Thursday, September 20, 2012

All fresh and clean

I wish I saw this coming sooner.  Maybe I did.   For the past three weeks I had been feeling so incredibly heavy. I can't explain it, I was just sad, sad, sad... before anything really changed in Ty's clinical condition (and that is out of character for me, to get so down in the dumps).  I wonder if it was my instinct knowing that the other shoe was about to drop. I debated whether or not we were doing right by Ty with every dose of chemo I administered. I watched him on the couch, unable to feed himself or hold his head up and I thought, "if this doesn't get better for him, what are we fighting for?" The next thing I know we are rushing back to the hospital on Saturday worried about intercranial pressure and another possible shunt failure. It all happened so fast.  When I think about all of the things I want to still do with him I get lost in a fog of regret.  Why didn't we just take him to the Bronx Zoo instead of talking about it all the time? 

And it's not just the big things that I want more time for.  Do you know that I can't remember my last trip to the supermarket with Ty?  It's making me insane.  Like trying to remember what you had for lunch yesterday.  The supermarket was his favorite thing (until it was replaced by the Candy Store).  It was practically a daily ritual.  How come I can't remember it?  Who was at the register?  What candy did he pick from the candy aisle?  I don't know!!!  I want pictures of it.  I want to remember every second of our last trip to the supermarket and I just can't.  This terrifies me because it makes me think that all of these precious minutes with him will fade away from my memory like yesterday's lunch.  What a horrible thought. I don't want to be left with the painful memories that I wish I could forget.  I want to remember the supermarket. 

I have been taking a lot of pictures since we got home, that's for sure.  I also came across a half-eaten lollipop in my fridge (to avoid ants in the cabinets, I put open candy in the fridge).  I know it's silly, but I kept it there for Ty.  Not just so he can eat it some day, but because his adorable little mouth was wrapped around it at one time and i wanted to hold onto that.   

Today I gave Ty a bath.  Everyone was worried about the idea whenever I mentioned it these past few days (because of his trouble breathing), but I just had to do it.  I am his mother and I just needed to get that little man of mine submerged in some warm water.  I needed his beautiful body to be fresh and clean after days upon days sweating and drooling.  I needed to feel his warm, clean skin.  I needed to wash off the damn glue that was all over his chest and abdomen since we pulled off the sticky leeds after our stay in the PICU (and several other bandages). 

When I suggested it to Ty, he refused at first (this is almost always his reaction).  Then I told him I would take his bath chair into Mommy's big tub instead, to which he smiled and whispered "I want to play with my cars."  Ty has a bath toy that floats on water and has ramps for his Hot Wheels to fly down and into a little plastic boat.  I used to let him and Gavin play with it together whenever they took a bubble bath in my tub (a special treat).  He hasn't been able to play with it, nor has he asked for it, in about six months.  I was very uncertain how it would all work out, but I prepared his tub and set up his car set.  I don't think that this will be his last bath, but I don't know for sure and I certainly won't deny him anything.  Bathtime was totally stressful, but all-in-all it was a success.  First I relished in caressing his skin with my best baby soaps.  Then I helped him to drop his cars down the ramps and caught them in the plastic boat for the grand finale.  My beautiful, clean boy.  Can you smell him?  Pure heaven.  I put nana blankie in the washer/dryer too.  All nice and fluffy for my Ty.  Bathtime was a blessing.  It always has been my favorite time of the day with my boys (granted, sometimes after a long day at work bathtime also meant it was late enough for my first glass of wine, but hey - gotta love bathtime). 

Simply delicious.  Like warm apple pie.


Did I mention that I lost my bracelet? For over a year I have been wearing a beautiful bracelet with a heart that is engraved with the words "Keep Fighting." This bracelet was given to me by my closest friend Caryn and it was pure magic. It would always catch my eye during my most difficult days and remind me that I have to be strong. There was another time where I thought I lost it and it appeared in the most unusual place just as I was having doubts over some important decisions we were making. Magic.  This time, it wasn't until we were settled into the PICU for another sleepless night that I noticed the bracelet was gone. I didn't mention it to anyone, but I was very aware of the sign it was sending. I just didn't want to believe it.  I don't expect to find it this time, but you never know. 

I believe so much in signs like this, so I wasn't even surprised when I arrived home to a package with a new bracelet inside just for me.  This time, a beautiful rosary bracelet from a great friend I have yet to meet but who I feel I've known forever.  What a fitting and comforting replacement. 

I want to tell you about our visit with Hospice today, but I will wait until tomorrow.  Today it wasn't the nurse who visited, it was the case manager.  I didn't realize this until she explained the process to me.  When I saw her face, I immediately recognized her from 2010.  She was warm and knowledgeable but I probably won't ever see her again.  I will be meeting his nurse tomorrow and I hope she is the right person to accompany us through all of this.  Before leaving, the case manager did examine Ty.  She said that his lungs are beginning to fill up with fluid, which was a shock to me because as of Monday his lungs were clear.  She assured me, though, that I shouldn't worry too much about it.  His vitals are very strong and he looks really good. 

I am so tired.  I should just go upstairs and lay down with Ty and Lou.  I hope that Lou and I get some sleep tonight.  Ever since this started with Ty's breathing, we pretty much lay in bed with him, eyes wide open, listening to him breathing all night long.  How can we possibly sleep when we are so afraid of him choking.  It's such a horrible feeling.  Lou has been up there with him for a couple of hours already and when I went in to give Ty his medicine Lou whispered to me, "What are we going to do?"  Knowing he was referring to losing Ty, I answered:

"We are going to keep living even though we're half dead."

103 comments:

  1. You are going to be OK even if you refuse to believe it right now. Your heart will heal. A word of advice. Write down every little memory right now. It does get hard to remember without it, but if you read it years from now, that memory will come rushing back.

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  2. Cindy & Lou,

    We sold our business yesterday. We own a bail bonds company and its 24/7 365. We don't spend enough time with our kids. Your family has taught me that time is precious and we can never get it back. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I need time to be a mom. Money cannot buy happiness and no matter how much money someone has, it can't save their child from a disgusting disease like Cancer.

    My heart breaks for you. I have cried all day. Broke down in the car, at my sons Football practice, in the kitchen doing dishes. I don't know what to say. I am sick to my stomach. I cannot imagine what you guys are going through. My little one, Alex just through a tantrum and I found myself about to get aggravated and had to stop myself. How dare I, Cindy would love to have TY throw a tantrum about cleaning up his toys. My heart is breaking for all of you.

    Sitting and praying for a miracle. I love you guys.

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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    1. Joy i have been reading all these blogs sll these responses and I too cant stop crying my baby girl asked for a piggy back tide she us 6 and i thought of Ty
      I told her i will give her a piggy back ride everyday until i cant hold her on my back will it be strange giving s ten year old a ride on my back my heart aches for cindy and lou
      I cant fathom the depth of their sorrow and i pray every memory and moment they had with Ty will be remembered at the most difficult moments

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  3. Take all those photos, save that lollipop, spend every second loving your amazing boy. God bless all of you.

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  4. Mrs. Campbell
    I have been reading and praying every night for about 20 months now. I read and your ups and downs. I have a 5 1/2 year old son . I can't even come close to imagining what you and your family are feeling now. I have become a better father because of Ty. He has touched thousands of lives. I keep praying for a miracle. Lately, I have never cried so much in my life before. This is why Pediatric Cancer isn't supported like Breast Cancer. It hurts too much to get involved. I have since become a regular sponsor for St Jude's research. You are an incredible woman! I will never look at life the same way again. I will cherish everyday. God bless you and you husband. god bless Ty Louis Campbell!

    Prayers from Texas,
    Robert

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  5. There are no words. My heart breaks for you.I wish I could do something, anything. I'm so so so so sorry. As a mother, I can't imagine what you must be going through, how many shards your heart must be broken into....
    A friend of mine sent me an invitation today to a dinner to benefit children who have been diagnosed with pediatric brain tumors. I immediately thought- I'm going for Ty. Maybe knowing that Ty's story has touched others can help you in some small way. Ty has touched me, and I thank you for sharing your beautiful baby with us.
    Even though we have never met, I pray for your family all the time. I hope that it helps. I wish I could do something more. I truly believe that your story has made me a better mother - more attentive to the special things in life that really matter, like jumping in puddles. For that, I thank you.
    A mom in NJ, Kristine

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  6. Through your selfless sharing of your own pain and everything Ty has gone through this far, some good will come. Many more people are now aware how far behind treatment regimes are for pediatric cancers compared to those of adults. I'm sure that many, like myself, will start directing much more if not all of their donations to children's cancer research. I hope this knowledge gives you some small comfort even though your own son could not benefit from that research.
    I'm sending positive, healing thoughts to your little man and peaceful thoughts to you bolstered with strength so you may deal with whatever lies ahead for your family.
    Peace to you and all that love your little man

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  7. I can't begin to even pretend that I know what you're feeling. My heart is breaking for you, Lou, Ty and Gavin. Everytime Ty smiles, it's because all he knows is how much he is loved by his parents, and he's always smiling no matter how bad he's hurting! You've gone above and beyond to give him a great life despite his illness, you are an amazing, selfless, beautiful Mom to your children, don't doubt yourself by feeling you should have done this or that, without your love and determination Ty wouldn't have had more time with you. You are the true definition of a Mom, never will there be one better than you! Wishing you comfort, love and peace for all of you! Always in our prayers, will never stop praying for Super Ty xoxoxo

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  8. Dear Cindy and Lou
    I have been following you and your family since the beginning . I have four children of my own. I instantly fell in love with Ty the minute I saw his picture. I looked forward to your updates everyday to see how Ty and the family was. I checked everyday. I have not been able I stop crying since the weekend. I am so sorry you all have to go through this. It's so unfair. My children and I are going I fundraiser to bring awareness to this horrible disease. I wish life could be different. But take pictures and write everything down. It will be your everything . Our family sends our strength and love to you and Ty and Gavin and Lou.

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  9. Cindy:
    Saving the lollipop is not silly...it is exactly what I would do as well. You amazing mommy, I wish I could simply wrap my arms around you and protect you from the pain. But learn from Ty, live on. He will live and experience through you. Do not let this be for nothing, go to the zoo, find a reason to laugh, find a reason to sing silly songs. Keep breathing. I hope my words do not hurt you as I am certain no one has the right words.

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  10. Awake and thinking of Ty. I must check this blog every hour of the day because I so badly want to read that Ty has pulled through and is doing much better. Thank you so much for keeping us updated. I will continue to pray for all of you. Love and strength from S. Carolina. -Brenda.

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  11. Hi I'm Tyrene's sister , Tenille and I just wanted to say you are in my deepest prayers. All you can rely and find peace in right now is God. He has a plan for your family and Ty which we may or may not ever understand. Put your trust and prayers in Him and I promise you will find peace. (Psalm 31:15) "My times are in your hands". Trust in him and He will give you all the strength and peace you will need.

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  12. What a blessing Ty (and cutey pie Gavin) has been to you and Lou. What a loving family you have. What a loving precious mom you are. I do not know if I will post again - I went almost two years without posting a thing - remaining a silent, praying reader - at times feeling like I was invading your family's world as I perused through your heartwarming, funny, angry, heartbreaking, sometimes too real blogs. I have nothing to add that others can express better than I. I do not have a child with cancer. I do not know, other than through your beautiful writing, what it would be or feel like to fight the evil of cancer as it mercilessly attacked my precious child. But I can pray...and Cindy, as a momma bear who loves her children, I smile and cry and cry for and with you and Ty (and your other two men). My prayers will not stop! Thank you for letting us meet Ty. Thank you. He has taught me so much. Thank you. That little beautiful munchkin has made a lasting mark on so many. It is so flippin' not fair. It makes me beyond angry. BUT, I can smell apple pie tonight....and I can pray. Thank you. - wysmiles@aol.com

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  13. I have been following your blog for awhile-I am a friend of Rachel's. You and your husband are amazing parents and so inspirational. I am sending all my love and positive energy inTy's direction. He is a beautiful, inspirational little boy who has taught me so much. I have a seven year old son and I don't take any minutes for granted. They are each so special. My son and I both pray for you, Lou, Ty and Gavin.

    Heather
    Valhalla, NY

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  14. Cindy & Lou, First,I am keeping the faith that Ty will experience another great miracle. If I have learned anything from Ty and all of you, it is never to give up hope. But should the inconceivable happen and God takes Ty I know it is going to be a rough road but I also know that Ty wouldn't want you to do anything less then to embrace life with all of your being, celebrating his short but meaningful life! Live the life that he didn't have a chance to live. You might not be able to see him but I know he will always be with all of you. Don't ever beat yourself up with regret, you have been great parents, Ty couldn't have asked for better. Do all the things you wanted to do with Ty but never had a chance to do and know that Ty's bright spirit will shine down on you. As always, all of you are in my prayers, may you find peace in God's love. God Bless. Love, Rose

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  15. Cindy, you do what you need to do.. Whatever your heart tells you at the moment, and your strength allows you.. You tell lou that your all going to continue to live on, and do everything you have ever wanted to with Ty in your arms and in your hearts.. His strength has been fueled by all of your love.. My girls and I pray every night for strength... Strength in a miracle for Ty.. Stay strong an continue to cherish every moment.. Our prayers and thoughts are with you all !!
    WE LOVE YO TY
    With love,
    Riggs , Jen , Briana & Ava

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  16. I have been reading a long time, the ups, the downs, everything in between. I can't imagine the emotions you feel second to second, the profound sadness you feel, even having read for so long. Hold tight to you precious Ty and all the sweet little things that you still share with him. You are all in my thoughts and prayers, sending love and strength to you across the miles.

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  17. My heart is breaking for you. The only thing that I can do is pray. I pray for your sweet Ty and also for strength for the rest of your family. Cindy, something is stopping you from not remembering your last trip to the grocery store. It is something larger than you that has a bigger purpose. You will remember it when your angels believe the time is right that you will need it the most. Stay strong!

    Love, Sharon (a SuperTy follower that has grown to love the little man over the years)

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  18. Try and remember Cindy and Lou that Our Lord is closest to the broken hearted.

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  19. Keep being strong for Ty and Gavin and we will all continue to pray for you! God Bless you, Lou, Ty and Gavin!

    Lisa

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  20. Praying for Ty and your family. I just can't get him off of my mind. I have been following your blog for a long time now and feel like I know your family. Your boys are both so beautiful and precious and your family is such a inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing Ty with all of us. I feel like he has forever changed the way I will look at so many things. I don't pretend to understand or know what God has in store for your family, but I know that He loves each of you so very much. I pray that God will speak perfect peace to each of you and restore Ty to perfect health.

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  21. Cindy, I have been following your journey since almost the beginning and want to tell you how very sorry I am this is happening to Ty and to your family. I pray to our Blessed Mother to walk beside you in the dark days ahead as she also knows the pain of losing a son. I believe with all my heart that she can comfort mothers walking in sorrow and is around you all the time to help you through this. You and Ty and Lou and Gavin are in my thoughts and prayers always.

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  22. I can't sleep so I will pray for Ty.

    Cindy I am so broken. Your little boy has truly changed my life. Because of Ty I am a better person. I quit smoking for 8 months. My inspiration? Ty. Now instead of wanting to pull my hair out when my kids are driving me nuts I tell them I love them because you two pop into my head. . . A gallon of milk comes crashing on the floor because Alex tried to grab a juice from behind it? I clean it up, I will no longer get aggravated over spilled milk. I will no longer take life for granted. I have spent very little quality time with my children in the past few years due to our business and that is all about to change. I will cherish every moment I can. I will no longer care if sneakers get dirty or if the house isn't 100% clean all the time. I will hug my kids every chance I get and make sure they know I love them. I will pay full attention at football games and concerts instead of emailing on my blackberry. If I can have a 10th of the patience and compassion you have, I will be an incredible mom.

    Lou,

    I will never forget the blog where Cindy mentioned something about (now don't quote me) how you didn't feel a part of this. From that moment on, I always made sure to address the both of you in every post.:) We know you are an incredible dad! We just never got to hear from you due to you always being behind the scenes! ;) I cannot imagine what you are going through. Your little boy, that beautiful precious boy. The picture of you two fishing is priceless. You have an amazing son who has changed so many peoples lives. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this has been for you. You have such strenght and it simply amazes me.

    Gavin,

    You make me laugh! I love how you love your toys! You are such a special little boy and a great brother! Lots of hugs for Mommy, Daddy and Ty!

    Ty,

    I still hope one day I will get the chance to meet you! You have no idea how many people love you and how amazing you are! I pray for you every day to get "bedda". You are so lucky to have such a wonderful family! You are the best fighter :) Keep fighting little man!

    Praying for a miracle. Praying for the Campbell family. . .

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  23. Cindy,
    I couldn't sleep.. I am so worried about Ty and coming down to check your blog. I believe all your memories are going to come back right now you are on overload.. There are too many things going on right now. The most important thing is Ty knows he is loved. He knows he was always loved regardless if he was going in for an operation or on his way to the candy store. That little boy knows how loved he is. I truly believe he also feels all the love coming to him from the universe. You have created that for him. I believe that by creating this blog you have created an amazing support system of people that are constantly praying for and loving Ty and your whole family. Reading all the comments I know I speak for everyone that reads the blog we are all here for you and your family. We are all grieving and crying with you. We are all trying to send you as much courageous and support as we can. You are not alone we are all here to listen, try and find words of comfort, to share how you and Ty have changed our lives and to love that little boy as if he is our own. My heart is broken for all of you. But know you are not alone we are all here
    Michelle
    Praying for all of you

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  24. Cindy, i can smell him....it is pure heaven. thank you for sharing that with me. beautiful.

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  25. I am crying. Crying because of the thing you wrote about the supermarket. Crying because of all the feelings your post set loose. Crying because I cannot understand why you have to go through all of this. Crying because Ty is such a precious little boy and that picture of him lying there, all clean and fresh, breaks my heart. I feel so sad. :-(

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  26. I have been following your blog since the beginning and truly feel that each of you are a part of my family...I have prayed for Ty and will continue to do so. Words cannot express my sadness for you:( Please know that you and Lou have been far above exceptional parents and should not feel any guilt as you have done your very best (your ALL) for Ty. I am inspired to be a better person just by living through you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart:)

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  27. I've been following your family for about a year now. All of you are amazing. When I read these comments, you can feel the love and support from all of these people. I pray you can feel it. Just know how much your family Is loved. You have done amazing things as parents and you should have no regrets. Continued prayers for your beautiful TY and the rest of your family....xoxo

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  28. I like so many others, don't know you but have followed your blog for a few years. I can't even begin to understand the horrendous pain you are in right now but please know I am praying for your family and begging God for a miracle for you.

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  29. I started reading your blog this week and have been overwhelmed with Ty's story. I have cried many tears for Ty and your family this week and can't get him out of my mind. I applaud you for sharing this difficult time and sit here in awe that you have the ability to do this with all that you are going through. Ty is a beautiful boy and I am often surprised that he still has a smile on his face while he is in pain. Ty's story has inspried me to appreciate the little things and try to let the big things go. I have given my kids more hugs and kisses than I usually do (and I will tell you I have always kissed and hugged them a bunch) and I am taking in all that they bring me. I wish others would do the same. I say silent prayers that God will give you the miracle you so deserve. Enjoy your beautiful boys and I hope that the memories will give you peace and comfort when you need it most.
    -Jennifer

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  30. I can smell him too, he is a precious little boy. I pray for him everyday and my boys do too and even my boss. You and Lou are amazing parents. Feeling guilt is natural, it will pass. Remember Ty's smiles through it all, he wouldn't be able to do that if not for your love and faith. And I have no doubt in my mind that you won't forget the little things like the trips to the supermarket. In fact, all of the little things is what you will remember the most. When my father went home to heaven, my aunt said something that comforts me to this day. She said, "life and eternal life are so precious, they live in us and we live in them... God is good."

    God Bless you, Lou and Gavin and your precious Ty!

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  31. Being with you on this journey through your words, so many have come to love Ty like he is our own, and embrace you and your family like our own. Your words and open heart have given this amazing gift to your baby boy. We all thank you for allowing us the honor and blessing of experiencing the miracle of his heart and soul.
    While always praying for a miracle, my heart is heavy and aches for you and for this world that may lose such beauty. Amid the unimaginable pain, Ty's legacy will be powerful and strong and will go so far beyond his little body and five years. He has changed so many lives in the present, how we will live our lives in the future, and what we will try give back for always. I for one will vow that he doesn't just live in my heart, but in my actions.
    Hands are holding you far and wide to give you strength. We will never stop praying and wishing each of you blessings for peace.

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  32. Thank you for sharing Ty with us! I, like everyone else have fallen in love with your family! You all have amazing strength! Prayers are being prayed everyday for your fam! You and Lou are unbelievably strong! Keep up the good work momma, Ty will no doubt always know how very much you love him!!!

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  33. For Gavin, Lou, Cindy and Ty...

    I am thinking of you at all times, and I am so angry that this is happening. Furious, in fact. I have no idea how you cope, I know you only do because you have to. I remember hearing those words: "All we can do now is hope and pray". I'm not even religious and there was my 4,5 year old, comatose boy, blind, on oxygen, unable to move or swallow, seizing. It's a horrible, disgusting and profoundly unnatural situation.

    So many hugs and love.

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  34. Jen Berger AntonelliSeptember 21, 2012 at 9:23 AM

    You are the perfect definition of "mom". I LOVE that you got a new bracelet...I was on my way out the door to find you another until I read you got one. Hold on to Lou for comfort. Ty is so lucky to have you and Lou....you are both amazing parents. Keep the Faith!!!!!

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  35. Ty is so stinking cute. I hope you don't mind that I saved the "apple pie" picture. I just needed to see that beautiful face when I'm praying (which is pretty much all day long). I have no words to make it better, I wish I did. Your family is so special to me. The grace with which you all handle this incredibly, horribly difficult situation amazes me. I will say that I still hold onto hope that Ty will continue to improve, be the miracle we all know him to be. I BELIEVE!! My love, prayers and positive energy is always headed your way.

    Always praying,
    Elaine Hinkle

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  36. As you feel yourself starting to feel guilty and sad for what Ty didn't get to do in his short life, try to remember that's coming from your perspective.
    Ty has only known a life of being surrounded by the most incredible parents and a loving and supporting extended family including friends. He hasn't felt well for most of his life, but yet, he seems like a very happy little boy. He has unwavering love and attention from a beautiful and unselfish Mother who I am not worthy of even trying to compare myself to - I was blessed with a healthy child, it's beyond my comprehension what you're feeling and fearing. He knows his strong, handsome Daddy has been right there too, and he's seen his parents be loving and strong, never waivering in their love for each other or their spirit of trying to save him and make him feel better and make him the most comfortable he can be.
    Thankfully, the perspective from his age is so different than all of ours who are aching for him and your whole family.
    I cannot say anyting comforting - there would be no words that could comfort me at this time, so hopefully knowing we're all aching for you helps.

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  37. Still praying for Ty and you. My heart breaks for your beautiful baby boy. I hope he is comfortable and knows he is so lived, even by those he has never met. I hope Gavin is ok and is spending time with Ty as well. I keep asking god to heal your little boy and give peace and strength to you all.

    Allie

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  38. We are not mothers we are supper heros even when our capes seem wrinkled and worn or even a little torn. When my sons were little they would tell me mommies were like super heros we were there no matter what and we could always save the day. Reading what you write makes me believe this even more. No matter what is thrown our way no matter what obstacle we come through and it is all because we live, breath, and wake everyday for these beautiful beings we call our children. Being the mother of 5 I cannot imagine being in your shoes but I can tell you that together with my children who are 18, 17, 15, 7, and baby girl who is 2 we read, cry, and pray for your family. May God guide you all through this and Cindy know that this whole thing will make you an even better mother(not sure if this is possible because you are already the best one I know of). It will bring you the ability to cherish things that most of us take for granted, love life with no restraints, and remember every detail of everyday like it was that very moment. Praying for you and your family.
    Heather
    Topeka, Kansas

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  39. Cindy,

    I've been reading your blog for over a year now and have been inspired by how you and Lou have handled this most difficult situation. Ty is one lucky boy to have parents like you both. Know that people all over the country and world are praying for Ty everyday and our thoughts are never far away.

    Sending positive thoughts and love,

    The Migdol Family.

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  40. I have been crying off and on all week about Ty and what I know you are all going through. It's strange to feel so broken about a situation when I don't even know you personally, but I think this is because Ty's story has really resonated with me, as it has for so many other people. You are fabulous parents and your boys are amazing. Ty and your entire family are in my prayers.

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  41. Dear Cindy,
    I do not know you or your family but my heart is broken reading your last few days. I read in Mikey's page to keep you and Ty in my prayers and wanted to let you know that I am doing just that. I cannot imagine the pain the you are suffering. Reading you day to day stories, I feel like I am reading a book. You are wonderful writer and I can feel you pain. God Bless you, Lou, and Gavin but must of all TY...

    Jo-Ann Ginivan

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  42. I know no words can comfort you at this time, my heart breaks for you guys and I just continue with prayers. Hoping you all are feeling, in some way, the love that is being sent your way by so many. Bless Ty, Bless Lou, Bless Gavin and Bless you Cindy. SuperTy always...

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  43. I am praying for you and your family. My heart breaks to read your words. I have followed Ty's story for two years. I pray for Ty all the time. I truly believe he is an angel on earth. Through your words I am reminded how precious the little moments are. You will remember that last trip to the grocery story. It is in your soul and it is in Ty's soul. It will be given back to you as a special gift when you need it the most. God bless you and your family.

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  44. Your sweet family has been in our prayers for over a year now, ever since a friend shared a link about Ty on Facebook. Our hearts ache for what you are going through. May God bless you profoundly during this season of heartache! Much, much love and admiration - and our never-ending prayers! Ty has touched so many lives, more than you will probably ever know. God bless you, SuperTy! We love you!

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  45. Dear Cindy, Lou, Ty & Gavin,

    I was just recently intruduced to your family and story by several friends I went to college with. I have such a heavy, heavy heart for all of you. In just 4 short days I have fallen in love with your little boy Ty. What a remarkable little man you have who has so much courage. His smile is infectious just like you said. Your story has consumed my life over the last 4 days and I have shed many tears for you. I can't imagine what you are going through and I am so sorry for all of your pain and sorrow. I have 2 little boys that are the same age as Ty & Gavin so it hits home with me tremendously. I wish you nothing but PEACE, STRENGTH, LOVE, HOPE and A TRUE MIRACLE FROM GOD. You are a wonderful family and I will continue to pray for you always! GOD BLESS!! XOXO

    Susan
    Smithtown, NY

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  46. I have been following Ty's story for quite awhile now. I have fallen in love with Ty and your family. He is such an inspiration to so many of us. He has weathered so many storms that I can't help but believe he can weather another one. I pray everyday for another miracle from God. He is such a beautiful, precious boy that's only seen love and determination from you. You have fought so hard for him and he knows it. You have given him so much more than you will ever know. My heart aches for all of you. I read your blog and just sit and cry. I have 2 kids of my own(8 and 9 yrs. old)and I must say that I live life differently with them now. I don't sweat the small things, I hug them and tell them how much I love them so much more now. You have taught me so much, Cindy, and I thank you for it. Ty and his story has helped so many of us. I pray to God to give you and Lou the strength to deal with whatever situation happens with Ty. Please know that you have so many people praying for Ty and your family. God Bless all of you.
    Many prayers and thoughts,
    Kellie Kenny

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  47. Caren OBrien EdwardsSeptember 21, 2012 at 11:23 AM

    Thinking of you all, sending positive energy and warm hugs! Praying....

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  48. Never in my life have I cried as much as I’ve cried this week. I’ve followed Ty for the past year and share his story whenever I can, but I’ve never commented. Like someone else said earlier, I can add nothing that hasn’t already been said and been said better. I want to you to know I am out here, thinking of you all always and begging God with you. I pray for another miracle to pull Ty through and pray for him to be THE miracle that can survive all of this and grow up to live a wonderful life. If that is not to be and his fate is the unthinkable, I pray that you, Lou and Gavin are able to go on and live the amazing, magical lives that Ty isn’t able to. I’m so sorry this is happening to Ty. I’m also so angry that more isn’t done. When I was a child, I lost a friend to brain cancer. I read Ty’s story and I think of my friend and I wonder after all these years, how has nothing changed? I think of this all the time. I will never stop telling Ty’s story. You have created an army that will never stop telling Ty’s story.

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  49. Cindy & Lou,
    I sit here reading your blog and crying, because it is like reliving our last weeks with tanner all over again... we know how you are feeling, and we just want you to know that we are here for you and you can call us, anytime, day or night, to talk, scream, cry, anything you need. You are amazing parents, and this is an impossible, horrific place to be, and I wish more than anything that Ty would be ok, and you wouldn't be in our "club", b/c our club really sucks... I'm so sorry you're going through this... just so you know, i bathed tanner in his bath chair too, the best thing I ever got him, so he could be comfortable in the tub... keep doing what you're doing, you are bathing Ty in LOVE. sending you so many prayers and hugs... and thinking of you always. xoxoxoxoxo melissa & andrew

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  50. Cindy, Lou, Ty, and Gavin you are in my thoughts and prayers daily..I don't have any words to make this better. You both are amazing parents no one can really be ready for this. I know because of you and Lou Ty's life has been filled with blessings and happiness..Cancer is such a horrible disease. Those painful memories will fade. You both are so stressed and overwhelmed right now when you need it the most the trip to the super market you will remember the candy he picked and the expression on his face when he was eating it that you will remember...all of those memories the happy ones they will be with you..The painful ones will fade. I am so sorry that Ty and your family are going through this...thinking of you all and praying for a miracle ....

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  51. I go to bed thinking of Ty and I wake thinking of Ty. I sit throughout the day and wonder "what is Ty doing?" & "Is he feeling ok today?" & "How much does he know, understand?"
    I sat last night and pondered that part. How much does he know OR does he even get it? That part bothers me tremendously!! :(

    It is crazy how someone so far away that I have never met, can penetrate my thoughts so often. I love him!!

    Hope today is a good day for Ty and your family...

    Still hoping and praying in Georgia,
    Jan

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  52. so heartbroken for you- i can't even imagine the pain. i wish you and your family peace and love.

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  53. Still praying for Super Ty! Hoping and praying for another miracle. God Bless Ty, you, Lou, and Gavin. Remembering will come back later, just enjoy him now. I have learned one very important thing from the loss of my daughter. When you care more about their suffering, than you having them here....you have made their life even better. It will sting forever, but them being in your life will shape yours in better ways than you can fathom right now. Enjoy your time with him in every way you can. I wish I had had the time God has given you Ty. Super Ty has God on his side. I wouldn't't want anyone else on my team! Love to you all.

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  54. Keeping you in my prayers. I first saw your story in an article online and I was touched. I have continued to follow your story for over a year now and I am so sorry for what you are going through now. Whenever I have a bad day or a poor me moment I think of Ty and how strong he is. I am constantly in awe of the person who is Ty. Your child is so amazing. Just by being himself he is changing the way a lot of people look at life. I stop to appreciate now. And I will let my son play in the puddles.

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  55. Please take comfort in this simple prayer...

    The light of God surrounds you

    The love of God enfolds you

    The power of God protects you

    The presence of God watches over you

    Wherever you are, God is.

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    Replies
    1. Beloved Lord, Almighty God,
      Through the Rays of the Sun,
      Through the Waves of the Air,
      Through the All Pervading Life in Space;
      Purify and Revivify Us
      And we pray, heal our bodies, hearts, and souls.
      Amen

      nayaz - the healing prayer

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  56. He is truly amazing and precious! Hugs and prayers for all of you.

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  57. I was referred to your blog by my brother-in-law, whose son also suffers from a brain tumor. I could only read a few paragraphs before my eyes started flooding with tears. Like you, I have two beautiful sons who are the joy of my life. My heart breaks at the thought of one of them going in to get a shot, let alone fighting off the evil monster that is cancer. Fortunately, also like you, I am a believer that God can work miracles in our lives. I will pray for another miracle for you and for your precious Ty. Your family and your fight have touched my heart. We will be sending prayers up for you from South Dakota.

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  58. Cindy and Lou, I have no doubt that your good and precious memories will all come back when you're able to think clearly again. Don't stress over not remembering now, they will come in time. Memories are ours to keep and no one can take them away from us. Love and kisses to Ty and Gavin.

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  59. It's so strange, when I read this post and automatically sniffed when I saw what you had written... I could smell apple pie. Once again the power of Ty:) He never ceases to amaze me.
    I lost my Dad 4 weeks ago and I have been praying to him to see what he can do to help Ty. "Gather the angels Dad and send all healing Ty's way!" I believe in miracles!

    I posted yeterday and felt that I directed everything to you Cindy. As much as I love everything about you I wanted to tell Lou that we are here for him too. Just because you aren't the one writing, we know how much love you have for Ty. We've seen the pictures, we've seen the fundraising and all the running:) We know that you have been down this road holding Cindy's hand every step of the way. You are both incredible parents. I am so very sorry that this dispicable disease had to enter your lives. Ty is amazing because of the two of you. Keep believing and we'll all keep praying! More love than you can imagine surrounds you!

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  60. Prayers continue. I think you are so overwhelmed that memories will come back once you can think again. I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering your son and your family is going through. I cannot imagine. Our love to your family and you!

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  61. I BELIEVE!! I believe he can get up & you can take him to the supermarket again, you can take him to the Bronx Zoo! The power of prayer, God decides our fate & will decide Super Ty's fate, hoping he lets him live!
    Cindy one day when you least expect it, you will have a HUGE smile on your face, eyes filled with tears because you will remember the day at the supermarket, the candy he chose, the words he told you. God willing he'll be by your side when you remember.
    He's still alive, there is hope!!
    God bless you all! God bless the strength he gave you today to bathe Super Ty! {hugs}

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  62. Cindy,
    Your entire family is in my constant thoughts. Ty is such an angel and
    I feel blessed to have met him in NYC during the run in
    Riverside park. We made eye contact and I instantly felt special. He is one amazing boy. You are one amazing woman. He is in my thoughts
    always.Thank you for updating all of us. We all LOVE him

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  63. Hugs for all

    Mikey's Dad

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  64. Saying many prayers for Ty and your family. Thank you for sharing Ty with us. He is truly and incredible boy and you are an amazing family.

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  65. The memories are there, you are filling your heart and mind with as much Ty as you possibly can. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I think about you all constantly lately and my heart is broken wide open for you.

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  66. Ty and Mikey, I never thought I would love two boys so much that I do not even know. Your stories touch my heart.
    Cindy, My life is forever changed by your courage and honesty in sharing that angel. Ty-- i hope you sleep well tonight all clean. :)

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  67. All I want to say in this message is that "I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH" Kathy Brunelle

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  68. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. You are making some special memories with Ty with something as simple as giving him a bath. There is nothing sweeter than the clean smell of a little boy. There are no words I can say, but, just know there are so many prayers being said on your behalf. May He bless and keep you in the palm of His hand.

    Janet
    COLE's Prayer Team

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  69. I am praying for all of you!! And I won't stop!

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  70. Hi Cindy and Lou-

    Keep the faith. I can't even begin to understand what you and your family must be feeling but please know that Ty and your family will be in our prayers. God Bless and be strong for Ty.

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  71. Hey Cindy....I'm a regular to this website but never posted anything before.... I feel like I have too.....you and Lou are role models for me.....I know that probably doesn't make much sense.......keep the updates coming......Ty we love you!

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  72. For the past day, I've been trying to find the words that will offer some comfort, some support. Most of the time, I've been fighting back my tears and feeling my heart break. Please know that Ty, you and your entire family are in my prayers. Keep the faith, stay strong.

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  73. Cindy & Lou, I thought Ty and Gavin might enjoy watching video clips of The Bronx Zoo with you. The Web site is: www.bronxzoo.com/
    I found video clips on two pages. The first page has one on Tiger Cubs (do 3rd). Below there are 2 more on Rhino Bros. (there are better ones than this one) & Flamingo's First Footsteps. (This one is adorable.) Go back up to Tiger Cubs. After you play that one, on the page it goes to, there is a section above it "home/media/headlines/_____". You select which one to watch. Some are only pics. These are video:Collared Lemur Baby, Coquerel's Sifaka Baby, Okapi Calf, The Girffe & the Butterfly, Hello Up There...., Golden Coin Turtle & Rock Hyrax Family Life. The giraffe ones are really sweet. I don't think these are in the order listed, but you can move around to chose the ones the kids want to see. I hope this brings your family a bit of joy. I'm praying for you all and especially Ty. He's such a gift to the world. Love & Peace to you from CT.

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  74. Thinking of Ty constantly. You are in our prayers and hearts as always. Cindy, you have such a beautiful way with your words. I can't tell you enough how much Ty and you have made me reflect on myself as a mother, a wife, a friend... and truly opened my eyes to look at things in different ways. You have a gift of touching lives and making people realize the beauty of what surrounds us each and every day. We are praying for Super Ty and sending all the love we possible can. Ty is such a georgous, precious gift to the world.

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  75. I'm so incredibly sorry for the pain you are going through. I am sitting here crying for Ty, praying he can pull through this latest setback. Ty's journey is so touching and so moving. I admire him so. I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday for something so small compared to what Ty has gone through. I thought of Ty and was brought to tears and a reminder of how brave Super Ty is. Lots of love, hugs and prayers...Chrissy

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  76. not only is your son brave but you are one of the bravest moms...God bless you

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  77. Dearest Cindy,
    For months I have been struggling with myself to find something inspirational to write, but I am so overwhelmed by my feelings that I find it harder and harder to compose even these few words. Thus, instead of an original thought, I wanted to share with you and your wonderful family a traditional prayer/blessing:

    May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

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  78. Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding
    acknowledge God in all your ways
    and He will make your path straight

    from Proverbs 3:4-5

    May Gods' healing hands bathed Ty today and always....praying

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  79. You have given me a new meaning for being a parent. I pray for you night and day.

    Father of four, Finland

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  80. Cindy & Lou,

    A few beautiful quote that are perfectly meant for Ty.... 1st a miracle, 2nd a hero & last but not least a very strong little man with a very courageous family.

    "The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."
    -- Pablo Casals

    A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. ~Christopher Reeves

    Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu

    Sending blessing of love & support today & still praying for your miracle.
    ~Christine, OH

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  81. May God grant Ty the miracle be so deserves. My heart is heavy for you and your family. The tears keep flowing as I read each post. Ty has touched so many lives through your loving and sometimes heartbreaking words. Keep the faith, keep strong, Ty needs you all now more than ever. My heart goes out to Lou also. A true father in every sense of the wore. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers <3.

    Much love from a heartbroken mom of three boys...

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  82. Thank you for touching my heart deeply with this blog about your precious son. My heart goes out to you and your family. In all your suffering you have created this network of love and caring and support and have impacted many many people reminding them of what is the most important thing in this life, LOVE. That is truly amazing and wonderful. My prayers go out to you along with the many many others coming your way. May you be held and comforted by the angels, may you be surrounded by love and light and support of all kinds and may you have the strength to keep accompanying your son every second as you have done so far so wonderfully. Words are so inadequate, I am sorry. Prayers and caring from Germany Renate

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  83. Praying for your family. Your journey and Ty's strength and smile have touched my soul in a way I can't describe. Much love to you from Pennsylvania.

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  84. Look at my "lovey", all cozy and clean after his bath! Now I'm wishing I was a hospice nurse, so I could be there for you now...sending all my love to you, Lou, Ty, and Gavin. xoxoxo. Sue

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  85. Cindy,
    Ty looks absolutely perfect after his nice bath from mommy. You must have snuggled him all night long. It is really so amazing of you to keep writing about your journey through this difficult time. You, Lou, Ty and Gavin have changed so many people's lives and will hopefully change childhood cancer. I know that doesn't give you more comfort considering what you are going through but Ty has created a legacy and he is one unforgettable little boy. Love him up as much as you can (which I know you are dong) and keep believing in all that you are doing. You and Lou know what is right for him and will make all the right choices.
    Sending hugs and prayers,
    Lynne

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  86. Sending all my prayers and love to such a wonderful family. I am speechless and in awe of your strength! May God bless you!!

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  87. Seems like forever since we heard from you, praying these past couple days have been the best..sending much love from North Ga.

    ~Michelle

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  88. You are all shining stars. What a family. Prayers, love, and hope for you, and Lou, and Gavin, and our hero, Ty.

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  89. Bathtime is always magical. You are an amazing mother. Ty and Gavin (and Lou!) are so blessed to have you. You are a magical, amazing family. I've never met you, but I love all of you, and wish I could make everything better. Still praying for that miracle.....

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  90. You and your family are an inspiration.

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  91. In constant prayer for your lil man.

    Michelle North Ga.

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  92. Dear Cindy, I think of you constantly, most recently about Ty's bath. My children (grown now) still tease me about "The Bath". I think it's a mama thing. "The Bath" has forever been my cure all for hard times. You had a bad day at school? take a nice warm bath. The dog ate your homework? Take a bath. You two are fighting again? Go play together in the bathtub. The soothing warm waters of the bath heal the spirit. Mama's know. And a soft, sweet smelling nana blankie to boot? You are doing it all so very right. Last night I heard Lou's voice in one of the video clips, and since then I could just hear his words to you, "What are we going to do?" I am in awe of you two as parents.

    Because of Ty (and Ronan), I've made some calls and I am going into Oakland's Children's Hospital to register as a volunteer. I wish I was nearer to you. I would offer to help you in a minute. Sending more love today, and hoping you are all doing good at this very moment. xoxo Marianne

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  93. My heart breaks! This is not how Ty's story was suppose to end! Like you I'm mad, pissed and fucking more mad! My heart breaks for you all tonight. You are amazing and I wish I could do something to ease your pain! All our thoughts and prayers...

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  94. Can't get my mind off of Ty and how unfair all of this is. Hope you don't mind but I heard a song today and it made me think of Ty - I used to sing it to my son when he was a newborn and I was rocking him to sleep. The song is called God Speed and the Dixie Chicks sing a version of it:

    Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
    Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
    Fish bite moonbeams every night
    And I love you

    Godspeed, little man
    Sweet dreams, little man
    Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
    Godspeed
    Sweet dreams

    The rocket racer's all tuckered out
    Superman's in pajamas on the couch
    Goodnight moon, will find the mouse
    And I love you

    Godspeed, little man
    Sweet dreams, little man
    Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
    Godspeed
    Sweet dreams

    God bless mommy and match box cars
    God bless dad and thanks for the stars
    God hears "Amen," wherever we are
    And I love you

    Godspeed, little man
    Sweet dreams, little man
    Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
    Godspeed
    Godspeed
    Godspeed
    Sweet dreams

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  95. I started reading your blog b/c I grew up in Long Beach and b/c Ty is just 9 days older than my middle son. And your words and experiences have forever changed me and my perspective of life. Your words MUST be published... your writing is so raw and so beautiful. I will no longer yell about the Cheerios on the floor or the sippy cups under the couch or the splashing in muddy puddles. You are SO right! I have 3 boys and we've had our battles with a ruptured appendix, a hernia, and severe low muscle tone, but I will never complain. Health, hope, & love... 3 things I will never again take for granted. I pray every day for Ty' next miracle. He is so beautiful, so brave, so innocent, and SO incredibly lucky to have a mom like you. Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing your experiences. You and Ty are both my heroes!!

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  96. Dear Cindy&Lou,
    There Is A Ministry That Send Precious Blood Of Jeus Anointing Oil For Healing, In JESUS Name, Woody Martin Ministries, Their Email Is prophet757@aol.com, Please Request This, Also " Cell Quest Is A Product That Has Many Testamonys, Homekeepers With Arthlene Rippy, Has Videos Of Testamoneys, Graveoli,Valery Saxon, Alternative Health, She Has This Product, Please Visit Her Web Site, I Wanted To Share This With You, Many Prayers Are Lifting To The ThroneRoom Of Grace, You Are Loved&You & Your Beautiful Child Of God Are Made Whole In Jesus Name Amen Love, Sharon, Jesus Loves You,

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  97. Hello Cambell family I'm Jaki from the supercuts in brewster and would like to help. we've been collecting $$ for breast cancer reseach since beginnning of september. we're having a bake sale on October 6th If you guys would like the proceed to that I'd be honored to give it. On top of that I thought another way I might be able to help, as just a wife of my own 2 daughters (4yrs+1yr old) I'm sorry your beautiful family has to go through all this Ty is really a Super Ty, I'd like to meet you and give free haircuts to TY and your whole family. It's just a little something, but if your interested just give me a phone call I'm at work 9-5 friday-saturday 845-940-0185. My heart goes out to you keep strong!

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  98. Cindy, cut a lock of that beautiful hair and put it in a special little box. We are faithfully praying for you all. Charlie and Mitzie Wheeler

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  99. Just like everyone else that follows your precious family, I think of you guys every day. I wake up in the middle of the night and the first thought that strangely pops in my head is "I wonder how Ty and his parents are doing right now?" Are they awake? Are his poor parents crying the night away? My heart aches for your whole family :( But, you are TRULY the most AMAZING family! And I totally agree with a previous comment that you should absolutely write a book. You truly are a beautiful writer. Your story will surely help many other people who are and who will unfortunately go thru this heartwrenching experience. I've never met you, I live in Poughkeepsie, not far from you, but I hope to maybe meet you one day. Sue M.

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