When my first son was born, I was a quintessential “new mom.”  God gave us this incredible gift.  He entrusted me to take care of this most beautiful baby?!?!  The weight of that responsibility was tremendous.  I wanted to be perfect for him because I never loved anything like that before in my life. I bought every ridiculous and completely unnecessary gadget available.  I actually liked going to Babies R Us and browsing this unknown territory of all things soft and fuzzy (or Buy Buy Baby, even better).  Did I really think that the PeePee TeePees I purchased for $11 were going to spare me from getting pee’ed on once in a while?  I pored over every single thing that went in his mouth, and I beamed with pride over how he just loved his peas and carrots, I must be doing something right! (I didn’t realize that pretty much all babies eat their vegetables when they’re only six months old).  Every tiny little thing Ty did prompted a phone call to my...

There is a beautiful young boy who is fighting for his life tonight.  Justin Miller has been fighting cancer for seven years, and he is only 11.  He had multiple relapses.  His story reminds me so much of Ty, only with all of the ups and downs extending into many more years.  I fell in love with Justin when he was designated an ambassador for St. Baldrick's in 2012, and when I saw his incredible video on the Stand Up 2 Cancer telethon while Ty was home on hospice in September 2012.  The picture of Ty below, with his hands in a heart, were taken at that same time.  Not that I need a reminder, but days like today, when I read about what Justin is going through and how his journey has taken another unfair turn - a really bad one - inspires me to share this event again, because it is a reminder of why we do what we do so passionately. And, because "everyone can give a half a sandwich." as my friend Mary Pallotta taught me.  Although, in this case ...

"Ewww.  Did someone make a poop in this bathroom?" "I don't know, Gavin - you tell me?  You were the last one to use that bathroom." "Hmm.  I don't wee-member.  But I fink so because I see a couple of poop crumbs left." Never, have I ever heard anyone use the term poop crumbs.  I find it so amusing, so much so that - you saw it here first - I went ahead and prefaced it with a hashtag.  This one is right up there with Ty calling Hannford's "HeineyFarts."  Kids are just so funny!  When did my baby become a "kid" anyway?  Where did my baby go? I guess I first realized he was growing up when he announced "My butt has to tell you something," before farting.  Ahh, the joys of motherhood.  Boys will be boys :)  I swear, I promise, I really don't know where he gets this from and NO I don't condone it - although sometimes I do have to hide my chuckle in response to his ridiculous potty humor.  Gavin...

Today we spent the first day of 2014 on the slopes in Vermont.   The cold, crisp air really helped me get out of a funk I’ve been since Christmas. I tried to imagine Ty soaring around the mountain with me, perched on my shoulder – but of course that idea can’t overpower the real longing in my heart, and the feeling of remorse when I consider the fact that here I am enjoying another treat in life that Ty will never get to experience. I know, I know.   New year, new chapter in life.   Moving forward.   Resolve to eat well, be healthy in body, mind and spirit, have more fun, all that stuff.   But for me, on this New Year’s Day, I am stuck on reflecting rather than moving on.   I can’t help it.   The holidays are hard and I’m a little stuck in the past.   Remembering Ty and reflecting on an entire year without him.   How did that even happen?   Gavin has grown so much, I am always asking him, “where did my baby go?”   I haven’...

It goes without saying that this time of year can be as uplifting as it is heartbreakingly difficult.  To me, it has always been a time when I reflect on all of my many Christmas's past, fondly remembering the magic that filled my house when I was a child myself and hoping I am doing a good job recreating that for my own children.  Christmas marks the time of year for memories old and new, getting together as a family, going "home" and making a conscious effort to do something kind for others. Naturally, it is also a time when absence is most obvious. A glaring reminder of our loved ones who are not coming home this time.  When memories only remind us of who is missing.  Every single person who has lost a loved one can relate to how the missing person in our lives becomes that much more absent - even when we least expect it, we may be knocked over the head with longing. There's just something about that Christmas tree, the smell of cookies, t...

A night of cocktails, couples and casino tables to benefit the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation Where :  Hyatt Regency Greenwich.  Old Greenwich, Connecticut When : Saturday, February 15, 7:00 - 12:00 Midnight What : Open Bar, Cocktail-Style Dinner Party, Silent and Live Auction, Music and Dancing SAVE THE DATE - MORE DETAILS TO FOLLOW  

So, I had a very different beginning to this whole motherhood/parenting thing than most.   Ty was only 2 ½ (Gavin 16 months) when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.   For many reasons, we soon moved to Pawling, which was as suburban as I have ever lived.   The usual path might have led me to cupcakes and crayons, but Ty’s cancer didn’t allow for much of those activities.   I had a very different introduction to motherhood – and suburbia – but I so wanted to experience “normal” motherhood   (whatever that means) , even when I was in the trenches of his illness.   Ty at the time we moved,  I could wrap myself up in those eyelashes! At Christmas that first year, I was invited to a cookie swap.   I had no clue what that was, but I heard that wine and cookies were involved so naturally I was IN!   I was essentially alone in this town, and I was really looking forward to meeting some of my neighbors.   Couldn’t wait! Soon I rea...

“I love you, Mommy.”   Gavin says that to me several times a day, out of the blue.  It is one of my most favorite things.  This morning he asked, “Do you know why I always say ‘I love you?’ ”  “No, why?” “Because I am gonna love you forever.”  And just like that, my broken bleeding heart burst with happiness.  Today was a snow day.  We got bundled up and headed outside so Gavin could play while I shoveled.  I watched him as he stood with his mouth open, hoping to catch some snowflakes.  I watched him lay on the snow and look up into the sky in undisturbed silence for several minutes.   Everything is so quiet under the peaceful insulation of the snow.  It is almost as if the beauty itself has more clarity – at least I think so – and I believe Gavin was feeling that very same phenomenon.  I tried to leave him alone to enjoy the illusion of solitude in the soft and peaceful surroundings of our yard (with the...

"Crimpy" time is here That's what Ty called Christmas, "Crimpy."  Thanksgiving came and went with delicious food and an overall quiet, ho-hum day - just as I wanted.  Perfectly appropriate given the void in our lives this holiday season.  Christmas will have to be different though.  Christmas is magic and Gavin is four, so we need to go all out for him and make it as wonderful as possible despite my conflicting urge to skip it altogether this year. We went to our favorite tree farm and cut down the biggest tree we've ever had - as is our family tradition since moving to Pawling.  I looked for Ty everywhere but I didn't really feel him with me.  I could only feel the incredible weight of his absence.  I looked up at the sky several times, hoping for a hawk soaring overhead or clouds in the shape of his name.  One cloud kinda sort-of resembled a "T" but I know I was just forcing something that simply wasn't there.  I guess cutting down the...

We were in the lead for days, and we dropped into third place overnight.  We don't have any tricks up our sleeves or mailing lists left to distribute to. We just have a loving and committed group of families who have been so wonderful and supportive every step of the way.  Even if we don't win, the response has been incredible and Ty would be so proud. That being said, let's still try to win!  If every person who reads this blog votes all four times in the next 12 hours, we would be back in first place in no time at all!  And we still might win that $10,000 for childhood cancer research!  http://projects.kindsnacks.com/project/muddy-puddles-project/?start=voting?start=voting I know the website is rather dysfunctional and it isn't working properly for everyone (including me),.  I appreciate that you all keep trying, though, because every vote counts! Cindy

It comes on so suddenly, these waves of tremendous sadness.  But like the tide, they come in and they go out.  The sadness comes on suddenly, and then it is gone again.  It might last minutes, hours, or days.  But it does pass eventually.  Until it comes back again.  And that’s okay.  Such is life.  I have finally learned to just relinquish the illusion of control and accept the fact that I have none.  That bad things happen to good people. Lou and I, we are doing so great.  Then, we are not great at all.  Thanksgiving certainly doesn’t help – nor does any holiday.  But this holiday?  Knowing what comes next ?  Trying to be thankful for all of my blessings !  I can’t even remember Thanksgiving last year.  Not one thing about it, I swear.  I’m not sure it ever even happened, because I guess I wasn’t mentally here to even witness it. When someone wishes me a “Happy Thanksgiving,” my mind screams “f*...

I'm so excited to announce we have a chance to win a $10,000 grant from the KIND company - vote for the Muddy Puddles Project PLEASE! It will only take a moment of your time. Seconds, really. Please share with friends & family to vote too. CLICK HERE to vote.  We really need to get a lot of people on board so please share as much as you can. Thank you! In the meantime, we have been so busy preparing all of our end of year reports, filing our tax return, writing our holiday cards and preparing our end-of-the-year newsletter.  We have had one heck of a wildly successful year, and I am forever grateful to you all. 

Cream cheese on crackers for dinner.  That just happened.  Now I'm watching Gavin eat in front of the TV, eyes wide with satisfaction over winning tonight's dinner battle with barely a fight.  I rattled off a number of options for dinner tonight, he told me "crackers with cream cheese," I said "no," he said "yes," I said, "ok."  Then he said "in front of the TV!"  I said, "no," he said, "yes," I said, "ok."  And that was that. As I put the tub of cream cheese back in the fridge, I took a giant scoop and licked it off my finger.  I poured a big glass of wine and here we are.  Gavin and I truly had a good day today, and I really needed it.  Lou went down to Long Island to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of our friends' son while I was supposed to be at a baby shower, but I just didn't have it in me.  I haven't been feeling very social, so I opted to stay home with Gavin instead.  First thing i...