My heart is overflowing

Tonight, I am happy.  After an absolutely horrific night last night, I dragged myself out of bed today not knowing how I would make it through this day.  I was so pleasantly surprised.  Today was a gift.

After my post last night, I went to bed with Ty and gave him his midnight meds.  He immediately threw up after I pushed them into his belly tube even though he usually isn't so sensitive.  It was a really bad one.  I had to clean him up, change his clothes, clean up the pillows, the bed, clean out the suction machine, get him a new g-tube, among other things.  It was okay, though.  It felt good to care for him like that and I knew I was making him feel better just by getting him all clean, soft and cozy.  Unfortunately, my tender loving care wasn't enough and he ended up vomiting every half hour or so for the next six hours.  I think part of the problem was that he threw up his anti-nausea medication the first time. 

When 6AM rolled around I was able to give him more anti-nausea medication and finally we got to sleep.  Thank God Lou let me sleep late and Gavin had "lunch bunch" today at pre-school (which means we didn't have to pick him up until 2PM).  When I came downstairs for the day Ty looked pretty good but so tired.  Lou and I traded places so he could go up for a nap, and I shared some beautiful and peaceful quiet time with Ty until it was time to pick up Gavin. 

 

Today was my favorite kind of day (the phone on my camera doesn't do it justice).  The leaves are turning, the sun was shining and it was cool and breezy outside.  I rarely get out of the house, but today it was a must for my own mental health.  When I left to pick up Gavin it felt so good driving along these beautiful country roads that I decided to take him straight to the park to practice what I preach.  Gavin jumped in the leaves - a lot - he splashed his feet in the lake and got downright dirty.  Here he is later tonight, all clean.  I am ashamed about how neglected his hair is, though.  That kid has needed a HAIRCUT for weeks!  Then again, he plans on being Thor for Halloween - maybe we should just keep it going until then :)

When we came home, Ty was doing so well.  He was awake, he was speaking well and he was in a good mood.  All that rest in the morning helped us to put last night behind us and fully enjoy each other into the evening.  Before bedtime, I insisted on giving Ty a bath against his will.  I needed to wash away the sickness from the night before and I promised he would feel so good and cozy afterward (he is always very reluctant because it is painful for him to move around and especially getting in and out of clothes). 

Bathtime was a gift, as always.  Lou and I each take one side of the tub.  Tonight I washed his hair and face while Lou had his feet.  We relished in his nakedness from the tips of his fingers to his ears, the bottoms of his feet to his adorable belly button.  His clean, soft skin is as delicious as milk and honey. 



Not exactly a smile of the day, but still shows how beautifully content he was today

Ty and Gavin both fell asleep beautifully so we dared to watch a movie tonight.  We Bought a Zoo.  It was a really sweet movie and Matt Damon is just amazing in every movie.  There was a scene between him and his 7-year old daughter at bedtime where she asks about her mom (who died). 

"Do you worry because you feel like you can't see her?  Hear her?"
"Yeah."
"What can you do?"
"Catch her spirit."
Then they reach into the air and snap their hands closed.
"Now what?"
"Put her in your heart.  Do you feel her?"
"Yes."
"Can you see her?"
"Yes."

It is a sweet, loving idea, but I know that it certainly won't be that easy if Ty leaves me.  Today I am okay because he is still physically here.  My days are still consumed with caring for the love of my life and that is keeping me sane.  I am going to bed with a heart that is overflowing with love and gratitude for my entire family.  I am thanking God for letting me be their mama, and I am always praying for a miracle.  Sometimes I can vividly imagine Ty as an older boy of seven or eight.  Standing tall and thin on his own two feet.  Running and playing and of course, smiling.  Those are my best daydreams.  How I want that for my brave boy.  What would I do without him?   He is my whole world. My everything. My best good boy in the whole wide world.