Monday, October 29, 2012

Ty is everywhere

I'm so grateful for this blog for so many reasons.  Most importantly, because Ty's story is making an impact in spreading awareness for pediatric cancer.  Second, because your comments and messages have literally saved me and Lou during our darkest days.  And finally, because it helps us to look back and remember all of the wonderful things we did from day-to-day with Ty.  Ty was a gift to all of us. He was my greatest gift, and I am so happy I shared him with you (and can continue to do so). Every single thing that came his way, he handled with such courage and I am just so proud. 

As most of you know, we are waiting for a huge storm here in the Northeast.  The threatening news began blasting out everywhere as early as Friday, but I think it is being over dramatized in the news.  It seems when we are most prepared (Hurricane Irene) the results aren't so bad, but when we least expect it (Snow-tober 2011) we are buried in snow and without power for a week.  Last Halloween we greeted trick-or-treaters by candlelight.  I threw two gallons of milk and a slab of my favorite cheese in the snow outside our sliding doors and it kept us going all week (if I didn't save the cheese, how could I enjoy the obligatory bottle of wine that goes hand-in-hand with candlelight, a blanket and a fire).  It was crazy.  Look how much snow was on our barbecue out back on Oct. 30!


No snow is predicted, but the rain and winds are supposed to be substantial.  To be honest, I'm not dreading it.  A power outage doesn't seem that bad right now.  I think I will embrace it for a day or two until I start really missing a shower.  I will enjoy remembering what it was like living without TV and such for five days last year before we finally retreated to my mother's house on LI.  We had so much quality time with Ty and Gavin.  I can picture them right now, wrapped in blankets, all of us snuggling and reading books.

It was just before the snowstorm last year that we took Ty and Gavin on their first and only hike.  It was my favorite kind of day - crisp fall air with tons of sunshine (just like the day Ty died) - and we were walking through a beautiful trail up to what is called "the dragon's cave".  Ty was reciting from our favorite book "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" and he carried the class pet with him (Spot - a stuffed dog).  It was a special day.

In front of the Dragon's Cave
We were so hopeful that Ty would be back on his feet come Spring.  Instead, Ty wasn't able to enjoy the outdoors much this past Spring and Summer (although every detail from those days in the pool are forever etched in my heart).  Lou and I love the outdoors so yesterday we dropped everything and took Gavin out for a hike before the storm.  Along the way, I kept thinking about what a nice time we were having and how much Gavin was enjoying it.  I was sad that Ty wasn't able to experience it the same way, and I was also sad that it had been so long before we were able to take Gavin on such an adventure.  I'm so glad we did it yesterday.  All I had planned for my depressing day was a trip to the dollar store, but Lou insisted we get outside instead and it was so therapeutic for all of us. 



We were the only people for miles and I enjoyed our alone time so much.  When we first started marching through the leaves, I was focused on watching Gavin ahead of me.  A couple of times my eyes were diverted to falling leaves.  They were so beautiful.  It reminded me of the day after Ty died, when I sat in our yard wrapped in monster blankie and talked to Ty as tons of leaves fell all around me (cried, really, whatever I was saying out loud was incomprehensible).  At that moment I said out loud, "I see you in every falling leaf, angel baby.  I miss you so much."  I felt okay - at peace and almost happy.  I felt like Ty was with us on that beautiful day.  I was enjoying the hike and my private time with Lou and Gavin.  On our way back, we tossed some rocks into a stream and out of nowhere I started getting choked up when Gavin threw one stone for every member of the family - of course, including Ty.  I hated that I was getting sad but I couldn't control it.  I was imagining how if I was holding Ty I would be helping him lift his arm and "throw" his own rock into the stream.  Then, as we were getting closer to the end of the trail I realized that I hadn't seen a leaf fall for a while.  I started to panic.  When we got to the car, still no leaves, I told Lou "wait, I just need a minute."  I turned to look back on the trail with thousands of trees that were filled with leaves ready to drop.  I waited a long time.  Not one leaf fell.  I was sad.

I decided that there is meaning in the entire hiking experience.  I think Ty was there with us for a long time.  When I felt at peace and when the leaves were falling.  I think I became sad because Ty's visit ended after we tossed his rock into the stream.  The leaves stopped because Ty stopped sending them.  Looking back, I like to imagine that he was having a nice time with us, but ran off to enjoy his new friends on another exciting adventure before we finished our hike. I hope you don't think my ideas are desperate.  I don't ever want to feel like I am stretching for a connection with my son.  Maybe I am, but regardless it helps me cope.  I know that Ty is all around us - everywhere.  I can't explain why I'm so sure, but I am absolutely, positively certain of it. 

Look at this picture that my niece took last night.  She was sitting around a campfire and she snapped off a couple of pictures.  She didn't see anything special in the fire at all, she was just goofing around.  Two photos in a row showed the same exact image.  When does an image of a fire stay still for two different photos?  This is what she captured. That angel is magic from heaven above. 



On a totally unrelated note, please don't worry about Gavin.  I know any of your concerned comments about him are kind and sincere and I want to reassure you that he is a very happy little boy and we enjoy him immensely.  Believe me, I love him as much as I love Ty, I always have, but this has always been a blog focused on Ty's cancer journey where I share my most honest feelings about fear and grief and the horrors of childhood cancer.  Gavin was often sheltered from those intense experiences.

On an even more unrelated note, I want to mention an incident from this afternoon just because it's weighing on my mind and I use this forum as an outlet for just about anything...

I ran an errand in town, something I haven't done for days.  Because of the impending storm, the stores, parking lots and roads were totally jam-packed.  It was totally crazy and it was a mistake for me to think I could run a simple errand when the whole town is in panic mode.  Anyway, I was pulling out from a parking lot where there is no traffic light, and I had to make a left across two lanes.  Tons of cars were coming in both directions and after waiting for just 30 seconds the man in the car behind me began beeping and inching forward.  He proceeded to beep at me four times in under 10 seconds.  I can't tell you how nervous and upset that made me because it was so incredibly unnecessary.  He wanted me to just pull out in front of the cars because they were moving slow enough, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that until there is an opening in the traffic coming in the other direction.  I am not a bad driver, I swear!  His behavior was an example of the sheer impatience that people show toward others when there is any sort of threat.  I wanted to yell out the window about how dangerous it is to bully someone on the road like that.  How my son just died and how insensitive his bad attitude was (which is totally irrelevant, but I just have this urge to tell everyone who is rude or angry that my son died last week just to give them some perspective).  So we might get a lot of rain, calm down and don't cause a dangerous situation for others.  Instead, all I could muster out my window was "asshole!"  I hate that.  I was never good at getting the right words out when I get upset. 

I don't want to get in a discussion about road rage or anything.  I was just sharing that story because it's still on my mind, which probably means I'm not ready to reintroduce myself to the realities of society just yet ;)  I should just embrace the storm.  Here's to a couple of quiet nights without power, snuggling on the couch with my family!!  Goodnight all.  XOXO.

206 comments:

  1. A fire, a glass of wine, my family, && an awesome book for Gavin you && Lou sounds so awesome .. !! I hope the storm isn't too horrible .. but a few days with no technology sounds so awesome ..

    especially right now ..

    anyway .. we weren't really worried tht u were abandoning Gavin or anything .. its because some of us kno the depression tht is going thru ur body right now ..

    were all just worried about y'all .. we love u ..

    && today .. I met a woman at my step kids apartment .. tht had a homemade Ty shirt :) I walked up to her , grabbed her && gave her the biggest hug with tears in my eyes .. she saw my purse && asked how I has heard about Ty .. I live in the sticks .. so someone else knowing ((tht I haven't told about )) about little Ty .. was amazing :) it excites me tht more && more people are finding.out about Ty ..


    we all love your entire family ..

    forever && always ..

    aiden ((3)), Jr ((1)) && sofii

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  2. Jennifer Russo, Lake Grove, NYOctober 29, 2012 at 12:52 AM

    Kept checkimg to see if you were going to post tonight and was hoping you would. Decided to check one last time and you did. Can't fall asleep. This storm is making me nervous. Hope you are right and that they are over exaggerating it. It makes me feel bad that you think you need to explain your love for Gavin because of some insensitive comments people made on here. You should never feel that you have to explain yourself on YOUR blog. And we do understand that this blot was intended to share Ty's journey. Ignore the negative and embrace the positive!!
    I am happy that the three of you went on a hike and enjoyed special time together. Or should I say the four of you. I don't think your explanation is a desperate attempt at all and I hope it provides you the comfort that you have provided us by sharing that. I also love the idea that Ty ran off on another exciting adventure.
    I hope this storm will bring you the peace that you need. Thank you for keeping us updated and also sharing the video of Ty on Facebook. Made me smile and cry. You are an amazing person.

    -Jennifer

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    1. Beautifully stated. I couldn't have said it better!

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  3. Cindy, may I just say that I feel your posts aren't long enough? You are so articulate and eloquent. I could read them all night. I feel like they are sort of sweet little cliff hangers, as I look forward to each new post in the continuing Campbell Family journey. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of Ty's sweet little life, and to be witnesses to how life can go gallantly move forward if we so choose. J&J

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    1. I agree. Thank you, as always, for sharing your story with the world.

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    2. I also agree....we soo love hearing from you Cindy.

      Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

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  4. Hugs to u... The pictures are beautiful... I believe also that Ty was there with you..playing in the leaves. And... Ur allowed more than one road rage incident, no matter what just happened to you..the guy was definitely a douche nozzle. ;) stay safe in this storm... Xo.

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  5. we love you for your blog and as you can see we look forward inhearing from you to see how your all doing. What a great idea Lou had to take a family hike and I know for sure Ty had a great time on the hike. Gavin is the luckiest and most loved boy on the planet, he has you and Lou, the most AMAZING parents, we all know that. Your love for your sons is so pure and so beautiful, you both are amazing and so strong.

    Please know that this blog belongs to you and we look forward in hearing from you no matter how your feeling and if you want to yell, scream, curse, we want to hear it all.

    We love you, your family and miss Ty....

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    1. and I second that. :)


      Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

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    2. I third that!! :)

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  6. so glad to hear you, Lou, and Gavin got to spend time together in nature with Ty. His presence is always going to be around you. Don't worry about ever losing that, but remember he is having fun too and can't concentrate only on you. His new friends and wonders around him require a lot of his attention too. Love and prayers to you all and may SuperTy watch over and protect you from the storm and always.

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  7. Cindy & Lou,

    The pics are beautiful! So happy you Lou and Gavin enjoyed such a nice day! I love the leaves. It reminded me when you and Ty were sitting outside talking about the leaves. I do believe it wa Ty and I don't think your crazy. Although I don't know if I'm the best judge of crazy because lately people think I have become a little crazy too. :)

    God Ty is just amazing! What a lucky woman you are to have been chosen to be his mommy! When I think my heart can't get any more full, I just read about Ty and my heart feels as though its going to burst!

    If anyone who once knew me saw what I write to you they would think that I am just saying these things because it is what you want to hear. If anyone who knows me now read this, they would say, yup, she really feels like this. Ty has made me a believer in so many things especially heaven. Ty is amazing and will continue to do amazing things!

    About the asshole comment? Why not! You were telling the truth right? Some people have such road rage! You know what always amazed me especially on Deer Park avenue or Rt 110 in huntington. Some asshole (I said it) would cut you off and speed away but then you would find yourself sitting in the lane next to them at the net red light. I would always just look at them and shake my head! All that speeding and you and I are at the same light!

    Anyway, hope you stay safe in the storm! We in Maryland are waiting to see what all the fuss is about. More worried about my family in the Smithtown/Saint James area. Too close to the water!

    Gavin and Ty have the best parents kids could ask for!

    Thinking of you always!

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  8. In that pic of the flame, if you look to the right of the pic it looks like Ty looking on into the flame, with his very cool hair standing up and all, do you see it?? :) R xoxo

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    1. I see that now, too!! So cool.

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    2. I see an angel in the flame to the left, plain as day!

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  9. There is a song called "Some Flowers" recorded by Irish singer Andy Cooney that might really give you some comfort when you feel completely bogged down by the senselessness of such overwhelming loss. I think we all prayed with you for a miracle, grieve with you as this terrible loss is processed and will be ready to rise slowly back up with you, when you are ready. You just keep on, keeping on, no matter what anyone else says.

    Kerry Brennan
    (originally from Wantagh)
    Port Chester, NY

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    1. Amen

      Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

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  10. I'm happy to see Ty is still comforting you with signs.
    Thank you for sharing!

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  11. Beautiful pics...looks like an amazing day.

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  12. It's not just you, Cindy. Everywhere I look I see Ty too...and I am a million miles away and never had the chance to meet him in person but he is truly the boy that touched a trillion and more hearts.

    I think someone we love never really leaves us.
    Maybe they are no longer in the form we are familiar with but we're all made of energy and energy is not created or destroyed - it just changes form.

    Ty is certainly still with your family and every time you feel your heart rise and sing with familiarity for a moment - that's Ty sending you a kiss or hug and one of those amazing golden smiles.

    I know Ty will continue to kiss him mum and dad forever.

    Hugs & Love,
    Judy

    P.S. Someone wrote a few days ago here about making a quilt or blanket out of some of Ty's favourite clothes. I think it's a sweet idea - you would be able to wrap yourself in Ty.

    I have this one shirt that was worn by both my boys at one stage in their life as toddlers.
    It's all worn and shabby now but I've stowed it away because it's my favourite piece of their clothing because hugging that shirt is like hugging my boys. I will keep this even after they are grown because it will always remind me of their baby days when we were all together. Families change but love and memories stay eternal.

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    1. I see Ty everywhere too even though I never met him. For the past couple of weeks everywhere I go I see Captain America items! I know it is a sign from Ty.

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    2. A little boy came into my work today. I thought it was Ty, and he smiled at me.
      Had the biggest smile on my face, and wanted to cry all at the same time.
      He's everywhere.

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  13. Cindy, I had to laugh at how you described your "road rage", the guy had it coming! lol Ty will always be with you in spirit and God will wrap his arms around you and keep you safe in the storm! I hope you can get some peace and lovey time in with Gavin and Lou! Keep those blogs coming because they are not only good for you, but for all of us that read them too! We will listen to anything and let you rant, rave, cry, laugh and whatever else you want to do without judging you!

    Lisa

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    1. without judging you..


      Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

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  14. God bless you and your family.

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  15. I don't think you are stretching for a connection with Ty at all. I am 100% sure he is sending you signs. That picture of the fire is amazing!
    I have always believed some souls have been together for thousands of years. Have you ever met someone and from the very start became close friends? It's like you've known each other forever. I think you and Ty have known each other for much much longer than 5 years and you will be together again for many many more. I personally believe you will be together again here on earth.

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  16. I loved Ty's Facebook video you posted; he was just as smart and adorable in person as you describe him. I can almost see him in those pictures you posted above; just off camera. He will always be in your heart and you never have to justify trying to connect with him.

    I also think you will receive many comments from the ex-LIers on here about how your asshole comment was completely justified! (myself included). He's lucky Lou wasn't in the car or someone from Pawling recognized you. I can imagine Ty thought the whole thing was pretty entertaining.

    Stay safe in the storm.

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    1. Yes, the Facebook video of Ty is really great. What a darling sense of humour! Love him so much!

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  17. Hi Cindy, my entire note to you just disappeared! Who cares. Anyway I just wanted to say that I was So happy to see a new post from you. That was a beautiful walk with Gavin.. He is so happy and we all know he will be okay. It will be hard for him without his Ty, but he is stonger for knowing him!!! Gosh its 4pm and all I can think about is Ty and your family. Much love

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  18. We have a friend who had a stillborn baby full term at 39 weeks. Her story of the birth was heartwrenching holding her perfect baby that looked like she was sleeping. She was sad and grieving for some time. She told me a story about a trip to the grocery store shortly after her baby's death. There was a very rude woman in the aisle that bumped into her angrily as our friend wandered in a daze through the store. Our freind told us she broke down into a sobbing screaming mess yelling at the lady about how insensitive she was being and that her baby had just died. Not her proudest moment. Our friend left her cart in the aisle and left the store with nothing, just sobbing. I think you did pretty well in your situation. That msn deserved a sobbing yelling fit from you telling him to just calm down that your son just died and be a little patient and would he honk at his mother or daughter like that.
    You are grieving. There is no normal right now. Love and light.

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  19. Cindy.. I am thinking about Ty as always. Thankyou for posting :)

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  20. Godh I feel like I am coming to your blog for "mom comfort"

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  21. Being here in Myrtle Beach, Sandy was not too bad...I'm hoping that it weakens and does not cause too much damage for you all. However, I also agree that it would be nice to snuggle with family and spend some quality time together.

    Gavin is so extremly lucky to have an amazing Mommy and Daddy in you both. No worries that he is going to be just fine.

    It's wonderful that Ty is revealing himself to you when he can. I hope you are able to get some restful sleep and that he is able to visit you all in your dreams.

    We look forward to new developments in the foundation...we will take up any fight for this cause...NO MORE children! NO MORE should have to suffer as Ty did! We are warriors for Super Ty...the ultimate fighter. Tell us when and where and we will be there. Whatever we can do to stop this ugly monster from hurting any more babies.

    Wishing you all safety during the storm. Praying for strength thru your dark
    moments and praying for more special moments together along with those special signs.

    We love you Cindy, Lou, Gavin and always Ty <3


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  22. Cindy, I have been following your blog from Australia and I am just so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Ty has touched the hearts of so many people and I wanted you to know that far away on the other side of the world, another Mummy holds thoughts of your little man in her heart. Stay safe and dry.

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  23. You are searching for your son in everything. You should You are grieving and anything goes. I look for signs of Ty and didn't even know him. I think one sign that I noticed were the leaves (weird you mentioned them). I have a beautiful hill that I ride everyday to get everywhere. This hill (along state Rt 82) is lined with huge maples. They get the best (and worst ) of the weather. They are usually full brght red, orange and gold leaves this time of year. This year, I noticed the other day, they were all ablaze in GOLD. ONLY GOLD!! And a few days after Ty's passing, it was a beautiful sunny day and as I drove through this golden tunnel, I thought this is what Ty has given us. I then noticed all through my area ALL the tress were gold. Beautiful. Keep looking and sharing your signs of Ty. They ARE everywhere. Still thinking of you each and everyday.
    Shawna
    Millbrook, NY

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    1. soo beautiful :)

      Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

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  24. Much love to you. We all know you love Gavin.It's nice to know that there are people who worry, but this is your blog of your feelings. No need to explain. One can feel the love in all of your posts and it would be unexplainable that someone like you could have so much love for Ty and not for Gavin. And searching for Ty in everything is so normal. You obviously don't have to search, because he is there. But who would ever want to miss even one sign you know? I hope calling the guy an asshole felt awesome. You need the stress relief. Unfortunately swearing always seems to help me out in stressful situations. So glad you were able to get out and enjoy the outdoors with Gavin and Lou. The pictures are beautiful. Thanks for sharing. As always, wishing you much love, strength and whatever it is that you need to help you adapt to this new phase of life. MUCH LOVE TO TY!!!!!

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  25. What a great day with Lou and Gavin and Ty!! Ty will always be with you! Im so glad you feel him!! There will be signs every where...you are not stretching. When my niece was 6, her mother died in an accident. She is now 15 and just recieved her confirmation in the beginning of October. My sister took a picturr of her in front of the virgin Mary of just her and then again with her dad in the pic. The pic with her dad kept coming out with a haze over it even though the pic right before was clear and the pics taken after were too. It was like her mom wanted to get into the family photo! Dont worry...you will always have signs of Ty!!

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  26. You never cease to amaze me. Through all of what you are going through you still manage to crack me up. That guy was an asshole and karma will come for him, don't worry. People in this world have no patience at all, it is my biggest pet peeves.

    I am so happy you guys had such a good day. I too believe Ty was with you on your hike and he is always with you. I am glad Lou suggested getting out of the house sso you guys could have such a nice day together. That is so important.

    As far as this storm goes I hope they are blowing it out of proportion as well. We live in Florida and were just on the east coast for my daughters softball tournament and the winds were unbelievable. Well only because softball was going on and it was a little ridiculous trying to hit and catch a ball in 28 mile an hour gusts. I did look for ladybugs there but think it was just way too windy for them. We did see lots of iguanas which I could have done without. I just hope your power doesn't go out because that is the worst. If it does I know that Ty's smile will light your way in the darkness of your house. He will be there ensuring you guys are safe :)

    I will be praying for no power outages, minimal winds and lots of family time with Ty's presence surrounding you guys. You are my favorite family which sounds so funny since I have never met you. I feel like I know you so well from your blog though. I hope today is another good day :)

    Thanks for sharing another post, I look so forward to hearing about your day! Sending hugs and prayers from Florida :)

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  27. Dear Cindy, I discovered SuperTy only recently, just the day after Ty died. I don't know how I missed your story these past two years... I've poured through the blog and tried to play catch-up just about every day since. Your writing speaks to me, and I feel as though you are a close friend. My heart aches for you and your family immensely. I am a mother to three young boys now (including a Gavin), but in my former life was a Pediatric Nurse and then an NP for 13 years. I spent time at MSKCC both as a student and an employee, but that was long before Ty became sick. Honestly, through all those patients, families, and stories of life, I've never known of such heartache as yours... The fight and pain you all went through is just incredible. Your strength, faith, and perspective is what I would pray for should something so tragic befall a loved one or even myself. I will be following your journey going forward, and am just so glad you have shared your life and Ty in this special way.
    Two comments on this particular post.... I am so thrilled you went on an outdoor adventure with your family. I think you are totally spot-on with finding Ty in nature. Your assessment was so completely accurate - Ty was in the falling leaves, showering you with his love and gratitude for all you did for him as his mommy (and daddy and brother). And great thinking that he then went off on his own new adventure with new friends.
    And secondly, I totally get that you love Gavin equally. No reasonable person could doubt that. I know you are showering him with as much love as you can hold, and you will make his life as wonderful as you did Ty's. My heart aches for you so much, but I just know you will smile again and your life will be full. Cindy, you are AMAZING in every way.... no doubt flawed like the rest of us Mothers :)
    Sending you a big hug and warm thoughts and prayers from a very windy and rainy Monmouth Co, New Jersey!!! You'll be hearing from me....
    Christine

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  28. Hi Cindy -

    Signs are all around us - we just need to be still enough to see them! Still from the busy parts of our day, from the irritants (crazy drivers!), still from all of life's "noise." I lost my beloved dad to cancer nearly two years ago and while he's never far from my thoughts, there are times when I really just need him. I had one of these days a few weeks ago on the way to a sonogram (pregnant w/my first baby at 41!) And I was scared and emotional. I told my dad how I missed him and how I needed nim and I truly felt his presence in the passenger seat as I drove. Then I saw a sign with the unusual nickname that my nephew had for my dad on it. I believe that these aren't coincidences, they're reminders that our loves are all around us - they've never left. Continue to see and believe! With love...

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  29. Years ago, I learned about "paradigm shift" -- in a nutshell, exactly what you're talking about with the man in the car behind you.. You just never know what someone else is going through. Once again, your blog serves to educate others on how to live with regard for others.
    The pictures from your hike are beautiful. Please don't ever feel like it's "desperation" when you feel Ty's presence. It is REAL. Those who are open to feeling and seeing signs from those on the other side, do just that. The fire picture is amazing... now YOU can accuse ME of stretching - but just below the angel image, there is a swirl that, in my opinion, looks like the gold ribbon symbol! I love it! Keep looking for those signs - because Ty is sending them to you. He loves you so much, and was so lucky to be blessed with such amazing parents, as is Gavin. And as for people's concern for Gavin - we ALL know that that little boy is as loved and cherished as Ty. Anyone with more than one child understands how it is. Sometimes one child needs mama's attention when the other doesn't... and then the next day, it's the other way around. We know that you and Lou moved mountains to make sure that Gavin has been loved and cared for while you were so incredibly overwhelmed with caring for Ty. Which is why so many of us continue to use the term "amazing" when we think of your family.

    Sorry my comments are all over the place... Your blog entry, as always, gave me so much to think about. I am so glad that you continue to write here, and I hope you always will.

    God bless you, and enjoy the storm! (I feel the same way about storms - they make me feel all cozy) :)

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    1. I wasn't sure how to respond today, so thanks Melanie. You said it wonderfully. And the pictures are beautiful I agree!

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  30. p.s. Lou is a blessing. It sounds like he knows exactly what you need, when you need it (as much as any human could, anyway). I love your family.

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  31. Whoever would doubt you're Love as a parent is a idiot!!! Everything you feel is normal!! Don't listen to idiots!!! :) you are wonderful. Love from Michigan

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  32. Morning,

    Lou, Cindy & Gavin,

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with all of you.

    Thank you for continuing to share your family's courageous journey - and for all of the beautiful photos.

    Ty will always have a very special place in my heart. Ty is my hero.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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    1. Love that! Yes, Ty is my hero too. Your family included.

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  33. Cindy,

    I am so glad you continue to write. You are on my daily prayer list. You are a very special person. I love that you went on a hike instead of the Dollar Store...I am sorry but there is no more depressing place than the Dollar Store, ok maybe Walmart.
    I will pray for you and your family, always.
    PS....I like to turn on my hazards when someone is misbehaving behind me on the road, that really gets them! Stay safe in the storm!

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  34. Ok,

    I actually see a different image in one of those pictures. If you enlarge the photo of Ty and Lou in front of the cave. In the cave I see the clear image of a person. I see a smiling face, an arm and hand. Looks like someone watching over Ty. Guardian angel perhaps?

    So happy you had such a nice hike yesterday with Lou and Gavin and Ty. What a beautiful day. Ty is definitely with you sending you signs. Not a stretch at all. Ty lives on and always will!

    As for calling the driver an asshole...he deserved it! Don't ever let someone else's impatience pressure you into making a dangerous turn into traffic. Ridiculous.

    Thinking of you every day. You and Lou are amazing people and amazing parents!

    Kate on LI

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    1. I first noticed the guardian angel in the cave and am more and more convinced each time I look at it. That is a person (maybe woman with short wavy hair) holding a baby....maybe the guardian angel of babies. Wow. Looks like someone was watching over Ty. Amazing!

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  35. I totally get why some people are concerned about Gavin. The honesty of your emotions probably elicits that thought of "favorite child" and that is an uncomfortable topic! I think it's natural to think "at least she has Gavin" but the thing is - Gavin can't replace Ty. He can't fill that void. That would be unfair to put that kind of expectation on Gavin. After reading your blog for over a year, even though I don't know you, I can say with certainty that you are an awesome mom who puts herself before her kids. I do like the Gavin side notes, though, he adds a little comic relief :)

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  36. I see a person in the cave too.

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    1. Yes. Go back and look at the cave. There is a profile of a head and shoulder of a guy sitting in that cave. Freaky.

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  37. Beautiful blog...keep them coming...we are HERE and will continue to be HERE for YOU. ;)

    Love, Michelle Hughes. North Ga.

    P.S. So wonderful to hear that you 4 got to get away from the hussle and bussle, aswell as home and enjoy the beauty & peace together.

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  38. CIndy, I have not been able to put in to words all that we are feeling and words can seem so shallow against the backdrop of such a loss. I want you to know though that we think of you all and pray for you everyday. We cry with you, for you... we laugh when you laugh and smile when you smile. Keep embracing the beauty that is all around you, and never let go of God. Every bit of God's glorious creation is there for you, Lou and Gavin to feel Ty and to bask in the comfort that he is resting (and playing) in God's arms!

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  39. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your experiences have allowed you to transcend into a higher level of awareness and it is so clear and evident in your writing. I have often wondered how it is possible for you to have such clarity of mind. You have been able to articulate your intense love, fears, longing, joys for your beautiful family....how? You have a gift, and I thank you for helping me to become more aware as a mother. I strongly believe that Ty is all around you....I am so happy that you are able to feel him. I am praying for you and your family....for strength, peace and comfort. Thanks again...xoxoxox

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  40. So glad to hear you got out and enjoyed the outside with your family! Wishing you peace and comfort.

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  41. Ty is with you. When you feel him, he is there. Those are not desperate thoughts, they are real, dont ever doubt them.glad you and your family had a "nice" day

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  42. You are someone who I've never met but admire in your strength and courage. By writing, you are helping capture your feelings in time but also sharing your journey with us and we are captivated.
    I can't believe that people have expressed concern about Gavin. It is evident and obvious that you are an amazing mother to both of your children and Gavin is a happy little boy. You are trying to create normal out of what was abnormal, in such hard circumstances.
    Signs are everywhere and I hope you continue to see them.

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    1. I agree - you are an amazing mother to Gavin and maybe other people's concerns just are not coming out right. Gavin is very loved and is a happy little boy, anyone can see that through your posts and pictures. Huge hugs to all of you!

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  43. I'm sitting here on this very rainy day in Maryland just waiting for the power to go out, which it will. :-) I know that Ty continues to be with you each and every day, and he will be with you until the day that you are able to be together again fully. Don't feel crazy or ignore all of the little signs that are around you each day. Believe in the signs, because they are real. Just as your love for Ty continues to be real. You are never alone. Your blog has given my life so much meaning and perspective, and I thank you for this. My family has been struggling financially and with family health issues for the past few years, and the worry consumes me at times. Over the past year your blog has truly given me perspective, and I am so much more grateful for everything that God has given me. I am a better mother and wife. Superty has changed my life, and so have you. God bless you, Lou, and Gavin. You are in our daily thoughts and prayers, and I will make sure that childhood cancer research becomes a priority in my life. September will always be gold in my house.

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  44. Cindy- Ty IS with you! I was at Tilly Foster Farm in Brewster Saturday when suddenly the bounce house my kids were in was FLOODED with ladybugs! They were everywhere! We took pictures of them. And i thought that was a sign.

    And as far as these moron drivers, you just dont need that now. I've gone as far as jumping out of the car and yelling myself, but my husband has warned me that these people are just idiots and I would be putting myself in danger to do so, so I do the same thing, yell Asshole! Some people just are. In any event, God is with you. My pastor and church and myself have continued to pray for you. God bless you. Stay safe in this storm!

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  45. I just looked at that picture again. Doesnt it look like a small child with wings? Incredible.

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  46. Emily from WisconsinOctober 29, 2012 at 9:34 AM

    Hi Cindy, Never, ever stop believing in those little signs! They are everywhere and they give us hope and peace. I was so hoping you'd keep posting regularly on the blog and am happy to see you are keeping it up-people not only were/are inspired by Ty but by you as a mother and person as well.

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  47. Hi Cindy & Lou,

    I haven't posted much lately (well I should say I have tried but always delete them) I really just don't know what to say to you other than the same things that everyone else is saying....Im so sorry, your so strong etc... I think you already know all that, how could you not :).Im really just at a loss as to what to say when someone goes thru a tragedy like this. It is so completely unfair all I know is no one deserves to have to live without thier baby. I am so truly sorry for your loss and I hope Gavin is helping with that big beautiful smile of his (it is so contagious).My only suggestion is to hold him and love him and let him help you heal (I know you will never truly heal from this). I say this everytime I post but I just cannot help it Cindy you and Lou both have made me such a better Mama to my boys (although I do have to say I have become a little paranoid over certain things my littlest one is doing). You Lou and especially Ty will always be in my thoughts and prayers...and SuperTy will always be one of my greatest hero's. He was so strong stronger than any "grown-up" I know myself included!!!
    As Always you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers
    Much Love from Ohio
    Brandy XOXO
    brandygrss@gmail.com

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  48. Ty was absolutely with you during your hike in the woods...if you can feel him, he is there. no need to question that or justify it to anyone!! I have to tell you that on Saturday, I found a little ladybug crawling on the inside screen of my kitchen window. I brought him outside and he flew away into the grass. I like to think that maybe it was a small sign from Ty, well at least I am thinking it is. :) Or maybe it's a sign from my grandparents that they know I think about Ty a lot. I keep him and all of you in my heart and thoughts, and pray for all of you every day. My 2-year-old daughter says "I love you, Ty" and "Ty is an angel" every night. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You are an amazing mother and person. and so glad you told off that asshole!!! He deserved it!!

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  49. Im so happy you had a beautiful time on your hike and Im more happier you can feel Ty everywhere. I cant say it enough on how a strong of a woman you are. You were wonderful with Ty when he needed you the most and will continue to be that great mom to Gavin who by the way looks alot like his mommy : ) I enjoy reading your blogs and agree with some that I wish they were longer. Be safe in this storm and like always may God give you comfort.

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  50. Im glad you all had a family hike!!! it looked beautiful out... and i also use to picture (still do) my mother and father around and what they would do. especialy now since i have my first child. i think its normal to express those thoughts. Its how i remember them.
    Im oddly looking foward to this storm too. for some snuggle family time. but b safe! And remember ty is always there with you guys
    ~*meg*~

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  51. When you write your experiences I feel engulfed by your feelings, emotions and love. You description of your walk in the woods was sensational. I pictured Ty hovering above the leaves, laughing,
    tapping, the beautifully colored leaves and smiling as they dance to the ground around his family. He was
    there with you I saw it in your words. I love that boy, I've never met him, but I love him. I feel blessed that i can read about a mothers experiences with a real
    angel! Be safe in the storm.

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  52. A quick story about a "sign" I just had today: I'm in a hotel room in central Long Island right now - on the 4th floor - just waiting out the storm. I had been thinking a lot last night when I arrived about Ty and "signs"...thinking about the angels you said he saw and how we probably all have them. I was googling "how to talk to your spirit guide" and other things like that...reading about people's experiences. Well, then I decided I wanted to see how windy it was outside and I pulled open the hotel curtains and I saw something on the window. It was a LADYBUG! I thought "how odd to have a ladybug on the 4th floor of this hotel!" but the timing of it was weird considering I was thinking about all these "spiritual" things! I can't remember the last time I saw a ladybug and there it was in this hotel room!

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  53. Hi Cindy - so glad I am able to write to you before our power goes out here on eastern long island!! First of all, the guy was/is an asshole! sometimes you just have to say it! second, Gavin is the most loved child! Nobody that reads your blog should judge you at all. This is about Ty and your joys and struggles with him. There is not one single perfect parent out there, but you and Lou are surely right up there! I never knew Ty, but I miss him so much each day! I know he will continue to inspire everyone he touched in one way or another. I also know he will never leave you or your family. Whatever brings you comfort is what matters. Lots of love to you, lou and gavin and especially my little hero ty! stay safe in the storm. xoxo

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  54. Hi first a quick story, My grandson who was the apple of Great Grandpa Johns eye was diagnosed with leukimia six months after grandpa died,I moved my parents to live with my family six months before gramps died and he missed Blake so much but he came out to visit several times, but the last week in Feb we knew grandpa wouldnt make to many more days so we flew Blake and his parents to Colorado and grandpa came alive for three days while Blake was here, when they flew home grandpa died two days later.then 6month after his death Blake was diagnosed with leukemia.Then the miracles began.....Blakes first day in hospital beginning chemo he began talking to Grandpa John(never talked before this) smiling and laughing and when going to surgery for ports insertion and hurtful shots Grandpa John was ther in spirit as Blake continued there conversations.. when they brought Blake home one night the parents heard Blake talking to him thru the baby monitor then heard footsteps a short time later. During a ice storm they needed to get Blake to Childrens Hospital and on top of the car he rode in was a Angel sketched out of ice...they made it safetly.. A few times I had to leave his room and let my tears flow and thats when I felt my fathers arms around me. So yes Ty is everywhere I so beleive that hes there to help comfort you. and get you all thru your grief,, and his smiles and laughter will always be heard at times when you need comfort. thankyou for sharing his story thru the blog hes a huge part of our days.. and I tell everyone about this brave strong wonderful boy .... Ty may you always rest in Love......... Jenny jones email allienoddy1@aol.com

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  55. OMG, you just made me laugh, trying to picture you yelling asshole at someone......just something that is hard to imagine!!! ;) I live in Holmes, and I can say that if people in the town knew you were in the car and saw that man honking, well......his car may have been overturned!!!! lol ;) You are right though, people don't really have patience and don't really get that life isn't about the rush, it is about the journey. I especially love when people pass me (and I drive pretty fast) and I see them next to me at the same light. It's like, yeah, you got far. But that wasn't why I was writing, I just wanted to say that while I read your blog and am always inspired by Ty and by you & Lou & Gavin, I do not have time to read the posts people write to you. But when you write about Gavin I get the feeling that people may be sending out mixed signals to you. I think everyone who reads your blog KNOWS that you ARE an amazing woman and an even more amazing MOM! There is no question that you love and adore Gavin as much as you love and adore Ty, Ty just needed you more. This was a very short time of Gavin's life, you have his whole life to adore, love, make memories and care for him. I don;t think anyone questions whether Gavin is loved enough or cared for enough or paid attention enough. Anyone who reads your blog knows that you have enough love to go around and Gavin will have an amazing life and Ty will share that amazing life with him, right by his side. I really think he switched from Toy Story to Superheroes because Ty is playing there with him. I believe that, I really do. And Ty was on that hike with you guys. So happy you got to go out as a family and enjoy your time together.........all 4 of you!!!! God Bless You Guys!!! xoxooxoxooxoxooxoox

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  56. Cindy, thank you everyday for letting us know how your day is going. I wait and wait and I feel like you are talking to me and I hope that we comfort you with our words. We miss Ty too so much. The storms the winds the crazy shopping nothing takes my mind of Ty. I don't know where you got the strength to get out and take your family for a hike but I love to think that Ty was with you everywhere. Cindy, when we say You your family and Ty changed us it has different meaning for different people. For me the list is way too long to even start I'm forever changed so much and the details sometimes scare me how different I became. All I do every day is think of your baby how I want you to have him back in your arms. I said it before I finally truly deeply honestly believe in Heaven I imagine it because that's where Ty is. Just like other followers who reached out to you I would like to ask you to be a part of your foundation for Ty. It will be an honor and I will cherish every moment spreading Ty to everyone. I speak about him at my gym at kids birthday parties at my work. But I know it's not enough. I would love to do more. Please guide us. Thank you for reading our comments. We love you, Lou and Gavin. We love and adore and miss superTy.

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  57. Cindy,
    You and Lou and Gavin are amazing. Going on that hike is the first step in a long journey for your beautiful family. Your family dynamics have changed for all of you. The picture of Gavin walking in the leaves is amazing but you can see the void where Ty should be right next to him. And he was, just in a different way. No matter where you three go, there will always be four of you. I know it must be hard to go out without Ty physically being there with you, but his presence will always be there. And he was in those falling leaves. And your story makes complete sense. You are not reaching at all. I think he was with you when you started your journey because he knew how difficult it would be for you and then he kind of let you go and finish your hike because he knows how strong his mommy is. I've said before that you are amazing Cindy and I have mentioned that Lou is too. I just wanted to say again to Lou, that keep getting Cindy out of the house. It is so important to all of you. I know when my husband and I lost our child, only of us could want to curl up and stay inside at a time otherwise we would have went crazy insane. He is a great man and a fantastic father and husband. You still have so much healing to do, but it makes everyone who reads this blog happy to know that you are starting to go out a little and to keep sharing Ty with us. I know we all still love to hear about our SuperTy.
    Lynne-Massachusetts

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  58. I've been following Ty ever since I read about him a year or so ago on AOL. Thank you for sharing him with the world. You are amazing parents to both of your boys and your love for both Ty and Gavin is obvious and beautiful. There aren't words to express my sorrow for your loss or my rage at Ty's suffering, but the most important emotion is the pure love that jumps out of every blog entry. Lots of love to your whole family from a complete stranger who cares and has been forever changed by your story.

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  59. Cindy- Has anyone ever told you that you have an amazing eye for photography? Your pictures are outstanding, and they capture such beauty. The picture of Gavin in all of the leaves just shows how small we are in this big, mean world! It's a world you are changing one reader at a time!!! I'm in awe of you, your very raw emotion and your ability to push forward through this uncharted territory you have entered. Writing is obviously a gift you have, and I could not be more thankful that you include all of us on your journey. Truly, you are an inspiration. Enjoy your peace and quiet.

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  60. I feel the same way, every time someone has something smart to say or do I just want to say "my dad is at home dying at this very moment and you are being a jackass." Me and my mom managed to get my dad out to eat one day and the lady at the restaurant waiting on him was very rude, needless to say i spoke with her manager. People just don't think what others are possibly going through. My husband gave a man the finger yesterday twice on the road and I told him it was uncalled for because he doesn't know his daily struggles. Every time I look at the picture of Gavin and Lou, I can see Ty holding his other hand walking with them, so I definitely believe he is there with you.

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  61. Thanks for posting. Was worried/thinking of you. God bless you and your family. Love love love

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  62. Good Morning, Cindy. So glad to read your post and even more glad that you got out with your family over the weekend. I hope you're feeling just a little stronger every day that passes. Ty was so so special, brave and strong and his passing is heartbreaking to say the least. I'm sorry you had to encounter that guy while you were in traffic. I wouldn't worry about how you responded. He WAS being an asshole!! Stay safe during this upcoming storm. God Bless you and your wonderful family. :)

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  63. I don't think for one second you are reaching in your signs/feelings of presents/reminders of etc of Ty. It's not a reach. It's very real.

    I'm so so sorry Ty is not with you and Lou and Gavin in body - but he is there in other ways - he is.

    What a wonderful loving Mom Gavin and Ty have.

    As always I wish I had something profound to say. But I think all I can say is that I'm sending you thougths of love and calm - and "understanding". I have to put it in quotes because I cannot honestly say I understand. But I can tell you that as a reader - I am here for the good and bad and everything in between.

    Daniella
    Seattle, WA

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  64. Cindy...I'm so glad you wrote as I was thinking of you this weekend so much. Your road rage story reminds me of my own story -- when my husband was in ICU with a brain injury and I didn't know what was going on I had to drive to the hospital between home/work/hospital and one day a man honked at me as I probably wasn't paying as big of attention as I should have. I remember being jolted into awareness...and I thought Oh I need to pay better attention I am driving...but then he came up to be and gave me the finger...and I just started to cry. He had no clue I was exhausted and dealing with stress...That incident taught me a big lesson and that's always what I tell my family (and my husband now who is thankfully mostly recovered)...never be mean to other drivers...you have no idea what they are going through. They might have someone really sick that their mind is on...they may have just found out they have cancer...they may have just lost a child...
    That day changed my life and my acceptance of other people and where they are at -- especially while driving...it's a simple thing we can all do. I often think I should have simply followed that man and explained my situation...perhaps he would have been nicer to the next guy next time. But I'm not quick on my feet and I certainly was not that day.
    But I think it is great for you to remind others...so many people are going through things...let's simply be kind to one another.
    Hope you have a good week...we are all thinking and praying for you.
    Laura

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  65. I agree with most that we are hanging on every thought you have no matter how unrelated you think they might be! I was just reading an article in Guideposts (November) about a grandma who lost her 4-year-old granddaughter to cancer and thought of you and Ty and your plight to fight this. It's a fight well worth your effort and we stand behind you.

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  66. That guy was an asshole! Enjoy the storm. Here in arizona, I'd give anything for a big storm to force us inside for a couple days. Seems like the timing is perfect for your family. Lots of love and prayers to you, as always.

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  67. Cindy,

    The walk sounds lovely, walking in the leaves and feeling the change of seasons. Wherever you can find solace and peace is a good place to be.

    Today marks two years since my son Tyler died. Last year it snowed and today the winds are blowing and a light rain is falling. As far as my family is concerned, we can have intense weather every October 29 forever. It does make people stop and take note.

    I understand your "road rage". I have felt like crashing my car into other people's cars for the past two years. I don't want to hurt anyone, just cause damage and make lots of noise. I don't think I ever will but it's another way to express my anger. After Tyler died I wanted the world to stop, for people to feel some tiny bit of what we are feeling. I know his friends and our family certainly did and continue to but it seems wrong that the whole world isn't affected by the monumental loss we live with.

    I keep feeling the need to walk outside in the cool, crisp fall air but I don't get the "release" I hope for. I guess I should keep trying and maybe it will come.

    I wish you moments of peace.

    Diane

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    1. So sorry for your loss. I have been told it never gets easier, you basically adjust to a different kind of "normal."

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  68. The "Abracadabra mommy clean that up!" video was adorable. I found myself watching it over and over. What a funny, beautiful little boy! God Bless your family. Praying for your safety thru the storm.

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  69. I hate road rage. When I feel my husband getting angry on the LIE which is often, I try to calm him down by saying, "Hey, you don't know what is going on in that other driver's life." You don't know what "frame of mind" they are in.

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  70. Not worried about Gavin at all--he's got you and Lou as parents. Your brutal honesty about your feelings in any given moment are NOT cause for alarm, not at all...you roll with it, Cindy. You roll with what you're feeling at any given time and you be as honest as you want. Because I too am so thankful that you chose to share Ty's story with the world. Here is my brutal honesty: I am more often than I care to admit that person honking and bullying. But you're right: Ty's story and your honest HAVE given me perspective. In a million different ways, a million different times. Some I've discovered in how I live my life and others I know I'm yet to stumble upon. So thank you. Thank you for being so courageous, for giving Gavin a wonderful life, for loving Ty while you borrowed him from G_d. For telling you're story. Thanks, Cindy. Thanks a million and one times over. You've made me a better person.

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    1. Agree! I think if my husband and I can be half the parents you and Lou are, our kids will turn out amazing! Your little boys are so lucky to have you - and you are right. This was about Ty's journey. Huge hugs, you are an amazing mother!

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  71. I too believe that Ty is EVERYWHERE. And you are NOT stretching to make a connection with him. He is always there. Even if he is off playing with his friends on his new adventures.

    I completely understand your wanting to tell people about Ty's death in order to give them some perspective when they are whining, complaining, getting upset about something trivial. I have a son with disabilities and I OFTEN find myself looking at people like they have no idea what babies they sound like. And I often can't control myself, so I DO tell them about my son and his struggles. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.....

    I found your blog several weeks ago through Maya Thompson's blog. Thank you for writing it. My eyes have been opened to childhood cancer and I am doing everything I can (in my limited time and crazy circumstances) to make others aware as well.

    I know that Ty is with you always. If there was anything I could do or say to lessen your heartache, I would do it in a heartbeat. Thank you so much for sharing your sweet angel with the world.

    Teri

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  72. Hi Cindy! Its very rare to be able to read someones blog that can actually make you feel like you are that person and feel all of their emotions. You have a natural talent and should publish this blog into a book. Just a suggestion. On the flip side all of the profits can go to pediatric cancer. By the way Ronans parents were on Katie the other day to share their story. Not sure if you were able to view it. As for the asshole in the parking lot, he's a selfish person that doesn't consider anyone else's feelings. Unfortunately the world is filled with them. Don't let them get you down. Take care, Ginny

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  73. I share your belief that Ty is *everywhere*. I have had a personal experience with this (which I sent to the email). Take him in every chance you get, sweet lady.

    I just wanted to say that it seems that the tumultuous chaos of a storm inspires the kind of "surrender" that makes us reflect and also offers us a stop and take it in and enjoy the ride kind of carefree attitude. I think it has so much to do with acknowledging that matters are out of our hands and relenting to that is a special freedom. Hope you enjoy your stormy days hunkered down with your beloved family. Hot chocolate and fires (and of course, wine!) and closing off from whatever is blowing out there sounds like a sweet remedy, if only for a couple of days. Revel in it. Sending much love and support and wishing you three safety from Sandy.

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  74. Cindy, I become aware of your blog on October 4th. Ty's birthday which so happens to be mine as well. My best friend's son goes to the same Pre school as Ty and Gvain. I think your blogs are amazing. I have been telling everyone I know up in the Capital district about Ty and how brave he was through everything he had to go through. Mind you I always end up crying by the time I finish telling your story. I have never met you but I feel so much pain for you. I have a 4 and half year old son and a 2 year old daughter and I couldn't even imagin how I would feel if I were in your shoes.

    So your were talking about "signs" and I totally believe in them. He is with you. If you look at your picture of Lou and Ty standing in front of the cave, you can see a face in the top right hand corner of the cave. Maybe that was Ty's angel looking over him at the time. I saw it right away. Can you see it?

    Stay safe and enjoy the power outage. Have a camp out with Gavin in the Living Room tonight!! Build a fort and have your flash lights ready!! My son and I have been planning to do exactly that for a few days now.

    -Desi

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  75. It looks like you truly had a beautiful day with your family! As a mom, I don't think your "reaching" for a connection Ty. You were the first to feel a connection long before anyone could even see him, or touch him. Probably before you even had a baby bump from him. You will always feel a connection because you are forever connected, nothing will change that. The picture of the fire is amazing! We should expect you to have nothing but amazing signs from Ty because that's what he is was, is, and always will be! Love and blessings to your family

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  76. Cindy,
    I have come to your blog only recently. My wife forwarded to me the post you published the day after Ty's pasing. I was incredibly moved by what you wrote and have been following your blog since. Reading about your family and all that Ty had to face has had a profound effect on me. I am the father of 5 children. My oldest son is Ty's age and I can not imagine the pain and heart ache of losing him or any child. After reading through your blog I have made it a point to hug my kids more and really take in every moment I have with them. Ty was clearly an amazing child and your family is wonderful. My family sends you our prayers and I will continue to read your blog when ever you post. Thank you for sharing so much with all of your readers.

    God Bless,
    John in Cincinnati

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  77. I love and appreciate your honesty. Shortly after becoming a mother of two I read a short article that gave me such peace. The basic idea was that while we love our kids equally we still love them differently because they are different people who fill different roles in our lives and during our lives we need different things at different times. It said that it was natural and expected to feel closer to one child or another during different times and that it would constantly be changing. I am now a mother of 3 and this thought brings me comfort when I feel like I'm struggling with one of my children or feeling particularly close to another. How could Ty's illness not bring you close and build an incredible bond between the two of you? And being the first born - the only one who had all of your attention. The one who taught you how to be a parent. There is no denying that is special and unique. Gavin will undoubtedly bless you with many happy memories, but they will be different than Ty's and special in their own unique way. I hope the storm brings a time of togetherness and calm for for your family. Hugs from NC.

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  78. Your post reminds me of the book "Freddie the falling leaf" by Leo Buscaglia. Such a beautiful read relating to changing seasons including death. I too feel so connected in nature and so beautiful that you felt Ty with you. sending love from Colorado.

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  79. Apparently Ty needed super HUGE muddy puddles for him and all the kids! My backyard is just one huge mud puddle from this storm! :) I think many kids will be enjoying these mud puddles over the next few days!

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  80. Cind,

    I don't think you are desperate. It would be crazy if you didn't hang on every thing waiting for a sign. You spent every second with your love for years. Even when you feel like you can't see something or feel something, Ty is always with you and watching over you like you did he everyday. He always will be. I know you already know that. Hopefully a reminder helps. I'm glad you got outside. Unfortunately, there will always be someone nearby acting like an idiot and testing your nerves and patience. When you are ready for anything, whether it be shopping at the supermarket, being in a social environment or whatever you'll know when you know and until then you are perfect at just being amazing! Take your time and think about yourself. You deserve it. You are the best. Hang in there and when you cant hang in there, well that's perfectly fine too. Love ya!

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  81. You are beautiful Cindy. In this particular case i'm not talking about your physical beauty, which, by the way, is most definitely there, too. I am speaking about the beauty that flows from your heart as you talk about your kids, BOTH of your kids. I feel in your words the extreme presence of love for those babies. It's very hard for people to understand that mothers love their children equally, but there is a bond that is separate with each child. Children are not exchangeable, the love we have for each of them is their own and you have every right to grieve the loss of Ty without people thinking that your love for Gavin is any less in any way. This is your blog to write your true feelings in any way that you see fit.

    On a related by different subject, Ty has brought so much love into my life. I've known since October 2002, that a deep love, without fully knowing someone in the physical sense is
    not only possible, but is very real. My beautiful daughter, Maggie May, was born to soon and died that year. My love is indescribable. Both Maggie and Ty have taught me a love beyond the physical sense is still extremely real and I will never forget your son or your family. I will carry all of you in my heart forever. Wishing all of you so much love and peace. Superty will live forever.

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  82. Dear Cindy. Know that Ty is with you ,Lou and Gavin ,every minute of every day.He will never leave any of you spiritually ..You will see Ty all over ,wherever you go.I hope and pray you will find comfort someday Love gail

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  83. What you feel is real. Ty is with you...that connection is strong as ever. Thank you for sharing your day yesterday and your wonderful experience with your boys and husband. Sending love and prayers, as always to you, Ty, Lou and Gavin.

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  84. Cindy, you are very articulate. I am so glad that you, Lou, and Gavin got some alone time outside. Please continue to believe in the signs you see - whether they are leaves or pictures of Angels. It is real. Your post today was uplifting.
    Rachel Johnson, Poughkeepsie NY

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  85. If you look at the cave in the picture, it looks like a man is holding Ty on his shoulder. You can clearly see a baby on his shoulder.

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    1. Omg, I thought you all were crazy. I see the pic of the other person taking a photo, but I said let me look again. Its easier to see without blowing the photo up. OMG that is crazy! Eyes, nose, mouth, man or woman I am not sure! WOW!

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  86. Do you see the baby on his or her shoulders??? Blow the picture up.

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  87. You're not stretching for a connection, what you are feeling is real....embrace it! Ty will always be with you, Lou and Gavin. It's nice to hear you all had a nice day together and that Ty was with you. Prayers are continuing to be sent your way. Thank you for taking the time to continue to write. Be safe and enjoy the storm :). Deb. <3

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  88. Cindy, any emotion you are feeling right now is normal. I can tell from reading your blog for the past two months, that you are a excellent Mama. Gavin and Ty were born into a world of greatness with you as their mom.
    That campfire picture is wild! I love it!
    The bond we share with our children is something that transcends our world and Heaven. I loved your heartfelt description of how Ty opened his eyes before his death as if he was seeing something remarkable. I am sure people find different things comforting during their bereavement, and I'm not sure if this would help, but there is a great book called Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms by Kessler that describes and validates your viewpoints of these last moments you shared Maybe something to read during the storm! I hope you guys stay safe and warm :)

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  89. You are not stretching for a connection at all. If you chose to ignore those things, that would lead to a life of a completely different kind of grief - and to me, an even worse hell. The little things like that matter. That you see them is a blessing.

    My heart breaks for you all. I am just catching up and to know that your SuperTy passed away on my twin boys one year birthday breaks my heart. It also makes me wonder if there are other dates we have in common.

    Enjoy the storm. And please stay dry and safe. It is certainly a trick. If not enough attention is paid - hurricane Katrina hits. If too much is paid - hurricane Rita hits. I live in Houston and was stuck on the highway for 26 hours trying to evacuate in Rita - which didn't come to Houston at all. Learning lessons everywhere. But hunkering down sounds like it could be a great thing for your family. Just please stay safe.

    For what it's worth, I knew that the words here about Ty did not detract from your love for Gavin. I am glad you felt the ability to let the words out - because this whole thing is beyond unfair but to have to stifle words based on others' opinions just makes it that much more unfair. Gavin is very obviously loved and blessed and I can't imagine how he'll cope through the years, but I know love won't be lacking.

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  90. My son was able to attend the hawk release in Ty's honor in Mahopac a few weekends ago. Now every hawk we see he says it is Ty soaring carefree above us!

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  91. Oh Cindy, I have to tell you what a beautiful old soul I think Ty is... I went back to look at his photo's in the last post and his eyes just captivate me. It's like he knows so much more. I could stare at his photo for hours. It's like he is telling us all something. I think he knew his physical job was done here and now he is working from the other side to see it through. He had a plan... It's so much more than finding a cure for childhood cancer, even though I believe this would have to be the most important thing... It's just so much more... He really is a true gift from heaven.

    Everyone sees him everywhere not just you, so your not crazy. He's in the fire, he's in the cave, he's in the leaves, he's in the sky, he's everywhere just like you feel. So enjoy every moment with him.

    I also have to say the word you used to describe that road rage guy says it all. It brought a smile to my face as you reminded me of myself. I always have a lot to say in my head but can only manage one word at times that. That one word can say so much at times. It's hard getting back out in the real world after such a loss. You look at everything with a different set of eyes. In many ways you become a different person. Don't let people like that bring you down for too long as it's not worth it. Maybe you can express your feelings in the local paper to bring awareness to others out there to be mindful of their actions. Mind you it will not touch those who really don't give a shit. But it should touch others. Just a thought because you have such a lovely way with words.

    Take care and embrace your gorgeous Ty every moment you can. Xx

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  92. Hi Cindy, I wish I can post a pic on this blog for you and Ty. I live in Utah and the day Ty passed away, I saw that same bird cloud in the sky. It was unusually beautiful so I took a picture of it with my phone. I did not know he passed that day but I was thinking What a beautiful autumn day is was! So sunny, deep blue sky, and just a hint of chill. If you want a copy of that picture, please email me and I will send it to you.
    heejeong.bell@gmail.com

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    1. You can share it with on Ty's facebook page. Ty Louis Campbell

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  93. Cindy, I know you think of Ty as your little angel. When I think of him these days, I visualize him as a little Buddha. There is just something so zen and wise about your little guy. Love that you celebrate his life through the awareness that you bring and sharing hyour memories. Think of you and Lou and Gavin a lot...came across this quote today and thought of you all: Celebrate endings for they precede new beginnings.

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  94. You are so precious and Ty was and is such a sweet, sweet spirit. You and your husband are such unbelievable parents and people. I know your sweet boy is all around you but my hearts aches for your loss of his physical presence. I am so so so sorry that you have to go through this pain. xoxo

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  95. I love the way you write, you communicate to all the power of your love for your little boy. I know your love is just as strong for your smallest son and always will be, but the events of Tys life caused your love to be different in it's complexity....hard to explain but I went through the same with my daughter when my son was sick. Strangers (like me) who do not know you are moved beyond measure. I wanted to write to mention that I think absolutely Ty is all around you.....in fact, I know it, for fact...others may question, but not me. My mother passed away a month before my son was diagnosed with his tumor, I was very very close to her and I did not have time to mourn her.....I felt her around me from the day she passed, she was there in that hospital with me and her grandson when we needed strength I swear it was like a physical presence and I knew when that presence was not there, I still feel her when I need her, she comes to me when I question or am upset over something....by rays of sunshine, flower blooms, butterfly, or wind.... it is how I feel her....strange thing is, my father who passed a few years before, I have never felt him, not in that way...I have felt he just went on his way that it was his personality as in life as so in the after....the fact that you find peace and solitude and memory of your baby in nature is not surprising, life is all around us, the people, the universe, existence itself that have all lived before us are in that life of nature....when you pay attention to it, and really see, you are honoring all those who have gone before. Nothing can heal you like the natural world, certainly not sitting in our homes, surrounded by noise, it's not the best place to stay when you need to be healed. Ty passed from your physical life, but he will ALWAYS be with you, it's something that cannot be taken away. Keep writing about your lovely boy, take lots of nature walks, walk a thousand miles if you have to, eventually, nature will help lessen the pain in your heart and it will be a place you can always experience Ty any day of your life.

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  96. Cindy,
    I have wanted to write to you for some time now, but just couldn’t quite get my thoughts together through my tears and broken heart. What can I say to you that you haven’t already heard? Am I writing to tell you how sorry I am, how you and Ty have influenced my life in ways I couldn’t imagine, how my heart breaks for your family. Yes, of course, I want to say all of that but most importantly I want to say thank you…
    THANK YOU for reminding me to life in the moment. I rock my babies (2 ½ and 1) a little longer at night and pull them in a little tighter for a snuggle because tomorrow is not a guarantee.
    THANK YOU for the smile of the day because Ty’s smile meant the world to so many people.
    THANK YOU for showing me that mud puddles are memories not messes.
    THANK YOU for your faith and commitment to God. Even during the worst of the worst, you never faltered, I am absolutely in awe of you. You are an incredible women, but you would have to be, you are the Mother of a Superhero.
    And finally, THANK YOU for sharing your most precious gift. We are all better people because Ty was here. I believe God gave you and Ty to each other for a reason. The brave little warrior who truly loved life, who battled so courageously with an unbreakable spirit and smile to match and his Momma, the incredibly strong woman (and talented writer), with unwavering faith, devotion and love that only a mother can know... you two together are God’s gift to the world.

    SuperTy,
    We never got to meet, but you have changed my life. I will forever be a voice for all the little warriors battling all over the world. And when it is my time to leave this place, I will be the first in line for rainbows and mud puddles!! Until then, sweet baby boy, I am holding you close to my heart.

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  97. Ty will always send you signs. Especially when you least expect them! You have an amazing guardian angel as does the rest of your family. Stay safe in the storm!

    Allie

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  98. My sincerest condolences go out to you, your husband and your little boy Gavin. I have been in tears reading about Ty and I have to say, the bravery and strength that young soul showed puts most grown adults to shame. Your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Anna, Dublin, Ireland

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  99. I was thinking of you guys while I listened to the news. Prayers that you are all safe! You have every right to feel the way do! Don't worry about "stretching" anything! We all believe that are loved ones are still with us, someway, somehow. It would be too sad to think otherwise. So glad Lou had you go outside - it's really therapeutic to be outdoors! Take care and stay safe! Ty will be watching over you, I'm sure of it!
    Jennifer, Illinois

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  100. Cindy,

    Your words are beautiful. I just started following your blog a few weeks ago after seeing a post about you on Ronan's blog. Please know that you are not stretching anything. Ty is everywhere.

    About 16 months ago, I lost my best girlfriend to cancer (it was a form of childhood cancer). I see her everywhere, and talk to her constantly. I feel like I see and hear little signs of her everyday through my actions, songs on the radio, and through pictures. Ty is with you, and he IS sending you signs to let you know that he is safe. I believe that with all my heart about my friend and Ty. Praying for you, and praying you are your family stay safe.

    Ashley
    Onalaska, Wisconsin

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  101. I think you are absolutely amazing. You still see beauty and love in so much after all you have been through. I don't think I could be as courageous as you if I was in your situation. Gavin is lucky to have you. I Don't think your connections are at all desperate; just beautiful.

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  102. Your strength and courage continues to amaze me. Just the fact that you are not curling into a ball in your room proves that you are an amazing mother to Gavin and Ty (although curling in a ball once in awhile is totally ok). You continue to experience life with Gavin and carry on Ty's memory through your organization and by sharing his story. That in itself is amazing and inspiring.
    Last week I took my 2 year old to the pumpkin farm. He got so excited when he saw the goats and he laid down on the muddy, cold ground laughing and reaching in for them. I started to pull him up, but then Ty's face popped into my mind and I pulled out my video camera instead to capture my son's delight. Some of the parents there looked at me like I was crazy! :)
    Thank you for giving me these wonderful moments with my son that I would have never had before. I will continue to follow Ty's story, because as you said, it is far from over.

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  103. I must say.....your posts move me to tears everytime I read them.....and I dont even know you!!! My heart aches and breaks for you!! I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through, and I pray for you everyday that your memories stay strong, but your heartache eases. I hug my babies more and more because of your posts, and the reality of your situation...and knowing it could be me someday.

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  104. I started reading your blog a few weeks ago when it was highlighted on the Parents Huffington Post via a FB feed. Your story and the strength, courage and love of your family is so inspirational. Like many on here, I am a different person and a better mom after reading about your story. And also like everyone on here, although I've never met any of you, I fell in love with Super Ty. When I go outside, I find myself looking up at the sky and picture Ty playing and dancing around and having a blast. I lost a 5 year old nephew in the past from a disease so I somewhat feel your pain. My thoughts and prayers will forever be with you and your family. Ty is pain free and happy in Heaven.
    Charli
    St. Petersburg, FL

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  105. my heart just aches with the pain i know you are experiencing. your love for your family is beautiful and helps me appreciate every moment with my children. God bless you!

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  106. People are in such a hurry and are so caught up in their own stuff. The guy behind you was being a jerk. Always rely on your own judgement. He can't go through you :).
    I'm glad Gavin is doing well. You all will have ups and downs for a while. He was witness to such love and caring for his brother which will make moving forward a bit easier.

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  107. Cindy,
    I started reading your blog several weeks ago while I was sitting in a hosital room with my daughter. Your words are inspirational to me. Thanks for sharing your story, Ty's story...you and your family are in my prayers daily.
    Amy

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  108. Cindy,

    I wanted to tell you that our SuperTy hats arrived. I bought one for my two year old son, Casey, and myself! We love them and wear them in honor of Ty and to support the fight against pediatric cancer. Thanks foryour posts. Ty and your family comtinue to touch our hearts.
    Julie in Mn

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    1. Julie, where did you buy them?

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    2. Charity auction from Ty's facebook page

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  109. Cindy,
    I think about your family and Ty every day. Glad to read about your beautiful outing. Wanted to share a little article I wrote for Yahoo! Voices -- just spreading the word about Ty's story and how it inspired me.

    http://voices.yahoo.com/ty-louis-campbell-angel-inspiration-11838473.html?cat=25

    Blessings and prayers and hope you are safe in the storm.

    Kellie

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    1. Beautiful article!

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    2. That was beautifully written!! Thank you for sharing, Kellie!

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    3. That was just beautiful.

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  110. http://fourolsonboys.blogspot.com/2012/10/scare-for-care.html

    A party for Ty for Halloween! We collected donations for our local ped onc unit. $500 worth of art supplies, books, and gift cards.

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  111. Wow...I just got chills...the pic of Lou and Gavin in front of the cave...it looks like wings are in the cave amd when I zoomed in to look closer...I see an eagle flying in the cave. Ty was with his family on that Hike! No doubt about it Cindy!

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    1. That was a photo of Lou and Ty not Gavin. Perhaps a guardian angel following Ty?

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    2. Not only do I see the wings, I see the man standing just off Lou's shoulder. Someone mention it. It certainly looks like an older-clothed man, holding a baby. WOW!
      Shawna
      Millbrook, NY

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  112. Oops I meant to type Ty...I was thinking of them hiking with Gavin and typed his name in error!! No doubt that was his guardian angel!! That was amazing!!

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  113. You are amazing! I know your family is in great pain, but you still allow for peace and moments of happiness to come through. I believe that is a gift from God. I believe He does allow Ty to still be with you at times, to assure you he is safe, he is happy and he is well. I don't think there is anything odd in sensing Ty in the leaves. I think it is pure beauty! And I never doubt for a second that you love that sweet Gavin with all you have, as much as Ty, just different. True for any parent. Much love to your family! Prayers will continue.

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  114. I re read the comments from a few days ago and Cindy I think you are right the comments are kind and sincere . People are just showing love for Gavin too. Everyone knows you are the best mom and most of us wish we could be as good a mom as you are. You have taught us how to be better moms and people. By the way, that guy was just what you called him. God Bless you and you family....many prayers for your healing and comfort. xoxo

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  115. wow what an awesome picture of the lil angel by the fire. hwo amazing is that !!
    Cindy you have the right to feel any way you want to. Your sons are the most precious thing to you and you lost one to cancer.. How your coping is amazing I am sure you get your real bad moments but I continue to wish you and your family continued love and healing. I miss Ty so much too. His smile is amazing.I close my eyes and still see his precious smile.. thank you for caring enough to continue sharing.. we love you and your family. I wish peaceful easy feelings guide you in these difficult days.
    Debi

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  116. We are all so drawn to this blog because of the pure love that is Ty but also the fierce love of a mother we all saw in you Cindy. So I hope and pray that anyone didn't question Gavin's well being knowing the kind of mother you are and also knowing of your amazing family that is there to back you up. God bless you. And please don't think for a second your reaching when you feel your Ty around you. The love between you two cannot be broken by space and time only enhanced, your Ty is all around you. I love all of you. Geraldine

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  117. Cindy, I don't think you're silly at all for looking for an believing in these signs!!! I'm glad you can be comforted by them.

    I also want to thank you and Ty for grounding me and giving me perspective once again (happens almost every day, really!). We were located just outside the path of the hurricane and I was so nervous about loosing power for a few days. It did go out for a little bit and I found myself so angry about it, thinking about all the things I would have to throw away in my fridge, how we were going to stay warm the next day, etc. Then I thought of you guys and realized I had no reason to complain about something so trivial such as power. My family was all safe from the storm and that is all that mattered.

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  118. Hope you guys are safe and sounds after the storm...

    Thank you for this blog Cindy, I have never read anything so real and beautiful... You and Ty have already given so much to a lot of us and made us see things we were not aware of previously... You are great teachers :)
    Your are absolutely right to see Ty everywhere, because he is certainly there with you and as time goes by, I'm sure we will be reading about more and more signs.. Ty is and always will be a part of you.
    Lou, thank you for taking Cindy and Gavin for the much needed hike - pictures speak a thousand words...
    Stay strong - you are in my thoughts and heart at all times..
    Hanna

    PS. Looking at images from Long Beach - hoping that your family and friends are ok

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  119. Cindy,
    I hope you are all doing well after the storm. My best friend's 6 yr old daughter died two years ago after a long battle with a blood disease called aplastic anemia. The treatment is identical to treatment for leukemia and she suffered many complications along the way. I remember being with her shopping for some sweats while her daughter was in the PICU on a ventilator. The hospital was always so cold and she could never have enough comfortable clothes to wear while at the hospital 24 hrs a day. The clerk cheerfully asked how she was doing and if she was having a good day. She just answered "yes" and after the transaction was complete I asked my friend if she ever thought to answer with the truth. To tell them her daughter was on death's door and she spends every moment in the PICU praying that she will recover while she watches her suffer endlessly. What would the clerk say to that? My point being that nobody knows what is going on in the life of another person. Just as that driver should have treated you with kindness and patience, your son and the countless other children who have died needlessly are a reminder that life is too short to waste energy and anger on things that aren't important in the long run. Your blog is teaching so many what is truly important and never be afraid to be honest and open with your feelings. So much mirrors what I've seen my best friend deal with and she was afraid to let others know what it was really like for their family. Honesty will open others eyes. Ty will open others eyes and he is continuing to do so through you. God Bless your family and your angel watching over you now. Your always in our thoughts and prayers here in Mesa, AZ.

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  120. Cindy, praying for you, Lou, Gavin and Ty always..also, now praying for your family and friends and all the residents of Long Beach.

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  121. http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/09272012-your-sons-dna-might-be-in-your-brain-protecting-it/?scid=preschooler_20121002:3&pe=MlV2d3oxcXwyMDEyMTAwMg..

    I read this and thought of you, Cindy. :)

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  122. I hope you all are doing well after the storm. I can't thank you enough for sharing Ty's journey and your family's journey. Every night I go on my run I looked around for the brightest star and hope Ty is running around too. Prayers for your family and the east coast from Ohio.

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  123. Thinking of you all and hoping you are well after the storm! I know Ty kept you safe. :)

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  124. Beautiful post. Keep sharing :) Hope u are all saf. Lora

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  125. Cindy, you are such an inspiration to me! I pray that you never stop sharing your journey with the the world! You make me a better mother, teacher and friend:) god bless you!

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  126. In the picture of the fire, I see Ty, the angel like figure that appears to be walking on the wood, with his awesome hair and his newly aquired angel wings! It's him saying, hey mom, look! I'm walking all over and I'm doing good! He's having the most fun he's ever had in his life and I couldn't think of anyone that deserves it more! Glad your having fun with your friends and family in heaven Ty!

    God Bless! :)

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  127. Cindy I loved your story! I'm so happy you are getting to go out.... the road rage story made me laugh so much that I can just picture that moment.
    Ty will alwasy be present and no matter where you go, he will always be with you guys..... enjoy everyday because he is there with you. You can't see him but you can feel him :)
    God bless you guys everyday!!! we always think of you.
    Maria Savlick

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  128. Lou, Cindy & Gavin,

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with all of you.

    Ty is my hero. Ty will always have a very special place in my heart.

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful, yet heartbreaking stories.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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  129. Ty will always be with you everywhere you go no matter what! Take time to enjoy the special signs and remember to share all the fond memories of Ty with Gavin, it's so important. You and your family are truly amazing and Ty was and is so blessed to have all of you. Please, please think of taking your two years of blogging and writing a book to honor Ty and raise pediatric cancer awareness and money for research. My mom passed away a few months ago from cancer and there are signs of her everywhere. Take note of electronics, electricity and other technology, I'm convinced it's one way I receive signs all the time. I had a missed call from her on my cellphone one day?? How does that happen?? A few times when my daughter and I have been saying our evening prayers, we always pray for my mom and tell her how much we miss her here on earth, but we thank her for the signs and the lights will flicker. This has happened more than once. My 21 month old daughter waves and smiles or laughs to "nobody" in her room quite often, like she's there with us too. I think of your experience with the lady bugs, it's real! I had quite an experience with a butterfly this past spring. I was in my backyard with my husband and daughter and this butterfly kept landing on my hand and stayed for a significant amount of time. I was holding my daughter and it was just hanging out on my hand looking at us fluttering its wings.It would fly away and then return to my hand as soon as I put it out. Then it kept landing on my husbands head. My mom had a silly personality so this was definitely her doing. It stayed with us for literally about ten minutes. I have a thing with butterflies and their special meaning with the life cycle. My husband and I released butterflies at our wedding, so I know this was my mom's doing. It was truly amazing and my husband was able to take some great pictures of it. I was crying with happiness, I will never forget it. The time that passes after a death seems to be the hardest for me, but I find comfort in thinking about great memories and talking to my mom. Someone once told me right after my mom passed that each day that passes is one more day that brings us closer to our loved ones. This was comforting to me. God Bless you Cindy, Lou, and Gavin, it's not easy, but you have all been through so much already and you have each other. I pray for you ~ God Bless Always

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  130. Cindy your sharing has been such a gift--- we lost our grandson 6 months ago
    & it has been devastating to all of us. I take great comfort in knowing that our little guy is growing up in heaven holding the hand of Jesus & as I write this laughing & playing with your Ty ---This life is but a wink of an eye & our treasures lie in heaven praying for us all the way home.

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  131. Thinking of your precious Ty...

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  132. Cindy... I so wish I lived near you so I could come over and give you the biggest hug ever. I can't believe I feel so close to a family I've never met, but I feel I know you, Lou and Gavin so well and of course, Superty. What a beautiful angel Ty is. My love to you all...
    Chrissy

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  133. Continued prayers for you and your family. Hoping you all fared well in the storm. Ty is everywhere indeed!

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  134. Hoping you weathered the storm in a safe and cozy way. Beautiful Ty remains in so many hearts. Please continue to take care of yourself and know that we are all here to listen and support in any way that you need.
    Cathy from Colorado

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  135. Thinking of you all. I hope you and your families faired well in the storm. I'm from NH and we were very lucky. Wish I could make everything better for you:) Still sending lots of love and spreading Ty's story!

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  136. My husband and I were just out road hunting for pheasants (I go along to take pictures:). We must have seen twenty hawks! I just kept thinking "Ty is even spreading his beauty in South Dakota. What a guy!"

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  137. Thinking of all of you and hoping you were all able to stay safe through the storm....such a small storm, I'm sure, compared to all the storms you weathered with Ty. Your hike with Gavin looks like such a wonderful adventure...and I'll bet Ty was with you every step of the way, taking in sights that the rest of us can only imagine! Wishing everyone in the Campbell family the most safe and fun-filled Halloween, especially your two little superheros--Super Ty and the Great Gavin!

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  138. Saw this while looking into the real Allison DeBoise (having a Medium marathon over here) :) Thought of you and your walk with Gavin and Lou, knowing that Ty was with you too. She reaffirms it. http://www.allisondubois.com/index.php/Video-FAQ-s/FAQ-Loss-of-a-child.html

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  139. Hope you are enjoying your family time. The hike looked beautiful and I'm sure Ty loved it too. He is everywhere with you. Let my boys eat so much candy tonight, and smiled every time they grabbed a lollipop. Thinking of you, Happy Halloween. All the kids will be lining up for the house with the best candy.

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  140. Praying that yall are ok after the storm!!!! No new posts since it hit, my prayers are with your family!!!! Been thinking of Ty and you All everyday!

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  141. I know it had to simultaneously comfort you and kill you to hear Gavin tell you that Mely was his best friend, as Ty was yours. No one could ever doubt the love that you and Lou have (not "had" because it continues on) for both of your children as well as each other. Your blog has touched so many, so deeply. We worry with you, mourn with you and celebrate with you, but most of all, we cherish you for allowing us to accompany you on your journey.

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  142. I know lastnight was hard for you..I'm so sorry...know that The Lord is givin him the "sweetest" candy there is. He did not miss out and never again will he..<3


    Love, Michelle Hughes, North Ga.

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  143. Cindy and Lou,
    I do believe that Ty is all around you. Everyday I think you will be able to feel him. When you are smiling Ty is smiling right there with you. Its so hard to live your life when you have lost such a big part of your life. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that Ty is right by your side and is at peace and enjoying you all. God bless all of you your strength is amazing I hope you know that Ty will always have so many peoples heart he was here on earth for such a short time but has had such a big impact on so many.

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  144. Hoping you guys had lots of trick or treaters!! We had too many trees down so the Mayor cancelled Trick or Treating :-( Praying for you guys everyday!!! <3

    Desiree P.
    New Rochelle, NY

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  145. The angel in the fire...omg.... <3 I got goosebumps all over, how beautiful.

    oh...and that guy...total asshole ;)

    Rita..Yonkers NY

    ps...I dont know you, I hope someday I meet you, because I just adore you. I starting 'following' Ty's story about a year ago. I have cheered when things were good and upset when things looked bleak. I cried for days (and am getting teary eyed now) when Ty left to go play with the angels... You've touched so many people and I want to thank you for sharing Ty with all of us. I think you're an amazing, strong woman and just an incredible mom...I've had moments where I want to just lose it on my kids...and you have actually calmed me down just by thinking about things you wrote. I wish you so much peace and love and comfort, I cant imagine your pain, but just remember, you gave that little boy SO much love in 5 years, more than most people get in a lifetime...cherish everything and thank you again for sharing Ty <3

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  146. Hope you and your family is safe and warm. Thinking of you.

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  147. Ty I still think about you. We are forgetting you even when sandy hit us and we are having difficult times I just wanted you to know that you stole my heart when I first saw your smile 2 years ago and you steal it more and more everyday. I love you, and I love your mommy daddy and baby Gaga

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  148. Thank you once again for allowing us to love your little boy, and thank you for teaching us all about the need for research/funding in pediatric cancer. I really don’t believe the people here were judging your love of Gavin, but just truly concerned for a boy who has suffered something that will also affect him for years to come. He has already spent a third of the nights of his life without his parents, and although sheltered, this is very hard to understand. The love is obvious. I will briefly share a story: My two cousins 3 yrs. apart, both boys. The my older cousin passes after a long illness, and for a long time the younger son seemed fine, but as he grew he realized that he had lost a lot and was very angry and jealous of his brother. He pulled away and as a young adult refused to let his parents in- this was devastating. Ultimately (with help) they worked through it and he even named his son after his brother. They all say that his spirit is in this baby. I am not saying that this will ever happen, but I do think that little kids take in more than they seem to. That is all- it is not a judgment, or a view on your love. This is why people were concerned for him.
    Even though I think that this is harder on Gavin then most people know, I also think that he has a gift that others don’t think of: his memory of Ty will be the purest- uncluttered with hospitals or fear, filled with toys and superheroes. He is the only one on earth with this – he is very lucky!
    God bless

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  149. Hope all went well for you and your family from the storm, I know Ty is watching over you. since you haven't posted since monday I will figure you are out of electricity, hoping that is the worst of it for you. I hope Gavin will have a wonderful Halloween! Stay safe and Warm!

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  150. Havent seen an updated for a few days. I hope all is well. I know here in MD we had it bad so Im sure you guys have it much worse where you are. Again hope all is well!

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  151. We continue to pray for Ty and for you; Cindy, Lou and Gavin every single day. I think of Ty daily when I snuggle with my youngest child and I will forever be reminded of Ty each and every time I splash through a puddle and see a leaf falling. Ty will forever be with you and watching over you. . .

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  152. Thank you for sharing Ty's story, your story. My whole working career I have always felt like I was supposed to be doing something else. Something greater than making the rich man richer... I was never sure what I was supposed to do but knew I it wasn't this. A lot has lead up to my decision, but a string of events coupled with coming across your blog and reading Ty's story has lead me to believe that I need to be a pediatric oncology nurse. My husband is currently back in school, pursuing his career dream of Environmental Engineering and when graduates, I plan on going back to school to get my nursing degree. I don't know why I felt compelled to share this with you. I guess I just thought you should know that Ty's story is making a difference in the world. A difference in my world.
    Thank you Ty! I'm looking forward to the future and helping sweet little angels like you in their fight against cancer.

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    Replies
    1. Wonderful story to share with the Campbell family for encouragement that Ty is/HAS made a difference in this world:)

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    2. Wonderful story to share with the Campbell family for encouragement that Ty is/HAS made a difference in this world:)

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  153. Just thinking of you, Ty, Lou, Gavin.....I hope you are all doing well and are comfy after the storm.....I too miss Ty's smile everyday and hearing you write about or or seeing a pic....but I know he's smiling constantly down on you.....sending all my love from Germany.....Laura....

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  154. Just thinking of you, Ty, Lou, Gavin.....I hope you are all doing well and are comfy after the storm.....I too miss Ty's smile everyday and hearing you write about or or seeing a pic....but I know he's smiling constantly down on you.....sending all my love from Germany.....Laura....

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  155. Thinking of you guys.

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  156. Cindy.. my mind is drawn to you today. You lost a most precious baby. I am so sorry. Words can not express.

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  157. Hi Cindy, This storm has put things in perspective for me. I know you are thinking.. This devastation is so terrible but they can rebuild. I am so sorry.

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  158. Jennifer Russo, Lake Grove, NYNovember 2, 2012 at 10:32 PM

    Miss hearing from you on here. Hope you are all doing ok. Saw your post on Faceboom for the trick or treaters. You have such a big heart. Like mother like son. Always thinking of Sweet Ty.
    -Jennifer Russo

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  159. Just thinking about you and your sweet Ty today. I hope you and your family are well.

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  160. Ohh Lil Lady..Our precious friend Cindy,
    Where are you?...we miss you so much too. :(


    ~always in my prayers..
    Michelle Hughes, North Ga.

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  161. I hope you and your family and friends in long beach are ok. Praying for you guys!

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  162. As a mom, when i read your words you fill my heart with such peace and hope and faith. I think of ty alot and i dont even know you guys!! i sent his picture and website to all of my friends. I also heard back from pandora and they seem interested in the pediatric cancer charm idea! Where can we order ty bracelts? I really want to wear one. I am a teacher in rockland county and we had a student pass away the same day as ty. Of bone cancer. I believe god does this so the two angels can walk and hold hands on their way to heaven. Look at tom scognomiglios story. Im sure the parents would love to hear from you. They had a long battle with their son tommys bone cancer. I wear his bracelet as does the whole school every day. God bless!!!!

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