Thank you to our volunteers, to all that attended the 2014, and to the woman in line at the supermarket...
... truly, I can't thank you enough.
The Mess Fest was outrageous. The best day of the year, no doubt. Once again, people came in droves. We surpassed our 2013 fundraising goal and I am confident enough to say that the event was flawless. The weather was like a huge smile shining down upon us. There were ladybugs landing on children and laughter filling the sky. It was pure magic. Everything Ty ever would have wanted. And I am proud. VIEW THE GALLERY HERE.
We couldn’t have done it without the 100+ volunteers who selflessly donated their time, the incredible fundraisers who participated in the Dirty Dunk, and all of you who attended to make this event the tremendous success that it was. Special thanks, of course, to our long-time friends at Kiwi Country Day Camp for donating the most amazing place on earth to hold this incredible event year over year. Lastly, our sponsors, because without their generosity we would not be able to reach our fundraising goals to support innovative childhood cancer research.
The Ty Louis Campbell Foundation will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary soon. I am proud of all we have accomplished, and we are well on our way to becoming “kind-of a big deal” (to quote Anchorman).
Sometimes I use this blog to keep you updated on the “business” side of things and I have made a conscious effort to slow down on how much of my personal experiences I share on a daily basis. Because, in all seriousness, who wants to hear about how much I miss Ty day in and day out? It’s been just about 22 months now – everyone has moved on while I sit here forever changed and plagued with the weight of his loss forever on my shoulders. I have graduated to the slowly dissipating “bereaved mom” blogger, and there are new children to follow – whose triumphs inspire as they embark on their cancer journeys. And all I can think is… “SH*T! When will this slow down? When will these voices of childhood cancer be heard? When will these innocent children be cured? Will I live to see the day we uncover a miraculous cure-all?” Because right now, today, I don’t see an end in sight and it is unbearable.
If you are active on social media, you may have noticed that our community is in an uproar over the recent refusal from the Empire State Building officials to light the building gold in September to honor childhood cancer warriors. In 2012 the White House denied a petition to go gold after already going pink for breast cancer awareness… and now this?? The mid-Hudson bridge was lit gold in Ty’s memory (and will be again), the city of Yonkers is going gold for the 2nd year in a row, Mahopac lights the town gold and sells gold ribbons to retailers to support the TLC Foundation – but these huge, most influential buildings just refuse to support our awareness efforts. It is beyond disheartening. It makes me feel as if Ty wasn’t important enough. That our children still don’t have a voice no matter how hard we try in our united efforts. Did I mention that the Empire State Building was green in honor of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Barf. Seriously, I couldn’t be more disgusted. Please hit social media with the hashtag #empiregogold. Use this image on Instagram (or any image).
Tweet at them, Facebook them, keep your messages positive while expressing your disappointment over this decision. It’s not about a building or a bridge or a landmark being lit gold, it’s about a movement to raise awareness for the number one cause of death by disease among children so that some day it won’t be!
On Saturday I drove home from the Mess Fest by myself. Gavin was with Lou and we had two carloads filled to the brim with supplies. To my surprise, I became overwhelmed by a sudden wave of unstoppable grief and I cried the entire way home. Big, ugly, can’t catch my breath hysterics in between screaming and cursing as loud as I possibly can. I was totally and completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I guess after having so much adrenaline for days on end I just hit a wall. That cold, hard wall being the reality that no matter how amazing it was - and no matter how hard I work to make that special day in Ty’s honor – it doesn’t change anything. He is still dead, and when I look in my rearview mirror I will never see his smiling face again. And that is a reality that is just too painful to bear sometimes, no matter how much time has passed. And despite all of his pain and suffering… he died anyway. I have been looking at this photo a lot over the past 2 weeks. What do you think he was thinking? We reassured him over and over again that he would beat the cancer. That he was so brave. But this face, this pain, this confusion, didn’t have a happy ending. And in my heart I know that I failed him.
I’ve been down on myself for having lost interest in writing. Not just this blog, but so many articles that I have swimming in my head that I wanted to publish. I wanted to write more about Gavin and how amazing he is. I wanted to write more about Lou and what we are doing to help one another. I wanted to keep writing about cancer across all ages, the good, the bad and the ugly. And I wanted to write more about coping and grief and missing Ty. I’ve been feeling so discouraged because I worry no one wants to hear my sad musings anymore. My sleepless nights where words flew from my fingertips have been replaced with glasses of wine and early bedtimes to feed my lingering depression. I can’t always keep up with all the amazing ideas we have for the foundation, let alone my emotional outlet via this blog.
Lou was home early yesterday and took Gavin to Karate so I went to the supermarket by myself. It was one of the saddest trips I have made to the supermarket in well over a year. I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t stop hearing Ty’s voice, imagining him in the cart as I pushed through each aisle, and I could barely hold back the tears with every single step. On the checkout line, the woman in front of me asked, “Are you Cindy? I have been reading your blog for years. Thank you so much for sharing with us all. I can only imagine what you are dealing with and how you are feeling but the way you put it into words, I am right there with you. Please keep writing.”
That was exactly what I needed to hear to turn things around immediately. No doubt. It has been some pretty tough days and nights lately, despite the incredible joy that I took away from the Mess Fest. That woman in the supermarket reminded me how much I need to keep on keeping on and if I need to "talk"- sad or not - I’m going to keep doing this. Because it is good for me. And because it is important to be candid about all of this… the reality of childhood cancer and child loss and grieving and living and loving and parenting… I am an open book for all who care to read it. Thanks to all of you who do continue to read and share. Ty’s story will never end.
XOXO.
The Mess Fest was outrageous. The best day of the year, no doubt. Once again, people came in droves. We surpassed our 2013 fundraising goal and I am confident enough to say that the event was flawless. The weather was like a huge smile shining down upon us. There were ladybugs landing on children and laughter filling the sky. It was pure magic. Everything Ty ever would have wanted. And I am proud. VIEW THE GALLERY HERE.
We couldn’t have done it without the 100+ volunteers who selflessly donated their time, the incredible fundraisers who participated in the Dirty Dunk, and all of you who attended to make this event the tremendous success that it was. Special thanks, of course, to our long-time friends at Kiwi Country Day Camp for donating the most amazing place on earth to hold this incredible event year over year. Lastly, our sponsors, because without their generosity we would not be able to reach our fundraising goals to support innovative childhood cancer research.
The Ty Louis Campbell Foundation will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary soon. I am proud of all we have accomplished, and we are well on our way to becoming “kind-of a big deal” (to quote Anchorman).
Sometimes I use this blog to keep you updated on the “business” side of things and I have made a conscious effort to slow down on how much of my personal experiences I share on a daily basis. Because, in all seriousness, who wants to hear about how much I miss Ty day in and day out? It’s been just about 22 months now – everyone has moved on while I sit here forever changed and plagued with the weight of his loss forever on my shoulders. I have graduated to the slowly dissipating “bereaved mom” blogger, and there are new children to follow – whose triumphs inspire as they embark on their cancer journeys. And all I can think is… “SH*T! When will this slow down? When will these voices of childhood cancer be heard? When will these innocent children be cured? Will I live to see the day we uncover a miraculous cure-all?” Because right now, today, I don’t see an end in sight and it is unbearable.
If you are active on social media, you may have noticed that our community is in an uproar over the recent refusal from the Empire State Building officials to light the building gold in September to honor childhood cancer warriors. In 2012 the White House denied a petition to go gold after already going pink for breast cancer awareness… and now this?? The mid-Hudson bridge was lit gold in Ty’s memory (and will be again), the city of Yonkers is going gold for the 2nd year in a row, Mahopac lights the town gold and sells gold ribbons to retailers to support the TLC Foundation – but these huge, most influential buildings just refuse to support our awareness efforts. It is beyond disheartening. It makes me feel as if Ty wasn’t important enough. That our children still don’t have a voice no matter how hard we try in our united efforts. Did I mention that the Empire State Building was green in honor of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Barf. Seriously, I couldn’t be more disgusted. Please hit social media with the hashtag #empiregogold. Use this image on Instagram (or any image).
Tweet at them, Facebook them, keep your messages positive while expressing your disappointment over this decision. It’s not about a building or a bridge or a landmark being lit gold, it’s about a movement to raise awareness for the number one cause of death by disease among children so that some day it won’t be!
On Saturday I drove home from the Mess Fest by myself. Gavin was with Lou and we had two carloads filled to the brim with supplies. To my surprise, I became overwhelmed by a sudden wave of unstoppable grief and I cried the entire way home. Big, ugly, can’t catch my breath hysterics in between screaming and cursing as loud as I possibly can. I was totally and completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I guess after having so much adrenaline for days on end I just hit a wall. That cold, hard wall being the reality that no matter how amazing it was - and no matter how hard I work to make that special day in Ty’s honor – it doesn’t change anything. He is still dead, and when I look in my rearview mirror I will never see his smiling face again. And that is a reality that is just too painful to bear sometimes, no matter how much time has passed. And despite all of his pain and suffering… he died anyway. I have been looking at this photo a lot over the past 2 weeks. What do you think he was thinking? We reassured him over and over again that he would beat the cancer. That he was so brave. But this face, this pain, this confusion, didn’t have a happy ending. And in my heart I know that I failed him.
I’ve been down on myself for having lost interest in writing. Not just this blog, but so many articles that I have swimming in my head that I wanted to publish. I wanted to write more about Gavin and how amazing he is. I wanted to write more about Lou and what we are doing to help one another. I wanted to keep writing about cancer across all ages, the good, the bad and the ugly. And I wanted to write more about coping and grief and missing Ty. I’ve been feeling so discouraged because I worry no one wants to hear my sad musings anymore. My sleepless nights where words flew from my fingertips have been replaced with glasses of wine and early bedtimes to feed my lingering depression. I can’t always keep up with all the amazing ideas we have for the foundation, let alone my emotional outlet via this blog.
Lou was home early yesterday and took Gavin to Karate so I went to the supermarket by myself. It was one of the saddest trips I have made to the supermarket in well over a year. I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t stop hearing Ty’s voice, imagining him in the cart as I pushed through each aisle, and I could barely hold back the tears with every single step. On the checkout line, the woman in front of me asked, “Are you Cindy? I have been reading your blog for years. Thank you so much for sharing with us all. I can only imagine what you are dealing with and how you are feeling but the way you put it into words, I am right there with you. Please keep writing.”
That was exactly what I needed to hear to turn things around immediately. No doubt. It has been some pretty tough days and nights lately, despite the incredible joy that I took away from the Mess Fest. That woman in the supermarket reminded me how much I need to keep on keeping on and if I need to "talk"- sad or not - I’m going to keep doing this. Because it is good for me. And because it is important to be candid about all of this… the reality of childhood cancer and child loss and grieving and living and loving and parenting… I am an open book for all who care to read it. Thanks to all of you who do continue to read and share. Ty’s story will never end.
XOXO.
Keep on writing Cindy!! The lady at the supermarket said it all!! Xoxo Ty's story will never end!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you Cindy!! And yes, keep it up. For Ty, for yourself, for everyone!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Cindy! Truly inspirational.
ReplyDeleteI read a lot and have never been touched as deeply as I am by what you write. Because it's all true. I thank you and encourage you to put these musings into a book, who knows what could happen, it could really change things. God Bless You.
ReplyDeleteI am right here with you too, Cindy. And so are thousands of others. We are all keeping Ty's memory alive within each of us and for you. Please keep writing if it helps you. If you are strong enough to have endured all you did, I am strong enough to read about it and share it. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteI want you to keep writing. You are doing wonderful things. I don't know you or your family, but think of you often. You are living my greatest nightmare, and my heart breaks for you. But, more than that, you INSPIRE people. You ACT on your cause. I attended last year's Mess Fest (though couldn't make this years). I told my husband I was so glad to be part of it because there is something so special about you and how you do it, I can see you achieving the same status (and goals) as the Susan G. Komen Foundation.
ReplyDeleteAlso, maybe it's a little copycat-ish, but there has been a lot of success with the ice bucket challenge raising awareness, and funding, for ALS. Maybe in honor of childhood cancer awareness month in September, you could do a muddy puddles challenge?
I just got challenged for the ALS and was thinking the SAME thing!!!! Maybe with a bucket of MUD!!!!!
DeleteThat is such a good idea!!! I would love to do that and post it on my website. . .oh god, I would do it for Ty!!!!
DeleteI have to be honest. I have not been reading your blog so much. BUT, I think of TY each day. I think of you. I think of the grief and the heartache. But also of ALL the wonderful things you have done. Mostly, I wanted to say to you, you did NOT fail TY. You showed him love, you gave him life and a home. You gave him every option available and known to man. That you sat with him and held him and told him he would be ok. That is your greatest gift you could have given him with what he was given. What you were all given. I talk about Ty at least once a day. I tell people that there is a lack of awareness. I tell them with tears. I tell them of Ty and all the kids fighting. Because, I love Ty. My heart breaks for all of you and I don;t even know you. (well, not alot anyway, we've met.) Lastly, I wanted to say how sorry I was to have missed this years fest and hopefully when my health is better, next year, it shold be and I will be there!!! Love to you all!! <3
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing...I check often and wish you wrote more. It is sad...but a lot of lost Ty and it will forever be sad...that doesn't mean that everyone else has moved on either. My heart broke a little day as it does for each kid -- obviously nothing compared to you his parent -- but it still hurts for many of us and your words help a lot of us see the good along with the bad. The Mess Fest looks amazing.
ReplyDeleteCindy. your writing inspires us, your beautiful words are beyond real. But the pain we fell is not even close to the pain you are experincing. I want you to be raw and angry and sad. I want you to splash your emotions in here so we can slowly absorb them from you. Even if it will make you feel better for a moment I am willing to read every pain you are willing to share. I don't mind crying every day for you and your boy. i wish so much I could make it better. I swear! And I don't even really know you. I wish my prayers about Ty would have been answered. But you know something Cindy, I need you to remeber this that he is not in pain anymore, he is not suffering. The treatment was so brutal on his little perfect body. But do you remember his little laugh when you were wearing big Hulk gloves and fighting Gavin. Do you remember that you always made him laugh? How could you say you failed him? You were the best thing he had. You still are. I love you and your family and today I am sending you the biggest hugest hug ever. I am willing to wear my most beautiful expensive dress and let you ruin it with your tears :))
ReplyDeletePS Again so sorry to not be able to make it to the fest.
Shame on you Empire State Building.
love and kisses. Miss you Ty.
I was the lady in the supermarket, and let me tell you, when I went to leave there was such a sad look on your face and I felt horrible for putting it there. I met my friends for dinner and told them how I was trying to be helpful and encouraging and put my foot in my mouth instead, I was so upset. So reading this makes my day! and like I said.."Keep writing" xo
ReplyDeleteAlways here, reading and feeling your pain, your sorrow, your jo7y, your laughter!
ReplyDeleteYou never failed Ty and we will never fail you - keep writing.
Cindy I never knew Ty and my own daughter is a thriving 21 year old back in the UK ... but I just read your blog and am sitting here sobbing my heart out for you, your family and most of all your brave little boy.. you and your story has touched my heart ... your own strength and journey is inspirational and whilst words and support and empathy can never take away your pain you should never lose sight of your achievements ..... Much love, much support
ReplyDeleteYes! Please keep writing, I will never stoo reading or missing Ty.
ReplyDeleteWe are here for you! Cry, scream, write or do it all knowing we support you. You and Ty changed how I react to things in life; made me appreciate my girls more. You are in my prayers. Sending hugs
ReplyDeletePlease continue writing! I never met you or Ty but think about him everyday. When I see a Lady Bug, Max and Ruby, Blue LolliPops, Captain America, Rainbows and so much more. Ty lives on in the hearts of so many.
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing! I miss the frequency of your blogs. I will never get tired of reading anything you write. Much love to all of you. Ty is not and will never be forgotten. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteI check your blog daily still, and have missed your writing. So many people you don't know care about you, think about you, and want to hear whatever it is that you have to say. Please keep writing. xo
ReplyDeleteI also check your blog almost daily. I still think daily about you, your family, Ty and spreading Ty's story. Ty is an amazing boy and you are an amazing mom for sharing his story and for continuing to share his story as well as you and your family's story. Ty's story will never end so I hope this blog doesn't either!
ReplyDeleteThank you lady in the supermarket! You were the messenger for all of us. Cindy, I think of Ty and your family every day. I saw a hawk on the morning of the Mess Fest. He flew over my car on Rte 684 heading towards Mahopac. Made me smile. I just knew he was on his way there. xo
ReplyDeletePLEASE keep writing! So many, myself included, love you and your family from afar. I will never tire of reading your blog. You're writing is raw and beautiful and draws people in. The emotional connection you deliver to complete strangers pulls at our heartstrings. Rightly or wrongly so, that emotion keeps us interested and creates awareness to your cause. It is because of YOU that your foundation is successful and has been so far reaching. Words cannot express how sorry I am for Ty and everything you all have been through. I have cried many very real tears. Please keep putting it out there, drawing us in, and spreading awareness.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I know I am not alone in saying that we care very much about how you are doing and what you are going through. Doing well or struggling, we care and love when you share.
DeleteCIndy, I think I speak for most when I say that you have become like family to those that fell in love with Ty through your writing. You are an amazing woman for all that you do and continue to do in spite of that overwhelming feeling to just give up and lay down. I won't even dare to say that I understand your pain but what I will say is that I, and thousands of others, openly lend our ears and "shoulders" for you to cry on. Ty touched the lives of so many. I truly do believe he was an angel here on Earth. Please know that there are thousands of people in your corner Cindy. We are ready and willing to help you in any way we can. It's time childhood cancer awareness is brought in to the spotlight. Keep on fighting ... we're right beside you! With much love, The Reilly Family ♡
ReplyDeleteI hope you will continue to write often. I have not moved on and feel sad that you think that. You have such a gift with your words and you have this amazing ability to have us share in your journey. We still want to be part of that. It keeps Ty alive for all of us. We will always be here for you as long as you want to keep us a part of it. We laugh with you and we cry with you too. 💙
ReplyDeleteJennifer Russo
Thank You for opening your heart and soul to us so that we can try to understand the pain you feel. It has made me aware of family and friends that have buried a child and the suffering that continues for them as the grieve in silence. I am a better person for Ty's short life story and yours that continues on
ReplyDeletePlease continue to share. It is because of your writing that I believe there is something more. I believe in the signs you get and the spiritual connection you have with your son. It is because of your writing that I was able to overcome the loss of a family member. I am always so happy to read that you had a good day but I understand there will also be bad days and as long as you continue to share them, I will continue to read. Thank you, T
ReplyDeleteOh so happy to hear an update. So glad the day was a success!! Yay!! I love hearing how your family is doing.
ReplyDeleteCindy, Your words are so important. I never tire hearing about you family. You, Lou Ty and Gavin have done amazing things with your life experience. Your family inspires me. Please do not stop sharing.
ReplyDeleteEmily- hoboken
I thought about you and Ty today. In MA where I live a girl in my preschool caught a ladybug and I thought of Ty. Then I bumped into a woman in town with an infant in tow and an older daughter. She handed me a flyer to raise awareness for childhood brain cancer. I said oh I've been following a blog called super Ty for a few years now and I'm so happy you are going around raising awareness. Then she told me her almost blind daughter was in remission from brain cancer and had her tumor removed. She asked me how Ty was since she had not heard about your foundation. I said not good.... Couldn't get myself to say he died... Infront of her daughter. I'm disgusted that you have to suffer so much as a mother. It's unthinkable and your courage to go on and write and inspire us to care and be aware is applaudsble. You are an amazing woman with an amazing child who will never be forgotten. I will always keep your Ty close to my heart. I'm so sorry you have to feel this grief.
ReplyDeleteI check your blog daily, too. I hope you'll continue to write with the honesty you always have. Just the other day I told a friend that she should read your blog for inspiration because you and Ty have inspired me for years. Sending hugs.
ReplyDelete"MESS FEST" was outrageously perfect! It takes a lot of love to put a such a special project together. There was, without a doubt, tons of love, laughter and MUD! Great job, you should be proud.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing... There's nothing wrong with a little wine and going to bed early. It's healthy to take a break. XO
Nichols family
Please keep writing Cindy, I check your blog every single day without fail. As much as I often sit with tears I still love to hear how you are doing and hear your words of signs from Ty. You are an amazing lady and mum to both Ty & Gavanxxxxxx Katiexxxxxx
ReplyDeleteCindy, You don't know me and I don't know you personally but I'd miss the hell out of you if you stopped writing. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and I check in on you often.
ReplyDeleteLove you and your family.
I really miss your writing when you take breaks (though of course I completely understand why you do!) - I love to hear how you are doing and all the ways your love for Ty is changing the world. It's therapeutic to write, and you really have no need to worry - we all care, we all check regularly to see how you're doing and worry if there's no word from you in a while. This is your safe place, where you can vent and cry and speak your truth. We're here for you, to listen <3 Take care Cindy, thinking of you and your beautiful family, Ty included <3
ReplyDeleteYou touch lives, girl! You raise awareness, keep Ty's spirit alive. inspire people, raise funds, love and nuture Gavin, and raise up those around you.
ReplyDeleteThat's a gift to the world from both you and Ty.
Cindy, you did not fail Ty. You searched for every possible treatment to save him. If you had stopped, you would have always wondered "if" the next thing would have been the cure. Whether you write or not, we are all still here.
ReplyDeleteI pray for Ty and you, his loving family, every night.
Laurie (Ty's VA Beanie Pal)
You are an amazing woman. I miss Ty too.
ReplyDeleteI want to say the same thing--KEEP writing, as you find time and energy to do so.
ReplyDeleteA lot of us feel close to you and your family, even though we are miles and miles apart ad have never met.
We wanna know how you are doing even though we know things will never be 'ok'..We wanna see Gavin's milestones and adventures. We wanna know that together you and Lou find strength in each other. We wanna help you by honoring Ty and by coming here its our way of saying that we will NEVER forget your SuperTy. We wont leave you alone to wonder if nobody cares, we care.
So please know that we keep coming back. We check the blog every day or so to see the updates.
Sending you and your family hugs & love from Nashville TN.
Cindy:
ReplyDeleteDo not stop letting this be your outlet. If you EVER receive criticism about your grief, your unbearable sadness, the emptiness you feel - well to hell those who criticize. What you feel day in and day out sucks. It is wrong and dam to those who may say or even give you the impression you should stop and move on or let it go. You write, you grieve. I for one want to hear you because I still miss Ty and never met him. If screaming in your car and swearing the world over for every smile it has after gets you through, well, there are hundreds and thousands of us who will hug you and stand beside you. You continue to write the good, the bad the ugly - you write your heart.
You just have to see how many comments people let you...and most of us don´t even write a comment..so imagine how many people reads what you write...
ReplyDeleteSomeone said faith was sometimes just making the next cup of tea..in your case could be keeping giving voice to your story and feelings..
Please keep writing Cindy for all of us as well as yourself. I think it's good for you to express your grief. No, it will never bring your son back, but I for one (and I am sure thousand others) really care about you. We have "met" under profoundly sad grief stricken moments, relayed by you. I feel as though while no one could ever fully understand your sorrow unless they themselves have suffered a similar loss, so many of us want to somehow help you. I can't express fully what I mean, but I feel, through your blog, connected to your journey, and Ty. Gavin will be starting school Soon, and I can only imagine how sad that will be for you. Cindy, for whatever it's worth, so many people were touched by your story and want to somehow be there for you. Sending hugs to one Mom from another. Take care....
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine your pain ... and I can imagine that it's a pain that's going to ebb and flow for the rest of your life. Write or don't write ... that's completely up to you and what you need to do for yourself. But know I - with many others - will be always be checking in here to see how you are and remember your precious Ty.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration through it all, Cindy. I feel like I really do know you; as a Mom of two boys myself, your pain and Ty's suffering expressed in this blog is as REAL as it gets to all of us. Keep on writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings! Keep on fighting this cancer battle in Ty's honor. I am forever changed until the day I leave this Earth because of your Ty and the way you press on. You are Ty's voice and all the other children in this world who don't/didn't have a choice. Blessings to you always.
ReplyDeleteCindy,
ReplyDeletePlease continue to write and share your feelings and thoughts. While I can't say that I know what it means to lose a child, my Mom whom I love with all my heart, died from cancer and was in hospice at the same time that Ty was ill. Your blog helped me to realize that when a loved one is battling this awful disease, sometimes you just need to know that someone else is feeling the same things that you are feeling. I was alone and scared. You said all the things that I wanted to say. Thank you!
Cindy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the woman in the supermarket. Please keep writing. I have been reading for a couple years now as well and I am so sorry for your loss of Ty. Please don't think that we readers don't care any more. Your words give me strength in my own life. That may seem strange since we've never met but that is the kind of influence your words and your strength have on people. I pray that your pain will become more bearable. I know it will never go away but I pray for peace for you and a cure for this horrific disease. You bring continued awareness to the cause.
Thank you for what you do and God bless Ty.
Ann from Buffalo
Please keep writing. There will never be enough stories or pictures of Ty. We love and support you Cindy!
ReplyDeleteI always read your blogs with respect and admiration. I am a mother of 2 young children and I am very grateful for all you are doing for my children--for all children! Ty is always in my thoughts and prayers.. I am holding you up in prayer!
ReplyDeleteI always look forward to reading your blog....to learning more about Ty, to learning more about how you are keeping his memory alive. We all want to know about Ty! You have the most beautiful way with words - they inspire us all....
ReplyDeletePlease keep writing, Cindy. I, too, have read your posts for 2 years and keep coming back for more. I want to continue to learn more about your beautiful Ty, and I find myself praying for him constantly, looking up at the sky for him, and looking for ladybugs... you have written so beautifully that I do feel like I know him even though I have never met him.... you and your family are always on my mind and will forever be in my heart. you are making a tremendous difference....reaching more people than you know!
ReplyDeleteCindy, I can not even begin to tell you how your blog has inspired and touched me. I am not a mother, not married nor even been effected by cancer. In fact, I came across your blog through a mutual friend on FB (a former co-worker who has a child with cancer). She must have liked something on your page and it came up on my newsfeed. Something about it drew me to your blog and I had been a follower ever since. So many days when I'm feeling down or things are not going my way I think of you and your story and say to myself if Cindy can make it through the day then so can I. Now whenever I buy a card or toy for my niece I especially look for a ladybug.
ReplyDeleteThe beauty of having your own blog is writing whatever you want. I think it's an awesome example to show grief never truly ends. It comes in waves. And ebbs and flows. Be true to yourself. And Ty.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up, keep your heart strong.
ReplyDeleteyour boy was so beautiful. even amongst all those tubes and pain you can still see his beauty.
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented in a while now. However, I still check for posts and read every one. I never met Ty, but I've followed his story and this of for years now. I still sport my Prey*type necklace that I got for Christmas often. I think about him all the time, this gorgeous little boy and his mother that I've only really known through reading this blog. He HAS impacted lives. So many, I'm sure. He's touched mine forever, some random woman in another part of the country. I can't tell you how many times I've been a better mother because of you and Ty. Sad that it takes that...but its true. Thank you for continuing to share and write. Sending you love. Hang in there, mama. <3
ReplyDeleteHoly typos. Pret*ty necklace *
DeleteHi Cindy,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for several years and think of Ty often (in fact, every time I see a puddle). I recently started working for a company here in Australia who have a system where employees can donate money through their salary to any Australian charity, and they match the donation dollar for dollar. I've used this to set up a regular payment to a childhood cancer research institute. Just thought you might like to know that your blog and Ty's story are making a difference even on the other side of the world.
It's been a month or two since I read your blog. A very busy month for me. But I've been wanting to come back for a week or so, and today, after working all night, when I really should be sleeping, I finally got back here. It's kind of a strange thing, but the truth is, hearing you remember Ty is important to me, because his story is important to me. I can't explain why or how... but there it is. I would have been so disappointed if you weren't writing about your feelings here anymore. Ty's story touched me deeply and even though I'm not a family member or even your friend... I want it to go on.
ReplyDeleteYes, please keep writing, Cindy. We ARE right beside you, you just don't see us.
ReplyDeleteCindy, your words are sacred and will continue to be read by people who need them. Love and prayers to you, Lou and Gavin always.
ReplyDeleteDear Cindy, I will always care about the things you write, pure and raw from the heart. Please never stop writing! xoxo
ReplyDeleteCindy,
ReplyDeleteI don't want this to come off the wrong way because I read all the entries of your blog. I LOVE hearing the foundation news, different events and everything you write. . .but I LOVE hearing about Ty. Whether it is an old story, a dream, lady bugs in the smack of winter with inches of snow outside, (would have never believed it if I didn't see the pic lol jk) Gavin, Lou, Ty, You. I love it all, but I LOVE the stories about Ty. I can read them over and over again.
He was YOUR son and if you want to talk about him every single day, how much you miss him for the rest of your life, you should do that, and I will read it. I am sure many of your readers would read it. I would NEVER get tired of hearing about Ty.
Again, I love all of your posts, but the posts that stand out the most to me are the about Ty. This is your blog and you can write whatever you want. However, I would love continuing to read about Ty, how you miss him, how you think about him, dreams, lady bugs, bikes magically falling down in the middle of the night in the garage, blue lollipops, gingerbread houses, super heroes, wub in your coffee, Max and Ruby, etc. That is just a few of the things I remember.
And as far as failing him? You and Lou never failed Ty. You loved him till he took his last breath and you continue to love him everyday. I always thought that it was amazing, your relationship with Lou. After all you two have been through, you seem to have a solid marriage. . .Very uncommon nowadays.
NEVER stop writing about Ty.
(((Hugs)))
Joy Marielle
And one more thing I forgot to mention. Just because someone is not here with you anymore does not mean you stop loving that person or talking about that person. I could never imagine going through what you have, and I would never want to imagine it. Ty is YOUR son, not ¨was your son¨. He will always be YOUR son, he will always be Lou's son and he will always be Gavin's big brother. I know you know this, just wanted to let you know that I know this too!
ReplyDeleteI think your writings about Ty remind us all what is important in this life - caring and loving one another. We need to be reminded Cindy so please keep writing. I'm raising $$ for Toronto SickKids hospital by running in the Scotiabank marathon in Oct. I was inspired by Ty and of course you...
ReplyDeleteXo
Please do keep writing and sharing. I check back often to see if you've blogged, follow Ty's page on Facebook and also follow Lou on Facebook. Your family and your story has had a profound impact on how I live my life, how I parent and how I live each day with my kids. Thank you and warmest thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI actually haven't read the blog for a few months. Busy or whatever myself. But I was so glad that today when I thought "I have a couple minutes, I'm going to read about TY" that it was still here, just like always.
ReplyDeleteWe definitely care and continue to love you and your family from all over! Keep it up, I LOVE hearing what's going through your mind and the wonderful way you express it!
I'm new reading backwards, your words are still reaching new people, and so is ty's beautiful face.
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