It goes without saying that this time of year can be as uplifting as it is heartbreakingly difficult.  To me, it has always been a time when I reflect on all of my many Christmas's past, fondly remembering the magic that filled my house when I was a child myself and hoping I am doing a good job recreating that for my own children.  Christmas marks the time of year for memories old and new, getting together as a family, going "home" and making a conscious effort to do something kind for others. Naturally, it is also a time when absence is most obvious. A glaring reminder of our loved ones who are not coming home this time.  When memories only remind us of who is missing.  Every single person who has lost a loved one can relate to how the missing person in our lives becomes that much more absent - even when we least expect it, we may be knocked over the head with longing. There's just something about that Christmas tree, the smell of cookies, the gingerbread house

A night of cocktails, couples and casino tables to benefit the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation Where :  Hyatt Regency Greenwich.  Old Greenwich, Connecticut When : Saturday, February 15, 7:00 - 12:00 Midnight What : Open Bar, Cocktail-Style Dinner Party, Silent and Live Auction, Music and Dancing SAVE THE DATE - MORE DETAILS TO FOLLOW  

So, I had a very different beginning to this whole motherhood/parenting thing than most.   Ty was only 2 ½ (Gavin 16 months) when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.   For many reasons, we soon moved to Pawling, which was as suburban as I have ever lived.   The usual path might have led me to cupcakes and crayons, but Ty’s cancer didn’t allow for much of those activities.   I had a very different introduction to motherhood – and suburbia – but I so wanted to experience “normal” motherhood   (whatever that means) , even when I was in the trenches of his illness.   Ty at the time we moved,  I could wrap myself up in those eyelashes! At Christmas that first year, I was invited to a cookie swap.   I had no clue what that was, but I heard that wine and cookies were involved so naturally I was IN!   I was essentially alone in this town, and I was really looking forward to meeting some of my neighbors.   Couldn’t wait! Soon I realized that I was going to have to bake some cooki

“I love you, Mommy.”   Gavin says that to me several times a day, out of the blue.  It is one of my most favorite things.  This morning he asked, “Do you know why I always say ‘I love you?’ ”  “No, why?” “Because I am gonna love you forever.”  And just like that, my broken bleeding heart burst with happiness.  Today was a snow day.  We got bundled up and headed outside so Gavin could play while I shoveled.  I watched him as he stood with his mouth open, hoping to catch some snowflakes.  I watched him lay on the snow and look up into the sky in undisturbed silence for several minutes.   Everything is so quiet under the peaceful insulation of the snow.  It is almost as if the beauty itself has more clarity – at least I think so – and I believe Gavin was feeling that very same phenomenon.  I tried to leave him alone to enjoy the illusion of solitude in the soft and peaceful surroundings of our yard (with the exception of my scraping shovel that he scolded me for a few times).

"Crimpy" time is here That's what Ty called Christmas, "Crimpy."  Thanksgiving came and went with delicious food and an overall quiet, ho-hum day - just as I wanted.  Perfectly appropriate given the void in our lives this holiday season.  Christmas will have to be different though.  Christmas is magic and Gavin is four, so we need to go all out for him and make it as wonderful as possible despite my conflicting urge to skip it altogether this year. We went to our favorite tree farm and cut down the biggest tree we've ever had - as is our family tradition since moving to Pawling.  I looked for Ty everywhere but I didn't really feel him with me.  I could only feel the incredible weight of his absence.  I looked up at the sky several times, hoping for a hawk soaring overhead or clouds in the shape of his name.  One cloud kinda sort-of resembled a "T" but I know I was just forcing something that simply wasn't there.  I guess cutting down the