I see a ladybug in my house about once a week. This has been consistent since October. The month he would have turned 7. The month he died. I think they are hibernating in my home and they are my most welcomed guests.
Of course, there is the occasional bespeckled corpse – belly up by my windowsill. Sometimes, I might give a ladybug a little tap if I think it is dead, and he or she starts walking again. I like to think Ty breathes a little life into them just for me… just for a moment…
I don’t watch them for long. I prefer to take notice for a few seconds, then carry on with whatever I was doing. It never fails that the ladybug is gone by the time I glance back. Always gone. My visits from Ty are frequent, but brief, and because of that, it feels even more magical – as if it was a secret between the two of us. His whisper in my ear. Sometimes I see one out of the corner of my eye just at the moment I am heavy with grief – my head swimming with thoughts of Ty and cancer and longing. Other times they appear when I least expect it and I stop for a moment to think “Oh, Hi Ty."
Always, always, always… they come to our events for the nonprofit we founded in his memory. I have one board member who sees one every time she’s packing her car with t-shirts and other SuperTy merchandise. They are spotted in swarms at the Mess Fest. They were at Carle Place High School Spirit Night, and while setting up at Rock for Research in Dallas. Just the other night, I was up very late preparing for our upcoming Share the Love event. I was moving item after item into the living room to do an inventory of our incredible auction items, and there on the floor – crawling among them – was my little red friend. It never fails. Mellissa, who is working like crazy to prepare for Satruday, had a visit from her ladybug today - I just saw the photo she posted to Facebook. It never fails.
Friday night my sister-in-law, my niece, and my neighbor all came over to help. I told them about the ladybug and said, “You guys get them, too, right? I mean, you must have them in your house. When was the last time you’ve seen one?”
All three of them assured me that they can’t even remember the last time they’ve had a ladybug in their house. “It’s been months and months – maybe even years!” they told me.
I can’t tell you what it means because I have no idea what happened to my son or where he is now. I can’t see him, touch him, or hear his voice. But I can assure you that the ladybugs are more than a coincidence. So are the multitude of other signs I have gotten from him, and continue to get on a semi-daily basis. There is something more to this life, thank God, and I believe with all my heart that he sees how hard we are all working to make a difference, and he approves J Until I see him again, I carry his heart with me… I carry his heart in my heart.
Come Share the Love with us this Saturday – tickets are still available for purchase here, or you can buy at the door. www.sharethelove2015.eventbrite.com
Look at all of this loot! This hand painted yoga mat makes me burst with happiness. It's going to be almost too hard to part with at the auction (but, then again, I don't do yoga so it's okay :) xoxo