I've been waiting!

Look at this BIG BOY!  Three and 10 months.  Looks like he's six!

I haven't seen a real live ladybug for two months.  We had a big snow day on Friday so I had three very long, uneventful days at home with Gavin and of course, I thought of Ty every second.  Yesterday, I finally asked him to send me a ladybug.  I try not to do that because I don't ever want to be disappointed, but I had to.  I was crying.  I told him that I need to know he is okay.  Please.  Send me a ladybug today.  I looked up on all the walls and ceilings wherever I went.  I started to doubt whether or not they ever really meant anything.  I put Gavin to bed and settled down to watch a heartwarming movie.  The movie, "The Intouchables" was in French (subtitles) and since Lou wasn't home I knew it was going to be my only chance to watch it.  I opened a bottle of wine, snuggled up in Ty's spot on the couch, and watched a beautiful movie about a wealthy man who was paralysed from the neck down, and the unlikely friendship that grows between him and a derelict young man that he hires as a caregiver.  I couldn't watch this man without wondering if that would have been Ty if he got to grow up?  And if it was, would Ty still have such love and appreciation for life?  I do imagine he would have.  It was a warm movie with a tinge of sadness for the average viewer, but for me it touched me deeply on so many levels. 

I was tired and drained when it ended.  It was late, I turned off the lights, and headed toward the stairs.  Looking up, there she was.  A huge, golden ladybug just waiting there for me.  Can you believe that?  My Ty is just incredible.  He really is.  He is such a good boy.  I cried out loud when I found her.  I couldn't stop sobbing, so much so that a grumpy Gavin with bed head downstairs to see what all the commotion was about.  He wasn't as interested in the ladybug as he was in going back to bed, so I dried my eyes and had to cut my visit short, but it's okay.  All I needed was to see that ladybug.  Everything is better now.  Ty is okay!!  Thank You, Ty.  Your name isn't "T-Y" for no reason :)  Someday when I get a tattoo, it will be the words Thank You, with the large T and Y coming together to spell your name. 

I have little else to share because this one little ladybug has kept me happy for the entire day.  I think she'll keep me going for a week!   Getting confirmation from Ty like that, it's so much more than coincidence.  It's beyond amazing. 

I am so grateful for all of the positive responses from last week.  I am so excited about how many people are getting behind me and the entire childhood cancer community without being vested in it for any other reason but the fact that they are loving, empathetic and compassionate about our children.  Everyone how has reached out, who wants to help, who shared on FB despite the negative responses, every single one of you has a bigger heart than most.  You all give me strength and encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing for Ty - even when I feel like I'm falling the hardest.  Thank you. 

The Unstoppable Mom contest for Kelly and Mike?  All I can say is that I'm truly disappointed.  I get it.  It was run by a marketing and PR team at Children's Motrin - they had complete control because it's their sponsorship - and I guess there isn't a lot of talking points for children's motrin that can translate well in a story about childhood cancer.  It's all about the advertising, the soundbites, the positioning.  Commercializing serious, heartfelt stories like that is also really, very shitty.  So many of you worked so hard to create a beautiful and powerful nomination and I am just so grateful for all of your kind words.  Thank you.  Some day the media will listen!!  That is my promise to Ty.  His story will be heard in a big way.  I hope at least one of the people reading those countless nominations has checked the blog, fallen in love with Ty, and become one of us :)

The launch of the Muddy Puddles Project is right around the corner!  Please be ready to jump in those puddles during April Showers :)  In addition, we have a date for our annual Muddy Puddles Mess Fest.  It is August 10th so mark your calendars.  If you are out of state, there will also be a lot of ways posted to the website that will enable you to take the concept to your hometown as well, from hosting a muddy puddles birthday party to hosting a muddy puddles event at your child's summer camp.  We will give you the ideas and all you have to do is execute in honor of Ty.  I am very excited to do this for Ty.  I think he will be getting such a kick out of it (as he already has been, I'm sure).  The whole concept is such a pure representation of everything Ty loved. 

That's all for now.  Leaving you with a baby picture of Ty, 14 months old, just because it was accidentally in the folder I opened when I was posting the ladybug picture.  I can never look at him enough anyway.