Goodnight, sweet Granny

Ty's Great Granny passed away today.  Of course I'm sad, but I'm also so grateful that she is at peace and that her passing was simple and painless with my mom holding her hand.  Granny turned 92 on April 4th, but she has been sick for two years so we have wanted this for her for some time. 

I asked Ty if he remembers Great Granny and he said yes. Then I told him that she's sending him tons of extra kisses tonight (she's famous for wrapping her soft, skinny hands around your face and giving a series of loving kisses on each cheek).  Ty said "I don't want to talk 'bout that!" His response was a little odd because I certainly didn't say anything about her passing away (and I don't plan to), yet I sensed he was a little sad. After she heard the news, Colleen also texted me that she can feel grandma's kisses on her face and that made me so happy :)

When I get home this weekend I am going straight to the room where we have Granny's old armoir so I can open the drawers and take a nice, big whiff.  It still has a very pleasant, very familiar smell that brings me right back to her house for sleepovers when I was a little girl.  A safe, loving place to be where apples and ice cream were always on hand.  In fact, the smell is so true to my memories that I have yet to put anything inside that piece of furniture, afraid the scent will disappear into the fabric or something. 

Grandma Teresa Dombrofski - We love you!

I am a little embarrassed to admit this, but my Grandmother's passing instilled a new fear in me.  I imagined how happy she was in heaven and then it hit me...  I always find comfort in knowing my loved ones are watching down from above and protecting us, especially Ty, but what if heaven is so magical that they decide Ty has suffered too much and belongs among the wonders of it all?  I realized that however many times I swear I want Ty to experience the beauty of life for him - that I would gladly give my life for him to have that opportunity - I am also selfish because I want him for me.  I do.  I want him for ME!  And for LOU and for GAVIN.  Today I was driving around with my little Gavin (who is not so little) and I asked him... "who's my handsome boy?"  "Me and TY," he yelled with a smile and when he said Ty's name he looked over to the empty car seat next to him.  We would all be so incomplete without him. 

Don't worry about me.  I have already come to terms with the fears I mention above and released them from my mind.  It's silly to even pretend to know how it all works.  But, I would be lying if I said that these types of thoughts never enter my mind.  I struggle everyday. I am only human and I can't possibly understand what, if anything, Granny is thinking right now, let alone God... but at some point in this journey I learned to let go and to trust in Him.  I have seen a miracle.  Several of them.  I believe that I will see more.  And if anything, the loved ones I have lost are only helping Ty in his healing. 

Of course, the day ended with a brief moment of magic - because it kinda had to :).  Earlier today I was explaining Ty's current condition to one of his at-home therapists.  I mentioned how well he is doing in lifting his arms up at the elbow, but that I don't know about his legs.  That he only slightly wiggles the toes on his left foot, and he can't wiggle them at all on his right.  That he can pull the left leg back a tiny bit, but the right is completely limp.  In true Ty style, he surprised me with a glimpse of great improvement later today!  It was only for a few seconds, and I haven't been able to get him to repeat the motion since, but when I was stretching his legs I pulled his right leg up into a bent position so his foot rested on the bed and his knee was up.  Normally when I let go, his leg drops to the side immediately.  Tonight, he held it in place for six or seven seconds.  This was the first thing he was able to do when he started regaining strength in his legs last year.  I was so excited!  After it dropped I picked it up and he did it again for three or four seconds.  Boy, I really needed that.  How did he know.  I am feeling so hopeful and I think I will sleep well tonight despite all of the noise and disruptions.  I hope to have sweet dreams of Granny flying and Ty walking, no RUNNING, on the ground below her :)

XOXOXOXO