot, there is no air to talk! You are so funny and real! On the booger note I hate when Eric shoots his boogers out in the shower; I mean there must be a better way! Definitely could have been a deal breaker in our relationship; good thing he has other great traits!

    I cannot put myself in your shoes but I see you, I have seen woman like you; they are rare! You are that woman who can do this, who can get through this! Every life, every soul has a purpose! Beautiful picture! So strong! Go Team Ty!! Rest is Best!

    Love and prayers

    Owen said, "I love U TY"

    Emily said, "Go Ty Go"

    Eric said, "uhm how do you make that blank stare snore noise(he is sleeping by his blue moon on the couch)"

    I say pleasant dreams and get some rest! <3 8>

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  5. Cindy,

    Please do not fall into the worry right now. Stay strong and know that little man needs his amazing, sometimes silly :O) mom!

    GOOOOO SPENCER!!! What great news!!! I cant wait for that to be the news spreading around the hospital about Ty :O)

    I am glad the blog is back up!!! :O)

    Love Yall. Have a wonderful weekend!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    Mary E. King and the rest of the King family
    GA

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  6. CIndy,
    My heart breaks for you and for all those children you mention who have earned their angel wings.... But let's focus on Ty... You guys are fighting the fight. You are AMAZINGLY strong. Keep your chin up and those hands up too.. Fight HARD Mama Bear, you're protecting your little cub.... Daddy Bear is fighting too and you guys are a great support for each other...

    F**** CANCER and FIGHT!!!!!!!!


    PRAYERS ALWAYS,
    The Ferranti's

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  7. Cindy,
    I will conntinue to cross my fingers, toes and just about anything else I can cross that Ty beats this. My kids know him and have made him and Gavin something. Can you send me your address--I'll send you my email address. I cannot tell you how much Ty and your family has touched my life.I will constantly pray for you and Ty.
    jenanndon@yahoo.com
    Jennifer from Charlotte, NC

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  8. Cindy & Lou,

    I cried my eyes out your last two posts. Ty is truly amazing, but this is a very scary battle, but I truly believe Ty is going to pull through this. I always remain positive.

    I do not undertand cancer, especially in children. It breaks my heart. There are so many kids suffering, its not fair.

    Cindy and Lou, you must never give up, miracles do happen every day!

    Praying for Super Ty always!

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  9. Cindy and Lou,
    You have proven time and time again that you and your little boy are NOT QUITTERS!! Don't waste an ounce of your energy worrying that you will give up- YOU WON'T. That is clear. You survial instinct is on auto pilot and will not let you down, even though your logic tells you otherwise.Keep doing the amazing job that you are doing, until this horrible period in your lives is a thing of the past!

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  10. Cindy and Lou..........Im so sorry to hear about Ty... This sucks..Keep the faith....he has to beat this... Im sorry about your situation in the hsower and i feel for you. Listen, Im right across the street form sloan and if I can do anyting for you please dont hesitate to ask. I live in Brooklyn and you are welcome to come to my home to shower and wash up and a good italian home cooked dinner. Cindy I could imagine what you are ging through my little cousin was treated at MSK and then moved to New Oleans where she is now and she has a brain turmor. I go every 6 weeks to see her and for me its not enought. I miss her little face. her mom who of course is my cousin also lives in the hospital day and night and I see what she goes through. My whole family is feeling it.....Cindy if you need anytng please get in contact with me even for a friend to tak to at lunch time......Im across the street @ Rock U. Im also a member of Ty's facebook page........Ty and my cousin Lizzie (my firework as I call her) will make it.......they have to !

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  11. Cindy, I am always amazed at how you manage to keep laughter a part of your blog and I truly believe that this is what will keep you going thru this fight. I believe, as do countless others, that you are an absolutley amazing mother and that Ty WILL BEAT this lousy disease. Your family is in all of our prayers. I have four yr old twins and they know who TY is....they see me reading your blog and point to him "look, its TY!!" I went thru my own hell w/ their pregnancy and was told there was a 95% chance I wouldn't deliver either alive. See what prayer and positive thinking can do!!! Keep positive, focus on that, BELIEVE as I do that those litle angels are up there helping Ty....urging you all on. F-U CANCER!!!

    All my love,
    Elaine

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  12. Make sure you get magnesium into him after this cisplatin ASAP. Here is a link I wrote about epsom salt baths and how to make oil spritzers. They also sell the magnesium oil already made up. Feel free to peruse my blog to learn more about my thoughts on fighting cancer naturally. My daughter Layla had failed treatment and is now beating the incurable AT/RT naturally. http://nourishingachildwithcancer.blogspot.com/2010/11/magnesium.html

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