I spent the weekend cleaning out the closets with Lou.   And the toy chests.   Every time it gets a bit easier as I find less and less of Ty’s things. It’s natural for a home to transition from baby toys, to big kid toys, to teenager “stuff.”   But when the traces of a life lost slowly disappear from existence, it is painful on a level that I can’t put into words.   This year, I am giving away a silly toy where you blow into a pipe and try to balance a little foam ball as it floats above.   Aunt Debi bought it for Ty while he was in the hospital.   It was great for his therapy, but he never quite recovered the strength to get the ball in the air.   It was time to let it go.   I was consumed with guilt as I watched my hand open and the object drop into a garbage bag.   It feels as if I’m throwing away another memory, but at the same time I know I can’t keep everything (unless we're talking about a decomposing cake - that I can keep foreve...

When we moved into our house, there was an old refrigerator in the basement.   They don’t make ‘em like they used to, because this thing looks like it’s 100 years old and it still works without any problems.   It's on the same floor where we walk out into the backyard, so naturally it became the “beer fridge.” On Ty’s last birthday with us, so many people did so many incredible things to make him smile.   In fact, we enjoyed “SuperTy” cupcakes from a local baker, a 3-tiered SuperHero cake with all of his beloved characters, and his favorite of all… a Max and Ruby Cake with a carnival theme.   It was one of his favorite episodes, and he often talked about going to the carnival.   In fact, he was laid to rest with his favorite Max and Ruby DVD and carnival tickets in his hand.   He died 13 days after we helped him blow out those candles.   It’s still impossible to believe.   No matter how quickly life goes on, how often I find myself ...

In support of National Jump in #MuddyPuddlesDay, ScaryMommy.com published another blog post I wrote about Ty.  Please read and share on this very special day. http://www.scarymommy.com/when-theres-no-such-thing-as-too-much-tv-why-i-love-preschool-programming-sm-orig/ I was waiting for this day to announce some incredible news about our partnership with Peppa Pig! Peppa is a beloved animated character who loved to jump in muddy puddles as much as Ty, and she was one of his absolute favorites.  I believe Ty had everything to do with her finding us, and choosing to support the Muddy Puddles Project.  It's all just so incredible. Please read and share the post below.  Let your kids jump in puddles today.  Post your photos with the hashtag #MuddyPuddlesDay.  I can't find the words to express how grateful I am for this day.

Gavin is growing up so fast.   I love to listen to his conversations with his little friends.   He is almost seven now, and the things that he talks about keeps me smiling all day.   He is growing into such a fun little person, but this is no surprise.   Who he is, everything about my Gavin, has been evident since he was just a baby.   His big goofy grin, his preference to laugh and tell jokes over anything serious, and his extreme sensitivity that causes him to cry so easily, these tendencies have always been there.   There are so many things about the person he is that he will carry into the person he becomes.   So much of Lou and I whether we like it or not.   Like Nana says, “you don’t plant potatoes and get tomatoes.” He is still a complete wacko and he has a sick little sense of humor.   In fact, let me tell you about “The Inappropriate Show” that he made up with his best friend.   When they get together, they make up grot...

My grief.  It can come out of nowhere at all.  Really.  There doesn’t have to be a trigger.  There doesn’t have to be an anniversary, or a birthday, a special time of year or a certain smell in the air.  Sometimes, it just happens.  I found this incomplete blog post as I was trying to organize the files on my laptop this morning.  This is one among many.  I still write to help myself, but I don’t always post what I write anymore.  I worry that it is often so sad - because that is when I need to write - so I try to be cognizant of that.  But when I got to the end of this one, it made me proud, and I want to share…  August 2015: Tonight I want to Daryl’s House for the first time.  For those of you who don’t know, Daryl’s House is a venue that opened up in Pawling just about a year ago, and it is a great place for enjoying dinner with incredible live music.  Daryl Hall started “Live from Daryl’s House” – a free mon...

Holidays are built on tradition.  They come with a host of annual rituals that stir up all sorts of long-term memories from as far back as early childhood (when I got a “Baby This N’ That” from Santa), and as recent as just last year (when I failed at cookie decorating).  I remember who gave me almost every ornament on my tree.  I chuckle every time I count the 11 “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments we have for Ty, and only one we received for Gavin.  Sorry Gavin, it’s just a fact of life when you are not the first-born. Then there are his ornaments.  The one he picked out when we were on our Make A Wish trip in Disney.  The ones where a bear holds a number for each Christmas he celebrated with us, but the numbers stop at “5”.  The ones that adorn his beautiful photos with sentiments such as, “always in our hearts,” and “Christmas in Heaven.”  I seriously don’t know how we survive tree trimming each year.  Every ornament I pull from the...

It 's been three years since we first opened our doors at the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation. I was so raw with grief and so angry about losing Ty to cancer, that this nonprofit became my lifeline. I lived and breathed fundraising and dove head-first into learning the landscape of childhood cancer research. I reached out to every other childhood cancer nonprofit I could find, and made connections with the parents and the game-changers. It is no secret that I believe collaboration is key and we will make more progress, faster, if we work together.   It has been a journey in itself - a long and winding road that has consumed my life in the same way cancer did 5 years ago - but this journey has the greatest reward imaginable at the end of the tunnel. If, in my lifetime, I witness a little boy like Ty who survives his diagnosis thanks to safer, more effective treatment options - the TLC Foundation will have achieved everything we set out to do. There is no place that I love ...

The Campbell's are pretty big on traditions, and the holiday season kicks off a slew of them that starts with picking out our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. Lou has never been the “wait until the last minute” type, or the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree” type.  He has some OCD tendencies which means I benefit from his heavy lean toward neatness and perfection.  He is the only man I ever picked out my very own Christmas tree with, back when we lived in our first apartment in Brooklyn.  It was beautiful and absolutely flawless, just as every tree has been thereafter.  One thing I learned quickly, though, is that no matter where I hang my ornaments while trimming the tree, they are likely to be moved to a “better” spot at some point (drives me absolutely crazy to this day!).  Both the apartment in Brooklyn and the house in Long Beach were tiny.  We had to pick out modest, narrow trees that we could tuck into a corner of our already crowded l...