Look up for ladybugs

I developed a morning routine in this new life of mine.  After we get up, I spend two hours playing hard with Gavin before school.  Lots of super heroes.  Lots of running around.  Lots of hugs, kisses and tackles.  We laugh so much, and I'm really laughing!  My mornings are happy.

Then I drop him off at school, and I usually start crying as I'm pulling away in the parking lot.  I think about Ty the entire way home.  When I get home, I look for Ty in his spot on the couch and I cry some more.  I never had time alone like this before and I don't know what to do with myself!  I need this time to grieve for Ty, it's probably good for me, and luckily I am usually able to snap myself out of it once the mess me and Gavin left behind from earlier starts encroaching.  I am a little obsessive about cleaning so that helps me wipe my tears and clear my head by throwing myself into thoughtless busy work around the house.  Then I get to work on the foundation and before I know it my free time is gone and it's time to pick up Gavin. 

Yesterday and today I was crying more than my usual routine.  I couldn't snap myself out of it like I often do.  I was in hysterics yesterday morning.  I tried to do the dishes, but I couldn't stop crying to the point where I couldn't even see what I was doing.  I turned off the water, pulled off my gloves, and cried hunched over the sink.  For whatever reason, I was compelled to look up searching for Ty and of course, wouldn't you know there was a ladybug right there on the ceiling above.  I immediately felt better.  100%.  Didn't cry the rest of the day.  This morning I had the same problem.  I was sitting in Ty's spot on the couch crying and angry that I was able to sit in his spot now.  After too long, I picked myself up and started cleaning up Gavin's breakfast through my tears.  I couldn't shake the sadness until something on the ceiling caught my eye.  Another ladybug, crawling toward me, in a completely different part of the house.  Thank you, Ty.  You are always with me.  I actually feel a little guilty that Ty is taking care of me now, when I should be taking care of him.  My love.  I know ladybugs are common, but the fact that they are always there when I need them to be is very comforting to me. 

Looking at pictures is another thing I do to help me cope (although it probably hurts more than it helps, I think I need this hurt in order to heal).   It's hard to reflect and remember, but it also makes me beam with pride and gratitude because Ty was just so incredible.  I am so lucky to be his Mommy.  Look at this video.  SuperTy.  What a courageous fighter he was.  Nothing could stop him!

WATCH HERE ON YOUTUBE or click on the picture below to play.

When looking through pictures, Lou also came across this one after I already posted about the marathon.  It is a front shot of him crossing the finish line with Ty in his arms.  I zoomed in as best as I could so you can see just how happy our boy was.  He was so excited!  I love that he is smiling so big and his hat is all crooked.  Just adorable.  Last November and early December were his best months.  He was doing so well, feeling so good, and getting so strong.  Right around Christmas last year is when Ty suffered a post radiation brain bleed that began the downward spiral, but he never let that get him down. 

Ty Louis Campbell is nothing short of awe inspiring.  I'm leaving you with one last picture that was taken just days before he died.  His spirit never faltered.  He never stopped loving life even when his was so very limited.  His story must be told so that he can continue making a difference in the every day lives of others.  Thank you for helping us to do that.  And let's all try to keep smiling in honor of the little boy who did just that.