He is on his last week of this "cycle" so he is more tired than usual and he has no appetite (nothing new there) but otherwise we can't complain. He lost two pounds over the past week so I am stressed about calories, but with the help of additional supplements we should be able to get him back on track ASAP.
We are having such amazing weather here in New York so we made every effort to get outdoors over the weekend and enjoy some family time. While we were in the car at the end of a long, fun day on Sunday, Lou and I had a serious conversation about how we are both feeling now that Ty is improving. Ecstatic, obviously, but also scared as hell as you all know. Lou said that he has this impulsive dream of grabbing me and the kids and running off to live in a cave. I didn't understand. Then he explained that he feels like if we hide for the rest of our lives, that the cancer wouldn't find us again.
He said he is living each day wishing it were Groundhog's Day. Meaning, that he wishes time could stand still and we could keep living in today because we are so afraid of tomorrow. I couldn't agree with him more. For over a year, Lou and I were living in survival mode, and we both think it was easier in a number of ways because we lived in the moment and refused to look ahead. I can't wait for the days when Ty has been "bedda" for long enough that we can breath easier again. How long does that take? Because right now I'm not sure I'll ever breathe like a normal person again.
I don't mean to sound negative during these most amazing, happy times. It's just scary, and I have a hard time escaping that fear. Especially during my quiet time at night when I am sharing my innermost thoughts online. Please know that Lou and I are so happy and enjoying every minute with this amazing, miraculous, little fighter of ours. He is such an incredible boy and he amazes us every day. Look at the determination on that face as he scoots across the floor. He is getting so strong and really eager to get around on his own. I love it!
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh