I have had so much on my mind, it’s been several weeks that I’ve wanted to get some of it out on virtual paper and I am happy tonight to find the time.   I have had a hard few weeks, for so many reasons, not the least of which was Back to School .   Ty’s time of the year is upon us… the memories of the day he was born, the hazy September days where we were ripe with fear post-diagnosis, the day we drove home from the hospital knowing we would never return, and the day he died in our arms.   The perfect weather that September and October brings is forever filled with these memories.   I look at Gavin, a first grader who already rolls his eyes at me and knows just how to get under my skin when he wants to, and I see a boy.   Like I always say… where did my baby go?   I never had a big boy before.   Ty was the older brother, but still he was a baby.   He needed me so.   I’m not suggesting that Gavin doesn’t need me, but it’s not the same anymore.   It’s just so different. I