Thursday, January 17, 2013

Office improvements and missing Ty

I started writing this last night, but I had trouble uploading photos. In rereading it, it seems like my thoughts are scattered, but I'll go ahead and post it anyway. I woke up missing Ty so much today (and every day). I woke up and felt normal, went to the bathroom, and didn't realize he was gone until i returned to the bed. Those are the worst kinds of mornings. Anyway...

I will start out with the good stuff.  Our new office space had wood flooring installed over the weekend (in the main room and the hallway), and tomorrow the carpeting will be installed in the two offices.  Freight Liquidators on Route 6 in Mahopac has graciously donated all of the supplies, and Greg Fagon of Avanti Custom Remodeling has again donated his time for installation.  Greg also led the painting project and I can't thank him enough for his incredible work.  He is a perfectionist, his work is beautiful, and he did it all in a day!  If you are looking for a contractor for any home improvements whatsoever, don't hesitate to contact Greg at gfs00@aol.com.   Once everything is in place, I will post pictures of the entire office.  It is impressive!  Great things are happening here :)


I want to talk about Gavin, tonight.  And our sad little family of three.  It just feels so weird and so wrong all the time.  Everywhere we go.  Today he had his ski school (we signed him up at the tiny local mountain considering he did so well in Vermont).  We had a snow day  today so the place was busting at the seams with kids everywhere.  Brothers and sisters running around together, parents watching out for their brood.  I felt so mad that Ty wasn't there.  That I once had a five year old boy, too, but now he's gone.  He was beautiful.  Gavin loved his brother so much and now I have to wonder if he watches other little boys playing together and feel the same emptiness that Lou and I feel.  Of course his pain doesn't match ours, he is too young (thank God), but he does get sad.  I know he does.  Every single time he meets a new kid, he asks them to come over our house to play with him.  It is so incredibly cute but it hurts so much every time he does it. He needs the comfort that he only got from his big brother.  I worry that Gavin is lonely and outnumbered by me and Lou.  I always wanted a life where I was outnumbered by my kids!


I was wearing a heart-shaped locket with Ty's photo in it today.  Gavin was sitting face-to-face with me on my lap and we were just snuggling when he took my necklace and opened it.  He knows what's inside, he's seen it a hundred times, but my little actor opened his eyes wide in surprise and said "Ty!  I miss you!"  Then he did the cutest thing, ever.  He started whispering while he pulled the heart up to his chest... "Ty is in this heart, and now he is in my heart.  I put you in my heart, Ty."  I told Gavin that the words on my locket are very similar (I carry your heart with me - EE Cummings) and I asked Gavin if he would like to wear one, too.  He said yes with so much excitement, I almost started crying but I didn't.  I totally held it together.  I had already had a huge, ugly cry on my way into the office this morning so I was strong. 

I take Gavin to the office with me sometimes.  He raids Ty's candy cart and likes to touch every little thing.  I turned around for a minute yesterday and found him here, on top of the microwave, eating a lollipop.  I love when he comes with me.  I don't accomplish much, but I think it helps him to feel like he is a big part of all of this, and that is so important. 



I look at pictures of Gavin and wonder, where did my baby go?  It's so sad.  I was a cancer mom since he was 16 months old.  I lived in hell for over two years - still in it - and during that time my baby boy grew up.  Just another thing about my life that breaks my heart.  I promise you, I do enjoy him. to the fullest, now.  I never allow myself to go into a sad daze when we're together.  I play with him.  I still tickle him and kiss his belly all the time because he just can't get enough of it and  neither can I.  I love how he yells at me for mercy, begs me to stop, and as soon as I do he jumps up and yells, "tickle me AGAIN!"  Kids are the best.

I have a very embarrassing confession to make.  I often wait to eat a late dinner with Lou, so Gavin eats alone around 6PM.  When I want to do stuff around the kitchen, I prefer to sit him in his high chair in front of the TV so he can't walk away from his food (which he otherwise does constantly unless I'm monitoring him).  He is going to be four in April.  He weighs 46 pounds.  I know, it is utterly ridiculous.  Well, tonight was the last night.  I took the chair down to storage and snapped some bittersweet photos beforehand.  I decided it was time when even Gavin teased me about it tonight.  "Mommy, I'm not a little boy, I'm a big boy.  Why do you put me in this chair?"  The answer is, I was being lazy.  I can sit at the table with him for a half hour and watch him eat every night without getting too anxious, right?  Maybe if he didn't eat as slow as my 100 year old grandmother I wouldn't get so antsy but the dishes are calling!   I know, I know, I am going against every thing I write about.  Only with this one thing.  His slow eating habits really weigh me down because he makes us late for school every day, he doesn't finish his lunch in the time frame at school so he doesn't eat enough, and I can never get out the door.  Sometimes I carry a buttered roll in my purse to make up for the scrambled eggs he had to leave on his plate during the morning rush. 

I know, he's huge.
Last night, I snuggled Gavin and my pillow ended up soaked.  He doesn't snuggle the same as Ty and I realized it had been several days since I allowed myself to remember those details.  How I would put Ty's arms around my neck, then cup and scoop his behind so his whole body was up against mine.  Our noses would touch and I would share his breath.  He got sweaty sometimes so I would tissue off his cheeks.  He would fall asleep and sleep soundly right through my endless kisses on those perfect lips.  I could imagine how I would uncurl his fingers and hold his warm soft hand in mine.  I wish I never had to let go of that hand.  I would do anything for Ty.  Anything in the world.  When I pray at night, I can even hear his whisper just like he used to recite the Our Father, and say a special prayer for all the children with cancer.  He was so special, I can go on and on. 

When we were stuck in the hospital, inpatient, I used to fantasize about breaking Ty out of there.  Unhooking him from all machines, removing his tubies, running out the door and driving away into the sunny day ahead of us.  I wanted him to see the trees and smell the flowers instead of being stuck behind those cold white walls, curtains and beeping machines.  I promise you it's true when i say that now I fantasize about the opposite.  I drive familiar roads wishing I still had a reason to keep going straight for the hospital.  To see Mary, and Dr. Kevin and Dr. Jeff.  To talk about Ty and how we were going to save him.  Lou asked me last night if I think any of his doctors actually believed Ty was going to make it.  We both agreed that Dr. Kevin was the closest to believing.  He was always so amazed by Ty, and so supportive of our family.  He got really chocked up when he heard the news of his passing, and that, to me, shows what an incredible heart he has.  He cares so much and he is going to do amazing things for his kids, and I am so glad that he is on our medical advisory board at the foundation.

When Ty was a baby, everyone stopped to watch him.  He was just a gorgeous, funny little boy.  Lou and I were always so proud.  I loved how he would run ahead of me on the boardwalk in what he called the jogging lane - but he knew not to get in the bike lane.  I could watch his tiny feet and his athletic legs racing me in his flip flops while I strolled along with baby GaGa.  Such a beach bum.  I loved how he wanted to go down in the sand all the time on a brisk fall evening after work - which means late dinner and a definite bath, but I never denied him that because I love being on that beach just as much as he does.  People loved to watch him chase the waves at sundown.  Collect seashells and run across the waters edge to make the seagulls and the piping plovers go crazy.  Wet and sandy was part of his wardrobe at the end of almost every day.  I was sure Ty Campbell would be a great surfer and a handsome lifeguard.  Then I hoped he would grow up to be an executive or a senator.  Someone of influence.  Well, in his short five years he certainly has become a little man of influence and I couldn't be more proud. 

It's amazing to know that half of his life was spent as a cancer patient.  All that we went through.  He still managed to grow up from a toddler to a young boy.  He remained strong willed and knew what he liked.  He had a way with people when he wanted to, and other times he was just too cool for talking or hanging out.  Never too cool for hanging out with his mommy, though.  No way.  His favorite place to be.  Holding him close is the thing I miss the most.  Hands down.  Our love just radiated between us.  Who couldn't feel good with all of that love being exchanged.  Not to mention how perfectly his head fit resting on my chest.  His little bum on my hip.  We were a perfect fit in every way. 

This week I learned of two more children in the area that just died from cancer. I've been following their stories and begging for their full recoveries. It is so hard to stay positive when the reality is so brutal. One mom referred to her son's recent birthday as a celebration because he survived another year. How wrong it feels to sing happy birthday when you get chocked up on the goofy part at the end... "and many more!!"

I received a present in the mail today (love them) and it was a necklace that had a Moon charm inscribed "I love you to the moon and back."  It's funny because I never said that to Ty as he was growing up, only when he was a baby because  I read him the Guess How Much I Love You/Little Nutbrown Hair book every single night until he was old enough to stand and pick his own books.  When Ty was in his bed, asleep for several days before he passed away, I pulled together a pile of all of our favorites old and new, and I read "Guess How Much I love you" to him countless times.  I read it just the way I used to when he was in infant.  In my softest voice.  The night after he passed away and he was still in our bed, I continued to read him his books softly for hours and hours  They say the hearing is the last thing to go.  I wanted him to know that i was reading to him. Guess How Much I Love You.  The Little Boat.  We're Going on a Bear Hunt, The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear, I Love you Forever... all of those books have so much more meaning now.  It was as if I was trying to prepare him and inspire him for the life ahead of him in heaven.  I wanted him to be inspired when I read "full speed ahead to the end of the world!!"  I hope he heard me.  I hope those hours of storytime filled him with comfort.  I know it helped me.  I was so helpless, I couldn't do anything, so I read to him, and I kissed his cold cheeks, and I held his hand and I whispered I love you a billion times over.  Oh my God, I can't even type through my tears thinking about that.  I want more time.  More stories.  I miss him so so very much.

I was all over the place in this post.  Hope that doesn't mean I'll be having one of those days!  Up and down.  Laughing then crying.  Yep, probably going to be one of those days.  I'll skip the mascara :)

I posted a similar picture to this one the other day.  I love the sunlight in his hair.  Almost angelic.



56 comments:

  1. It's just not fair and I am so sorry. I don't even have the words to express. I will never understand why Ty did not get his miracle here on earth with you and all of the rest of his family.

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  2. No words, just tears. Thinking of Ty everyday.

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  3. Hugs, as always. The office is looking fantastic. What great people you have surrounding you. You are doing awesome things.

    I laughed at Gaga in his chair. Evan is a big boy for his age (he will be 3 1/28). I have an endtable and a red chair and put him in front of the TV to eat too. He picks all day long. And my little piece of lazy mom,... he just gave up his bottle about 2 months ago. That thing was his costant for ever. I thought he would go to school with it! ;)
    I really loved your total honesty in this post. I thought I was crazy mounring a boy that I never knew. I think of you and your pain and realize how much you have to bear right now. I think that is when I am my saddest. When I wonder how you are. That you have faced the worse that all of us parents fear. You show great strength.
    Shawna
    Millbrook, NY

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  4. You and Ty inspire me to be a better parent Cindy. Thank you for continuing to share your journey. We appreciate you letting us walk with you. And we ARE with you. I wish I could do even more. xo

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  5. Another amazing man in Gavin, amazing how you are all able to fill hearts (and eyes with tears) with every post. You are all treasures...
    On a completely practical note - instead of a high chair, perhaps consider a trip-trap chair. Has straps, super stable, grows from little ones to even holding up an adult when someone else steals their chair :-)
    Thank you for waiting to post with the pictures - one of the most special ones of Gavin and Ty. Thank you.

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  6. Once again I am in tears reading your post, my heart breaks for you and all you have been through and lost. I can only hope and pray that you find comfort in Gavin and Lou. When I read about your and Ty's love between you I completely understand, I have 4 babies, love them like I never knew love existed but there is a certain bond with your first born that no one will ever understand or feel. The first born makes you a mom, makes you feel a force of love that is indiscribable, and makes you realize your importance and true meaning. It's not that you love the next any different but the first time is so special. I pray for you and your family every day and I hope you find peace. Wishing you much love and comfort xoxo

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  7. I hope you see your lady bug today (sounds like you really need to today) This picture of Ty is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. Every time I see Ty's picture, and I do mean EVERY time, my heart skips a little beat. He is so beautiful, and so special Cindy. As his Mom, of course you know this deeply. But I honestly can say that the pull he has on people who have never met him is very profound. He is full to the brim with love, he IS love, so it is no wonder that love is what people feel when they read your posts and see his smile. :)

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  9. Cindy...
    I have followed Ty's story as so many have, and I just want you to know that there is a wonderful "Papa" in heaven now who I am sure has connected with Ty. My daughter-in-law's father(only 61 yrs.) recently passed away after suffering a stroke. Papa Bob loved to fish, wrestle, tease and talk superheroes with his grandsons. Soooo....if you don't see a sign that Ty is with you on a particular day, blame Papa Bob because I am sure he and Ty are off on incredible adventures!

    Maggie
    Springfield, MO

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  10. Cindy your blog is always so real and honest - never feel the need to apologize. I cry while reading every post - I cry tears of sadness that Ty is gone, I cry because I wish I could ease your pain and I know no one can do that, I cry because Ty feels as real to me as my own son and I only ever saw him once - the way you talk about him, your words bring me to a place where I can envision him and I just hate what cancer did to him. He is so beautiful - your stories so heartfelt and highlight all that is wonderful about a child.

    I have my own lazy mommy confession too - I often let Christopher watch movies while he eats since I know he'll take forever too - at least the movie keeps him at the table so I can do all the stuff that needs doing. I think most mommy's have a lazy story or two of their own. Don't feel bad. But because of you I do remind myself these moments with are little ones pass much too fast and I'm starting to hide the dvd player and enforce a no trains at the dinner table (well at least for the first part of dinner - I inevitably cave at some point and next thing we're eating with the entire island of Sodor - of course daddy never lets this happen when he's home so this activity is reserved for the nights daddy is working - sshhhhhh don't tell him :)

    I love love love the pic of Gavin at the office - love his spider man shoes or sox that he's wearing - and the story about your necklace, what a precious moment. And the new flooring looks great - Greg did a great job. Freight Liquidators is awesome for donating the supplies.

    Was just looking at the pic of Ty hugging Gavin - so precious. Thinking of you guys always - sending love and strength. SuperTy always and forever.

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  11. A beautiful boy with a beautiful life that ended way too short. The first picture of Ty and Gavin is priceless - brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. You are so strong, Cindy. The office is looking good!

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  12. Hi Everyone reading Cindy's blog...

    I have nominted Cindy for the live w/ kelly & michael togehter with Children's motrin looking for an UNSTOPPABLE MOM!!! Please go to thier website and upload a nomintation. Let's get alot on there and if she wins, what a fantastic way to raise awareness. If she doesn't MAYBE someone will take notice of all the entries for Cindy and get her some notice anyway!!
    love to you Cindy and SUPERTY!!!!
    Shawna
    Millbrook, NY
    p.s. Any questions to nominte, shawnak223@optonline.net

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    1. Great idea! Put this on Facebook!

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    2. Great idea..will do.
      I have been trying to get Roger Goodell to have the players in the Superbowl wear something gold for pediatric cancer and in honor of Ty. If everyone could call, write, tweet Roger Goodell we may be able to make it happen.
      Jody

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    3. I have posted in on Ty's FB page, but, they go into the feed and wasn't sure if it would be seen, so I decided to post here as well. Thanks all!! I knew we could count on each other!!! xoxox
      Shawna

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    4. Put this on ur personal FB account if u have, I do and will post.

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    5. Beth - Stormville, NYJanuary 17, 2013 at 2:29 PM

      I followed your lead and nominated Cindy too!

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    6. Yes, please tweet write or FB Roger Goodall. I have tweeted him several times asking them to wear gold! Lets get this done!

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    7. thats a great idea and then she get Ty's story out there too i think she would love that..

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  13. Beth - Stormville, NYJanuary 17, 2013 at 10:53 AM

    Oh Cindy - I wish you had more time with him too. It's just so unbelievably unfair. No words - just prayers for strength, peace and the power of Ty's life to bring about the awareness and changes so desperately needed in the messed up reality of childhood cancer.

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  14. I can barely write through my tears when reading your posts....I never met him, but because of you, I feel like I know him. I so want him be here with you, to play with Gavin, to run on the beach. I am so so so sorry for what has happened to him and your family. I love the picture of Ty hugging Gavin...so sweet and beautiful. I was trying to tell my fiance about him the other night but couldn't because I started crying and couldn't talk. I just want everyone to know his story.
    I'm glad the office is coming along and it looks great! Good things are going to happen there and Ty will be right there with you helping and sending signs.
    Thank you so much for sharing Cindy...as sad as it makes me to read your posts sometimes it makes me a better person and mother.
    By the way, I was feeling guilty because my son Kai is 3 and still sits in his highchair in front of the TV watching old Spider-Man cartoons when he eats. I had felt so guilty about this but after reading your post and some of these other moms it now looks like I'm not the only one.
    Thamks..:)
    PS..I was wondering if you were ever planning on selling Ty shirts and or hats with the Ty symbol on it. I'm sure people would love to have them to help spread the word and the proceeds could go to Ty's foundation. I would love one...just a thought.:)
    Also, still working on the Superbowl thing.
    Love, Jody

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  15. I'm sitting at work bawling my eyes out. I want him back for you, too. I want you to be able to read him those books every minute of every day. I want you to have more time, too. I want him to be his amazing surfer self turned lifeguard.

    But I agree, he has influenced this world immensely. And I think that has only just begun. I think his legacy will be huge. It already is to me and my sons get to feel his effects every day. I know it's just starting to gain momentum with each day and each new blog post.

    I hate just thinking about what Gavin lost. Having twin boys who rely on each other like the other is the air they need, I would imagine it was the same for Gavin and Ty, especially for Gavin. I love love love the locket story. What a beautiful boy Gavin is!

    I am praying for a peaceful kind of day for you.

    Much love,
    Lori

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  16. Morning,

    Thank you, again, for sharing your beautiful, yet heart-breaking, journey.

    Ty, was indeed a " Profiles in Courage." SuperTy's courage was fantastic. SuperTy will always be my hero.

    My continued thoughts & prayers are with SuperTy & all of his family.

    God Bless.

    - Rob Swan

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  18. Beautiful, Ty is just beautiful. The last picture is breathtaking!

    Thinking of you always,
    Jan
    Georgia

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  19. Gosh, this one really got to me. All of your entries are touching, but this was one of the ones that hurt. The way you talk about Ty is beautiful, but sometimes it hits so close to home with the relationship between me and my little boy (3 years old) that it just makes my chest ache. I feel like I say the same things in every comment, but it's always the truth. My heart breaks for you. I pray often that your pain will lessen over time, and that things will get easier with the more time that passes, but I know, as a mother, that the pain will never completely disappear.

    I particularly loved the part when you mentioned Ty growing to be someone of influence. Amazing, that at such a young age, he was able to have such a huge impact on people he never even met. I'm one of them, so I know how true that is! Heck, he's impacted me much more than any senator or executive ever has.

    I also have to admit that I actually laughed out loud about your describing Gavin in the high chair, especially the part about him eating as slow as your 100 year old grandma, lol! I think that we all, even the best of mothers, have those little shortcuts we take. I know I do, as embarrassing as they are. There has to be some way to maintain some sanity, right? :)

    While my heart hurts for Gavin, I truly feel, from what I've read, that he will be just fine. Kids are resilient, and with loving parents like you and Lou, he will not only be okay, he will thrive. Mark my words! I often sense a need from you to reassure your readers that you love Gavin just as much, and that you don't deny him attention. Cindy, you don't need to prove anything to anyone. We all know that you love him just as much, but we all also know that what you're going through has to be unimaginably painful. Just the fact that you get out of bed every morning is something to be proud of. You are doing great as a mother, so don't ever doubt it, okay?

    As always, I'll be praying for you as I allow my kids to get glitter everywhere, eat an extra cookie, pick out an extra few books for bed time, and jump in muddy puddles. <3

    Stefanie N (from Indiana)

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  20. And for the record...

    One of my new Years Resolutions was to make everyone in the family eat every meal at the dining room table.

    I've failed miserably so far. :)

    Stefanie N. (Indiana)

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  21. Hello.. Thinking of you and my heart breaks!! I wish you could have Ty back too.. The only way I can equate the pain is when I lost my Dad back in February 2009.. I had some of the similar feelings of needing more time, hugs, kisses etc..cannot come close to a child but the pain was incredible! I replayed every second of him going to the hospital what I did, said etc until he took his last breath and after! Your pain is NOT FAIR!! My Dad lived his life Ty did not get a chance to.. BUT I DO KNOW THIS: TY LOUIS CAMPBELL has done more in his short 5 years and continues to do so even in death.. Look at all the awareness YOU AND TY have achieved!!! He is more important than the President!! He is bringing an awareness to pediatric cancer that was never in the forefront!! I have to admit I myself wasn't aware until finding you guys!!! I still keep you in my thoughts and prayers.. I hope Ty keeps sending you signs when you need them and I pray for peace for you, Lou and Gavin.. The pain will never go away but maybe it will be easier to bear in time..love Gabrielle

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  22. I'm so sorry that you have to miss your sweet Ty, and that he isn't here raiding the candy jar and lighting up the room with that smile of his. I pray for you and your family ever single day, and for cancer to no longer exist. Today I thought of Ty while I was watching the Price is Right, because one of the prizes was a beautiful, gold ladybug necklace. I know that's a sign he's going to make wonderful things happen to raise awareness for this monster of a disease. Lots of love, Ashleigh

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  23. For some reason, the link to reply under one of the comments isn't working, but I wanted to say that I also nominated Cindy for the UNSTOPPABLE Mom on the Live with Kelly and Michael website. Go Cindy!!

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  24. I honestly don't know how you held it together when Gavin grabbed your necklace, reading that just made my heart hurt! The pic of him in the high chair though gave me laughter through my tears! LOL... My oldest son takes forever to eat too... literally it is painful sitting their with him waiting for him to finish, so we all can understand what you are talking about. :) I LOVE the pic of Ty... I love that face and smile! I just want to hug him! I don't know how you find the strength everyday Cindy, but you are so inspiring! You have touched the lives of so many sharing the love you and Ty had together! What a special bond you have! Stay strong!

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  25. Hi Cindy,

    I am working with my alma mater (Texas A&M) to get our football team in gold next season in honor of Ty and all of your family. I will let you know if and when I hear anything.

    Regards,
    Lori

    PS, Please email me if any questions, I can't find an email address for you, or else I would reach out to you first. loril75@gmail.com

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  26. Cindy -- thanks for making me feel better...my son is still in his high chair and I know people think it's silly but I'm afraid he'll never eat if we don't keep him in there...it's the same thing - he eats SOOO slowly and unless I sit right there he'll get up and not eat. If only I had the same problem! My resolution was to try and sit more with the kids while we eat -- we eat together but often I just have a hard time sitting there while they eat slowly. It's hard.
    I was thinking of your doctors...you know I really do think doctors that work with kids and especially kids with cancer have to have hope and believe in each case...I don't think they could survive with out thinking things can change and miracles can happen.
    Maybe I just hope that is how it works...
    Ty really already did more than any senator that I've ever known...his name and a few other kids are going to the names people remember when we look back 20 years from now and realize that things are better. I read the story of Susan G Koman...and I think you and Maya are doing the same with your kids. Though it totally sucks he's not here...and he was so utterly amazing and special...he is changing the world.
    Childhood cancer is changing...people are slowly getting it...and as parents so many of us are changing too...not a day doesn't go by that I don't simply take in the moment knowing that we all really don't know how many days we have. Knowing Ty really helped me change that in my life...and I know I'm not alone.
    As always your posts are so heartfelt...I feel like I'm in your house hanging out. As always thanks for sharing your life with us...you really are an inspiration!
    Laura

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  27. Your posts inspire me and make me cry at the same time. I still can not imagine your pain but feel your sorrow thru your posts every day.I am proud of all of you for being able to hang on and continue to support each other and spread Ty's word.I will never forget him or get tired of reading about him and seeing his smiling face in the pictures you post.Please continue to share with us always.I am hoping your strength will help me get thru any hardships ahead of me.I will pray for you as always...Jean <3

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  28. I am always telling my 6 yr old son, "I love you more then the moon and back". So when I read your post, it made my heart skip a beat. I feel for you and I can only imagine what sadness your feeling, words cannnot express. I always think about Ty and your family. I love seeing pics of him and I do notice something special about him...as if he was already an angel here on earth...long before his journey to the other side. Prayers always sent your way. Betty from Beacon.

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  29. Officially crying.... In Wappingers Falls, NY

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  30. Cindy I think getting Gavin his own locket is a great idea, maybe you can get his with a captain american shield that opens with Ty's picture in it...just a thought i think he would love it and it would make him feel special and very close to Ty....LIsa

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  31. Cindy, don't worry about how your thoughts get down on paper. Doing this is helping you and teaching people at the same time.

    I adore the photo of them together with Ty's blue lollipop lips!

    Wishing you peace,
    Jennifer, Illinois

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  32. How do I nominate Cindy for Kelly/ michael ? Is there a site ?
    Cindy you are a great person you are loved by so many . Thank you for sharing yourself with us . You are going to make Hugh changes in the treatmeant of pediatric cancer .

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    1. It s at Kelly & Michael Live. I wish I had all the info, but we are kind of winging it. Use the Foundaiotn info for onctact and a DOB of 1/1/70? TIt will at least get her name there. There have been quite a bit of people emailing me and sending her info in!!!
      Shawna

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  33. All of you continue to be in our prayers. There is not a day that goes by that Ty's name is not spoken in our home. We are usually referencing your updates, so thank you for keeping us in your world.

    May God continue to bless you with signs from your amazing angel!!

    The Stewart Family
    Nebraska

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  34. Thank you for that picture of gavin. it made me laugh!!

    The other day i was in babies r us shopping for mh son... iwas having a bad day. Missing both my parents who have passed. then this addorible little boy who looked alot like ty walked right by me. guess what he was doing?! Sucking a blue lolipop!. And his lips all blue. the thought of ty and your family made me put myself together and press for a better attitude. His beautiful smile does warm my heart to no end
    hugs an ladybugs
    meg

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  35. Hi Cindy. My name is Jenna I live in California and I came across yours and Tys love and story on stand up ti Cancer. My little boy is 5...loves Max and Ruby so much thay he has me call him Max and he calls me Ruby. I too have a special connection with my Son around Ladybugs. In fact I have a tatoo with his name and a ladybug on my wrist. When he was born he had jaundice and while he was what I called "tanning" under his jaundice lamp I spotted a red spot on his forehead. In a panic a ran over to get a closer look and there it was! The most vibrantdream red ladybug that I ever saw and my little guys head. Since that day ladybugs land on him often. We find them in the house, car in his hair...they are always around. My son does not and has not had Cancer. My Mom however did die from this horrible disease 7called cancer 7 years ago. I too check my Son to see if he is breathing and I smother him with kisses so much that he says "mommy...! Im staying here on earth and not going to heaven like Nana" he sleeps with my husband and I every night and he too is a comfort too me.. the reason Im am sharing this with you is today I wrote on my Facebook. "Somewhere there is someone praying for what you take for granted" then within minutes your story popped on my facebook page on stand up to cancer. Some peoples life are eroded by choice. Lies, infidelity, lack of time, gratitide etc and others lives are eroded by a disease thay has no cure. Today I felt ashamed as the parent of a beautiful, amazing, smart, loving little boy who just wants love, snuggles, laughter and to call his Mommy ruby as he runs through the house. And unfortunately for awhile and up until I read your blog I too would get ino a sad haze over my martial problems ignoring my Job to be Ruby for my little max. Thank you for sharing your story Cindy.....you helped me put what really matters back into perspective and stop letting anothers choices errode my life.....Ty is beautiful! And my heart and prayers go out to you. Rest in peace Littlest <3










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  36. My apologies for the mispellings...I typed this on my phone thru tears! Good nite all....Jenna

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  37. Cindy, I love the pictures. Of course I was wiping away tears while reading and then when I saw the picture of GaGa in the high chair I just burst out laughing!!! It is so funny :) Thinking about your family always.

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  38. i should have skipped my mascara also. i always know i will end up crying but i cant stop. i want to hear more and more about Ty, learn more ansd more and everytime i have a question in my heart it seems you answer it right away to my satisfaction. i wanted to know ho whis doctors were doing, were they feeling guilty of giving up, of not finding cure for this perfect beautiful little boy that beat the odds every time. I dont mean to sound harsh saying giving up, please dont understand me wrong. I feel that I have given up also, maybe i should have continued with my major of boichemistry and end up finding cure, maybe maybe we all feel we should have been something that would give Ty the chance he deserved. And he did deserve to be everything and more, beautiful serfer, amazing lifeguard, important senator. I trully think Gavin will be live his life trying to fulfill his and Ty's dream together. He is so full of love for you and Ty and Lou. Please dont ever feel guilty of describing how different love for your boys is because its the truth and noone can deny it. Love for them is great but its different because you love different cute things about them, different habbits, different characters. I feel the same way about my two boys. My 5 yo Matthew is similar to Ty he is very pretty and sweet and van hug me forever, and my 4yo Benjamin is a wild vhild just like Gavin, physically funny, and will way to active to snuggle with me for long time. I know what you feel. I feel it too. It can never be the same, ultimately you will give up your life for both of them, bu loving each one is different. Time and time again I picture Ty's dead body in your bed. I think thats what inspired me to write something about Ty i emailed you sometime ago. This cant sit well with me, I breakdown more and more just trying to imagine this. Its a horror movie, it cant be a real life, right?! Its so cruel to read to a dead child. Poor baby Ty. You are so deserving of life. Life is beautiful but its just not the same since you are not here. I hope you are free I hopoe you are happy. I hope you know that even though your mom and dad and Gavin are sad and want you back, they let you go giult free because they didnt want you to suffer. I miss you baby Ty. Oh, Cindy, sometimes I darwe to dream that you will have another baby, Gavin will make the best most caring brother. I love you.

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  39. I nominated you Cindy for the Unstoppable Mom on Live with Kelly and Michael! I really hope you get this because you ARE the definition of an unstoppable mom and truly deserve this!!

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    1. She absolutely deserves that. Good call Kamarha1976!
      -Kate M

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  40. Cindy - Gavin is too cute. He's literally like Spiderman, ending up on appliances and whatnot.
    Love, Kate

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  41. We need to make some type of agreement... trust me when I say that when you need to forget the mascara..so do I.. You need to warn us all at the beginning of the posts
    Thinking of you and your family..
    XOXO
    Michelle

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  42. Cindy, always thinking of your beautiful family! don't worry about being everywhere With your post. I understood every beautiful word. :)


    love, Angela from Carmel

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  43. Dear Cindy, I can barely read your post through all the tears. I don't know how you ever manage to write them or for that matter get anything done. Yes I agree with others your post makes every bit of sense. You have such a way of speaking to my heart. Just like Ty smiles... melt you every time..straight to the heart. You can clearly see how much Ty took after you especially his personality. I'm so glad you are doing all these great things for Pediatric cancer research. You are the voice that can make the difference. I have never read one thing that your wrote that didn't move me. God is with you in your words and so is Ty! Unfortunately, there are too many little ones and their families that are going through this hell called cancer but you are the one I relate to as a mom and Ty and your family. I love your little Ty and will always carry him in my heart too. Sending you many hugs, prayers and love for you and your family of four not three, because I believe that Ty is always near you. Christine, OH ♥

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  44. if any one needs some ideas here is what i wrote to Kelly and Michael.

    I would like to nominate Cindy Campbell. Cindy IS an unstoppable mom. For 2 years she took care of her son Ty who was fighting cancer. Sadly this past October 17th Ty lost his fight. visit her blog at http://www.superty.org/ .read it and you will see why i feel she should win. She has started the Ty louis campbell foundation to raise awareness of pediatric cancer and because she is so driven to raise awareness this prize money will go to the foundation. Please consider Cindy to help her on her journey so Ty's passing and all the other kids at Sloan , st Judes and all other cancer hospitals fight against this disgusting disease will NOT be in vain. Thank you,

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