Friday, October 25, 2013

You know what I love?...

You know what I love?  I love that I see the world with my eyes open.  I love that I imagine, and truly believe, that every falling leaf is channeling Ty's free spirit as it softly dances in the wind.  I love that when a sunbeam lays across my face unexpectedly, I feel like it is a warm kiss from heaven.  I love that when the gentle wind blows, I turn to face it and accept my hugs.  I love that Ty gave Daddy a ladybug this morning, when he was already having a very bad day.  I love that Lou doesn't look at me like I'm crazy anymore,* because it is too magical not to believe. 

*just to clarify, Lou knows I'm all sorts of crazy, just not when it comes to Ty's ladybugs.

It goes without saying that I wish I was living my life with the blinders on, as long as Ty was with me, but I had no choice in that matter and I am at least grateful for how he has changed me.  He has changed a lot of people in so many ways. 

Today I spent a lot of time working on promotional materials for the Muddy Puddles Project 2014 - and I am so excited for what we hope to accomplish next year.  Thank God I have the foundation to keep me pushing forward.  I can't help but believe that we are going to continue this landslide of fundraising, enabling us to make a difference. 

Have you seen this video of Gabriella Miller?  Can she be any more lovable?  She was put on hospice care just days ago, after making this video for the Truth 365 awareness campaign (the clip below is actually her adorable outtakes).  I can't tell you how defeated I felt learning the news and then watching her incredible personality shine through knowing what I knew.  I have to keep telling myself that it isn't going to happen overnight, but it will happen.  It will get better for these kids.  I just get so angry knowing how many beautiful children will have to die before those changes come to fruition.

Today Gavin asked me "when am I going to heaven," and "can I share my carrot muffin with Ty in heaven?" and "does Ty even eat in heaven?"  I love it when he talks about Ty.  So very much. 

I uploaded some recent pictures of Gavin, doing your typical Fall duties - like the quintessential trip to the local orchard for some apple picking, enjoying an episode of Franklin with the class pet (named Franklin), and of course, pretend slashing an Avengers punching bag with your wolverine claws while sporting a Rudolf nose.  He cracks me up :)  I thank God for him every day. 

Good night.  As always, thanks so much for your continued love and support. 


  1. I have not been on this site in so long....I happened upon it on facebook. I still think of Ty so often. I heard the song "Yellow" by Coldplay the other day and just cried and cried thinking of him. Beautiful boy. I would love to help you with your Muddy Puddles project.....anything you need that involves print i.e. brochures, shirts, anything at all. At no cost of course...I mean it, please reach out to me and I will donate said products. .I would just love to contribute to this beautiful cause. God bless.
    ~Chris in Warrington, PA

    1. God Bless you for offering that to Cindy and her foundation! Jean

  2. I too am so saddened about the news regarding Gabriella - what an incredible girl and such an incredible advocate for all kids fighting cancer. So heartbreaking that her parents spent the day picking out a cemetery plot. Too. Many. Kids. Dying. Seriously - when I look at pictures of Ty and think about his suffering and how cancer robbed him of so much - but yet he could still smile that beautiful smile - I cry buckets. When I think of all the others kids dying - I just think I could cry for days and then I get angry. Angry that so many organizations that should be helping are not. I am so grateful for all that you are doing and so honored to be a part of it - to feel like I'm helping in some way to change the future for another child - it's the only think that keeps me from ripping my hair out!! I send love to Gabriella and her family. I send love to the Campbells. I send love to Ty in heaven - so happy he sent a ladybug to daddy when he needed one. Thank you for sharing those great pictures of Gavin - he is so sweet and funny. Love - Donna

  3. PS - did you see the White House is going pink, AGAIN!!! Maybe more people can tweet to @PAniskoff44 - the white house staffer that responded to the petition telling us it wasn't going to happen. Here is whay I tweeted to her tonite - @PAniskoff44 - yet again the WH is going pink but wouldn't GO GOLD for kids? If the WH won't change the bulbs 4 all causes STOP going pink - Donna

  4. My heart breaks for you always and I am also so heartbroken over Gabriella, It angers me as well all these beautiful children taken way, way, too soon. The thought that no one (except you HERO families, friends, and others you have gotten to join and share your cause; I fit into the later ;) ) helps them. That, these children and families face this alone. NOT ANYMORE!!!!! I am here too spreading you word as well as the stories and plights of so many others. Thank you again, for having my eyes opened. For having me become aware. For inspiring me, Beautiful Mom of Ty, Cindy. xoxoxo

  5. Great pictures of Gavin! The first one is my favorite. :)Thanks for sharing.

    So sad to see another beautiful child being taken by cancer. It makes me mad that PINK is everywhere, but what about GOLD? As you said, "I just get so angry knowing how many beautiful children will have to die before those changes come to fruition."

  6. Hi Cindy - You'll wonder why me, and so do I. Ty visited me in my dreams last night. I was in a house that I think was supposed to be my house, but looked so different to my real house. I was walking in the garden. I've been to this garden before, but only in dreams. I walked across the garden and into the house. I opened the door, and there he was, pushing a toy around. It was the kind of pushy toy like those that are popular among little kids that have just learned to walk. It was Ty. He was wearing a T-shirt with lots of graphics on the front and blue pants. His hair was messy but looked super cool. He was on his feet, running around the room with his toy. He looked at me, but did not say a word, he just kept playing. He looked so healthy, like cancer never touched him. I immediately knew he was Ty - I've seen his pictures, so I recognized him immediately. I wondered what he was doing there. He was 'alone'. A strange kind of alone, because you were there too, but each of you were alone. You looked sad, your hair was down and very messy. You wondered around the room with heavy eyes. Ty followed you with his eyes everywhere you went. You did not say a word, and neither did he. It was peaceful, yet awkward. I kept watching the scene. Ty kept playing, going in and out of the house, he went to you several times, but you did not acknowledge him. You were so lost in your thoughts. This scene kept playing on and on until I woke up. Ty was the first thing in my mind as I opened my eyes. It's strange I know but I could feel like he was there. It was 4am. I went downstairs and searched for him - odd isn't it? There was no little boy running around, but I could feel him. It felt so real, a very vivid dream.
    Talk to him - I know you do it all the time, but keep talking to him. Tell him you're going to be ok.
    This is not the first time someone who has died has visited me in my dreams, for absolutely no aparent reason and totally out of the blue. Years ago a little girl that died from lukemia visited me as well and talked to me. She asked me a favor: She asked me to tell her mother to please stop crying for her. She said: Tell my mom to please stop crying for me. Tell her I'm fine. I'm happy where I am. She came to visit me 15 years after her passing. 15 years later!!! There have been a couple other experiences of that kind that I've had.
    Ty did not tell me anything, but he looked at me straight in the eyes. It was very powerful - I can still feel the power of his eyes.

    1. That gave me goosebumps. Maybe it was showing that Ty is right there with his family. Playing away that they may not know it, but he IS there.

  7. Cindy,
    I have been reading your blog for over a year now. You and your family are amazing. Ty is such a wonderful boy and has touched my heart in so many ways. I am a mother of four young children and could not imagine going through what you went through and what you continue to go through, every second - of everyday. I watched the video Lou made for you last night and it was beautiful. I am writing because today I spoke out loud to Ty and asked him to send me a sign. 31 years ago today I lost my father and just felt the need to say hi to Ty and ask for a sign. As I was standing on my front steps, outside, talking to my sister - she pointed out a ladybug crawling on my leg. I just started crying and felt such peace, thanks to Ty. I really believe it was a sign from him. Thank you for being such an inspiration and for blessing all of us with Ty.
    Tricia S.

  8. Cindy,
    Do you know if there is a blog or caring bridge site for Gabriella. What a beautiful, smart beyond her years girl.

    Always praying for your family and all the cancer families and now adding Gabriella to my prayers.


  9. Ty you are always on my mind. When I don't read the blog or look at your picture I feel that something is missing. You have become a part of my family. Sometimes I just think of you and I have tears in my eyes. How much you are missed here and also how much you are missing. At the same time I feel angry because I just learned that Gabriella died and wow that girl had a spark! She made me laugh so much and made me fall in love with her just 48 hours before she passed away. That is unfair. Thank you baby boy for being you for introducing me to the real world where all that matters are love and compassion. Where beautiful kids with spark make such a difference in such a little time. And I just want to continue to believe that one day it will make a difference because it is so hard knowing that another family is crying and missing their baby today :(( miss you superTy.