We were in the lead for days, and we dropped into third place overnight.  We don't have any tricks up our sleeves or mailing lists left to distribute to. We just have a loving and committed group of families who have been so wonderful and supportive every step of the way.  Even if we don't win, the response has been incredible and Ty would be so proud. That being said, let's still try to win!  If every person who reads this blog votes all four times in the next 12 hours, we would be back in first place in no time at all!  And we still might win that $10,000 for childhood cancer research!  http://projects.kindsnacks.com/project/muddy-puddles-project/?start=voting?start=voting I know the website is rather dysfunctional and it isn't working properly for everyone (including me),.  I appreciate that you all keep trying, though, because every vote counts! Cindy

It comes on so suddenly, these waves of tremendous sadness.  But like the tide, they come in and they go out.  The sadness comes on suddenly, and then it is gone again.  It might last minutes, hours, or days.  But it does pass eventually.  Until it comes back again.  And that’s okay.  Such is life.  I have finally learned to just relinquish the illusion of control and accept the fact that I have none.  That bad things happen to good people. Lou and I, we are doing so great.  Then, we are not great at all.  Thanksgiving certainly doesn’t help – nor does any holiday.  But this holiday?  Knowing what comes next ?  Trying to be thankful for all of my blessings !  I can’t even remember Thanksgiving last year.  Not one thing about it, I swear.  I’m not sure it ever even happened, because I guess I wasn’t mentally here to even witness it. When someone wishes me a “Happy Thanksgiving,” my mind screams “f*ck off – what’s there to be happy about it? What do I have to be thankful for?” But

I'm so excited to announce we have a chance to win a $10,000 grant from the KIND company - vote for the Muddy Puddles Project PLEASE! It will only take a moment of your time. Seconds, really. Please share with friends & family to vote too. CLICK HERE to vote.  We really need to get a lot of people on board so please share as much as you can. Thank you! In the meantime, we have been so busy preparing all of our end of year reports, filing our tax return, writing our holiday cards and preparing our end-of-the-year newsletter.  We have had one heck of a wildly successful year, and I am forever grateful to you all. 

Cream cheese on crackers for dinner.  That just happened.  Now I'm watching Gavin eat in front of the TV, eyes wide with satisfaction over winning tonight's dinner battle with barely a fight.  I rattled off a number of options for dinner tonight, he told me "crackers with cream cheese," I said "no," he said "yes," I said, "ok."  Then he said "in front of the TV!"  I said, "no," he said, "yes," I said, "ok."  And that was that. As I put the tub of cream cheese back in the fridge, I took a giant scoop and licked it off my finger.  I poured a big glass of wine and here we are.  Gavin and I truly had a good day today, and I really needed it.  Lou went down to Long Island to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of our friends' son while I was supposed to be at a baby shower, but I just didn't have it in me.  I haven't been feeling very social, so I opted to stay home with Gavin instead.  First thing i

Yesterday was Lou's birthday.  I put together a tribute video for him to try and recreate the happiness he and Donna gave to me on my birthday.  Although it doesn't compare, it was still a great representation of the true love between Daddy and Ty.  I couldn't have asked for a better man to go through this with.  He is my rock, and Ty loved his Daddy so very much.  I tried to find video clips of home movies that Lou hasn't seen in ages, and pictures that we don't look at as often.  He loved it. http://youtu.be/mYE2D67IBqA It happened to me today.  Something that hasn't happened in a really, really long time, if ever.  I was on Facebook or something meaningless like that, thinking of Ty, and for a moment I forgot he was gone.  When it hit me that he died, it was like I felt it for the first time all over again.  It only lasted seconds, that feeling of shock, but it was so powerful.  Does that happen to people after losing a loved one?  Even one year later? 

I say “whole” family because Ty was with me all day today.   From the second I woke up I was thinking of him.  I snuck out of my bed without waking the other boys, and quietly enjoyed a cup of coffee while thinking about Ty and looking at the beautiful picture of him in front of me on the counter.  I felt so at peace.  Sad, but at the same time his presence was very warm in my heart.  We had a group meeting with a medium at my mom's house on Friday night, it was incredible, so I was reflecting on all of that and feeling good.  There was a lot about Friday night that I will have to save for another post, but for now I can say it was a beautiful experience at just the right time, because I was coming undone just before that.  Later this morning when I got dressed, I pulled out an old pair of jeans and put them on in an effort to decide whether or not it’s time for goodwill.  In the back pocket I found one of Ty’s Spiderman stickers from the hospital.  It crushed me and took me a whi