Sometimes when Ty hugs me around the neck, he squeezes so tight it's like he's trying to absorb me. Trying to pull me inside. I do the same to him of course, and I can remember doing it to my mom when I was a kid. I can actually remember feeling like I just couldn't squeeze her hard enough. It's an amazing feeling to be on the recieving end of that intense need.
Tonight Ty actually went to bed early and without a fight. He didn't even argue about connecting his "belly tube" which is usually a disaster. When we were laying down next to each other, he pulled me in nice and close and fell asleep while we were cheek to cheek. I tried to take in as much of his breath with my own in a beautiful but futile attempt to be as physically connected to him as possible. His two delicious exhales to my one inhale, I just lavished in it. Is that weird? Regardless of his cancer, I think I would have enjoyed moments like that just the same. Yes, it feels more real and more intense now, but still... he is part of me (the most important part) and those quiet moments of simple togetherness are so special.
Of course, his brother Gavin is just as important and we love him dearly. He provides us with comic relief every step of the way through this journey. Just look at this video. How cute is he? When Ty was 17 months old and he used to dance it was adorable, but Gavin takes everything to a whole new level. He doesn't just bounce up and down to the music with a big smile... he spins until he falls. He doesn't just go down the slide under Mommy's watchful eye... he flies down face first the second I turn around and bounces off the ground in hysterical laughter. He doesn't just drop his food on the floor when he's finished... he tosses it onto the ceiling and climbs out of his high chair like Houdini. In fact, he lifts the entire tray off of his high chair and throws it across the room. He couldn't have a more perfect personality for the situation he is faced with. He is one tough (and very funny) little guy. This was taken over the weekend while Ty was getting his buzzcut in the background (you can hear the hum of the buzzer in the background). For your entertainment: