Friday, November 16, 2012

Children see angels

I can't tell you how many stories I have received from others who have seen signs from Ty, and even more stories about their children saying things that are odd in the sense that they may be seeing or feeling a spiritual presence.  Maybe even Ty's.  It makes me feel so good knowing how many people out there are still thinking about Ty and seeing his signs.

Children are said to be especially clairvoyant, and I believe it.  Not Gavin.  I think he is just in his own fun world, kind of oblivious to anything like that (here he is in a bag again, I posted the wrong photo earlier).

 

But Ty, he was very aware even before he got sick.  He was so special in every way, especially spiritually.  At such a tiny, young age, when there was so much in his life to be afraid of, he wasn't afraid.  I believe it is because he knew his guardian angels on a more tangible level that most of us can understand.  He saw them.  All the time.  I used to have to snap him out of his stares sometimes. They weren't blank stares - unaware of his surroundings - it was just as if something in the distance captivated him for a moment. I even see that stare in pictures sometimes, like this one.  I clearly remember taking this picture.  I kept calling for Ty, who was 100% aware of what was going on and what I was saying, but got caught up staring off at something else.  He caught his amazing fish just moments after this picture was taken.  The fish that was sent by his angels, just for him, in the middle of a hot afternoon when no fish are supposed to be caught.  Look at his face and you can see that he is witnessing something magical. 


Sometimes I worry that all of my stories sound desperate.  Like I am the sad, lost mom just clinging on to the idea that my son is still with me.  That Ty himself sent me a rainbow or a ladybug might sound unrealistic.  I realize that it may sound that way... rainbows and ladybugs have always existed... but it is so important that I believe this.  And I truly do believe it.  And I know so many of you do, too.  Believe me when I tell you that Ty is everywhere.  He is the air that I breathe and the love in my heart.  He is doing amazing things, even more amazing now than ever. 

It will be one month tomorrow.  One whole month without him.  It doesn't feel that way, though. It still doesn't even feel like he died sometimes because it's still so new, then other times I am literally pulled to the floor by grief when his loss becomes so very real.  Most of the time, I still feel like he is right there in my backseat everywhere I drive.  I still look for him on the couch every single time I walk into the room.  I still turn to the middle of my bed so I can face him when I go to sleep.  His absence is so present, if you know what I mean. 

I miss him so much.  More than I can ever put into words.  I think about him every single second of every single day.  I don't need to look for things to remind me of Ty, because everything already does.  Every song I hear, every store I step foot into, every toy I see on a shelf, every piece of candy, every little kid I encounter, every cloud in the sky, reminds me that he's gone.  But it also reminds me that he lived.  And that he was amazing.  And that I am forever changed, a better person, because I was lucky enough to be his mommy. 

I am writing this from the new Ty Louis Campbell Foundation office space.  Today I was given a printer, some paper, pens and post-its.  I brought in a bunch of Ty's best artwork and a slew of cleaning supplies.  It is coming together and I know we will have this place up and running in no time.  It's going to be amazing. 

The Hudson Valley Knights!
The Foundation is off to an incredible start, and Ty continues to be honored in amazing ways (along with all of the littlest cancer warriors fighting childhood cancer).  Yesterday we were presented with a unexpected and very generous check from the Dutchess County Legislature (thank you Bolner family!) on behalf of the Hudson Valley Knights Junior Pee Wee football team.  These boys are true champions and they have been wearing gold shoelaces all season.  They play football with fierce dedication and they have been playing for TY with all of their hearts.  They refer to Ty as their teammate - forever.  This team has touched our hearts more than any other.  These boys had an incredible year, they are true champions, and last night they handed over their trophy to Lou, me and Gavin!  Ty really will be a part of their team forever, and that incredible, hard-earned trophy has an amazing home at the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation :)  We can't thank you guys enough.

 
 

103 comments:

  1. Cindy these things that make you feel Ty with you are real. There is no way a bond like yours could be broken. I believe that your love and care for someone while they are here on earth carries over when they are gone. You are proof of that! Thank you for sharing Ty with us. I think of him everyday, sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry. But I always think of him.

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  2. I believe, Just as you do. My daughters have both been able to see things I cant. And after my brother passed at 17, he was always around, comforting us. My sisters and I would talk about having the same things/feelings happen that let us know he was around. You are right about it all. And I love that Ty has a beautiful trophy, he earned it :) Keep believing and healing.

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  3. I'm not sure what to say. I do believe that Ty is very much with you, bouncing around with friends, having fun, checking on you, your husband and Gavin constantly. When I was an 11 year old child I lost my grandmother who I loved like a mother. I can remember crying to my mom that it was going to be so long before I could see her, kiss and hug her again. My mother told me that for the people who have gone to heaven, it is like a blink of the eye. They are watching over us and to them, we are with them again so quickly. I like to believe that. xoxo Prayers always.

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  4. You never ever sound desperate. You sound like a mother, and we all know he is with you.

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  5. I think awake is the right word for what your are experiencing! these signs are around for all of us, its just, most people cant see them. Ty has woken you up, to see what the world really is. Life isnt about the body you inhabit, but about the souls you touch.

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  6. Cindy you are so amazing. I do so admire and respect you. You manage to possess true grace in a time of unspeakable pain and I think that you, like Ty, are an angel walking among us.

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  7. Wow! You live in a great community. Those little football players make me proud! What a great bunch of kids any mother would be glad to call her own. I miss Ty so much. Hang in there, Cindy.

    Laura in Texas

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  8. I think of Ty everyday. I talk to him when I am alone outside with my dog. Yep just look up and talk to him. I sometimes ask for a sign if he can hear me. I mostly ask him if he is taking care of his momma, daddy and sweet little brother. I did not and do not know you but I feel so much in my heart like I do. I think if we as strangers are so sad, how can we fathom what you feel. I wish you to find some sort of peace. You and your family are wonderful. I wish to meet you all someday! I would give you all the biggest hug and say THANK YOU!!

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  9. so hard to find the words. You are amazing in every way. Ty is certainly bringing you signs. I never ever ever see ladybugs, and the other day as I was talking about Ty to my 8 yr old daughter she looked at the bathroom mirror and said, "mommy look, a ladybug". Weird. He's everywhere. That ladybug is still in my bathroom :) I cannot imagine the pain you and Lou are in, and yet you continue to live your life, take care of Gavin, and accomplish great things. I honestly don't think I would be able to function. I would curl up in a ball and never leave my bed. You and your family are my heroes. Ty has made me a better mom (I know you hear that every day, but it's so true). My boys are 3 and 5 and watching them play makes me think of Ty and Gavin and my heart breaks for you all. There are no words to describe how incredible, amazing, and inspiring you all are. I pray for you all daily. You guys are often in my thoughts. Hoping your pain lessens with time and you find the peace you so deserve. Gavin is the luckiest little boy in the world. I hope you feel some comfort knowing how incredibly good you made Ty's short life. (((HUGS)))

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  10. I don't think you sound desperate at all, and even if you did who cares. I always get excited with the signs Ty sends you. I look forward to them and I hope you never stop sharing them with us.
    On another note, I was thinking of the thousands of people who love Ty. What are you gonna do when we ALL go to heaven? We will all be looking for Ty to hug and squeeze him. You're gonna have to share!

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  11. Cindy, you should never feel that you're desperate for believing every thing is a sign from Ty. You and him were one and if he had the ability to see and feel things others couldn't, than I'm sure so can you! They say the more open and receptive you are it becomes easier to truly see all signs and know he's always with you! You inspire me every day to be the best Mommy and to give extra hugs and kisses and say I love you 100 more times. Thank you for sharing your family with us, you have made me a better mother and wife.

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  12. A moment, a second, just to see you.
    A lifetime of heartache I wish to undo.
    my heart beats steady but hurts everyday.
    All of this pain, it just won't go away.
    Can you hear me?
    Can you see me?
    If you would, please come free me.
    You are at peace, I believe it I do.
    I just hope you know how much I Love You.
    Everyday that passes brings one more tear.
    You are golden....
    The sunshine, the dew, the rain and the clouds all remind me of you.
    Your beauty rests on my shoulder for all to see.
    I am so thankful you are part of me.

    I wrote this when my cousin died but id like you to have it :) ~Lora

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    1. That is a beautiful poem Lora,and a beautiful tribute to your cousin. Thank you for sharing it w/Cindy and us! :-)

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  13. It just dawned on me that you worry about sounding desperate to us??? LOL, I hesitate to comment sometimes because I'm worried you'll think I'm crazy!! Many of us who follow this blog are strangers who never met you or Ty, and yet we love you, we cry with and for you, we think of you daily and pray for you all the time! You never sound desperate. Please keep writing about your family.

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    1. lol, I just posted the same thing before reading this! So glad there are others like me!!! WE LOVE TY!!!

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    2. I agree, Cindy , you are an inspiration. I truly believe a movie should be made about Ty's journey , I believe it would open so many eyes as what needs to be done to fight childhood cancer . My heart breaks for you and Lou

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    3. I think the same things!
      I come here almost every day because I feel so connected to your family ~ and when I am outside walking my dogs thats when I look for SuperTy. And on 2 different days I have found action heros down a fence line where I live, I smiled, looked up and said ' SuperTy"
      I just wanted to say Thank You for sharing your family with all of us!

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    4. Exactly! LOL I look forward to your honest, raw and inspiring posts! My favorite posts from you are signs from Ty! They are the posts that bring me the most comfort and peace!

      Rita

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    5. Me too...I just feel drawn to Cindy and family and Ty is now forever part of me. Sometimes I wish I could just drive to New York and give the Campbells a big hug!

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    6. Me to, I cannot stop thinking about Cindy and her family. I believe Ty is with Cindy, all the time as well.

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    7. Count me in..word for word!! I am your stalker Cindy lol. I check in here about 5 times a day. I am thrilled that you write almost daily. When I finish reading and crying, I hand my phone over to my husband and he reads it. We were just discussing last night what grace you have especially at the worst moment of your life. My husband said you are amazing, that it's only been a month. That is almost like yesterday. I can imagine his scent and presence is still very strong in your house. I think of you all day, as I think of his beauty and amazement,as you said..to the very end, always with a smile! Your son was perfect..you are right with that! We all love him desperately, along w/u, Lou and adorable Gavin (he's so funny in the pics. I love this expression as he's sitting sitting the bag! Im sorry for the very long comment but I HAD to, I read daily but cant sometimes comment, and it almost hurts me. I feel compelled to tell you how much I admire you and your strength. How much all of us strangers truly love you, even having never to have met you or Ty. I cry real tears for you daily, a few times a day most days. I was asking my husband last night if God would allow me to meet Ty when it's my time. I truly hope! I continue to pray for you all daily. Please continue to write.

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    8. I feel the same...we all love your family so...don't ever feel desperate for wanting to still feel Ty in your everyday. I look for signs from him along with others all the time...I think about Ty often and pray for peace...much love!

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  14. I, as well as many others don't know you and yor family personally (No matter how badly I want to) Yet I feel Ty's presence and see signs of him everywhere. That just shows how many people this beautiful little boy touched. He's like a tree, branching out into the hearts of everyone that he has encountered. The other day, I found a lady bug in my room and smiled, knowing in my heart that it was Ty that sent this beautiful gift to me. I am so thankful for this blog of yours as it has made me a better person and made me realize just how blessed I am to be healthy. Your blog inspired me to reach out and help others and make a difference in this world. I want to do all I can to help cure cancer and fundraise in honor of Ty, Ronan, and so many others that have left this world too soon. I want to be the voice for those who can't and make sure that no other kids have to go through this. I know it seems far-fetched right now but I will try my hardest and help in any way that I can. God bless you and your family.
    Much love to you all.
    -Kassidy, 13 NJ

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  15. i think about you and ty everyday. i pray for your continued.strength every night when i talk to God. i wish i could say time heals all. but i cant. because there will never be a day that you dont think about and miss your boy. but what i do know is that time will bring some peace. and know he is always with u, in everything u do, because you carry his heart (you carry it in your heart). this new life of yours will be different. but u can continue to fill it with days of love with gavin, lou, your family, friends and your commitment to the cause. and one day you will meet with ty again, this i know (and pray) is true.
    always,
    jennifer negron

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  16. Never desperate Cindy - you only sound like an incredible woman and mother that has suffered a loss like no other. I love that picture of Gavin sitting in his box - that will be making me smile for days. I definitely see Ty looking off to his angels in the fish pic - how magical that he caught a fish that day. I am so proud of the Knights - what a great group of boys! I hope my son grows up to be thoughtful like that - he better!! So happy the foundation is coming together - you guys are going to make a difference and we are all here to help you, support you and cheer you on. Thank you Campbell family. SuperTy always and forever.

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  17. It's funny (not "haha" funny), when you say you worry about your connections just being desperation - in a way, it validates how I feel toward your family, and especially Ty... sometimes I think: "are they going to think I'm some weird stalker, that I follow every post so closely, and think of Ty so often?"... I hope you don't. I hope you know that Ty's presence was not only powerful in your little circle, but that his spirit has echoed out to SO many of us, who love him, and see and feel him all the time.
    As for children being clairvoyant, I completely believe that -- and I think it may be especially true for sick children. My William often stares off at "something"... but not a blank stare - it's like he's definitely looking at something.. or someone. A few days ago, he and I were sitting at the kitchen table, doing his feeding therapy, and all of a sudden, he just started looking up toward the ceiling, and smiling, and giggled a little, and then said "bye", and blew a kiss into the air.... I mean, YOU tell me. Angels are among us, Cindy. And Ty is certainly one of them. Never doubt that.

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  18. Saw a rainbow today and thought of Ty!! Lisa, NY

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  19. I believe in signs and that thses are truly happening and ty is with you. I watched the video you have on here comes the sun. Tys eyes were always so bright with life. You are truly amazing and i thank you for sharing your journey.
    Julie in mn

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  20. Your true love and determination and pure strength is unbelievable. As so many others say and have said for years, you make us better people and you have opened our hearts to love a sweet 5 year old boy and his family so so much. I too think of you oh so often and am trying the best I can to raise awareness for pediatric cancer, from my small center of the world. However, if we all do something and spread the word, and put the money we may have donated in the past to other charities, to Ty's and Ronan's and those others which solely fund childhood cancer, it WILL make a difference. I am so so sorry for your loss, and cannot imagine what you are going thru. Please know that you are such an amazing mom- and Ty and Gavin are two of the luckiest boys out there to have u as their mama. Hope you think happy thoughts of Ty over the weekend and continue to feel and see his presence in all the magical things you guys do as a family over the next couple of days. He is obviously still very close to you all.

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  21. Keep looking for those signs- they exist to comfort you. I will never forget when we buried my grandfather's ashes in my gramdmother's plot (she had died 12 years earlier) and the minute they put the ashes into the ground, two white butterflies flew out from behind the single gravestone. It gives me chills still.
    Wendy, Va

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  22. he was so amazing in his life, that it can only be said he is even more amazing in his afterlife. he is coming to you in all sorts of forms, rainbows, ladybugs, signs, etc. he's superty it's what he does, he has superpowers, and that's why you see the ladybugs & rainbows when you need them most.

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  23. Cindy,

    I would think it strange to be so drawn into Ty's story along with you but I see so many others who have the same reaction, it just has to be the superness of Ty.

    My three year old has seen a few of the pictures of Ty while I was reading your posts and asked who he is. Yesterday while driving, we were talking about who we will buy Christmas gifts for this year. I was naming off her cousins and she said, "we need to buy a toy for Ty.". I was a little surprised but she described him and said we needed to get him a gift and bring it to him. I hope you don't mind if we pick a special ornament for our tree to honor Ty.

    I think of you and all of you family often and pray for you daily.

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    1. I love the idea of the ornament. My family's gong to do the same thing, perhaps a Captain America shield ornament will do.

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  24. I was going to comment on what a classy operation that Fordham Rams Football program is but being a native of the Bronx and having a father and brother as alumni, I thought I was being biased. These pee wee football kids are just as classy however, and I realized that it is all in part due to you and your family. These gestures are a testament to Ty and his valiant fight and your amazing support throughout. Classy operations have just as classy (honorary) members. Someday I will have the time to tell you all of the things that your/his story have inspired in me but for now I will tell you that my son, who is almost 5 frequently tells us he is spending time with Papa...his Papa died 7 years ago at the age of 87. Our son has never met him but says things that make us believe (and maybe just because we want to) that Papa is watching over us. My 14 year old daughter says she is jealous of him because he gets to 'see' Papa. I tell her it just has to be in our hearts to be able to see and clearly you have it in your heart.

    Karen RI

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  25. Cindy, I never met Ty, but I think of him everyday. I wear my Super Ty tshirt and direct everyone to your blog. I am not alone in this. Your sweet boy touched the lives of so many people and has deeply changed us. Ty is everywhere continuing to touch the lives of stranges. Whenever I see a ladybug at bath time or a Hawk flying above, I tell my 21 month old that super Ty is visiting. You do not sound desperate. I believe Ty is with you always, taking care of you, Lou and Gavin and he always will be there. Pay attention, because those signs are real. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to share Ty's story and help raise an awareness for pediatric cancer. God Bless you always.

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  26. You are amazing. You are full of grace, love, integrity, class, and eloquence. You are not desperate. You are a true inspiration and you are a super hero, you did give birth to Super Ty after all. I miss your best good boy in the whole wide world. Your family is always in my prayers. Thank you.

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  27. If there is one thing you don't sound, it's desperate. You and Ty were so connected that I believe you are getting signs from him. He is letting you know that he is still with you spiritually and that you are an amazing mommy! So, continue to believe these signs are from Ty, as he will always be with you and in your heart! The other day, I looked up and saw a ladybug on the ceiling and immediately thought of Ty..........a smile came to my face :)
    I wish you all the best in your opening of the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation office.....I know you will do amazing things! Please reach out if you would like or need some help. It's a wonderful cause and I think many of us would love to be a part of it.
    Continuing to pray for all of you...........Deb <3

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  28. Cindy,

    You are not at all desperate in seeing the signs that Ty is sending you. You two were so incredibly close that you were almost one person. Even though he's in a better place & not feeling anymore pain.. He still needs you as much as you do him. He still needs to feel you. That's why you are seeing & feeling him everywhere.

    I live in Indianapolis & even though I've never met your family, I have to tell you how I've felt Ty since he's passed. Let me digress a bit. I've been following your blog for about 2 years now. I've seen the miracles that have been given to Ty. I've prayed & cryed for these 2 years. I was just as certain as you that Ty was going to survive this. About 3 years ago I started going to church. I really enjoyed this church, but for some reason I wasn't able to go for several weeks in a row, and then I just quit going. For the last few months I've wanted to start going back to this church. I've also continued to pray for Ty. Recently when Ty started taking a turn for the worst, I really started feeling a pull to go back to church. I went back to church the weekend after Ty passed & I felt Ty so strongly in my heart that as soon as the service started all I could was cry. It was a good cry because I felt Ty & knew that he was the one who brought me back to where I needed to be. I'm sure the people around me were wondering why I was crying.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how Ty has interacted with my life & what he's done for me. Your story has also made me be a more patient & better mother to my son. For that, I will always be grateful to you & Ty. God bless your entire family!

    With much love,
    Jennifer Bonesteel
    Indianapolis, IN

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  29. DESPERATE?? Are you kidding?? You are going through a tremendous loss after fighting the good fight for so long.. When you wrote I would bleed myself dry for you that is true raw emotion.. You heart is bleeding and will continue to for a LONG, LONG time..I am glad that your writing is giving you some catharsis.. HUGS AND KISSES and PRAYERS ALWAYS

    Gabrielle

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  30. God Bless The Hudson Valley Knights! What a heart warming gesture...

    Cindy, I have seen so many of those photos where Ty has that look in his eyes... They have captivated me many times as I too feel he saw and knew so much more than we will ever know... I believe he was sent to this earth, to you and Lou to teach us all so much... He has already done more in his short life than millions have done with there entire life and he is still working from above... He was definitely an angel in disguise... Same as my beautiful grandson but for a different reason...

    You really are one of the true beautiful people of the world... A saint to Childhood Cancer suffers everywhere and their loved ones and everyone else watching on with hope in their hearts that there will be a cure for every childhood cancer out there one day soon and this will finally be a thing of the past... I admire your strength and ability to express your thoughts and feelings so clearly and beautifully to the world.. You have so much passion and love in your soul... Love and God Bless to you all...xxx

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  31. We think of you and Ty each day. Thank you. I don't know what else to say, I am crushed by what has happened to you and your family. A tremendous amount of thoughts and prayers for you from Brewster, NY.

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  32. I love it that you see Ty everywhere. I fully believe every thing you write. Don't worry about sounding desperate. Only a cynic would think that, and cynics think that no matter the circumstance.

    Your post about the day Ty died - what you wrote about him gasping, as I KNOW he saw something incredible - changed my life. I really mean that. It changed my life forever. I will never forget the things you write here.

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  33. I read your post about lady bugs, I asked Ty to bring me a lady bug that day. I thought, wow, that will be tough, I haven't seen a single lady bug out here in over a year...minutes later someone on my fb friends list posted a beautiful picture of a lady bug for no reason. That kind of made me laugh, guess he knew he couldn't find a live one quick enough for me, so he'd manage to put one up where you can find me the most, right in my news feed on FB :) I'm more than blessed, cause I'm a complete stranger yet he has given me more than one sign and it seems to be anytime I ask! You have an amazing little boy, he must be so busy with all us strangers talking to him constantly and begging for signs :)
    Rita

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  34. And Cindy, YOU DO NOT sound desperate. You sound spiritually connected to your little boy, so you sound blessed. :)

    Rita

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  35. Please tell us incidents where Ty saw angels!! Did he talk to them? Did he know who they were? So nice!!

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  36. You do not send desperate, ever. You sound blessed. I would be looking for signs and connections everywhere, too. I did with my mom and I still do, 8 1/2 years later. One of my favorite stories with my mom was her coming to me in a dream about 4 months after she passed away. She took me to where she is in heaven. She explained she wanted to get settled in and then let me see for myself that she was ok, otherwise she would have come for me sooner. All I knew when I woke up from that dream was that if I could explain my mom's perfect heaven, it was exactly what I saw. We spent hours together with her talking to me about all kinds of things that were going to happen to me in my lifetime as well as what she had in store for her in heaven. She also told me I would not remember what she explained until after my life events unfolded. There are things like that, left and right, where after whatever it was happened, I could say, oh yeah, my mom told me about this. Like my dream come true of having twins. Anyway, here is why that dream packed such a punch. About two weeks after I had that dream, I was chatting with my dad. He told me he had a dream in which my mom came to get him and took him to where she was so he could see for himself. He proceeded to explain in detail exactly what I had seen in my own dream.

    I believe these things are real and they happen. Most people don't see it, choosing instead to be skeptics. I can't live a skeptical life. So I'd be looking for signs and connections every chance I got, too. I know I would because I do.

    Not that you need anyone's blessing. Whatever helps to give you peace is what you should do. But this stranger in Texas named Lori agrees with you whole-heartedly.

    I also agree with the notion of kids being able to see and/or feel spirits. I have often heard that all babies have it but it fades as kids get older. Some lucky ones (in my book) manage to keep the ability for longer periods of their lives if not forever. My twins both had it as newborns. I used to think they knew my mom was with us as they'd stare at a stained glass mirror she made me for what seemed like hours on end. Whenever I could get a glimpse of what they were staring at it was almost like I could see an aura around that mirror. I would ask them if they were visiting with their "mamie mother" and they would just smile at me. One of my guys still does it but the other seems more oblivious to it lately. Whatever will be will be but I, personally, love the notion of being connected on a spiritual level, not just a physical level.

    Sorry this comment has gotten so long, it's just important to me to let you know you're not alone in these thoughts and that I think they are beautiful. I have been off work the past week fighting with my own health issues and I've been reading your blog from the start. The more I read the more I know that Ty will always be an incredibly beautiful soul.

    With love,
    Lori

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  37. I do believe when a loved one passes away there are signs everywhere and you dont have to physically see it but feel their presence around you. I was just thinking today as well that tomorrow will be one month since Ty passed. Thank you Cindy for continuing to share your feelings with us. Your family is in my prayers always.

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  38. Ty, it has been a month since you have decided that your mission here was completed and you finally went into peaceful beautiful resting place where you are no longer in pain where everything around you is beautiful and where you are the purest of an angels because only special purest angels are sent on this earth and invade kids bodies to come and teach us a lesson or to communicate to us about something bigger than we can yet understand. Since I first "met" you Ty I was just bored at work looking something at my computer and suddenly your face came on the screen and at that moment I fell in love with you. It was two years ago. Slowly I fell I love with your family, you beautiful mama Cindy, your amazing sweet daddy Lou and baby Gaga whose smile and blue eyes can make you break into laughter thru tears. I don't know why I chose you, I read man stories about kids, some had sad endings some happy, but no one has got to me the way you did. You were the most beautil for sure but there was sow thing else about you, something pure, I said it before if G-D had an image of younger self it would be you. Everything about you was magical. I followed your mom story daily. I cried, I prayed but I never believed that you won't survive. It wasn't possible, not you. I believed in miracles because of you, I changed my life because of you, I became better mom because of you. I learned to respect other religions than mine because of you. I wished you health every night, I taught my kids to fall in love with you ( it was easy, you are so lovable). I promised my kids that I will introduce them to you, I planned that day October 13 during marathon in parkslope Brooklyn where I will finally meet you and your family and let my kids get to see you. But that never happened. Maybe I didn't pray enough, maybe I didn't doing enough, maybe I didn't donate enough. I will never be able to answer that question. I'm sorry Ty for everything you went thru. I am sorry that your mom has to look for you in the car, in the house everywhere and you are not there. I am sorr that your amazing little brother gets sad sometimes because he misses you so much he want ps to join you in heaven. I am sorry that your daddy feels that he's failed you and couldn't be your strength. But I know that I finally believe in heaven and life after death for sure because G-D wold never create anything so perfect and pure without a purpose and without letting this beautiful soul be in the most magical place we are yet to experience. I know Ty that you will fid. cure for cancer. I know that your will be there with the biggest smile when you finally will reunite with you family one day. I am just so sad that I didn't get a chance to meet you. I miss you, and your smile a lot. I hope are doing good. With lots of love Tatiana Kidanov.

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  39. You're right, Cindy, Ty really did always looked either very happy, in awe or extremely at peace in all of his photos despite everything he was going through.
    Ty is a brave, wonderful and beautiful boy.
    I see him in the sunshine, in the puddles, in lollipops, on every superhero shirt.
    The song "Yellow' will forever belong to Ty.

    I remember you talking about Heaven in one of your posts and saying that being in Heaven was not like being on Earth because Heaven meant you could be everywhere at once. I think Ty really is everywhere - he's the amazing miracle that we all feel.

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  40. I believe its hope when those signs occure. it is a beautiful thing. tys picture is just beautiful. He truely did see angels.
    Love love love the picture of gavin. hes such a beautiful boy. that picture gave me a much needed laugh. thank you
    ~*meg*~

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  41. Thinking of you Ty. One month has passed and we still mourn this incredible loss. Our loss is heaven's gain. Please watch over your family and have the greatest joy in your heart as you dance through God's house. One day you will all be reunited. Love you little guy <3 SuperTy Forever <3

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  42. Cindy,
    The signs, the angels...they are everywhere! Your sweet Ty is truly with you in spirit and even more connected to you now than he could ever be on this earth. He's sending you gifts and messages in so many ways and its so wonderful you can see them! I know well of "the look" Ty had on his face in the photo you shared. When our son was around Ty's age he would seem to be looking at something specifically with such an expression of awe and love. My husband and I would jokingly say he's either seeing his guardian angel or partaking in his favorite pastime of passing gas. He's 20 now and continues to partake in his favorite past time...boys, do they ever grow out of it?!

    All jokes aside,I have several experiences where someone close to me who had recently passed would reach out to ease my sadness. It was remarkable. Each time I was lying in bed crying and praying. My grandmother came to my bedside and let me hold her hand and assured me she was happy, my father-in-law, who suffered from severe arthritis, came and danced his favorite jig (I swear I could hear the Irish music!) and my other grandmother showed up when I was about to lose my baby during pregancy and sat by my bedside (I know because I could smell her perfume).

    The most profound experience came with the passing of my best friend's dad. My young daughter and I had just come back from spending the afternoon with my BF's kiddos to get them out of the house while funeral preparations were made. I was in bed with my daughter watching her nap and crying and praying that I was doing enough to help my friend. I remember speaking to "Rudy Daddy" and asking him to forgive me for not doing more for his family. Just at that moment, my daughter rolled over to face me (eyes still closed) and with the kindest voice I'd ever heard said, 'thank you'. She smiled and rolled back over.

    Ty is with you in even more profound ways. He works through you, smiles through you and loves through you. You continue to give life to Ty, everyday. You are a remarkable person, Cindy. Keep breathing him in, he is a part of you.
    Cathy from Colorado

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  43. Ty did have a special "something" that shows through in the pictures. Each child has their own gifts from God. Ty's were for the journey he was to take! I pray that as you look at the pictures, videos and remember him, you find peace in the fact that his angels were always with him and he knew them well.

    Remember, God loves you and Lou and Gavin so much. He knows that you need Ty still and will always make sure Ty is with you and that you will know his presence.

    The gift you give Ty, aside from being his fabulous mommy, is sharing him and his spirit with all of us so we can all help fill you up and fight and learn and grow because of him. I have been reading about other children with cancer and as I pray for all of them, Ty just draws me in...He was and is someone truly remarkable. You continue to amaze me with your openness and strength. I remember a picture of you on the grass with Ty lying on you and you are both smiling. The caption says cancer can't take this love away! Remember that...nothing can take the love of Ty away from you. He is forever with you!

    Love and hugs sweet lady. Pray for you and your family.

    Linda in Nebraska

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  44. The other day at work I heard the song "yellow" and just started crying! Cindy, You do NOT sound desperate at all, that's just your mind doubting what is real! That is why children can see things we cant because they haven't lived long enough to start doubting. Ty IS with you! He IS sending you signs to show you he is. I have to tell you... my oldest son is 5 and a few months ago we were sitting watching my wedding video. My grandmother who had passed a couple of years before my son was born popped up on the TV and my son turns to me while giggling...'Hey!!! I remember that grandma, she was funny! She'd make me laugh when I was a baby!" The goosebumps shot up my body because I didn't even tell him that was my grandmother, but he knew... she had visited him! and when he was a baby, I always noticed him looking into space, but like you said, not staring, different, like he was watching something and I always wondered what he was seeing. There was another time that my littlest, a day or two after my husbands grandfather passed away, I was buckling him into his car seat. He was just a baby still, but after I buckled him in, he was looking up into the sky and waving! It was like pops pops was there! I have to tell you... every night I plug my phone in and I turn the volume off so that the phone doesn't make sounds everytime I get an email or FB notification. And there has been times that out of the blue that my phone would go off in the middle of the night, and I'd be wondering how is that possible!!! Well, the night before Ty died, my heart was feeling very heavy, I was worried for Ty, I had stopped at the church on my way home to light candles (and I rarely ever go to church) but I was praying sooo hard for Ty to get better, well that night I did what I always do and I went and turned the volume off on my phone and well that morning around 5:30 in the morning, I hear my notifications go off... and I knew. Something inside told me that, that was one of my angels telling me that Ty was going to pass today. I felt heavy and anxious all morning and when I got the news in the afternoon that he was gone, the tears just came flowing down. People tend to want to dismiss signs or are not even aware of them in the first place but over the past few years, I've started to pick up on them more. My baby sister passed away when she was only 5 months old! The void I feel has never been repaired, but as I get older, I start to see that things that can't be explained are signs from her! Every so often my mom would ask me... did you log on at 3 am. It was always 3 am and I'd be like No... I was sleeping. and it wasn't until Ty passed and my phone volume was turned on that I realized that was my baby sister trying to communicate with my mom. It was unexplained, almost impossible and people dont want to believe it, because of fear of others may think they are crazy... sometimes I think I am crazy!!! But I've seen it more since Ty has passed, little messages... like Golden butterflies and my son seeing golden rain drops and little lady bugs at times when I'm always thinking of Ty and You and Lou and Gavin and I swear these are signs from my little Angel, telling me she is with Ty and that they are together and still here with us. I beleive it more and more, You do NOT sound desperate Cindy! You have faith! Your little angel is watching over you, he is with you every step of the day, he is giving you the strength to get up each day, to breath the air each day, to get through each day and when you fall to the ground with pure grief he is there helping you up! Ty will never leave you!

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    1. (I had to post in two pieces)
      I beleive our souls leave our bodies when our bodies can't anymore, but our spirit, Our energy, our souls stay close to our loved ones because they are magnetically attracted to our spirits especially our children. Our childrens souls are an extension of ours, we give them part of ours when we create them and they begin to grow in our bodies. Ty is with you always, the only way he can show you that he is, is by sending you signs. Never lose faith Cindy, nobody that reads your blog thinks you sound desperate, we are all here because we know Ty was somebody uniquely special, his spirit and soul drew us all in and made it extremely easy to fall in love wiht me! Your son was incredibly special and as you feel so lucky to have been his mommy, he was just as lucky to have an amazing mommy like you!

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  45. Jennifer Russo, Lake Grove, NYNovember 17, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Don't ever think you sound desperate when you talk about signs from Ty. These signs bring you comfort and to us as well when you share them. I definitely believe in signs and had written on your blog two experiences I had that I know were Ty.
    I love the look on his face in the picture of him on the boat. And it is no wonder that he had guardian angels watching over him all the time to help him get through his treatments and surgeries - everyone here and beyond knew what a special boy he was.
    We will never forget him and hope that you will continue to share Ty's journey the way you always have. We all miss his smile and this blog fills our hearts with Ty.
    Jennifer

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  46. As so many others have already said, you hardly sound desperate. Committed, loving, caring-those are some of the words that come to my mind when I read your writings. But certainly desperation has its place, as in the dire need to prevent the next kid from being afflicted with this illness while we find better ways to treat those who were not able to escape this scourge. And while you honor Ty for the life he led it is his ongoing presence that will help lead the way to finding that cure. Reading about cancer in the abstract has nowhere near the power of hearing about it from those who have suffered through it. So please never stop telling Ty's story and letting us know how Lou, Gavin and you feel. There is a greater reason you are doing this, and I have to believe that out of this and other similar tragedies something good and profound will come.

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  47. Not once have I thought you sounded desperate. Instead, I'm so thankful that you believe in the signs he's sending. :)

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  48. Admirable... not desperate. To hold a child so close to your heart is nothing less than admirable. I look at that photo of Ty in the boat and feel so sad that his little body didn't make it through, but I love what you say about how he was always there with you despite the sickness. Cancer can never take that away. I pray that you will feel a comforting hug from Ty today and that God continues to hold you close too. You are amazing.

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  49. Cindy - I love reading your blog, but until now have never posted a reply. This morning I've been having a tough morning as a mother. Highly annoyed at my youngest son, and family in general. Lots of tears shed over a lot of nothing, tired of the day to day, tired of having to be the one to do it all with little "thanks" in return. Some days you just want to feel sorry for yourself. Well, in the midst of my "sorrow", I go to make myself another cup of coffee and notice something on my kitchen window...a ladybug. I haven't seen one in years probably. I knew right there and then, it was my message to snap out of it. That things are not so bad at all. It reminded me that I am so lucky for my healthy family. Thank you Cindy and Ty for that amazing gift that you give each day...I got the message loud and clear!

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  50. Some time in July or August, my then 3 year old saw me reading your blog and asked about Ty. I told him Ty was really into super heroes too, and that they would be best friends if we lived closer. I also told him Ty was really sick and needs our prayers to get better. We left it at that. Then, a couple of months later, out of thhe clear blue sky, he asked, "How's that SuperTy doing? I want to play wiff him when he's better." I knew that Ty hadn't been doing well, but it was an absolute punch in the gut when I pulled up the page and saw that you had JUST posted about his death. What are the odds? Ty is everywhere. Believe the signs, embrace them with every ounce of your being. Sending you love.

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  51. Hello,

    Thank you for continuing to share your heartfelt journey - and for sharing Ty's legacy.

    Ty was an amazing boy. Ty's courage & determination continues to have a profound impact every single day. Ty is my hero & he will always have a very special place in my heart.

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with Ty & all of the members of his family.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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  52. I've always loved ladybugs. Now I have a reason to love them even more. Ms. Cindy, you are truly an amazing woman. I can see how much you love Ty. I can feel it in my heart. Im sending you lots of love and sending Ty lots of kisses. I hope you feel better soon.
    Sydney, 15

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  53. Cindy, I have a feeling Ty will be in your dreams soon!! I actually tried to send a comment and I asked the question. I hit send and just now it turned purple and said no connection. I refreshed and saw a young person wrote. :) Emily

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  54. Cindy - I have always believed in signs from above. I truly beleive them with all of my heart and they bring me comfort as well. I think you wouldn't notice these little things in life with so much emotion if it weren't Ty sending you a sign and forcing you to notice. I say KEEP BELIEVING!!!

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  55. Cindy, my mother passed away 14 years ago today, and I have always prayed for signs from her. As I read your post and the posts from others, it dawned on me that my Mom sends me signs all the time - I just didn't realize it before now. You see, my mom was alive when my oldest son was born. He was due on August 21, but she decided to fly in earlier, on August 13, just in case. Well, my son arrived at 6:07am on August 13! I never put the connection together until now, but there has been NUMEROUS times over the years that I am compelled to look at the time and it says 6:07! I know that is my Mom's way of letting me know she is with me, because she died way before my second son was born (8:09pm) and I never look at the time and see that number....because she never knew him. I immediately cried, OMG it's like a light bulb just went on. Now I truly believe that is a sign from my Mom! Thank you so much helping me see it!!

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    1. My mother passed away yesterday, November 16, not today, that is what I meant to write.

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    2. I've had the same experience, I would look at the clock and see 4:20 (my birthday)...once I started noticing it - it went on, 1:20, 2:20...it's almost as if someone was joking with me. I see 420 all over now and know it's a message of love from the other side. I feel blessed!

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  56. Thank you for continuing to wrote and inspire. I think it is your continued spiritual faith that moves me. How can someone that has been through so much continue to believe? You are such a great person. Thank you for being you. Thank you for strengthening my own spiritual faith, and most importantly, my role as a mother to two boys. XOXO

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    1. p.s. you are not desperate, and so what if you were? this blog is a forum for honesty. if you get to feeling desperate, no one would ever fault you for it. I truly believe that little Ty is sending signs. You gave such great care to him, he is now trying to take care of you.

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  57. Any mother that has endured what you have is nothing short of a Warrior. There is nothing that you wouldn't give for your Ty. It's not desperate - it's your mother's love and bond with him that you see and feel. You share an unbreakable, perfect bond. Like someone said before, that is something cancer can't EVER take from you. EVER. And I thank God for that. I wish we could ease your pain in any small way, but I think of you every day. Stay strong Warrior! and thank you so much for keeping Ty in our hearts too.
    Chris, NY

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  58. Cindy, please do not ever feel foolish about believing in rainbows and ladybugs. They are signs from heaven above, especially the ladybugs. I also believe in them and in butterflies, angels with wings, I call them. Please take care, hugs for Gavin and your husband. God Bless all of you always, SuperTy is here with all of us, he is sending signs :)))

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  59. Cindy, You are truly an angel. I get through my days hearing these stories. Ty is really everywhere. I have always seen. Its pretty cool!

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  60. Cindy I have to write again as I read about all these signs people are getting from their loved ones as I have had some beautiful signs from my darling four year old grandson. I really believe with all my heart that he was sending me a sign on these particular days as I was at a very low point.

    I was crying my eyes out while driving home one day to the song 'Big Jet Plane'. That song really cut me up because my grandson was really looking forward to going on a plane ride for the first time for his make a wish dream. We were making plans for it when he took a turn for the worse and was not allowed to fly... I have felt guilty for not just making it happened some how. I really thought he was going to pull through but he didn't. Well this day the tears were poring down my face as I turned right off the main road towards home and there in the sky was a cloud as clear as day right in front of me. A teddy bear that looked like he was riding a scooter in the clouds (Jacob loved his scooter). You see, I was always telling him I couldn't wait for him to see the big white fluffy clouds as I knew he would really love them. To me this sign was like he was telling me 'it's okay Nanny as I am having fun up here now'. I even had to pull over and take a photo as I had my camera with me that day. By the time I got through the next set of lights to pull over it had faded a bit but was still very clear. It was proof to others that it really did happen, and a reminder to me that he is still here and having fun now...

    Another sign was when I was feeling really sad as I was creating a photobook on the computer and a few seconds after I wrote the word 'Believe' in the book that same wooden word that I have on my wall in front of my computer began to fall. Fair enough that it might only be stuck on my wall with blu-tack, but to fall at that particular time when I was so upset really made me feel better. I have been asking him for a while for a sign to tell me that the afterlife is really true and that he was happy. That word was one of my favourite mottos as we both loved the children's Christmas movie 'The Polar Express'... We watched that show many times and that word was given to the boy who did not believe in Santa/Christmas anymore. So it has a special meaning for me... That word has only fallen down one other time in over six months that I have had it up there and that was when I was again feeling at one of my lowest points. I am sure it is a sign from him to comfort me. I have other things one my wall but they have not fallen, it has only been that word. Even though its made out of wood it is very light so the weight isn't a problem either... I Believe!

    My daughter and I have had many signs. Big and small... Rainbows, butterflies, dragonflies, ladybugs and many more... They are signs from our love ones to bring us comfort and to let us know they are okay. And I really do believe we will see them again when our time comes... So your not desperate at all... And if you were, you have me and millions of other desperate people right along your side with you... <3

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    1. That's amazing. Sorry for the loss of your grandson. He is indeed still with you :)

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  61. I really hate to use the expression "God only gives you what you can handle" because NO ONE should EVER have to handle what you are dealing with. But I truly believe that God especially chose you and Lou to be Ty's parents because he knew you would give him the most incredible life, and that you would cope with his situation with such grace. You will do great things for your cause. Your family is so special.

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  62. I really do believe that your sweet Ty is always with you. Believe that he is sending you ladybugs and rainbows. He loves you and Lou so much. I think about Ty and your family a lot. I send love and strength your way. God bless!

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  63. Keep believing, Cindy, and we'll keep believing right along with you. Tears and hugs from NC.

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  64. Cindy

    You need to see the facebookmad for t
    target. I swear it say Tys top toys!
    Julie in MN

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  65. Hi Cindy:
    I apologize ahead of time if someone has already mentioned this or if I am any way out of line, but have you thought about plubishing your blog into a book and selling it and having all of the proceeds to benefit the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation? I as well as thousands of people would surely buy it...just a thought. You, Lou, Ty and Gavin are always in my thoughts. God bless you all.
    Charli
    St. Petersburg, FL

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    1. What a great idea! I would buy many copies to share!

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    2. I would love to buy Ty's story as a book!

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    3. Great idea ! I would be very happy to help out with the sales & marketing efforts.

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    4. I would definitely buy at least one copy, without a doubt!

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    5. What a great idea! You are an amazing writer Cindy.

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  66. I cannot recall the last time I had seen a ladybug? Months, if not years. As I was sitting on the couch today, with a heavy heart that I'd had most of the because I had been thinking about Ty, as I do most of these days, since reading your blog for the first time. I looked over at my husband who was drawing with our 3 year old daughter and there it was. In the middle of all her little scribbles, a perfect ladybug! "why did you draw that?" I asked. "I don't know?? A ladybug just popped into my mind, and I drew it", He said. It gave me chills....It was Ty. My husband thinks he came to say Thank you for praying for his mommy and daddy and Gavin. Thanks Superty. I needed that :) God Bless you and your precious boys

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  67. My three year old son was one of the ones that commented on Ty, after knowing basically nothing about him. He never knew that he died, but after seeing pictures that I explained were of a "little boy that is sick", he turned to me and said so matter of factly and decisively that "that little boy isn't sick anymore". He repeated himself twice. As a mother, you just know your children. And I know that my son somehow KNEW that Ty wasn't suffering anymore. It was so odd to me, and I've thought about it often since. It was shortly after Ty passed, and it was weighing heavily on my mind. For days, Ty was all I thought about, as well you, Cindy. I believe in the signs you're seeing, if for no other reason that you do. There's a connection between children and their mothers. So, if you say you feel him with you, I believe that you do. When the umbilical cord is cut, there's an invisible one that forever attaches a mother to their child. That's how I've always felt. If ANYONE could feel him, if there's anyone he could reach...it would be his mommy. You're constantly in my prayers and Ty is often in my thoughts. <3

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    1. I remember reading this and thinking that children do have a special connection with that which we can't see. They know things we have forgotten.

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  68. I just wanted to let you know that even though I haven't been posting as much as I did in the weeks past (I can't post comments through my phone), I still read every one of your entries!! I love that you see Ty in everything! That's bc you're his mama- and a damn good one, too! All I wish for you is when you do see him in everything that you find peace rather than despair! With thanksgiving just around the corner, I have to tell you that I am sooo thankful to have "met" you and your whole family. You have changed my life forever! ~Lauren

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  69. I've commented once before but have read your blog for about a year. My son Reilly, passed away from cancer just days after your sweet Ty. Reilly was very aware of his world as well. I have pictures just like the one of Ty and Lou where he was aware of his surrounding but seemed to be captivated by something entirely unseen by everyone else. My other son, Langston, is six years old and he seems to be in a world of his own as well but sometimes, he will start staring or smiling or talking to nothing and I truly believe that Reilly is with his big brother. You do not sound desperate at all, and if anyone sounds desperate, it is probably me. I see and feel Reilly in everything from my morning coffee to the wind blowing against my face. Ty will never leave you that is for sure. He will always be with you because you are his mother. You were there through everything and fought for him. You are doing an amazing job continuing your life even though Ty is not physically there anymore. I am so excited to hear that the foundation is doing well. I hope to donate some money soon but as of now we are a bit short of cash. Ty is with you and with many of us who read your blog.

    I wish you all the best,

    Casey Bowman
    rememberingreilly.wordpress.com

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    1. Casey, I just read your blog. I am so sorry that you and Cindy and so many other mothers are losing your children to cancer. I am shocked and disgusted that children are dying..it is not "rare"..The more we open our eyes, the more we see how many children are dying......I can not imagine the pain of losing a child. I am a mommy too, and I can not imagine the pain. I am so sorry. Please keep writing...we are listening...we are telling others to listen too. Please know that so many of us care...

      With love,
      Demetria

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  70. The Brave Little Soul

    Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?” God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,” he asked.” God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.”

    The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love – to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity.”

    Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, “I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!” God smiled and said, “You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you; Ty Louis Campbell.

    God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced.

    In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.”

    Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

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    1. Beautiful... it touched my heart<3

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  71. I just went through 3 months of blogs looking for this poem. I couldn't remember the name of this beautiful piece. As I read it, I picture Ty being the little soul in the story and tears are pouring down my face as I type this. I know your family would never want you to be the one to prove this miracle but it gives me a drop of comfort to see the outpouring of love since you went to heaven. I think of you every day Ty, your mommy, daddy and funny little gaga too. xoxoxo

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  72. i am the one on the team and i just want to say we play football for ty

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