Saturday, October 27, 2012

I miss my aching back

I would take my aching back over my aching heart any day.  When I say that Ty and I were so attached to one another, that bond between us was as physical as it was emotional.  He was part of my body when he came into this world, I held him in my arms and never wanted to put him down during his healthiest of days, and once cancer took over he became so disabled that he was literally part of my own body again.  He was just an extension of me - and I loved feeling so close to him.  It was my way of feeling like I was doing everything in my power to help him and protect him. 


I'm so so so so sorry I couldn't save him.  My baby.  I can't believe my love, faith and devotion wasn't enough to protect him.  That all of our thousands of prayers wasn't enough.  That his fighting spirit and unbreakable smile wasn't enough.  Even after the most difficult surgeries, this boy came out smiling.  How can he fight so hard and not get through this?  The only solace I find is knowing that he is finally free from a future of monthly MRIs, weekly needles, surgeries, headaches, countless therapies and potential relapse.  No more! HE IS FREE!

Do you remember this?  This was taken the minute after he woke from his second major craniotomy.  See that smile?  He's outrageous.  Stronger than anyone I know. 

I never, ever went anywhere without Ty.  I would never expect anyone else, other than Lou, to understand how to hold him without hurting him so I did it all.  Mely was great with him, so great, but still it was me who insisted on carrying him everywhere.  It was my back that burned every minute of every day due to the unnatural strain of carrying Ty's extra weight on my hip.  I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  Certainly not for the broken heart that pains me now, instead.  Or these pathetic, empty arms.  I feel so lost and so useless.  I know I have Gavin, I do, but I am emerging from a world of cancer where my time was so consumed by Ty and I'm finding that Gavin is a very independent big boy now.  He goes to school every day until 2PM.  What am I going to do with myself when he is off at school?  Or when he plays with his puzzles and super heroes for hours on end all by himself (he has transitioned from Toy Story to Super Heroes after Ty passed away, which makes me happy because I feel he is trying to fill Ty's shoes and remember him by embracing Ty's favorite things). 

Well, I promise you this.  I'm not going to sleep all day.  I tried, and I am simply incapable.  I'm not going to look through pictures and cry all day every day (although I can't say that doesn't happen late night).  I'm not going to clean my house on a rampage and get rid of all the reminders of our previous life.  I promise.  I am going to take it one day at a time, and I am going to fill my time by throwing myself into the cause.  You will see a lot happening with his foundation in the weeks to come, and I am excited to give that gift to Ty.  To make sure that his story lives on so that the little boy with the infectious smile can continue to impact the lives of thousands.  He fought so hard, he deserves to be honored in a big way.  A way that represents everything that Ty was all about.  A way that celebrates the beauty of childhood and leverages that message to rally for better treatment options for our kids.

And we're going to have to buy him an urn!  It's such a difficult decision, but I can't stand looking at the can on my dresser anymore with a label that reads "temporary receptacle."  Doesn't that sound so insensitive considering my precious baby is inside there?  Still, I run my fingers across it and I smile when I pass by the lonely blue lollipop that sits on top.  I'm happy he is here in my bedroom with me. I light a candle by his picture every night, too, and it helps me feel closer to him.  I saved this picture to post a while ago and just came across it.  It was taken on October 11 and he looks very heavenly to me.  In fact, all of his photos since we were sent home on September 17 have a very different beauty about them.  It's hard to explain, but it's like Ty was starting to move in between worlds and he knew more than we can understand right now.  That FACE!  I miss it so much.  I want to slide my hand across his cheek more than you can imagine.  Kiss those lips.  But most of all, I want to talk to him.  I wish I had a more memorable conversation with him before he fell unconscious and then passed away. 


I wrote his obituary yesterday, but I keep getting sidetracked and I haven't had it published.  I expected it would be much harder to do, but it really wasn't.  In a nutshell, I think it is the right way to present the news of his passing.  It feels good to have this task behind me.  Reading it makes me so proud of him.  Here is an abridged version below, I hope you like it too.  Goodnight and have a great weekend.


Ty Louis Campbell

10.4.2007 – 10.17.2012

We call him SuperTy because he was our little fighter.  Ty Louis Campbell, the “best good boy in the whole wide world,” graced this earth for five beautiful years, and before he left he made it a better place to live.  He made an astounding impact on all who heard his story.   He inspired a community of thousands to make the most of their lives and to rally against the evils of childhood cancer by raising awareness. 
Ty was astoundingly beautiful and always quick to smile.  His sheer magnetism developed not because of the cancer that controlled him, but rather his love for life that defined him. 
Ty is the son of Louis and Cindy Campbell, and older brother to Gavin.  He is grandson to James and Carol Campbell of Mahopac, NY and John and Christina Zimba of Wantagh, NY.  He is loved by many cousins and countless friends.  During his two-year battle with brain cancer, his bravery and perseverance in the face of countless setbacks taught the world to celebrate kids being kids in honor of those that can’t.

 

144 comments:

  1. Cindy - its Lisa Reda. Im praying as always and thinking of you everyday. You are so amazing and Ty has touched so many lives and he will always continue to do so. His smile, his strength, his courage & bravery. He got that all from you. You are remarkable. Ty is watching over you, Lou & Gavin and smiling (as he always has). he is free, no more suffering and although you are suffering, you will make it through this as hard as it may seems sometimes. You will conquer great things thru Ty's foundation and you have an army of us standing strong behind you. Remember - I am always here... I promised you I would never stop reminding you of that. Keep fighting... all my love & prayers - Love you to the moon & back

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  2. Brought me to tears. I'm 17 an Ty has inspired me so much! I informed my mom today that we should be donating money to childhood cancer instead of other cancers because even though my grandma has breast and lung cancer, kids should not have to suffer with a life full of pain. You have a huge support system behind you and I'm going to try to make the biggest difference I can make for you, your family, and most importantly Ty. I obviously didn't know Ty but I have been following your blog for a while now. You are a hero for blogging about Ty. Don't forget that. Your blog is bringing awareness to people like me who is going to make a difference in this world. Thank you!

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  3. As beautiful as his little body was, from his smile down to his freckled toe, Ty was too big to be contained by something so fragile, too pure to stay here too long, but they fire in him burned so bright it lit something in all of us. I will not stop. We will never stop. Super Ty Worldwide. Good night from Saint Louis. I hope you dream tonight.

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  4. What a beautiful and accurate way to describe Ty! I am so glad that you have decided to continue with your blog...like you said Ty's story is far from over. I honestly think of your sweet boy daily...I see his face and truly just cannot grasp why he is no longer here with you. I am not sure if it is strange to feel so connected with someone else just through their words but despite never meeting you your story seems to touch home with me. I have said it before but I look forward to learning new ways we can all help grow and support Ty's foundation. I will never tire of spreading your story....And I will never take one day for granted with my amazing 3-year old son. Take care of yourself and know that so many people continue to pray for your entire family.

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  5. That was absolutely beautiful! I pray that you will find peace! God bless you and your family!

    Lisa

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  6. My thoughts and prayers continue for you, Lou, Gavin and all of your family and friends. The obituary you wrote is wonderful ... celebrating Ty's precious, important life. I pray that you know and feel God's love and that you are comforted to know that He is carrying your sweet boy now and Ty is smiling.

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  7. I think what makes it even more hard is how beautifully clear, glowing, healthy his gorgeous little face was. He was so incredibly strong that his beautiful little angel face never looked sick. That little boy was more brave than I ever was! I remember how horribly sick I felt when I had bronchitis, I was miserable and crying constantly and I was an adult! That little boy amazed me! I know so many people have told you that they are now better parents, it's amazing isn't it? It's true for me too! I always cherish and adore my little boy just as you do yours but now I do it for longer, more affectionately, more appreciatively, patiently, lovingly and filled with so much more gratitude than I ever thought even possible! I also changed one thing..I was never good with "playing" I do it anyway, I get on the floor and play all the boy type of stuff I'm not used to, choo choo trains, cars, etc...I noticed his face lights up with delight to just have me sitting there, I'm boring as heck but he doesn't seem to notice! I'm getting better though Cindy, thanks to you, Ty and Gavin. Thank you so much for sharing every night with us, I have no words to describe how much I love you, your beautiful baby boys and Lou. When my times I pray for angel Ty to be the one to lead me over to the other side. xoxo R

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  8. Ty stole my heart. You, Lou, Gavin and Super Ty are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I support your foundation. Bless you and your family.
    All my love, Nunzia M.

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  9. That was beautiful...just like Ty....Xo

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  10. We love you all so much! Praying for your family everyday.

    Mary E. King, and the rest of the King Family

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  11. Oh Cindy, thank you for this post. This is so sad but i want to be really honest with you, when you posted Ty picture wrapped in a towel I saved it and looked at it until my eyes hurt and then his eyes told me that he knew something bigger is going to happen he was already becoming that angelic image and it broke my heart then because I knew that he will pass but I always prayed he didn't. U hated myself for thinking that, but that image was so unreal, he looked like something G-D would look like if he had image. I am so sorry for saying this now but you are so right there was something about him it was like his eyes were telling us something. I remember you said it in your email to Maya that when you looked into Ronan's eyes its like he knew something no one else did. But I never gave up hope on Ty ever,I never believed he would pass, not Ty. I am sorry that sometimes I I "borrow" him from you and stare at him and talk to him in my heart, he is just so precious so beautiful and pure. It breaks my heart that he is gone especially not after that fight with that smile. How cruel is that but at the same time how good it is that he is pain free. Heaven exists I know it I feel it and Ty is there and it's beautiful and it's forever and it's when you will be with him forever one day. Thanks again Cindy. I love Ty and I love you I wish I could give you the biggest hug and take your pain away. I wish Gavin wouldn't that've to suffer. Please reach out to us, we are your forever soldiers. We would do anything to spread Ty message we would follow you anywhere. I can't wait to hear about your plans. Please use us we are so dying to do so. Anything for you, Lou, Gavin and precious superTy

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    1. amazing, i felt the same way. I think thats why I was so drawn to that exact picture and the other one of his staring off to the side after a bath as well. Those eyes, he was so at peace it seemed. I believe he's in heaven too. Loved your post. xoxo R

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  12. Cindy, I truly believe only the most pure, special and most good hearted people go young. Every single person I know that passed on at a young age was so extrodinarily special, they stood out like shining stars, I truly don't believe it's a coincidence! I believe what George Anderson says, we are all here for life lessons, that we come to earth willingly and we choose what lessons we want to learn, when we have completed our lessons we go back to heaven where life is so much more rewarding. Ty was so incredibly special that it didn't take him long at all to figure it all out! Or he may have chose to come here to teach others a great lesson, and he sure did! I believe he did both. Please read the book "We don't die" and "Our Children Forever" I believe you will find great comfort in them. lots of love xoxo R

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  13. I wish i was as graceful with my words as you. but all i have to say is i am sooooooo sorry for your aching heart and pray for you, lou and gavin every day. and of course Ty. thank you for sharing your little super hero with us all and KNOW that you are an amazing mommy and you gave him so much love and happiness in his time here. and he got all of his strength and smiles from his mama. now he is watching over you and the rest of his family, an angel, a true super hero. many many prayers for you and your family. xoxo

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  14. I'm so glad you can find a small amount of comfort knowing he is free. I've been praying for you so much! I think you are right, that in some of his last few weeks with you, he had an unearthly kind of beauty. I just want to say again how very much you have inspired me. I know where Ty got his strength: HIS AMAZING MOM. I didn't know about Ty's story until I happened upon your blog the day after he passed away. Because my child has a chronic health issue, I follow lots of cancer and heart children via Facebook and blogs... but not one of them impacted me the way Ty's sweet face has. Your writing also really speaks to my heart. I can feel your incredible strength, and in a strange way I feel like you are giving me strength in my own life. My son is 14 months old; every day now, I marvel at him and thank God for him in a whole new way. I think, at 28, I am finally learning to live in the moment and love life with my whole self. The post you wrote about dressing Ty for Heaven will live on in my heart for as long as I'm alive, I think. I have never read anything so strong or beautiful. I hope you know I'm not exaggerating when I say it changed my life in a way very few things have. I'm a novelist by profession, and I can promise you, you have inspired a story in me. When I write it, I will let you know. My goal is to write a bestseller in memory of Ty and in recognition of childhood cancers and donate every single cent of the proceeds, for as long as it sells, to children's cancer charities. -L

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    1. I think this families story would make an incredible movie that would touch so many and educate.

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    2. I 100% agree! I have a very strong feeling there will be a movie about Ty. What a great way to raise awareness about pediatric cancer and teach people how to be better parents.

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    3. That would be wonderful. I hope you do.

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  15. There are no words to even describe how I feel when I read what u write every night now .. its heartbreaking .. but a slight relief ..

    the obituary is wonderful && thank u for all the wonderful promises .. we Will all be looking forward to your progression .. we all love your beautiful family ..

    much love && prayers from Centerville tn

    aiden ((3)), Jr ((1)), && Sofii

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  16. What a beautiful testimony to Ty's beautiful life. I know writing that must have been so difficult but you did it beautifully. Thank you for sharing Ty with us. His story is burned into my brain and heart always.

    Allie

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  17. Cindy & Lou,

    Just absolutely beautiful. Cindy, you have such a way with words.

    My heart breaks for you all day everyday. I can't imagine the void you feel, the heartbreak. Its not fair at all what happened to Ty. And although I am happy he is no longer in pain, the best place for him to be is with his mommy and daddy. I have always hated that "he is in a better place". I don't agree. Better for Ty would have been cancer free with his family. Regardless of how I feel, I do feel Ty is still with you. I know its not the same, but he is there. I just know it. Did you see that 20/20 special tonight? I didn't but I heard about it. Proof of heaven and afterlife. . .

    I sent you something today. I hope it helps you just a little.

    I'm going to tell you this a million times. I love your little boy and I love your family. Your family has changed my life and I will NEVER forget Ty!

    Thinking of you always.

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  18. Beautifully written for a beautiful life, from a beautiful family! We stand with you Cindy! Through every tear, we are praying for comfort and peace. Through the pain, we pray that his spirit surround you. Through the loneliness, we pray that you feel our love and strength. Ty has reminded us of so much! His spirit lives in all of us. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing him. We together, "Ty's army" are going to fight pediatric cancer! We will keep his spirit and love alive always!
    Rachel

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  19. I saw that magnetic draw in Ty's photos too. How interesting that radiated from him! A photogenic kid if I ever saw one but yes, he does look calm and peaceful in those photos you posted...what a special kid! Thanks for sharing the photos and your thoughts. You are an excellent writer and the perfect "conduit" to be able to share Ty's journey and lovely, courageous, sweet spirit with all of us. Keep up the good work and keep remembering all of the awesome times. He's still with you every day...those ladybugs told you that. :) Big hug from PA...

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  20. <3 keep strong. keep loving. I hope the pain in your heart will ease. i think of his heavenly smile duing the day. it fills me wih love even though i never met him. your story wants me to be push to be a better mom and live everyday to the fullest i can. thank you. you have tys army for love and support. ~*meg*~

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  21. The obituary is beautiful and a wonderful tribute to Ty. I wish I had the way with words that you do so I could offer some magical words of wisdom that might ease your pain, if only for a moment. You guys have really touched my life in a way that nothing else has. I have never prayed as hard or spent as much time thinking about someone as I have thought about Ty. I wished so hard that a miracle would come to him and that you and Lou would never have to live your lives without him. I am so unbelievably sorry. I care so much about you, Lou and Gavin - now I am praying so hard for you all to find some kind of peace during this most difficult time. I too am part of Ty's Army - I vow to do all I can to help raise money, raise awareness and I will do it in his name. SuperTy Always and forever.

    Goodnight Campbell family.

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  22. Cindy,just an idea. They sell stuffed animals that are actually "urns". The ashes go inside and you can hug And hold Ty anytime you want! I think they are called huggable urns. Still praying for you and your family!
    Marcia,CA

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  23. Cindy, the obit. You wrote for Ty is beautiful! He was such an amazing little guy. Thank you for sharing him with us and for "keeping on" in the fight against pediatric cancer. God bless you, Lou, Gavin & the rest of your family & friends at this sorrowful time. You are most certainly a gift from God!

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  24. Cindy, the obit. You wrote for Ty is beautiful! He was such an amazing little guy. Thank you for sharing him with us and for "keeping on" in the fight against pediatric cancer. God bless you, Lou, Gavin & the rest of your family & friends at this sorrowful time. You are most certainly a gift from God!

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  25. Oh Cindy...just don't know what to say. You Will have good days and bad. I think they must have something more child like then an urn.my friends son died ayear ago i forget what she got but it was not an urn. The obit is wonderful

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  26. Oh Cindy...just don't know what to say. You Will have good days and bad. I think they must have something more child like then an urn.my friends son died ayear ago i forget what she got but it was not an urn. The obit is wonderful

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  27. I have often written this comment, and deleted it.... both before and after Ty's death, because I don't know whether it will be helpful or not. I was sick and hospitalized for the majority of my childhood, not with cancer, but with severe asthma and chronic pneumonia. I know it gave my mother hell, and she worried tirelessly. Thankfully, for me and my mother, I am now 25 years old and healthy. But I want you to know... even at my worst and most ill moments I didn't really know how 'bad' things were. Being sick was all I knew...it was normal for me. The only prevalent thing in my heart was the love I felt from my parents. It didn't matter what was going on, what IV was in my arm or what kind of tubes were fed into my lungs - I was still just a kid, with my mom, feeling loved. I don't know the right words to say, or how to express my grief for what you've gone through with Ty, but I hope a "child's perspective" can comfort you in the slightest. I only recently (within the last few years) shared these thoughts with my mother, and I know they were comforting to her. I know that Ty loved you, and throughout his suffering, I promise you the only thing he truly ever FELT was the love of his mother. Thinking of you all and sending all my love your way <3

    Bronwyn from Arizona

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    1. Thank you for posting this, Bronwyn, I think your story may have comforted more hearts than you realize tonight <3

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    2. That's so good to know!!

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    3. Thank you for sharing this.

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    4. I believe Bronwyn you are so right. From reading all of Cindy's words I felt that even through all of Ty's pain & discomfort he was covered and protected with the love of his Mom & Dad. Just like you when you were a child. Ty was blessed with love! Sharing your experience is very sweet and one of the best replies I have read. God Bless~Christine, OH

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  28. Cindy, I've been reading your blog periodically over the last 2 years, checking in on you and Ty to see how he's doing, and I was so sorry to read of his passing when I checked in tonight. I hadn't read the blog since earlier this summer, and I've spent all evening catching up. My heart is heavy for you.

    But I want to let you know, you did a wonderful job. Look at the little boy you created! You were a wonderful Mommy to Ty, the entire time. And you will continue on being a wonderful Mommy to Gavin, don't worry. I pray that you find as much peace as you can in the coming days.

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  29. tracey paradise-bowserOctober 27, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    You are amazing.... God new how amazing you both are and that is why he sent Ty to you. He knew that you would know how to help Ty spread the message that Ty was sent to give. Only through you has all this awareness been possible. Pink breast cancer awareness is everywhere and that's a beautiful thing but the children were in the the back ground and you've changed that. Thank you.. Ty was here for the time it took to do that. It was his purpose sadly his was a lesson to be deluged on short term you however are here to keep this going on the long term. Keep writing you are helping so many ppl with your words.... keep grieving... its natural.... no it will not ever get easier but your skills to cope will become stronger .... Gavin may be an independent big boy but you will learn to share his independence with him,just as you shared Ty's pain. It will happen its just all new don't rush yourself.... don't stress the time there's no such thing as to long or to short amount of grieving time.... its what's in you and you will make it..... Thank You so much for everything you've shared so far and for all you continue to do.... God Bless...xo

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  30. cindy, que dire de plus que je suis trop trop desolé, votre douleur me dechire. vous vous etes donne corps et ame pour votre super ty, vous l'avez accompagne jusqu a la fin, maintenant il ne reste plus "rien", le silence, l'abscence, le manque de lui: son odeur, sa voix,son rire, son amour, la douceur de sa peau, tout quoi. le deuil, ce mot horrible qui fait si mal. n'oubliez jamais que vous etes une femme, une epouse et une maman hors du commun, vous etes fantastique, magique par tout ce que vous avez accomplie depuis la naissance de vos 2 enfants. la perte d'un enfant est la chose la plus horrible que des parents peuvent subir. et je vous comprend plus que vous ne croyez. je vais continuer a prier pour vous et votre famille, et pour ty bien entendue, recevez toutes mes pensees positives, mon amour pour vous votre mari votre petit garcon (qui a besoin de vous comme lou egalement) et a votre ange tyler est tellement grand...(alors que l'on ne se connait meme pas)j'aimerai telllement savoir, pouvoir apaiser votre douleur... vous retrouverez la paix, cela mettra un peu de temps, et votre amour pour ty n'en sera pas change vous verrez. je vous aime cindy lou gavin et tyler. prenez soin de vous.

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  31. tracey paradise-bowserOctober 27, 2012 at 6:43 AM

    ***delivered not deluged....

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  32. You're son was truly an Angel on Earth...in all his photos he just looks angelic, like he did know more than we ever could! It feels crazy to say because I never met TY, but I fell in love with him! What a sweet precious soul!!!! You are an absolute amazing woman, there is no wonder where Ty got his strength and courage from... you are all that too!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family always!!! I look forward to see your campaign take off and soar! Ty is looking down at you, so very proud of his mommy!!!

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  33. Enjoy Gavin , he will be grown before you know it . Cut back on the pre school days and leave time to enjoy your son. He will help you heal. He needs to reconnect with his mommy. You have but a few short years left to really enjoy that baby. He is still here with you and Ty is right beside him . Do everything with him you didn't get to do with Ty because Ty is there smiling laughing with him too.

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    1. I agree. I think you both need this bonding time.

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    2. Agree, i feel gavin had learned to be independent cause he's had no choice. Please play with him and tys toys. And try to be thankful u have a healthy boy when u look in the rear view mirror

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    3. Agree, i feel gavin had learned to be independent cause he's had no choice. Please play with him and tys toys. And try to be thankful u have a healthy boy when u look in the rear view mirror

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    4. Agree, i feel gavin had learned to be independent cause he's had no choice. Please play with him and tys toys. And try to be thankful u have a healthy boy when u look in the rear view mirror

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  34. www.burchetta.com is a glass blower from Carmel, Ny. They moved to Wilmington but when my cousin passed Beth who is a long time friend of the family made Emily a blown glass earn. Beautiful!! I urge you to look into it. I wish I had the words to ease your pain Cindy....peace and love to you all. Lora

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  35. Thanks for the wonderful remembrance of Ty. Your son has been a lightning rod for pediatric cancer awareness. I pray for your family every day. May God hold each of you in his hands while we he jumps in puddles with Ty.

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  36. Take your baby out of school a few days and love him up! All that love and time with him is powerful healing . Thats Gods love.
    None of us will every forget Ty and the angel he was and is now. He will never leave your side. many prayers for you and your family!

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  37. Cindy - I have been following your story for quite some time. You and Ty have been such an inspiration to me, life changing angels. Cindy, you are courageous for putting your heart out there for everyone to learn from. Not just anyone could do this, in the way you have done so. You have raised awareness for childhood cancer in a way that is sensitive, yet heart wrenching. You have raised awareness to the meaning of life in a way that is numbing yet breathtaking. Not a day goes by that I do not think of Ty, you and your family. You have truly changed the way I view life, and the time we have on this earth, and I know you have done so for many others. I truly hope you wear this honor like ribbons around your heart. I pray for your continued strength in days ahead, and please know that Ty will truly be by your side forever. Cindy.... thank you for all that you have done and continue to do.

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  38. Cindy,
    ..You were on automatic pilot for so long it will take time to feel normal again.. you are no longer tied down to cancer.. which differs then the wonderful momey love you gave to ty 24-7. I know you must feel so lost but cancer had you chained down to its beck n call not TY .
    I know ty would love to jump n run and carrying on like a little boy n not filled with cancer. We will never know why these terrible things happen but he is no longer a sick little boy but he is free. I am so happy he is not in pain anymore and paralyzed.. that was one of the saddest parts of all the struggle is he did fight so hard and we all wanted a healthy Ty.Cancer is mean and ruthless. Mommy there is not right or wrong way to grieve and my heart goes out to you and I pray for your healing and you do have lots of purpose my friend. Just give yourself some time and it will fall into place. TY will always be by your side.. as the happy little boy he was and always will be.
    I wish you and your family love ,peace and healing. Ty made a huge impact on us all and his sweet smile will never be forgoten.

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  39. Beautiful obituary, Cindy. If anything, you were modest about Ty's impact on this world.
    I can't imagine the feelings you're going through, missing Ty being attached to you. There are times at night when my kids are upstairs sleeping that I'm suddenly craving their soft cheeks, or the feel of my baby boy's arms around my neck. I get it, and I ache for you.
    I know you don't need to be told to soak up Gavin. You KNOW that. You are his mama, too. We all know you know that. It will come. It's just like changing jobs, or retiring... When I left my job to become a stay at home mom, it took me SO long to figure out what the heck to do.... everything changes, but eventually, it becomes natural, and it will for you too. One day you'll wake up and you'll be going about your day, and you'll realize that life, once again, has become "normal", and not one defined by an ugly disease, but rather, defined by a beautiful, loving family, getting by together, one day at a time.

    I pray for peaceful days, and for healing for your soul. I pray that you feel Ty's arms around your neck today, because I'm sure they are there.

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  40. Ty should be the poster child for cancer! He truly was a little boy you fell in love with just looking at his face. You always knew that as his mother but he really really was a special child to everyone who just read this blog and saw his pictures. I believe that smile and beautiful young spirit should be remembered on a poster because he was so exceptional! Ty will continue to live on in hearts and I also believe a film should be made about his courage. His life will tell a beautiful story to the world and so will your courage. You are loved !!!!

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  41. I'll Lend You a Child

    I'll lend you a child, for a little while, a child of mine God said,
    For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead
    It may be six or seven months, or more we'll wait and see,
    But will you , til I call him back, take care of him for me?
    He'll bring his charms to gladden you and shall his stay be brief,
    You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief.
    I cannot promise he will stay as all from earth return,
    But there are lessons taught down there that I want this child to learn
    I've looked the wide world over in search for teachers true.
    and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
    Now will you give him all your love not think the labor vain,
    Nor hate me when I come to call to take him home again.
    I fancied that I heard them say Dear Lord, thy will be done,
    For all the joy this child will bring the risk of grief we'll run
    We'll shower him with tenderness and love him while we may,
    And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.
    And should the Angels call him sooner than we planned
    We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand
    ~ Author Unknown

    Cindy I found this on a FB page of another little fighter
    Hanna

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  42. Cindy, You are amazing! You and Lou made Ty's world amazing! The loss you feel is incomprehensible, surreal at "best". The fact that you are able to continue this blog right now shows just how strong you are! We all prayed with you and for you and Ty and I think we all thought SuperTy would somehow "beat the odds".... But, Ty did beat the odds! He fought longer and harder than most and lived longer than Dr.'s expected. You and Lou tried everything you could to keep Ty here in the physical world but the Lord had other plans. Ty changed lives, thousands of lives in his short 5 years but, he will continue to change lives for many, many years to come. I think of you daily and always check in to see how you are holding up. You are much stronger than you think and there are no "wrong" feelings. You will slowly emerge from the fog you are living in and be able to help Gavin more and more every day because that's what Ty would want. He would want Gavin to experience that 1-1 love that was Ty's before Gavin was born. Words just don't seem "right" but I hope you know the message I am sending is with Love, strength, and prayers. Keeping you, Lou, Gavin, and the rest of the family in my thoughts. God Bless You and Thank You for sharing SuperTy with all of us! He will never be forgotten! With Love, A Mom in RI

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  43. You are amazing and such a beautiful person. I admire your strength and courage and honesty. I think of your family daily and look to SuperTy for guidance.

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  44. Hi Cindy,
    I have been following your precious words that you write about your beautiful boy since the beginning. I remember when Ty was first diagnosed and since then how you would write about taking away his pain and that you would do anything to change places with him. You would cut off your own arms and legs so he wouldn't have to suffer. Well, you have done that. You have taken away all of Ty's pain so unselfishly. You knew in those last few days it was time to just let him be free. You and Lou kept him home with you where to him he was safe and you let him go. And when he took that final gasp of air that you said was peaceful, that's because he was finally at peace with no pain and as he took that breath, your next breath began your pain. By letting him go, you took his pain so you did save him. I know it was not the ending you wanted, but that is the huge sacrifice you made for him. You will now carry his pain. I know it is a different kind of pain, but still so strong and I am sure it is physical also. Your arms must ache for him so immensely. You and Lou were Super parents to SuperTy. You never failed him and made all the right decision for him. It is so unfair and I want him back with you so badly. And I was trying to think of a way for you to enjoy coffee again without having to go out every day. I don't know that you will ever be able to because that is such a precious routine you had. Maybe you could get a coffee mug with Ty's picture on it so you could put the coffee in the cup with the love of your life on it. I know it is not the same, but he will be there with you smiling as you drink it. Take each day as it comes and I hope this entry made some sense. I know what I was trying to say, but not sure if it came out right.
    Lynne-Massachusetts

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    1. Perfect idea about a mug with Ty's face on it - that will be the "wub" in Cindy's coffee every morning.

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  45. My dear beautiful lady,

    You did save Ty. You showed him love and helped him remain strong and faithful. You and Lou showed him they way. He fought to be with you because he loved you so much. I can understand, though not the same exactly, how you miss your arms being filled with his physical presence and feeling him there. As my children grow into adults, there are times I miss the cuddle moments we shared when they were younger. There is a special way mamas are connected to their children, that I cannot find the words to describe. This is where you and Ty are together, never to be seperated. Our humanness just lets us feel the emptyness. I believe, in time, you will only feel his presence and not the emptyness as much. Please be patient and good to yourself.

    Having a purpose to keep you going forward is very important. I knew you would throw yourself in to the cause, am glad you are still focused on it, yet pray you can heal as you find that "happy" medium between healing and focusing on awareness and research. You and Lou, two of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of learning about and from, have and will make a huge impact on the future of children. I plan to be "by your side" as you do this. You have helped me to desire to help in this fight. I know I am not the only one. Let us all know, as you can, how you need our help. Mary in the Bible sat and listened, Martha made Jesus food and fretted over him. I guess I am a Martha. I need to do something with this. Keep us all informed, there are thousands ready to stand beside you to help.

    Now Cindy, may you have a weekend filled with God's peace. May you feel Ty in the little things and know that he is happy and loving you up. Remember, time to Ty now is not the same for you. He will not feel like he is without you all long at all. One day, when it is time, you and Ty will be together in our Father's house. Until then, when you feel lonely for him, I truly believe he will let you know he is with you.

    Sending you, Lou & Gavin love, prayers and strength from Nebraska.

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    1. I agree wholeheartedly with you - beautifully said. So glad Cindy is sharing her story with us, for there are SO MANY kind, wise, compassionate people in this world!

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  46. Please keep on writing !!!
    TY changed my life ( and many other) so much! I'm a better mom because of him!
    I pray for the day that he'll come visit you to come fast! I'm so sure that he is in a beautiful and happy place.A place where all the kids are happy and health!
    As a mom I can't imagine how hard its being for you ! I'm so very sorry!
    I pray for your family everyday!

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  47. Cindy, the fact that you are even standing at this point is to be commended after what you all have been through. Try to be easy on yourself, I know it's easier said than done. You are doing wonders for pediatric cancer awareness and you are loved, supported and backed by so, so many people. Ty will never, ever be forgotten. We love you Campbell's! And we love, love, love the sweetest boy in the world, Ty Louis Campbell <3

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  48. Cindy,
    A beautiful tribute to a beautiful boy. I now it was hard to limit it to three paragraphs but you did a wonderful job! And in the photos you share with us Ty's eyes ARE heavenly. He was so blessed to have you as his Mama and you were blessed beyond measure to have that role. I replied to someone's post that my favorite picture was the one of you kissing Ty after his bath. That is so touching and will forever be burned in my mind and heart.

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  49. Morning,

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

    Ty, deeply captured my heart & soul. Ty is my hero Ty, was a real " Profiles in Courage."

    Ty, has inspired me to become an active voice for increased awareness of & funding for pediatric cancer research. I am going to become very active in this cause - pediatric cancer research.

    In addition, I am going to be an active donor, on a regular basis, to the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation - in honor of Ty - " SuperTy."

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with you & all of your family.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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    1. PS - Ty's obituary is beautiful - thank you for sharing. The obituary is a wonderful tribute to a very special boy who touched the hearts of many many people - including mine.

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  50. People are listening- just tell us what to do. Only those who have walked in your shoes know where funding needs to go and the best organizations that help. I can't wait to see and help the things you will do for this miraculous creature who was more humanly than any other. Only the best can suffer and smile- and it isn't fair, but we won't let Ty ever be forgotten or your family. You have so many around the world ready to fight for this cause. Your pain- I can't imagine it. I don't want to. But know there probably isn't a person who if you asked for help would ever say no. Thank God for people like you, who even in the deepest, darkest moments of their lives take their pain and make it a mission.


    Did you see Ty's beautiful face on the St. Baldrick's day webpage? He is missed by so many.

    Please let your "blog" family know when and how we can help you. Imagine the day when your devotion cures the child with cancer. You are not alone, even though you feel it now. We all stand with you, and Ty- he will be with you forever loving you and waiting for you. In the meantime- we have work to do.


    Love and healing to you and your family!


    Melissa

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  51. ♥♥♥♥ He's in every breath you take...every smile you make...every "I love you" from Lou....every act of kindness you do. He's in the warmth of the morning sun....and every laugh when you have fun. He's in the breeze of a hint of cold air...as it brushes through your beautiful blonde hair but most of all he's an extension of his little brother Gavin...even in the most painful days that you are havin. Take refuge in your baby son....that's how Ty would of wanted it done....to live your life to fullest full of love .....as he rejoices watching from above ♥

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  52. Absolutely gorgeous obituary Cindy! You captured Ty so perfectly and what he has meant to those whose lives he touched (including mine!) I still check your blog every single day (sometimes 2! Ok, Ok, sometimes 3!) because your precious little family has changed my life forever. I think of Ty many times a day. I miss him! Thank you for sharing with us.

    -Lisa from AZ

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  53. Thank you Cindy for keeping your blog going. I check it all the time. I sit here with tears in my eyes as I read your last blog. I have been following Super Ty for the last two years. He has changed my life and I will never forget his beautiful smile. When I got to the store and we pass the display with suckers, I always find myself looking for the blue one now. I miss him too and I thank you for sharing him with us. What a beautiful obituray Cindy. Ty was so blessed to have you and Lou as parents and little Gavin as his brother. May God bless you. Love you Super Ty...Spread your wings and soar..
    Lori from California

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  54. Beautiful tribute to a beautiful little boy!

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  55. It sometimes feels strange to feel like I am so in love with a little boy I never met. I have 2 boys myself (2 & 6) and I love them to pieces... I recognize the love you have as well from one mother to the next. Ty has imprinted on our hearts, and when his 10th, 20th, 50th birthdays pass, we will all still be there celebrating your little piece of Heaven with you.

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  56. Cindy, my heart aches for you and Lou. Missing Ty is unbearable. His obituary, BEAUTIFUL!

    Kathy, Philadelphia

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  57. There was never really any doubt that you were the one for Ty. No one on earth could have loved him like you and Lou. You did save him. You gave him 5 great years of feeling so loved and so well cared for. He is free now from all the cancer and illness that took over his body. He is happy, he is running around free, he is excited to see you again. We are thinking of you and praying for you daily. So thankful for the gift Ty gave to us all.

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  58. I never knew that you could actually love someone without actually knowing them. However, since the moment I started reading your blog a couple months ago that is exactly what I did...I fell in love with Ty. Who wouldn't?? His adorable face, his beautiful eyes and his infectious smile....along with his unwavering bravery. He was such an inspiration to so many people and I like so many others believed a miracle would find Ty.

    Needless to say my heart breaks for you & your family Cindy along with sweet Ty. There are absolutely no words that can heal your broken hearts but please know Ty is going to do amazing things for childhood cancer. I lost my mother to lung cancer 10 years ago at the age of 54...I remember everyone saying "She was so young.". Yes she was but then I think of children such as Ty and Ronan who were so much younger when cancer took their lives. In all honesty it really pisses me off....especially after researching childhood cancer and realizing how little funding goes to childhood cancer. Then I think of the treatments my mother endured and to know little babies are receiving the same types of treatments makes me sick. I would have never known these things without reading blogs like yours & Rockstar Ronan. I have always been one to make donations for cancer especially since my mother passed from the disease. However I have decided to make sure all my extra funds get donated to childhood cancer. A cure needs to be found so these babies can stop enduring such horrific treatments.

    Ty is going to do continue to do amazing things and we'll all be there cheering him on.

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  59. Dear Ty, Know you are having such fun in heaven with all your other friends and with No MORE PAIN.You will never be away from Mommy and Daddy and Gavin ,they will always be with you and you with them. Ask God to let them know you are happy and now to please ease their pain and suffering. And Ty ,so many people have been blessed by your story.
    Rest In Peace and peace to your wonderful family....Thank you Cindy and Lou for bringing such an extraordinary little Fighter into the world> God bless and help you all Love Gail

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  60. What a beautiful tribute to Ty! You continue to amaze me everyday with your strength and grace. You are a beautiful person and I know why God gave you the best good boy in the world. I feel that although Ty's life here on earth was far too short he probably felt more love and affection than some kids do in an entire lifetime and that is because of you! Although yo may not see it now or for quite some time I am certain that Ty will make sure to over fill your coffee with love until one day when you meet again to do your ritual together!! I always think & pray for your family and that one day childhood cancer no longer exists!!!

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  61. Gosh he's beautiful Cindy. What an awareness and peace he had on his face. He's in his glory in paradise now, that's for sure:-)

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  62. Beautiful obituary....Ty made a huge impact to all of us and we will help you bring awareness to pediatric cancer. You are such a strong woman and you are a great inspiration. May God continue to give you and your family comfort. I will always be praying for you and for Super Ty

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  63. Beautiful obituary....Ty made a huge impact to all of us and we will help you bring awareness to pediatric cancer. You are such a strong woman and you are a great inspiration. May God continue to give you and your family comfort. I will always be praying for you and for Super Ty

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  64. What a beautiful obituary for an amazing boy! Praying for continued strength and signs he is still with you! <3

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  65. I wish you could see yourself the way we see you, Cindy. You are the strongest, bravest and most gracious woman. Of course, Ty was cut from your cloth and innately possessed these traits, among the many other beautiful characteristics that define you and your son that I could fill this whole page with. We are missing him for you. Without a doubt, these are the most horrible of days and thank you for sharing your raw and vulnerable emotions. We love and support you all the more for including us. Much love and many hugs.

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  66. The obituary you wrote for Ty is beautiful, Cindy. And I do agree that he looks very peaceful and angelic in those photos, with eyes far wiser than his years. My sister's daughter Peyton Elizabeth was just a little baby when she passed from congenital leukemia. We have said the same about her, that she was born with very wise eyes. It's like she and Ty were given this special gift of knowing more than we could possibly comprehend on this earth. I truly believe that.

    Thinking of you all.

    Kate on LI

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  67. Aching heart? Probably more close to, your heart feels like it has been tied to the back of a truck and dragged 50 miles through gravel. That's the reality of losing a child.

    It's strange, when your child is born you don't think there could ever be a stronger bond between two human beings. But when your child gets sick, the bond becomes stronger than anyone could ever imagine. And you may feel guilt that you don't share that kind of bond with Gavin, but don't. The kind of bond you share with Ty is so tragically beautiful, that no mother should have to have that kind of bond.

    You're a woman of remarkable faith. When I say that, it doesn't mean that your faith hasn't been severely tested and even weakened at times. You wouldn't be human if it didn't. But that you could have faith at all after what you have endured is remarkable to me.

    Because I've read your whole story and feel like I know you, I can imagine you feel uncomfortable me saying "what you have endured". Your mind and heart will automatically go to "no, what my son had to endure." You and Ty were in it together, the main fighters in his battle. Don't rob yourself of that.

    Ty is with God, let that comfort you as much as possible. He can be the little boy he always deserved to be. The bond between you to will never be broken, because of that, I truly believe the more free you are, to love, to feel real joy, and happiness the more free Ty will be to do the same.

    Your sister in Christ,
    Taylor

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  68. You are an amazing and beautiful woman. No wonder Ty was so special. I cry with each profound and loving word you write about your precious boy.

    Bless your heart. Ty's soul lives on, yet I am so sorry that he is not with you. I hate that life has handed you such a cruel hardhship. You will do amazing things in memory of Ty. And I am thankful for all you do.

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  69. "He made an astounding impact on all who heard his story" BECAUSE YOU SHARED IT WITH ALL OF US! Remember that. You are his voice to the world -- always have been and will continue to be. He lives on in you!

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  70. Cindy: The obituary is beautifully written. I miss that FACE so much also. You're right, he does have such a serene look on his face. I hope you have lots of pictures that were taken and we haven't seen yet, so you can post them. I will need my Ty fix! :) My heart still aches for you as only a mother could understand.

    Laura in Texas

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  71. Wow Cindy. That was really amazing. Said so perfectly for a perfect boy from a wonderful mother. Thinking of you four often. Have an easy weekend. Lisa Asimake

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  72. Always thinking and praying for you and your family. Xo from long beach

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  73. Cindy, that is a beautiful tribute to your amazing son. I will continue to pray for comfort for you and your family and to try to raise awareness in Ty's memory.

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  74. Thinking of you all as I always do. In fact, I thought of you today as I carried my big 2.5 year old while he was screaming about something. I took a deep breath, kissed his cheek and had a moment of thankfulness for his ability to express his stubbornness, lol. Hugs from NC.

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  75. Cindy,
    What a beautiful obituary. I still just keep asking why? It just doesn't seem fair. I know there is a reason and I know Ty has done so much in his 5 short years to change the way people think. He has created an army of people to support and love your whole family. He taught all of us how to be better parents, how not to sweat the small stuff and realize that each day is a gift. I always think about the day before you got the news of the tumor. You were this perfect family with two perfect kids and all of a sudden without any warning your whole world was turned upside down. It could have been any of us. Ty made me slow down a little and appreciate all I have and how lucky I am. I think of you everyday and I pray you are doing okay. I know you will throw youself into a foundation and you will be the one to change the way pediatric cancer is treated. I guess that answers the question of why...I have a feeling Ty Louis Campbell is going to change the world through his mom.
    Michelle
    XOXO

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  76. You are amazing. Each blog makes me love Ty even more. I only hope I can be to my kids what you were to Ty and are to Gavin.

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  77. I agree with what many have written here. Gavin can be home with you a few days a week at this stage. school and grandma are great, but no-one is like mommy....and you can give to another what has been missing....undivided attention and love. He'll be grown before you know it. these are days he'll remember....

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  78. My sister in laws' 21 year old friend who passed away from ovarian cancer had that same angelic look in pics taken days before she passed. We all thought she looked like a beautiful angel. I think you are right when you say that they are between Heaven and earth during that time. She had a very important art show of her own artwork that she lived just long enough to see through.
    Thank you for continuing your blog. We love to remember him with you.
    I love Ty! xoxo

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  79. What a beautiful family you are. Cindy, I've never met you but you write with such emotion and grace, you are truly remarkable in how you have handled such heartache. Your beautiful boy has had an international impact and his smile and love has been felt worldwide, how many parents can say that? I think of you all and continue to pray for god to protect you all, I also thank god for giving us all a little bit of Ty. His beauty is clear for all to see in those gorgeous eyes and his amazing smile. Much love and prayers from Scotland

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  80. You did a great job on it Cindy,as you have done on everything concerning Ty.You have a way of writing that makes it so easy to understand and to feel what you say. Thank you again for sharing your life and your love , with all of us.I will continue to pray for you all and to read your posts...Jean <3

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  81. Please tell us that Mely isn't leaving any time soon! I can't stop worrying about Gavin losing his Mely so soon after Ty. That is just too much!

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  82. Heather MonachelliOctober 27, 2012 at 6:26 PM

    What beautiful words to describe your beautiful son, Ty. Ty will continue to look over you and your family and his legacy will live on in all of us. We saw a rainbow today and my five year old daughter said, "I wonder if that's Ty's rainow." It's amazing how his presence is around so many people, young and old. Thank you for continuing to share your story. You are an amazing woman and mother. My thoughts are with you, Lou and Gavin.

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  83. I come to this blog several times a day, is my routine, you put the "wub " in my day! I think you are grieving the right way, life must go on, but you still need time to be sad. The thing about death is; there is nothing we can do about it. I have followed you for over 2 years, the biggest thing you have taught me is to appreciate what we have. You, my friend have so much to help you have a wonderful life, Ty would not want you unhappy. So please know we are all praying for you to ease back into the Cindy you were before cancer hit! Lou & Gavin need you...we need you! Maybe to keep Gavin from being an only child, you should make another pretty Campbell baby! LOL, bet that made you smile! The obituary was perfect, I'm so glad Ty had the family he did, you gave it all, love & prayers,
    Terri Campbell Napierski...IL.

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  84. As I sit here next to my own children, I wonder what I can say, that would help in any way. There are really no words that come to mind, except I am so sorry that you have empty arms. I prayed, thousands prayed, but we all know that it is God's plan. It is not for us to understand. I still pray for you, Lou, Gavin and of course for Ty.
    Jennifer, Illinois

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  85. i have only known about your sweet precious handsome Ty for about a month or so but want to let you know how much he has touched my heart in that time.i have read all about him form birth until death that you posted.thank you for sharind such a super hero with me.i am sorry for your loss.i know Ty is happy in heaven where he can run jump in puddles,eat all the candy he wants to but as a mother to a angel i know how the heart hurts to hold them in your arms forever too.May God bring comfort you your heart.drema pearson

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  86. Cindy, you wrote a beautiful obituary... but no one should have to do that for a child. I continue to pray for you and for Lou and for Gavin that you will find TY in every thing you do and find comfort that he is always with you. We do not live that far from you and I hope one day that I can have the pleasure of meeting you, hugging you and telling you how much your story, your son has meant to me and to so many people. God Bless.
    Carlene, Hopewell Junction

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  87. beautiful words Cindy. i hope you have moments of peace...

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  88. Just beautiful. You Ty, you Cindy have given a beautiful gift of love and appreciation. Because of YOU and because of Ty, we are all better moms and dads. We appreciate all in our lives. Today, while helping decorate for a wedding, I found gold ribbons from a past event in my hands. I felt love and peace. I knew love was all around. All will be OK. I wish you and your family healing. I wish you power
    to move mountains. I am with you. So many of us
    are with you, even when you feel alone. We love
    you and our arms are around you. Thank you for
    this gift. Ty is a gift of love and peace,never to be forgotten. Love always.....Lee

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  89. Cindy, the obituary is beautifully written. Continue to talk to Ty, I truly believe he can hear you! I wish you all peace and strength. Please know that so many people care about you all and stand behind you and will continue to support you! May God Bless you and your family. I will continue to pray for Ty and all of you. Deb. <3

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  90. Cindy,

    Going for 2 comments in the post. I just read through the comments and I just wanted to say that you are an incredible mother. Don't ever question that. Gavin, he knows you love him. You are going through so much right now and you should not feel guilty for ANYTHING you choose to do. If you want to be alone, be alone. If you are not ready for Gaving to play with his toys, then you are just not ready. You have to go with your own speed. Gavin knows you love him and thankfully, you have a great support system around you. When Gavin gets older and if he ever reads this blog, it will just re-confirm was amazing, incredilbe, selfless parents he already knew he had. You are doing everything Right!f

    If I am 10% the mother you are, I am an INCREDIBLE mother!

    ((((Hugs))))

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  91. My prayers are with you and your family through your grieving. I feel your pain through your words and feel close to you as I have wrote you so many times in the past two years. My heart breaks at your words. Cindy you are so strong, and will be the greatest voice for pediatric cancer! Your Obituary was beautifully written as I would expect nothing less. Stay strong and love your family with all that you are. God will heal your family in a very special way and leave you with peace and understanding. God Bless you as always!

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  92. Wow. That was perfect. Ty made me so much more conscious of my time with my children in the midst of my chaotic life. Your blog and Ty's life help me to stop and enjoy my time with the kids. I can't thank you and Ty enough for that. My love and prayers are with your family. I know Ty is in a perfect place. And I know you will see him in eternity when you are joined. Vivian.

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  93. Cindy, we are sending you and your family love and prayers from Wantagh. It's probably been close to 20 years since I've seen you, but I remember you well from our days on the soccer team. I especially remember your big smile. When I first read your blog, the post I read was, "The girl with the broken smile." I was devastated to learn of Ty's illness, and I am saddened to know that you will never smile as brightly again. I do not even know how to express how sorry I am for the loss of your precious little boy. Ty is such a hero, and he's made such an impact on my life, even though I only know him through your words and pictures. Cindy, you are a hero too. I'm sure your boys would agree. I bet to them you are the "Best Good Mommy in the Whole Wide World." As I said, Ty is a hero to me and to everyone who knows him. But many great superheroes have a side-kick, right? That is you, SuperCindy. Or SuperMommy. These are your super powers:
    1) You are brave
    -This is a trait shared by many superheroes.
    -You demonstated your bravery so poignantly in your writing, and you continue to be brave as you write about the next steps of your journey.
    2) You are making people aware
    -Myself inluded! I am ashamed to admit that I was ignorant as to the horrors and staggering statistics of pediatric cancer. You, Ty, Lou and Gavin have inspired me. I shared Ty's story with my husband, and we decided that instead of buying Chirstmas presents, we will donate the money we would have spent on presents to Ty's foundation. That's a much better Christmas gift!
    3) You make women want to be better mommies.
    -Myself included again! As a working mom, I have lately been focusing on the mundane things. I recently had lunch with a friend and I told her I felt I was focusing on the unimportant things in life, and not spending enough quality time with my son (Matthew, 22 months). She advised me to schedule playtime with my little guy, like it was an appointment or a work meeting. I agreed it was good advice, yet I never made any changes. In fact, my 2012 New Year's Resolution was to "stop and smell the roses more," and I'd been failing miserably at that. You and Ty have changed that for me. I am starting to remember what matters, and making a priority of bathtime, going for walks, and storytime, as well as relishing all snuggles and kisses (instead of focusing on dishes, laundry, work crap, and saying that playtime can wait). My family and I thank you.
    4) You have a strong faith in God that never waivered.

    Cindy, you are a gifted writer, and thank you for continuing to share Ty's story with the world. I will continue to remember Ty, whether it's on a rainy, puddle-y day, or it's in brilliant sunshine on the Long Beach boardwalk. I continue to pray for God to watch over you and your family. And I know that He will, with His new sidekick Ty at his side.

    All our love and prayers,

    Megan (Ashton) Shemanski, Mike and Matthew Shemanski

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  94. WTF HAS SOCIETY COME TO !!!???!!!

    Really !!??!! Animal abuse has more funding than childhood cancer in the state of tn !!!!! Wtf !!!! I'm ready to climb onto my roof && scream at the top of my damn lungs !!!!!!! Altho it won't help much knowing I live in the sticks ..

    My God people !! Wtf is your problem !! Ur telling me ur rather save a dog or cat that the world is over populated with anyway .. than a KID ?? IT MAY NOT BE YOUR CHILD .. as I was corrected today .. BUT ITS ANOTHER FAMILIES CHILD !! WTF !!!!!!

    This world is pathetic !! U see a dog on the side of the road && drive right by .. but if they show u a few sad pictures of peoples animals that abused or neglected them u jump right on it ?? Right aftr seeing a commercial on St. Judes ??

    Someone won't call for St. Judes but they'll call for a dog .. wow .. the human race is declining rapidly .. && honestly its making me SICK !! I literally sat with a friend balling my eyes out to the St. Judes commercial with her just sitting there .. she looked at me && said "u are ovr emotional" I looked at her && she knew she fucked up .. I said "excuse me ??!!??" She said my bad .. && kept on about her "horrible life" .. nxt came on a commercial about donating for abused && neglected animals .. she got on the internet .. gave them her credit card number .. && said "im a good person"  .. I looked at her && told her as nicely as I could to get the Fuck out of my house .. she thought i was kidding apparently .. because she laughed .. I stood up .. opened the door .. && told her to get out .. she asked "really ?? Just because I didn't donate to some sick kids ??"  "No .. because u think its a scam .. u think kids aren't dying every day because of this bullshit !! Because this is all a joke to u !! U don't kno wht a fucking horrible life is !! Ur nothing but an ignorant selfish bitch " .. she said " wow .. no I'm not the bitch .. u are " && walked out .. && added whole driving off "delete my number u stupid c***" .. I laughed .. DONE && DONE !! BTW UVE GOTTA LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO !! && came in .. here I am .. not evn 15 minutes latr && she's already telling her friends I'm selfish ..

    Just figures I would share part of my blog .. something.needs to be done because my experience was just BULLSHIT !!!!!

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  95. Here is a conversation with my son--almost every ---
    Milan: (my 4 year old boy) mommy when I grow up the first thing i'm going to be is batman.

    me: why?

    Milan: so I can fly up to heaven and get Ty

    me: what are you going to do with him?

    Milan: take him home, cut out the cancer, and put him back together so there is no more cancer.

    me: that would be awesome baby....

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  96. I only "met" Ty a few weeks ago, when his story was featured in the Journal News. I followed your blog religiously in the next week, and looked up some of his back story and I fell in love. On Oct. 17th I told my co-worker that I couldn't stop thinking about this little boy, and I told her his story. I was devastated to go home and check to see that he had passed. I want you to know that I think of him all the time, I pray for him every night with my 18 month old, and when I saw a hawk over the beach in Montauk on Oct. 19th, I figured it must be him. Like many others, I believe that his short life has so much meaning, and that his spirit was too good for this world. My heart still aches though for your loss and for the unfairness of your world for the past few years. Please know that my heart aches for you all. Ty is definitely in a better place, running around and laughing and playing. I hope the prayers of the thousands of people he has touched sustain you and your family and help you to get through each day. Much love.
    N.D. New City, NY

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  97. Cindy- I am just another stranger who fell in love with your little boy through reading your words. I think of Ty daily and felt compelled to tell you there is a song I keep hearing that I feel was written for you and Ty... It's called "i will wait for You" by Mumford and sons and everytime I hear it... I think the beat of the song is Ty running around jumping in puddles in heaven and the words are what he'd say to you... Don't worry Mom, I will wait for you...I feel ty's infectious spirit everytime I hear it. God bless.
    Allison Fonseca
    Chicago, il

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  98. Cindy,
    My son, Reilly, passed away 3 days after Ty. I've read your blog for about a year, and Ty has touched me as he has touched everyone else. Occasionally I would read some of your posts to Reilly and we would talk about how strong Ty was and how he never gave up. Reilly asked about Ty quite a bit and I would always tell him that Ty is okay and that Ty is loved. Reilly was 3 years old when he passed away on the 20th. Everyday I check your blog and I can utterly relate to absolutely everything from Gavin wanting to play with Ty's toys, to missing your aching back, to missing your son and wanting him back more than anything. I know you don't know me, and I'm positive that you have never heard of my son's story and is battle with CML, but if you ever would like to talk, my email is rememberingreilly@yahoo.com

    Also, Reilly's blog is rememberingreilly.wordpress.com if you would like to check it out. It's all up to you.

    I am so sorry about your precious son, and I think about you and your family often.

    Casey Bowman

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  99. Cindy I never met you and maybe I never will. I have never followed a blog before yours so this is a different kind of relationship.....but one of the most important in my life. What an influence you and Ty have had on me. I am truly a better mom because of you two. I worry about you and mourn for Ty like I have known you guys forever. Only an amazing person and an amazing child can evoke such feelings in thousands of people who you have never met. I look at Ty's pictures and I am in awe of that smile. I'm not discounting Lou but he got that beautiful smile from you.

    I hope and pray that Ty's spirit can comfort your lonliness. I can't imagine your pain. God bless you, Ty, Lou and Gavin. I think of you all so much.

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  100. Beautifully written and moving as always. Continuing to keep you and your family in our prayers. Super Ty forever!

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  101. Beautifully written and moving as always. Continuing to keep you and your family in our prayers. Super Ty forever!

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  102. This is a prayer I found on the internet, that someone wrote and I wanted to share it..Please read it and share it, if you'd like!
    "Dear Heavenly Father, In our midst, we are facing a natural disaster that we will have no control over, other than to prepare at the best of our ability and hope that you will surround us with your love and get us through "Hurricane Sandy".Please watch over our loved ones that cannot be with us, but are facing this, as well. Keep our dear friends safe and out of harm's way and fill our skies with sunshine and calmness, as soon as you can. Give us strength to weather this storm and help people that may be in need. We ask this, in your name and pray to you, for your love and safety. Through Christ, Our Lord. Amen!" ♥

    LOVE YOU TY, GAVIN, CINDY & LOU <3 <3 <3 <3

    Much love from the state of Georgia..
    ~Michelle Hughes, North Ga.

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  103. Hi Cindy, when I first found out about your beautiful son Ty from Ronans mama Maya's blog. I immediately fell in love with him. Since then I have been reading your blog faithfully and praying so very, very hard with the rest of the world for a miracle. All the precious pictures you posted daily always made my heart happy. His smile was sooooo heart warming. I too am a mommy, I have 4 kids who are my world. When I read of Ty's passing I broke down into a sobbing mess. No parent/family/child should ever have to endure that pain. My heart aches for you. If I was ever granted one wish it would be that children NEVER got cancer. I'm so so so so sorry that 2 beautiful boys like Ronan and Ty were murdered by cancer at such an innocent age! That is the most disgusting and disturbing unfair BULLSHIT!!! I am so proud of you and Maya and all the other mommies out there who have had their children get murdered by cancer and instead of crawling under a rock and never coming out, You instead FIGHT FIGHT AND FIGHT to bring awareness so a cure can be found. I have to end this now because I'm a sobbing mess. I just want you to know that I will NEVER forget Super Ty and I will share his story with the world.

    Heart broken in Arizona

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  104. I know you want to touch his cheek. I feel it when you say it. I am so sorry. these words are so shallow. I have a healthy son, he is the same age as Ty, I feel guilty even saying that. I prayed for Ty to be healed. I am not the greatest Christian, but I prayed none the less. I have prayed since for god to wrap his arms around you and comfort you. I can't imagine your pain, just trying rocks me to my very core. Again, I am sorry. What I can do, what I will do is make a commitment to raising money for research into the treatment, no- THE CURE for children's cancer. Your son touched many, I am but one

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  105. Dear Cindy,
    Pope John Paul II said: in the suffering we endure in life lays the mystery of our faith. Our minds cannot comprehend why it is that children die, why a loving mother like yourself has to go through such pain....I constantly wonder...and I cannot come up with any satisfactory answers. It's definitely something we can't understand in this life, but I truly hope and believe we will at the end.

    Cindy, what I want to say is...Ty's story inspired us all to love and cherish our kids even more and I think you should now do what Ty taught us to do: love and cherish your baby, make every second count, enjoy the time with him, don't take any breath for granted. By that I mean, love Gavin and cherish every moment with him as much as you would love and treasure Ty if you could have get him back. Do it despite of your broken heart and the terrible pain you live with right now. I know you love Gavin as much as you love Ty, and that you suffer so much it must be unbearable, but I hope you will find healing in Gavin"s little arms. I pray for you. You are such an amazing mommy. I love you. Maybe this sounds weird, but I feel your good heart and the love you have in you. God bless you with strength and with more sings from Ty. Please share them with us, they give us hope. They really do. Life goes by so fast, Cindy, you'll see Ty in a wink...and in the meantime spread your love in this world and you will make a huge difference and help others.

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  106. I miss your little boy terribly. I think about him every day. We love you Super Ty!!

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  107. what a beautiful tribute to Ty..an obituary fit for a KING!!! I can hear the pain in each blog and I continue to pray for you and your family..I wish I had the words to take away your pain but I know nothing will do that..just be good to yourself and remember he is ALWAYS in your heart and will never leave..Be well..you have many many people thinking and praying for you ;)

    A Loving Mom in Mamaroneck

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  108. Absolutely beautiful tribute to SuperTy! Love it!

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  109. Dearest Cindy,
    Praying for you, Lou & Gavin. I know you will continue to do such wonderful things to honor Ty. Please try to do wonderful things & rituals for Gavin also. He needs you, needs to feel important & special also & in his own way.
    Stay strong.

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  110. As much as I wish you hadn't had to write it, you did an amazing job. He will be missed by so many. I still look forward to reading your blog. Ty will always be a part of the world that is fighting for kids.

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  111. I think about Ty every day. Love to you and your family. So much love to Ty.

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  112. That is a beautiful obituary. It says it all. Do you have a favorite vase or tin that Ty especially liked? That might be the perfect place to place his ashes.

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  114. Ty's purpose here on this earth was to show you, your family and friends, and all of us how much love still exists in this world. You have grown because of Ty. And through you, we have grown because of Ty. I know that I have grown because of you and Ty. I have grown in love and faith because of you and your baby boy. Ty will always be with you in memory, heart, and spirit. He is with you always and watches you always. If you look up to the left just a little bit above you, you will see him. And he does have that big Ty smile that you love so much. Thank you so much Cindy, for sharing your most precious thoughts and for sharing your most precious little boy with us. YOU have touched as many hearts as Ty has. Thank you! My name is Dianna Thomas Johnson.

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