Wednesday, June 3, 2015

My kid is a weirdo and I couldn't love him more

Gavin recently learned the word weirdo and he loves it.  He has been having a lot of fun testing in out in all different ways to see if he can get a rise out of me.  Of course I have told him over and over again that it’s not a “nice” word, which probably makes him want to use it more.

“Hey… You… Banana in my banana bread (pointing to the slice of banana bread I gave him for breakfast)… You’re a WEIRDO!”  

Me: “Why don’t you want to invite any girls to your birthday party?”
Him: “Because they’re weirdos.”

Me:  “You love all superheroes, but Superman. Why don’t you like Superman?”
Him: “Obviously, because he’s a weirdo.” 
I had to stop arguing with him on that one when he pointed out how Superman wears his underwear on the outside of his uniform.  Superman immediately lost his cool status with me.

What my sweet boy doesn’t realize is that he is as weird as they come.  And I love my little weirdo.  Which means my husband and I are a couple of weirdos, too, because as my Mother-in-Law says, “You don’t plant tomatoes and get potatoes.”

Off the top of my head, a quick list of some funny things about my little wack-o:
  • He wears goggles in the shower because he doesn’t want his eyes to get wet.  
  • He prefers wearing pajamas over absolutely everything.  If you try to show him that sweat pants and t-shirts are equally comfortable he will look at you like you’re, well, a weirdo.
  • He refuses to wear short-sleeve shirts.  No matter how hot it is.  He prefers not to wear shorts over long pants, either, but I use shorts as a bargaining chip (i.e. if you wear shorts today, I’ll let you wear a long sleeve shirt).
  • He won’t touch the toilet bowl because he’s afraid there’s pee on the seat but he doesn’t care that his efforts to avoid any contact with the toilet result in HIS pee getting on the seat.
  • He also runs out of the bathroom after flushing in fear that the toilet will overflow every time
  • He hates ice cream because it is cold.  I mean, c’mon!!  
  • On that note, he doesn’t like chocolate, either.  Is he even human?
  • His favorite superheroes are the X-Men, but he prefers Cyclops over Wolverine – I can’t even begin to understand this.
  • He calls his penis his “wee-nis” and calls a girl’s you-know-what a “no-penis” (disclaimer: I did not teach him this).
    • “GAVIN!!! Close that door, I told you I need privacy!!!!
    • “Okay, Mom.  Sorry, I forgot!!  I almost saw your no-penis! <giggles>"
  • He knows the word “bra,” but prefers to call them “boob clothes.”
  • He says that the only reason girls are lucky to be girls is because when they are teenagers they grow boobies and can look at them and touch them as much as they want (he’s a sick-o)
  • I believe his familiarity with the word is also why he thinks “booby” traps are so funny.  
  • When I asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, he picked banana bread.
  • The only way he knows how to dance is breakdancing.  Very bad breakdancing.  
The other night we were saying prayers before bedtime and Gavin was asking me what everything means.  Of course I was rushing and just want him to go to sleep, so I had little patience.  When we got to the Hail Mary and we said, “blessed art thou, amongst women,” he stopped me again to ask what it means.  

“Ugh, Gavin.  C’mon!  We’ve been saying this prayer for years.  Amongst women is an old fashioned way of saying ‘among women,’ so it means she is most blessed among all women.”

“OHHHH!!!!  All this time I was picturing A MONKEY SWIMMIN’!”

I guess I should have more patience and take the time to explain things to him more often!  So cute.  I love my little weirdo so so very much.  He makes me so happy.  We are in love :)