Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Love and Ladybugs

I see a ladybug in my house about once a week.  This has been consistent since October.  The month he would have turned 7.  The month he died.  I think they are hibernating in my home and they are my most welcomed guests. 

Of course, there is the occasional bespeckled corpse – belly up by my windowsill.  Sometimes, I might give a ladybug a little tap if I think it is dead, and he or she starts walking again.  I like to think Ty breathes a little life into them just for me… just for a moment…

I don’t watch them for long. I prefer to take notice for a few seconds, then carry on with whatever I was doing.  It never fails that the ladybug is gone by the time I glance back.  Always gone. My visits from Ty are frequent, but brief, and because of that, it feels even more magical – as if it was a secret between the two of us. His whisper in my ear.  Sometimes I see one out of the corner of my eye just at the moment I am heavy with grief – my head swimming with thoughts of Ty and cancer and longing.  Other times they appear when I least expect it and I stop for a moment to think “Oh, Hi Ty."

Always, always, always… they come to our events for the nonprofit we founded in his memory.  I have one board member who sees one every time she’s packing her car with t-shirts and other SuperTy merchandise.  They are spotted in swarms at the Mess Fest.  They were at Carle Place High School Spirit Night, and while setting up at Rock for Research in Dallas.  Just the other night, I was up very late preparing for our upcoming Share the Love event.  I was moving item after item into the living room to do an inventory of our incredible auction items, and there on the floor – crawling among them – was my little red friend.  It never fails.  Mellissa, who is working like crazy to prepare for Satruday, had a visit from her ladybug today - I just saw the photo she posted to Facebook.  It never fails.  

Friday night my sister-in-law, my niece, and my neighbor all came over to help.  I told them about the ladybug and said, “You guys get them, too, right?  I mean, you must have them in your house.  When was the last time you’ve seen one?” 

All three of them assured me that they can’t even remember the last time they’ve had a ladybug in their house.  “It’s been months and months – maybe even years!” they told me. 

I can’t tell you what it means because I have no idea what happened to my son or where he is now.  I can’t see him, touch him, or hear his voice. But I can assure you that the ladybugs are more than a coincidence.  So are the multitude of other signs I have gotten from him, and continue to get on a semi-daily basis.  There is something more to this life, thank God, and I believe with all my heart that he sees how hard we are all working to make a difference, and he approves J  Until I see him again, I carry his heart with me… I carry his heart in my heart. 


Come Share the Love with us this Saturday – tickets are still available for purchase here, or you can buy at the door.  www.sharethelove2015.eventbrite.com 


Look at all of this loot!  This hand painted yoga mat makes me burst with happiness.  It's going to be almost too hard to part with at the auction (but, then again, I don't do yoga so it's okay :) xoxo



8 comments:

  1. Its great im gonna be the first comment ever :))) Congrats on your mission..you are doing it sooo well. Its just a believeing matter ...may be ..for some ones ..but for me it is for sure..he is telling you things..all the time. I wish you the best ..from far away

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  2. That is wonderful! Ty just wants to help make sure everything is just right! I wish I were closer to be more involved with these events, but I can't tell you how much more aware you and Ty have made people about childhood cancer. Please know that you both have made such an impact on so many.

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  3. I do believe the ladybugs are signs from Ty for sure and I think it is so beautiful, I thought of you yesterday, whilst out shopping my son pointed to a huge ladybug teddy and smiled:) what you are doing is wonderful, Ty would be so so proud of youxx

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  4. I do believe the ladybugs are signs from Ty for sure and I think it is so beautiful, I thought of you yesterday, whilst out shopping my son pointed to a huge ladybug teddy and smiled:) what you are doing is wonderful, Ty would be so so proud of youxx

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  5. I have not seen one ladybug, in my house or anywhere, in about 5 years and I love ladybugs so I'd be thrilled to see one but they don't come for me....

    Believe it, it's obvious, it's Ty.

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  6. I always say hello to Ty whenever the see a ladybug

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  7. I believe they're a sign from Ty too. . .I miss your posts, but I see you are super busy fighting the war against cancer!

    Thinking of you guys all the time. . .

    Joy <3

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  8. they are your special visits from Ty.
    Mommy,
    I want you to know
    that I always send you my kisses.
    They are the the wind that blows
    against your beautiful skin.
    Mommy,
    I want you to know that I always love to hug you.
    At night when you sleep and dreaming
    I am there all around you.
    I wisper "I uve you" at night in your ears
    And don't worry I am always around to wipe your tears.
    I am in every wisper that you hear
    And I am every lady bug that appear!
    I am always there for you never fear!

    Your Ty.
    By Tatiana Kidanov


    Missing you baby boy.

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