Saturday, June 18, 2011

I am in hell

We left for the hospital shortly after my last post.  Ty's breathing was becoming so labored and he was so congested that we got very worried.  I didn't want to spend another night wondering if he needed to go to the ER, so we left around 5PM with the hopes that he could receive a chest x-ray and some medications and we could return home tonight.

During the car ride, I squished myself between the two car seats so I could be closer to Ty.  He was so uncomfortable he kept asking me to snuggle him in his scraggly, fading voice.  I would try to get myself in the most awkward, twisted position to snuggle him but it just didn't help.  He got worse and worse as we were driving into the city, as did the traffic.  It took us twice as long as usual to get here.  There were severe thunderstorms and flooding on some of the roads, it was a disaster.  When we walked into Urgent Care at Sloan Kettering, Ty was completely pale and the skin under his eyes was very red.  The cheery nurse came up to us with the blood pressure machine saying "so, what brings you guys here."  Before we could even answer, she had us whisked off into a room, and about 15 people followed her.  I thought everyone was overreacting at first.   The crash cart was brought in and it was like a punch in the face when I saw the defibrillator that is used to "jump-start" the heart.  An oxygen mask was thrown on him, his shirt was pulled off, his mediport needle was pulled out in order to put in two larger ones to accommodate the emergency needs.  In fact, the nurse was so frantic he ripped out the needle without carefully removing the steri-strips that was holding it in place, tearing a huge gash into the skin under his arm that requires a stitch.  During all of this, Ty pulled the mask down to tell me that he didn't even cry when the needles went in.  It was hard to understand, but I knew what he was trying to say by the proud look on his face.   We have since been here for hours on end.  Right now, we are waiting for an ambulance to take us to the Pediatric ICU across the street at Cornell NY Presbyterian Hospital.  Ty is not well, but he is such a fighter it's unbelievable.  He hasn't slept this entire time, he just keeps tossing and turning and trying to pull the leeds off, and the blood pressure cuff, and the pulse-ox.  It's really amazing how his spirit just doesn't give up. 

As he lays in bed trying so hard to tell me what he wants, I can't help but break down over and over again.  Lou and I are taking turns crying.  I'm the Mommy!  All I want to do is give him what he wants, to hug him and make him feel better.  But tonight, nothing I do is what he wants.  He just wants to not be here.  He wants everyone to go away.  He wants to snuggle his mom and dad in his own bed at home.  He wants to be cured of this horrible thing called cancer. I want that, too, baby boy.  So very much. 

Ty had an emergency CT scan tonight, and the imaging showed the lesion in his Cerebellum to be more than 5 centimeters.  It was less than 1 centimeter when we began the chemotherapy in May.  All we know right now is either the tumor has broken through the chemo and grown five times in size over the last five weeks, or it had a bleed which created an enormous hemotoma in his brain.  Either way, it is absolutely horrifying.  I'm told if it is a bleed that it will not dissipate on it's own or be reabsorbed, that it would have to be surgically removed and it is not in an easy location for that.  If it is tumor, well, I don't think there are any other medical options to address that but I will keep on praying. 

All I know for sure is that I am in a place right now that is all too familiar.  I am in hell.  I'm watching my baby suffer, getting worse and worse before my eyes.  I am watching my husband suffer.  I am terrified of losing my baby boy.  And I am trying to stay focused on what happened every other time I was here in this place.  Ty defied the odds.  He kept fighting when everyone told him the game was over.  I keep looking over at him and waiting for him to come back to me and start talking again.  I'm counting on the MRI to show that it was swelling, and blood, and that yes, it is being reabsorbed by his body.  It won't require surgery after all!  He received a large dose of steroids again, which worked wonders the last time we were in a similar situation.  It's heartbreaking to think of him on steroids again for so many reasons, but if it will save his life we'll take it. 

I am not in denial.  I am very aware of the potential reality that is waiting for me.  But I will not lose hope, ever.  I will never give up on my baby boy and I will always do right by him.  Right now, I am doing right by him by keeping my faith and praying for a miracle.  Please do the same for Ty Louis Campbell - Our Little Fighter. 

28 comments:

  1. I am praying and believing with you. It is the hope and confidence you must have. I am praying for a miracle for your sweet boy! I am praying peace for you and Lou tonight. Blessings to your family!

    Shelly Johnson

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  2. Something told me to check your blog again before bed. I'm so scared along with you but I am praying hard. You don't know me, but I have come to love Ty. I pray that he will have rest and healing tonight.

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  3. Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen Miracles happen....all the time, sweet girl. I am a grandma and I hold you in my loving heart. Praying to Saint Jude and sending love and healing energy. xoxoxo

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  4. I am so so so much praying for your sweet little Ty!!! I wish there was more I could do but I am really praying hard and hoping for a miracle!! I am with you in my thoughts, every day!

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  5. Praying, praying, praying. I can't even imagine your hell. God - please take this away from this baby and restore him to complete and perfect health! Hear us, God.

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  6. THE MCCARTHY'S ARE PRAYING....WE WON'T STOP!!! Keep up the positive thoughts and I will too. Promise! keep us posted.

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  7. We will be praying for Ty and all of you to get you thru this and on the way to a happy, healthy, cancer free life for Ty.

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  8. I am praying for you Ty! I have been following your story since December, and I haven't missed a blog since. You are a fighter, and I am praying for a speedy recovery!

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  9. My heart hurts for you and Lou. I'm praying for a miracle. Please Dear Lord heal this sweet baby! I want nothing more than Ty to be well again. I've also fallen in love with Ty. I think of you all every day. I pray every day. Don't lose hope, with so many people praying, God must hear us!

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  10. We have never met but I saw your post on Jen Lyons Murray's Facebook page. (I have known Jen since high school). I too am a Mom (my daughter is 6) and when reading your page felt your pain on such a profound level. Ty is being added to my prayers and I just wanted to let you know that there are people out there who only have to hear your story once to feel like they want to wrap their arms around all of you and somehow take it all away. Also, I was a patient at Sloan at the end of '09 with malignant melanoma. That place is beyond top notch. As I am sure you know, you are in the right place for Ty and they will do everything humanly possible. Wishing you peace. Lauren Feeney, Brooklyn NY

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  11. Prayers prayers and mire prayers your way.

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  12. Prayers and good thoughts on the way. I can't even imagine the hell you are going through.

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  13. We have never met but I have been praying for Ty for some time now. The other day, a friend of mine posted on FB that it had been 5 years since the day she was told that her daughter had leukemia. (Her daughter has been in remission for 2 years). When I read that, my thoughts turned to Ty, and I prayed that in the not-so-distant future, you would be able to look back on this period as a nightmare, but that Ty would come away victorious (just like my friend's little girl). Sometimes we don't understand God's plans until we are in the future looking back and even then sometimes we don't get why things happen. But know this: you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Keep praying and have faith beyond what others may deem to be false hope. I hate that term--That's baloney! Either you have faith & hope, or you don't. And with God-- nothing is false. God is bigger than cancer and He can cure Ty. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. I pray that He will continue to give you all strength. And above all else, I pray that Ty will be healed by God's love and mercy.

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  14. Praying tons and tons for the amazing, strong, wonderful Ty and the rest of his family, you all keep inspiring me with your love.

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  15. Ty, never stop fighting. I will never stop praying and believing that you will "feel beeda" soon. I love you soo much.

    Cindy and Lou, never stop believing. You are amazing parents who have a strength that I don't think I would have. I love you guys and Gaga too.

    Miracles DO happen. I have seen it firsthand. I know that our SuperTy is going to be better.

    All my love,
    Elaine

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  16. I am praying for yall every second of every day!! Stay strong... We have all seen Ty pull through this before!! :-) I love all of you!! Super Ty... You can do anything buddy!! Just beat that cancer up!!! <3
    Love Always,
    Jamie Taylor

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  17. Praying praying and praying for a miracle. Much Love,
    Taciani Dawson

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  18. Our thoughts and prayers are with we...Praying for a miracle for Ty...You can do it Ty, beat that cancer up!!!

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  19. Together, ALL of us can send enough prayers for God to listen. We are a force. Please help Ty beat this ugly cancer up! Please allow him to be cancer free and happy. My thoughts are with you all. Stay strong!
    Michelle from N.H.

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  20. I learned about your son via a friend's Facebook wall. I am praying for you all. I have a child with multiple health issues and recently saw this film mentioned on one of the illness support sites - http://vimeo.com/24821365 . It's about a doctor in Houston that has found a non-toxic way to treat/cure cancer. He is called a quack by many in the medical profession, yet many people claim he has been able to cure them of cancer. I don't know what the truth is, but I think it's worth watching (available to watch for free until 6/20).

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  21. WE WILL NOT LOSE HOPE!

    My mom is here in LA and we are crying together. Cindy and Lou, I hate all of this for you. I hate it hate it hate it. It is not fair to my friends and I am sad and angry and terrified all at once.

    But we CAN NOT and WILL NOT lose hope. Again, I have seen some of the most critically ill children on the West Coast turn around in ways no one ever, ever, ever expected. YES WE CAN EXPECT A MIRACLE. We just have to. In the face of anything we believe and deserve and expect Ty's complete recovery because it REALLY CAN HAPPEN.

    NO MATTER WHAT! All of the changes that lie before us can be good ones. I believe 100% that this roller coaster can come to a stop with Ty at your side.

    Cindy and Lou, I am sooooooo sorry. I want to take it all away for you just like you want to take it all away for Ty.

    I am filled with hope in the face of anything. I love you so much.

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  22. Oh, Dear Lord, please heal Ty's precious body. Please comfort him when his parents don't know what to do. Please hold all of them up and HEAL SUPER TY. "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary and they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31. Please, dear Jesus, allow Ty to run with his brother Gavin. You are the Great Physician. We are asking, pleading for this miracle. In your Holy name, Amen

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  23. Ty has been on my mind all day long, even as my family and I ate dinner, I thought of you guys sitting in a hospital praying for your son. Praying for a miracle for Ty. Hang in there big fighter!!!

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  24. Just read some other posts from past months when Ty had a crisis, and it gave me encouragement that he will conquer this one too. You are the best mother ever, and you are doing very very right by your baby boy, and he knows that!! Your optimism and support will help him to keep up the fight.
    Sending you our love from West Hempstead New York..

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  25. I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through. Being the new mother that I am I don't know how you are coping with this. Only through prayers, your family, and knowing that God is the ultimate Healer and that He works miracles! My mom randomly came across your blog one day and we have been following Ty's amazing journey ever since. We live in Texas and are sending our thoughts and prayers your way! I believe in the power of prayer! Stay strong sweet Ty! We love you!

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