Sunday, March 10, 2013

I've been waiting!

Look at this BIG BOY!  Three and 10 months.  Looks like he's six!

I haven't seen a real live ladybug for two months.  We had a big snow day on Friday so I had three very long, uneventful days at home with Gavin and of course, I thought of Ty every second.  Yesterday, I finally asked him to send me a ladybug.  I try not to do that because I don't ever want to be disappointed, but I had to.  I was crying.  I told him that I need to know he is okay.  Please.  Send me a ladybug today.  I looked up on all the walls and ceilings wherever I went.  I started to doubt whether or not they ever really meant anything.  I put Gavin to bed and settled down to watch a heartwarming movie.  The movie, "The Intouchables" was in French (subtitles) and since Lou wasn't home I knew it was going to be my only chance to watch it.  I opened a bottle of wine, snuggled up in Ty's spot on the couch, and watched a beautiful movie about a wealthy man who was paralysed from the neck down, and the unlikely friendship that grows between him and a derelict young man that he hires as a caregiver.  I couldn't watch this man without wondering if that would have been Ty if he got to grow up?  And if it was, would Ty still have such love and appreciation for life?  I do imagine he would have.  It was a warm movie with a tinge of sadness for the average viewer, but for me it touched me deeply on so many levels. 

I was tired and drained when it ended.  It was late, I turned off the lights, and headed toward the stairs.  Looking up, there she was.  A huge, golden ladybug just waiting there for me.  Can you believe that?  My Ty is just incredible.  He really is.  He is such a good boy.  I cried out loud when I found her.  I couldn't stop sobbing, so much so that a grumpy Gavin with bed head downstairs to see what all the commotion was about.  He wasn't as interested in the ladybug as he was in going back to bed, so I dried my eyes and had to cut my visit short, but it's okay.  All I needed was to see that ladybug.  Everything is better now.  Ty is okay!!  Thank You, Ty.  Your name isn't "T-Y" for no reason :)  Someday when I get a tattoo, it will be the words Thank You, with the large T and Y coming together to spell your name. 


I have little else to share because this one little ladybug has kept me happy for the entire day.  I think she'll keep me going for a week!   Getting confirmation from Ty like that, it's so much more than coincidence.  It's beyond amazing. 

I am so grateful for all of the positive responses from last week.  I am so excited about how many people are getting behind me and the entire childhood cancer community without being vested in it for any other reason but the fact that they are loving, empathetic and compassionate about our children.  Everyone how has reached out, who wants to help, who shared on FB despite the negative responses, every single one of you has a bigger heart than most.  You all give me strength and encouragement to keep doing what I'm doing for Ty - even when I feel like I'm falling the hardest.  Thank you. 

The Unstoppable Mom contest for Kelly and Mike?  All I can say is that I'm truly disappointed.  I get it.  It was run by a marketing and PR team at Children's Motrin - they had complete control because it's their sponsorship - and I guess there isn't a lot of talking points for children's motrin that can translate well in a story about childhood cancer.  It's all about the advertising, the soundbites, the positioning.  Commercializing serious, heartfelt stories like that is also really, very shitty.  So many of you worked so hard to create a beautiful and powerful nomination and I am just so grateful for all of your kind words.  Thank you.  Some day the media will listen!!  That is my promise to Ty.  His story will be heard in a big way.  I hope at least one of the people reading those countless nominations has checked the blog, fallen in love with Ty, and become one of us :)

The launch of the Muddy Puddles Project is right around the corner!  Please be ready to jump in those puddles during April Showers :)  In addition, we have a date for our annual Muddy Puddles Mess Fest.  It is August 10th so mark your calendars.  If you are out of state, there will also be a lot of ways posted to the website that will enable you to take the concept to your hometown as well, from hosting a muddy puddles birthday party to hosting a muddy puddles event at your child's summer camp.  We will give you the ideas and all you have to do is execute in honor of Ty.  I am very excited to do this for Ty.  I think he will be getting such a kick out of it (as he already has been, I'm sure).  The whole concept is such a pure representation of everything Ty loved. 

That's all for now.  Leaving you with a baby picture of Ty, 14 months old, just because it was accidentally in the folder I opened when I was posting the ladybug picture.  I can never look at him enough anyway. 


44 comments:

  1. So wonderful that he sent you a lady bug!!! The connection between Heaven and Earth is REAL!! I've experienced it myself!!! Yay Yay Yay for you!! Cannot believe how big Gavin has gotten!!! HOLY BIG BOY!!! What are you feeding him up there LOL!!! I too was VERY disappointed in the Kelly/Michael decision..not to be mean but they are all alive and SURVIVING!! I guess I'm just biased ; ) I guess they need it more??? You are still my UNSTOPPABLE MOM AND HERO!! Still keeping you in my prayers!!

    Love Gabrielle

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  2. So glad you posted tonight. Have been checking and decided to check one more time before going to bed. So glad Ty sent you a ladybug. What a sweet boy!!
    I can't believe how big Gavin looks in that picture.
    Hope the ladybug is the start of a good week for you!
    I was also very disappointed about Kelly and Michael. But we all still believe you are THE unstoppable mom!
    -Jennifer

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  3. I'm so happy Ty sent you a ladybug! He really is watching you and making sure you know he is ok. What a sweet little boy...more like amazing!
    Sorry about the Unstoppable Mom contest but this will just show how UNSTOPPABLE you really are! I've been trying to think about someone famous who could help get the word out. Oprah comes to mind. I wonder if we got everybody to start writing her and just kept writing her until she had to listen and help. I mean write actual letters and not e-mails. If she got thousands and thousands of hand written letters she would have to help wouldn't she?
    Well, just a thought.
    on another note, we are out of state but I told my husband to find a place for us to stay
    August 10th because we are going to the Muddy Puddles Fest! I can't wait!
    I really am so happy about the ladybug...I think I'll sleep better too tonight...Love little TY.:)
    Love,
    Jody, Amit, and Kai

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  4. So beautiful! Thank you for sharing the pic of Ty at 14 months. I've said before that Ty looks so much like one of my twins - and given that my twins are at 16 months right now...good God the resemblance is absolutely amazing. I honestly think that's part of why your blog has struck me so deeply - because it seems as though I am looking at pics of my own son and I DO know it CAN happen to us, to me. Too much life has already happened to me...I know entirely too well that I am not immune from more.

    Thank God for the ladybug, too. I know you try not to ask and I respect that. I do think it's ok to ask on occasion though and I am so beyond thrilled that you got the sign you needed. I ask for my signs, too. I think I probably always will - even though the two I ask for signs from I hope are busing "living" their dreams in heaven. I still need and want to feel connected, though and usually my two are good about giving me a sign when I need it the most.

    Much love to you all,
    Lori

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  5. I silently read your blog, I check it every single day. I stumbled across it accidentally and I have fallen in LOVE with your sweet angel. I pray that you find peace as you honor your beautiful son's life. xoxo

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  6. Im thankful for the ladybugs sent to you from heaven. But I must say I'm very disappointed about the contest. I just found the bios for the finalists......I'm sure they are great women and mothers, but they got nothing on you Cindy. I'm disgusted! I know they received a ton of amazing nominations from your readers. How is a women giving birth on her couch more moving to them then you watching your son suffer and slip away on your couch. Your amazing! I only wish the show realized what a great opportunity this could of been to bring awareness to the subject and a good chunk of money to the foundation. Must not be the kind of *feel good story* they were looking for. I'm not a huge fan of the show anyways but they have lost all my respect. Keep being the amazing and unstoppable mom that you are.

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  7. I am so happy Ty sent you a ladybug - he knew Daddy was away and he had to let you know he was watching over you and Gavin. He IS the man of the house when daddy is gone so he had to let you know he hasn't forgotten :). He is the best good boy in the whole wide world. I'm disappointed about the Unstoppable Mom contest too - so tired of hearing how the media doesn't want to report on these sad stories - in fact it's really starting to piss me off. But I guess it just means we have lots of work to do to start turning that attitude around - supporting you 100% to make that change Cindy! And yes - Gavin is such a big boy :). So handsome!

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  8. L-O-V-E this! Ty's great! :)

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  9. Ladybugs!! Love!! and <3's. So glad you received your "TY" sign today. I have been checking your blog all weekend to read and am glad this update was a happier one for you. That your day was made brighter from Ty. he is around you all the time!! He feels the warmth you have.

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  10. You are an unstoppable mom to us always Cindy!!!! Thank you Ty for sending the ladybug to your mommy : ) God Bless you and your family always

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  11. So glad you got your ladybug sign this weekend! Ty is always with you, just not always visible through a sign as you know. Sorry you did not win the Unstoppable Mom contest but you will always be our Extraordinary Mom, Cindy. No mom is better than you - after all you have been through and can still remain hopeful and positive is beyond me! Thank you for sharing pictures of your boys with us, and for keeping Ty's memory alive to those of us who never had the privilege of personally knowing him.

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  12. So happy for u that u got a sign from TY! He's with you, never doubt that. Gavin is getting soo big...omg! God Bless. Betty from Beacon

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  13. I'm sorry you didn't make it to the finals for Unstopable Mom. I also nominated my niece who also lost a son (7 mos) to the same tumor Ty had she also lost her daughter 18 mos earlier to SIDS. As far as I am concerned any MOM who has lost a child, are the bravest women I know. Keep doing all your good work for childhood cancer.

    Nancy Schleicher
    Spring Lake NJ

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  14. Oh I am so glad you saw Ty's ladybug. So glad. I am so sad you did not win that contest, but we will all keep our eyes open for other opprutnities. We are all behind you and Ty.

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  15. Cindy, I have nominated you as a woman who has inspired me for the Lady Godiva Program (winner gets $10,000 grant for their cause) details below for those who would also like to nominate Cindy for this-

    Tell us who inspires you. GODIVA Chocolatier was named after Lady Godiva and her generosity, selflessness and leadership. In keeping with that spirit, GODIVA is honoring inspiring women who give back to their communities and embody the attributes of Lady Godiva.

    Celebrate the women in your life, and nominate a friend, colleague or family member to be a Local Lady GODIVA today and she could win a $10,000 grant toward her cause.


    http://ladygodivaprogram.com/

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  16. I am so happy Ty sent you a ladybug! I can't say I'm surprised because I'm sure he will always look out for you and lift your spirit whenever he feels you need it most ❤

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  17. I was soo very disappointed when the finalists for the Unstoppable Mom contest were announced and you were not one of them. Although the 4 women nominated seem to be deserving in their own right, I truly feel that you were not included because morning TV is not ready to discuss childhood cancer. Shameful. They should've looked past how they would handle the topic and present your story, and thought hard about how the $100,000.000 prize would make such a difference in all the wonderful things you are doing. I am sorry you did not win. You are unstoppable and you will do great things in honor of your beautiful son!

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  18. Dear Cindy,

    I've posted a few times before, I'm just an other one who found your blog through a link one of my Facebook friends had posted and has been touched so very deeply by your family's story. There is something about Ty that has always reminded me of my own first son, Trever. He's 12 now but earlier today I was looking at some old videos from when he was 3 years old and all I could think of was Ty. It's something about the sparkle in their eyes and their zest for life. But it quickly struck me how unfair it is that my son is still here and Ty had to leave this earth so early. Trever has had his share of medical issues, including epilepsy that has no known cause, but knowing Ty's story, I will never, ever, not for one moment take the gift of his life for granted.

    I know how badly you want Ty to come to you in a dream. I have had many spirits visit me in dreams over the years and have also prayed for Ty to visit me, if the case should be that my brain is more receptive to such messages. It hasn't happened yet but, oddly, we have been getting visits from Ladybugs in the house regularly. The last time we found lady bugs in the house was in the year after my father in law--my childrens' grandfather--passed away in 2005. Ladybugs have positioned themselves in the oddest of places smack in the middle of winter in our house at least 5 times recently. And each time I think "Ty"? Sometimes I wake up and feel like I've dreamed about him but cannot remember any details. This all tells me that it's simply not time yet. I believe with all my heart when Ty is able he will communicate through dreams. Until then, he is communicating through ladybugs.

    Your pain is something I can't even pretend to understand. But I do understand the love you have for Ty, and feel a bond with him for reasons unknown to me. I promise you that he is with you, and his spirit will always be with you, and he is never, ever alone. I wish all the peace and love I can possibly imagine to you and your family!!!

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  19. How appropriate that TY spirit came as a GOLD ladybug.

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  20. Hello,

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with " SuperTy " & all of his family.

    " SuperTy " - is & will always be my hero.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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  21. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfNVfiqKBeM

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  22. Your special boy knows exactly what you need from him! What a sweetheart! We think it's pretty amazing!

    Prayers from Nebraska
    The Stewart Family

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  23. I like this blog, and I read it every single new post, but I miss an answer from the mom just saying she reads the comments people leaves here with the best of their intentions. Also I sent and email but never got an answer just at least to say thank you.

    As for the rest, once more this kid was amazing

    Love

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure she reads every single comment and email but it would take her hours to answer each and everyone. Time better spent on the foundation or with Gavin!

      Delete
    2. Yes, of course I read all of the comments. I thank the readers of the blog constantly - via handwritten notes, emails, facebook, etc. - and I respond to as many emails as humanly possible into the wee hours of the night. I'm sorry if you feel slighted. Please know I appreciate your support. I appreciate everyone's support.

      Delete
  24. Gavin is so gorgeous cindy...❤
    Suzanne b.
    Westchester

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  25. I think the significance of the ladybug being gold in color is profound! He is amazing and his signs are very real. Ty has taught me to always fight, no matter how hard things may seem or how much I want to give up. The other night we were driving through town (after a couple of very difficult days) and I just happened to look into a shopping center where a Party Stop was. I realized the word "party" had lost some of its lights and the only letters that were lit, in bright GOLD, were TY :) Thank you Ty, and Cindy, for always teaching me to fight on!

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  26. seems like everytime u get a ladybug i get one to love getting them alway reminds me of ty and aways will

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  27. I came home today, hugged my kids and broke down. I can't believe that Ty is not with you, us, the world. I find myself getting so angry because i can't make sense of any of this. Ty is perfect...just look at all of his amazing pictures. How could he have been so sick? I don't get it and no one can make me understand. I'm so sorry for such a tremendous loss your family has to live with. I wish i could have met him. Me and my sons say goodnight to him every night then we light up our dream lite ladybug in honor of him. Usually I'm better than this but like I said I'm so angry about this today for obvious reasons. I wish i could click my heels and bring him home to you. Why can't life be that easy?

    "how lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?" AA Mine...Winnie the Pooh.

    Love from your disgruntled cyber friend in st Louis
    Kim f

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  28. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful boy with us. You can just tell he was one of those kids that people couldn't get enough of. I'm in nursing school and people always ask me what I want to do when I graduate in May. I tell them pediatric oncology... I am always met with "Oh my gosh! are you serious?!!?? that's way too sad! How will you be able to do that?" Honestly it's because this HORRIBLE thing called cancer is a reality for so many precious babies like Ty.. and I could easily turn a blind eye because it's "too sad" but these kids are SO inspiring and their bravery literally astounds me. We will keep fighting until there is a cure.. I will gladly be out of a job to see these kids grow up to be everything they were once robbed of. You and your husband are amazing advocates. Rest in Paradise Ty <3 -Andrea in Portland, Maine

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  29. Any determined ladybug (they always seem to have a plan/destination, don't they?), soaring or perching hawk, twinkling star, beautiful bluebird, and golden sunset reminds me of the superest of super heroes, Ty, and his unstoppable Momma. I relish in these sightings and I ask Ty to send you healing signs of love, comfort, and hope. He's a super hero as are you. xo

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  30. The ladybug story is so wonderful, and absolutely not just a coincidence! Your posts continue to touch me to the depths of my soul. I just cannot believe you will not be on Kelly amd Michael! You are, by far, the true definition of an Unstoppable Mom! I can't wait for the launch of the Muddy Puddles project! Really hoping to be there in person, but love that you are providing other ways for us to show our support locally as well. All the best always. XXOO

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  31. This is the most beautiful lady bug ever Ty. Thank you. Your mom smile must have been the biggest. i hope one day Cindy you wont be a girl with a broken smile. I am so dissapointed about the contest. how could Ty not win. But that just shows to us over and over again, people want to ignore sad stories. its hard to comprehend how any parent in the world wont care?! are we all so ignorant. i pary it will change. i promise at least in my house i will never stop talking about Ty to my boys and teaching them that there is a horrible disease and they must grow up and help fight it and find a cure. if only we do that as parents we will beat this fucker. i hate you cancer but i also hate ignorant people who dont care. How could you walk away and not fall inlove with Ty and support his cause! I miss you baby boy. Still cant believe you are not here.

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  32. Best Good Boy in the Whole Wide World! He loves his mama so much and is looking out for you!
    I am so glad he sent you that ladybug.

    Thinking of Ty every day... thinking of you all. Keep fighting the fight, Cindy! You ARE changing the world, and you ARE UNSTOPPABLE!!!

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  35. He is the Best Good Boy in the whole wide world!!
    He loves you beyond comprehension.
    I heard "I will Wait" by Mumford & Sons tonight on the way home from work, as the sun was shining and immediately thought of you,Cindy & Ty of course!! Never fails but tears rolled down my face in awe of you both... It is sad but so much a reality to so many. Your day will come I just know it....

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  36. We don't call him Super TY for nothing!!! He truly is an extraordinary little boy with super powers and wings.

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  37. I just wanted to write and say I was thinking of you and your family tonight. I also read the website chronicling Ty's disease. What am amazing boy and an amazing family. You are in my heart and in my mind often. Thank you for continuing to share your journey. You are so amazing to me

    Julie from MN

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  38. Finally got a chance to really look through your Foundation's website. It looks great. Came across the donor registration information. Didn't even know that existed. I just registered and should be receiving my swab kit shortly :) Thanks for sharing that and helping those of us who feel helpless feel like we're doing at least a little something. I can't help Ty, but maybe, with some luck, I can help somebody else and make a difference. Thanks, Ty, for inspiring me to more than I am.

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