Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Finally, I dreamed of you



I was tired all day yesterday.  I haven't been sleeping well and I guess a number of things caught up with me. Lou had a meeting after work so I put Gavin to bed and ended up falling asleep there for the rest of the night. Maybe that is why Ty finally came to me in my dreams, because I slept so long, or because I was in his little brother's room.

I don't know why last night of all nights, but it was wonderful and I have been thinking about it all day.  I want to jump back in and remember every little detail because dreams slip away so quickly.  I want to feel that feeling again as if we are really together, in the flesh.

In my dream he was as beautiful as ever.  He was a big boy, and so angelic, just like he looked the weeks leading up to his passing.

Dreams are strange and I can't recall everything.  All I know is suddenly, there you were.  I held you. I changed you.  Changing you was so symbolic of the intimate acts of motherhood I engaged in every day because even in my dream you were lying down and unable to move.  You spoke to me, but only when responding to something I said or answering my questions.  It was very slow moving, like time was standing still, and  I can still hear that little whisper in my ear.
"How do you feel?"
"Good"
"I love you so much"
"I wub you"
"Can you stay?"

He didn't answer.  The dream went on and I can't recall exactly what else happened or what else we talked about, I just know that every time I asked him the same thing... "Can you stay?" he didn't answer.  It's the last thing I can remember before Gavin woke me.

There is so much more I want to ask him.  I wish I could go back.


28 comments:

  1. You will see him again now that he has come to you. Maybe he didn't answer that question because he is always with you. He does stay just not in the same way you saw him in your dream. He will be back ,I promise....Jean

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  2. Yey!! I am sooooo happy for you!! I have been wishing this for you ever since Ty passed. I hope he comes back every night from now on. :) I love Ty!

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  3. So beautiful and uplifting. And comforting, too. Thank you for continuing to share your special Ty with us.

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  4. SuperTy always and forever <3

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  5. I am so happy for you Cindy. I know how much you've longed for that dream.

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  6. God Bless you Cindy. I know youve been waiting for this which seems like forever....Im so happy for you!!!

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  7. Tears. So glad you got some time with your beloved boy. I believe dreams are very powerful, and some are simply real. I t made me happy to hear he said he feels good.

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  8. Gave me goosebumps! I truly believe dreams are more than just dreams! So happy for you!!!!

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  9. All I can say is love transcends time and space. It is a spiritual bond once made in the heart, never ever to be broken.A mother's love is the strongest bond of all. So happy you were able to reunite, you will always be together. <3

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  10. Dear Cindy,

    Your post brought me to tears today. I'm so happy that your beautiful boy visited you in your dreams. I can imagine what comfort it brought you. It's bittersweet but I truly believe that our loved ones visit us in our dreams so that we can know they are ok. I don't want to compare the loss of my mother to losing a child, nothing could be worse, but I lost my mother when I was 26 and I remember missing her so much and wishing that she would visit me in my dreams. In the beginning the dreams were bad but then she came to me one night and I can still remember the hug we shared like it just happened. I could actually feel her in my dream. It made me cry but I truly believe she came back to me so I could know she was alright. I think this is what Ty did for you. I haven't commented in a while but I read your post daily and your words always inspire me and I know so many others. You have been through so much but you still can see the beauty in things. I still think about Ty and what a beautiful angel he is. He will never be forgotten.

    Ann from Buffalo

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  11. So beautiful! I hope he visits you again in your dreams soon!!!

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  12. I am so happy for you, I hope your husband gets a visit in his dreams also. I believe God heard your prayers. When you wrote the other day that you were begging to just have him back... maybe this was Gods way of granting your wish. I hope now that Ty has figured out how to visit he comes to you often. Sending much love to you and your family.

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  13. Chills in the best way....xo

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  14. The most beautiful thing I could have read today. I wish this for you every day Cindy. What a beautiful gift. I hope he reminds you often he is not far - never far from you and always in your heart.

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  15. I wish he could stay too Cindy. For you, for Lou, for Gavin. I am forever sorry that Ty is in heaven when he should be here with you. Much love to you all always. Donna

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  16. Oh, I am soo happy that you finally had a dream about Ty! I think that he didn't answer you because its his way of saying he's always with you, or perhaps he didn't know what to say cause he didn't wanna make u sad...after all, you know Ty and how he always likeds to make people happy/smile. Don't worry, he'll come back again, when your ready. Always in my prayers.
    Betty from Beacon NY

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  17. Oh Cindy, my heart is aching for you and yet I am so so glad that you got to see Ty again in your dream. I have not commented in a while but I read all your posts and always will because your beautiful son has a special place in my heart.
    Love and Hugs from Lisa and baby Charlie in Frankfurt xoxox

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  18. Hearing this puts a huge smile on my face. I hope this is a sign of things to come. Always thinking of you guys. May God's love be with you always.

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  19. That is so awesome that Ty came to you in a dream last night.!!. IMHO, perhaps he comes to Gavin in dreams all the time and since you were in his room...he came to yours also. Has Gavin mentioned that he sees Ty in his dreams? That would make sense, since he does talk about Ty a lot.
    My wish for you always, Cindy, is endless dreams with Ty in them!!

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  20. The title of your post took my breath away instantly. I am so happy that you finally got to see your dear sweet Ty, if only in you dreams.
    I hope that it was the first of many :)

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  21. Very happy for your dream last night. My cry was a sad one :( and a happy one :) you and Maya are truly amazing people! Love, Angela from Carmel

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  22. I wish he could stay!!! I wish he would visit you every day in your dreams. I have chills reading it. I believe in some dreams. So sad he didn;t answer but then you know why he didn't. But wow even in your dreams you were fully aware that he isn't with you because you were asking him if he can stay. Even when you sleep you still never part from this heavy never ending ache of not having your baby. Sad, unfair. Baby boy I really wish you can stay :)

    Miss you.

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  23. We are living parallel lives, Cindy. That other day when you posted about your bad day, my day had been awful too. I also sobbed my heart out. and now this. I'm so glad you dreamt of him, and I know the feeling, cause yesterday I dreamt of her.

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  24. Wow, a beautiful and moving post. Thank you so much for sharing. I always feel comfort when my father is in my dreams. He died of lung cancer some years ago. I read this post a few days ago, of course! but am thinking of you again tonight because I am watching the news and there is a story about a girl who shaved her head so her friend wouldn't feel so alone. As they went into commercial the anchor said: I hope this brings more awareness to childhood cancer. :) Anywhere we can get it.
    -Emily Hoboken

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  25. Cindy I know it's not the same. I was devastated when my father died. I was definitely Daddy's Little Girl. After quite some time when he finally came to me in my dreams, I asked him to stay with me...not to leave again. In my dream he said "I never left you. I am right here with you all the time." When I woke up (okay, I swear I'm not crazy) I smelled his cologne. Since then I truly found comfort in this. Though I miss him terribly, I believe he is with me. I hope you "feel" your baby all the time too. You are a wonderful lady. Please be assured your little boy is near.

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  26. Wishing you many more sweet dreams ...

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  27. Wishing you many more as we'll. xxxxooo :)

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