Gavin is four years old. I can't believe it. Where did my baby go?
He had a great day today. We took him to LEGOLAND and he couldn't have been more excited about the entire experience. Especially the new Lego Super Hero sets that he took home with him. All-in-all, I think it was a great day. The weather was perfect. The place we are staying is perfect. We are just missing one huge and most important thing in our lives that makes every minute of every day imperfect. It can never be perfect again, but we were happy today and that is so important for Gavin. He had a very happy birthday today. We shared the best hugs and kisses at bedtime tonight. I feel really good about this very beautiful trip we made out West with him to show him just how special he is and how much we love him.
When we took him to the zoo the other day, it was the first time we took a family photo without Ty. It was so hard to do. His absence is so heavy and to sit in front of the camera and ask someone to take a photo of us, it was just so weird. My head was spinning. It took every ounce of my being to smile and make pretend. The person taking the photo had no idea whatsoever what Lou and I were really thinking as they happily uttered the command, "say cheese!!" Gavin had no idea, either. But for us, the act of attempting to take a normal family photo couldn't have been further from normal. I don't like to look at it.
Last night, Gavin was telling Lou and I a story at dinner time. He was so cute and so excited, engrossed in a conversation about super heroes. He started going off on an imaginative tangent about a new Avengers song that sings about Iron Man, Hulk and Hawkeye. He was so animated when he talked about the song that we all know doesn't really exist. Sharing adorable details he was making up off-the-cuff just to entertain us. I turned to Lou and said, "you know what would be happening right now if Ty was in that seat right there, where he should be? Ty would be turning to Gavin and saying 'Ga-Gaaaa! That's not a weel song!!!' and Gavin would get pissed and yell back, 'yes, it is a weel song, Ty!!'" They would definitely argue over it because Ty doesn't let Gavin get away with anything and Gavin is just so stubborn and hot-headed. The more angry he gets, the more Ty would tease him. How he loved to get a rise out of his brother!
We feel so incomplete without Ty. Lou and I have been watching Gavin running around for days. At the zoo, on the beach, at the theme park, and all we can talk about is how we wish he had his brother to play with him. He just seems so alone and it's not fair. He is shy around other children that he doesn't know, for example he was hanging all over me at LEGOLAND today, too shy to play with the other kids. If his brother was there, that never would have been an issue. But today I am still happy for Gavin. He had a really good day. He was so sweet and so appreciative. We are blessed and lucky to have our big, loving four-year-old boy. I just wish it wasn't going by so fast! I was robbed of his adorable toddler years because I was so consumed taking care of Ty, and now I watch him from a distance in sheer amazement at what a good boy he has become despite it all. He makes me so proud :)