We had a very quiet day, which is just what he needed to relax and find some zen. He was awake the entire day, which is rare, and his head pain was well under control. Gavin was out having fun with Nana and Papa and I had several hours of peaceful alone time with my best good boy. After a rough night (last night he threw up several times), he woke up looking beautiful. His color is great. His face isn't as swollen. His lungs are clear. I can't say he is getting better - he is still very, very, very sick - but today he was clearly feeling "bedda" and I am grateful for this day. Ty is too.
Then there was the time that he woke up in my bed one morning and he was laughing out loud at the instant he woke up. He was looking at something on the bed with him (but nothing was there) and he started saying with excitement "Mi-Mi! Mi-Mi!" That is how he used to say "Minnie" who was his Nana's dog. Please don't think I'm a crazy lady, but later that day my mother-in-law shared the news with us that Minnie had died. That's a very strange coincidence! Maybe we really are all connected in this universe. Maybe Ty's "Go-oo-oh" was really his guardian angel that he was seeing. He was never afraid, I just thought he had a wild imagination, but now I find comfort in the idea that maybe the spiritual force involved in all of this has been helping Ty more than I realize.
I'm sharing this with you because Ty has been staring off into space a lot. I know much of this can probably be attributed to the pain and anti-anxiety medicine. But, I am so curious about what he sees, or thinks he sees. I try to talk to him about it sometimes, but his speech is so incredibly compromised that he often gets frustrated. Today he answered a bunch of my nagging questions, though, and it was comforting for me. He kept saying to me "Mommy, look. What's that over there?" I would go through the list of all the things I could see that were out in front of him:
Your candy house?
Your candy shield?
Your lego guys?
Your super heroes?
I rattled off everything that was within his eyesight, but he answered no to everything. He kept repeating, "What's that? Over there?" Then I asked him:
Ty, do you see an angel?
Have you seen this angel before?
Does he or she talk to you?
That was as far as he allowed me to go with it. He started getting annoyed with my questions and wanted to look in his toy catalog again, but I do think he is becoming more enlightened. It comforts me and terrifies me at the same time. I want him to find peace, but I want that peace to be delivered in the form of a full, miraculous healing! I am in a panic as this progression is feeling more and more real to Lou and I. I am surviving by living in the day and only in the day, but that is getting harder to do as I see Ty changing.
Then, in the midst of my panic, we capture a fabulous "smile of the day" and I remember that Ty is still here. The real Ty is in there, it's just harder to get his attention. I will just have to continue surviving and living in the moment. Moments like these remind us that every day is a blessing. Every smile is pure magic. Thank you, God, for letting me be his Mama.