Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My best gift

A few weeks before Christmas, I was sobbing when I told Lou that I was at a loss for a gift.  Every year I try to have the boys make him something special.  Those are the best gifts.  It was so hard for me to buy him something this year because I didn't have anything new from Ty, and I never will again.  For his birthday I found a card in my closet that Ty had me buy during one of our Supermarket jaunts.  He just thought it was funny because when you opened it it "croaked" the happy birthday song.  I didn't buy it for anyone in particular, I bought it because Ty liked it.  When I came across it in November, it was the most special thing I could give to Lou on his birthday (of course, explaining why I had the card). 

For Christmas, I ended up getting him a gift certificate for a tattoo because I know he wants to honor Ty with one.  He was surprised and he loved it.

Then, I opened one of my gifts.


This laminated picture arrived in the mail the day after I cried to Lou about not having any new artwork from Ty.  One of his most thoughtful, kind, soft-spoken teachers at Blythedale came across something Ty had colored (with my help) and she was amazing enough to mail it to us.  Lou never opens mail like that, but on that day he did and it couldn't have been more perfect.  This was my best Christmas gift imaginable. 

You all know that I used to stay up for hours and hours every night reading up on other cancer kids, trying to compare protocols and uncover life-saving treatments for Ty.  There are countless children who struggle through years of chemo and other harsh treatments.  They finally win and enjoy a year, two years, five years cancer free, only to have the cancer come back and ultimately kill them.  Pictures of little kids holding up signs like, "Battling sarcoma for the fifth time".  Kids have cancer for years and years and years.  For life.  I used to say that if Ty was going to suffer fighting this evil disease for years upon years, only to die in the end, then I don't want him to fight anymore.  Well, I take it back.  Even if it meant more treatments, more hospital stays, more infections and more surgeries... I would take it.  Any time with Ty, I want it more than you can imagine.  I realize how selfish this statement is.  It is a totally bad mom thing to say and if I really had the choice I don't know what I would do... but I'm just telling you this as a true expression of how much I miss every day with him.  Even the very worst of days.  I miss them because I was able to hold him, kiss him, feel his hair in between my fingertips, hear his voice, put vaseline on his lips.  He was real and he was here and I can't believe I am left here to live the rest of my life without him. 

I mentioned before what a gift it is to come across new old photos of Ty.  The collection from Mely was my second best Christmas gift this year because I have pictures like this that I have never seen before.  This face just makes me happy.  It really does.  Pictures don't make me sad, unless they are photos of Ty when he was hurting.  Pictures like this make me so happy.  I can look at them all day and just smile. 


Before I go... a quick call to action.  Since "causes" became a part of Facebook, we have all been completely bombarded with petitions.  All of them sounding great, but after a while you start to wonder if they even mean anything or accomplish anything.  That, I still don't know the answer to (meaning, what the heck happens with all these petitions??), but I do know that Maya Thompson is legit and she started a petition to turn the white house gold in September.  Simultaneously, I hope Ty's foundation can do the same with the Empire State Building :)  Please take the time to sign her white house petition because I know she is the real deal, and who wouldn't want to see the kids getting this kind of attention from the most influential place of all?  This is not a causes.com petition but one that is hosted on another website called "we the people".  It requires registration, but the cause is worth the extra step.  Thank you.

HERE'S THE LINK

PS - Some of you may have noticed a negative comment following my last blog post (and thank you to those who stuck up for me).   I debated it and ultimately decided to delete the post in an effort to keep this a kind, loving vehicle to honor Ty. My posts are filled with my honest emotions so I don't want to filter your honest reactions, however, I do believe that anyone who questions my love and devotion to Lou and Gavin probably hasn't been reading about our family for very long. 

69 comments:

  1. Cindy & Lou,

    My heart still breaks for you guys, but I know you are going to change the world! I am so happy that you were able to receive that very special gift! You are not crazy or selfish, you want more time with Ty, what mother would not! You are amazing! Cant wait to see Lou's tattoo. Off to sign the petition!

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  2. Ty makes me smile and cry at the same time how is it possible? Every new picture is like finding treasure. Thanks so much. I will never get tired of looking at them. Ty is the biggest lost ever the world has lost so so much. And I know how I would want my babies here also no matter what because I would never loose hope that mom love can ultimately save them. But it's not so and it's hard to accept I know I wouldn't . I want Ty here also and I never met him but I knew him all my life because he is just so so special no one had ever touched my heart like that and no one ever will. He shares a special place in my heart that I only have for my two boys. I miss you Ty.

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  3. The picture of Ty is beautiful, he looks like Gavin.
    Ashley

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  4. Petition signed and shared on facebook. Thoughts and prayers for your family and all families affected by cancer. Your strength is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your life and reminding me what really is important in life.

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  5. Love that photo of Ty, Cindy. He has his trademark smile; the one that has touched a zillion hearts and mine. At the same time, I am tearing up because I wish more than ever that he was in your arms where he is supposed to be. All I can hope for you is that Ty keeps sending you his messages of love.

    By the way, Lou's tattoo sounds like an amazing way to keep Ty close.

    I signed Maya's petition as soon as I heard of it - I want to see that White House turn Gold. Certainly greater public awareness, Government support and Federal funding are the critical steps toward enabling more research into drugs and treatment methods that will save these children from Cancer! I hate Cancer so much!

    Finally, your blog has always been such treasured and important place to talk about Ty and share your family's love story - don't let anyone take that from you.

    Much love & hugs,
    Judy

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  6. Hi Cindy,

    Like so many others, I read your blog every time there is a new post. I also re-read many of the prior posts. Thank you so much for sharing Ty and your emotions with us all.

    I am happy that I did not read the comment posted by someone who surely has not been following you. Your love and devotion to Ty, Lou and Gavin is evident in all your posts. You have made so many people strive to be better mothers, wifes, husbands, sisters, brothers, etc.

    I too signed the White House petition as soon as I heard of it, and I shared it on my facebook. I am confident we will get the signatures we need to turn the White House gold. Please do let us know if we can help with the petition to turn the Empire State Building gold as well. It will be wonderful to raise more awareness, which is exactly what we need. So many people are just so uneducated.

    No one can blame you for wanting Ty back in your arms where he belongs. Please don't ever think you are being selfish. It's so natural to feel that way, especially as a mother who did everything possible to make Ty's life as wonderful as it was for his five short years with you. With all the pain he went through, he was so happy. It is so evident in every smiling picture of your sweet boy. New pictures of Ty continue to warm the hearts of many, myself included. I never knew a boy and family I never met could possibly garner so much emotion from perfect strangers. You have given us a window into your heart and soul. You are so selfless for sharing all of your emotion with us. I truly believe that it is that very emotion that will being everyone together to fight this cause and bring it the funding it so desperately needs.

    I am so happy to see all of the wonderful fundraisers going on in Ty's honor. And, they just keep coming.

    Please don't ever stop sharing your journey with us.

    Much love & hugs,

    Jessica M

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  7. Cindy, oh my goodness what a beautiful photo. He looks so happy and I love that you can see a small part of your back because I know you said you carried him everywhere. Of course I check your blog everyday several times in fact because this blog is truly what life and love is all about. Your last post was so raw and beautiful and brought me to tears. Thank you for YOU, sharing your journey with the world, sharing your beautiful Ty with us and so unselfishly helping others :)

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  8. honestly, i think you and lou are some of the best parents i have heard of and i wish to strive to be a better parent because of you guys. i can't imagine the pain, the hurt, the emotions, the heartbreak. no way I could have handled it any better than you have. love the photo of Ty. he was such a beautiful boy! love his smile and love his yes! keep writing....please. plenty of supporters for you guys. :)

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  9. Love the Ty photo and the artwork! I did see the petition link on Maya's blog yesterday, and YES I will be signing it.

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  10. Hi Cindy - Petition signed and the link sent out! Hopefully others will send the link to their friends, and so on. I have never been one of those people who believed "it was meant to be" or "everything happens for a reason". I dont believe that and I never will. But Ty was soooo lucky to get parents like you and Lou. Who day in and day out showed tireless love, devotion and 24 hour care. And honestly, not all parents have it. But you and Lou did, and still do. No one can imagine what you have been through but please know that there isnt a day that I dont think about your family and pray every night for Ty.

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  11. PS - I keep tweeting Roger Goodall - the NFL Commissioner to do with Football what they did in October for Breast Cancer. Hope others do too. If we can get gold on these players in September we can really bring attention to pediatric cancer research! Also thanks for posting about the Mizzentop clothing drive, I am not on facebook (yet) but was able to make a dontaion because I saw it on your blog!

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    1. Great idea, Shannon. Thank you. I have been in touch with some wonderful people at the NFL. They are committed to 2 causes for 2013, one being breast cancer and the other being health and fitness. This year they will be doing a kids fitness campaign to benefit St. Judes so I am thrilled. It's a step in a great direction. Our door is still open with the NFL, and I will continue to reach out to them with ideas. Leveraging Twitter is a great way to keep the message top of mind, too! Thank you.

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    3. Hey Cindy someone told me about Andrew Millmore on Facebook. Im not on Facebook (really) but wanted to share the link and hope that you post all that too for all of us that are not on Facebook. A vote for Andrew is a vote for SuperTy.

      http://bit.ly/Zgjop7

      You can reach the world with your blog. God Bless You, Lou and Gavin. And God bless Ty!

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  12. You are the most unselfish person EVER!! I can not imagine anyone posting negativity on your blog. I read this blog daily (whenever you post) it keeps me in check and reminds me DAILY to cherish my kids. I want Ty back for you! It is not fair. It is not fair that Gavin will grow up with out his big brother. It is unfair that you & Lou do not have Ty anymore. it is unfair to all these children who suffer. I am glad and proud to spread the word of Ty and all the fighters still fighting. I think of oyu all the time. Thank you Campbell family for allowing me to see and keep seeing. I love you all. Keep your spirt, your selflessness flowing!!! I love the newest pics. I love that smile!!! xoxoxoxoxo

    Shawna
    Millbrook, NY

    P.S. Petition signed, FB shared, Tweeted... etc. Everyday I post something for Ty. Eddie & I wore our newly bought Ty Tshirsts. And have requests for more (Evan, alomost 3 wants his own)

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  13. Oh that face- how I love to see it! What a beauty Ty is, I love seeing new pics of him along with your posts. I signed the petition a couple of days ago, anything to get awareness going..

    I have no words for your sorrow and longing to be with Ty, just know the world cries with you Cindy.

    I CANNOT take Gaga! He is just one hell of a kid, oh how he makes me laugh. Asleep in his car seat with that big lollipop sticking out, he is hot stuff for sure.

    Love you Campbell's! Keep doing your thing Cindy, you are perfect, eloquent, graceful and beautiful! You ARE going to change this MF called cancer. xoxoxo

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  14. You must have added the ps after I posted last night because I do not remember seeing it. However, I felt compelled to say something to the negative commenter. I have no idea what this person said, but it must have been disgusting for you to delete it. I have seen 1 or 2 comments over the past few months I would have deleted myself.
    I hope you two know how amazing you truly are. I know that you just lost that beautiful little boy but I can promise you I am not saying this to make you two feel better. Your family has changed my life. Sounds dramatic? That’s because you have had such a huge impact on my life! My children are my world and I love them to death, but you guys have made me a more patient parent and due to that, I know my kids feel more love from me. Yes, we have meltdowns, especially my little one Alex. He takes forever to do anything. When it is time to leave the house, he runs and hides and always makes us late. Last year, it would stress me out beyond belief and although it does still stress me out, I think about you and Lou. What you would give for Ty to run around hiding while he was supposed to be putting his shoes on. If we are 5 minutes late now, its no longer a big deal. Who cares? This is how I live.
    Play-doh and paint are allowed in my home. I know that sounds crazy, but I never did those things. We saved that for daycare and Grandma! I hate a mess, and although I still hate a mess, I let my little one make a mess now! He loves playing his play-doh and painting! I look and smile while he is playing and know that whatever mess he is making, its ok, I can eventually clean it up.
    My kids are now raised by ME, not a nanny or Grandma. I sold my business because it didn’t matter how much money we have, because god forbid something happened to one of my kids, money cannot save them. We go to the park, ride bikes and just spend time together. I actually pay attention now. I put down the laptop and blackberry to spend quality time. I don’t yell much anymore and cherish every moment with them. I don’t know if my 5 year old notices, but my 13 year old has definitely noticed. “Ma you like never yell anymore.” No, I don’t, well maybe once in a blue but I do not let things stress me out like they once did.
    I have never lost a child and could never imagine going through what you and Lou are going through. I know I would be in bed, not functioning, and probably not even showering. I would not care about others, I would drown in my own depression and be miserable. I would curse god, and wish I was dead. Like you, I have 2 kids so I would have to go on for the other, but I would NEVER be able to function like you and Lou. Instead of restricting yourself to bed you guys are out there changing the world! It amazes me every single day. How do they do that? I know how because you and Lou are selfless and you give and give. You are honoring Ty in the most incredible way and Gavin will be so proud of his parents! You two are AMAZING!
    The truth is, if you didn’t do what you do and you decided to waste the days away in bed, who are we to judge? You guys just lost a child! No one here should be saying anything negative! I know you two must know how amazing you are? Or perhaps you don’t. I wish I could have videotaped my life a year ago and now. I wish you could see the differences in my kids and my family because of your family! You guys did this! You changed my life! I know I could never have the strength you two do, but like I have said before, If I can be 1 10th of the mother you are, I will be the best mother to my kids!

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    1. Cindy & Lou, keep changing the world and sharing your story. Don’t listen to the negative people. I have followed your story from the beginning, and it is a great story of love, loss and inspiration. Please, continue to amaze all of us and make us better parents! The world really needs people like you two! You have put perspective back in my life and I am sure the life of many others. Thank you Cindy and Lou for making me a better person!

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  15. I have followed your blog from the very beginning and I thank you for deleting the negative response. Loving and missing Ty does not in any way take away from your ability to love and cherish Gavin and Lou. Don't ever stop being honest in your writing. It takes courage to share your deepest thoughts and fears and it is an inspiration to so many of us.

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  16. Looking at that beautiful sun, then at that bright, knowing smile coming from Ty, something struck me. Not only has this journey with Ty mobilized so many of us against the beast called pediatric cancer, not only has it taught us all to live in the here and the now, to love more fully, to let go of superficial distraction...most importantly, at heart it has shown us the true meaning of grace. What an incredible gift Ty gives to us! Right here before our very eyes we see beauty, strength, love, hope, all through a child and his family who truly have been touched by God. Thank you, Cindy, for every word you write to us.

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  17. I saw a rainbow yesterday and I thought of Ty and your family. Praying for you every day.

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  18. love to see new pics of Ty - thank you for sharing your special presents with us - the sun that Ty colored with you is lovely, definitely one to frame and enjoy somewhere prominent where you can always see it!! Of course you want Ty here with you, where he belongs - I wish that every day too. I'm sorry someone felt the need to tarnish these blog with hurtful comments - I didnt see the post but friends told me about it - they were very upset. I'm glad you deleted it, this is no place for negativity like that and I'm sure the poster was looking to cause drama since they probably lead a sad and pathetic life. But it's gone and hopefully they'll realize THIS place wont engage in their petty games. Sending love and strength to all of you Campbell's - can't wait to see the tattoo Lou gets for Ty, I'm sure it will be the most special thing, that was indeed a lovely gift. SuperTy Always and Forever. XOXOXO

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  19. Oh Cindy. It breaks my heart that someone could be so cruel. I missed the comment but I definitely would have spoken up to say something in your defense. I read Maya's blog, too, and I hear that she deals with negative comments a lot. It seems to me that no one has the right to say a negative thing to either one of you. We all love Ty and we're going to continue fighting for awareness of pediatric cancer. Thank you for pouring out your heart to us. Ty is making a difference in someone's life every single day.

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  20. You are incredible. You make me want to be a better mother to my children. God Bless your family and thank you so very much for being so brave and sharing your deepest emotions. You are so right, anyone who questions your devotion as a mother and wife is just plain ignorant about who you are. Dont ever doubt yourself, you are absolutely an inspiration and a beautiful person. Your boys are so lucky to have you. Blessings xoxoxo

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  21. Thank you for sharing your very honest and most painful thoughts and feelings with us. There are lessons for all of us in this honesty.Thank you also for all of your hard work on behalf of all children and families battling the horror of childhood cancer.

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  22. Cindy,
    I have only posted a couple times but still read your blog every day. My 8 year old only child can sometimes be a handful but I still cherish him everyday and a lot of that is because of you and what you, Lou, Ty and Gavin have all gone through. I feel blessed everyday that I wake up to an energetic healthy child.
    So I just wanted to share with you my Muddy Puddle story...it rained here in Texas for the last few days...FINALLY and my son and his friend were running to the car and I hear my husband say don't jump in the puddles! I immediately thought of you and told them NO go find the biggest puddle! They did and we laughed! It was awesome!
    Thank you for helping me continue to cherish my son! He like Ty and Gavin are gifts from God. We don't know how long we have with them but are grateful for every moment as they bring us such joy!
    Do not ever worry about what you post on this site. We appreciate your honesty and although can never imagine what you are going through, we certainly get a sense.
    Rock on!

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  23. Signed and shared on Facebook! Tweeting Roger Goodall in the NFL is a great idea too! SuperTy being on Twitter prompted me to create a Twitter account. I love you sweet Ty!

    Lisa K.
    Latham, NY

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  24. What a truly amazing gift Ty's amazing artwork must have been for you! I to also read many cancer blogs and follow many children's journey's on Facebook. Despite this Ty's is the one that has truly found a way into my heart. I see his little face in my mind so often and think of your family daily. I do no know how you have managed to stay so strong but your courage amazes me. You give me the strength to push away all my bad days, and to realize that nothing is all that bad if I have my sweet son here with me...healthy and happy. I spread Ty's story to everyone that will listen! I hope that there will be away to help from afar once you get the foundation website up and running! Sending you prayers and positive thoughts like always!

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  25. Cindy thank you for continuing to share your story. I keep Ty in my heart everyday. Your story has taught me to be a better mom and has opened my eyes to pediatric cancer awareness. Praying for you and your wonderful family. Becky, Illinois

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  26. It seems like there have been so many times you have asked or needed a sign from Ty and you have received them. The ladybug above you in the kitchen, this beautiful picture coming in the mail when you needed it most, songs on the radio etc. Please believe (I know u do) that this is all Ty's doing. That picture of the sun is such a blessing, it made me think of your "Here Comes the Sun" video, which makes me want to cry.. Ty is always giving you messages and signs. You should repost the hawk cloud in the sky the day Ty passed-that was unbelievable! My God, if that wasn't a sign that he was flying high and free!

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  27. Like many I also read Maya's blog...signed the petition immediately. I'd probably sign anything you or her asked me to simply cause I think you are both the real deal. I can't imagine that anyone said anything bad to you - makes me sick that they did. Though I had someone tell me to stop talking about the childhood cancer stuff...I do talk about Ty and Ronan a lot because I want it to stop happening...initially I was hurt and then I just figured screw it. I'd like to see anyone read your entire blog or Maya's entire blog and then have the nerve to judge you -- or not sign the petition...I believe they couldn't. And the crazy thing (in my mind) is that your blogs only gave us the tip of the iceberg.

    The world has ignorant people - but I'm so glad that we all have you to remind us what is important. I love the picture of Ty -- he was so amazingly beautiful. The artwork is amazing too -- it's awesome the teacher thought enough to send it to you -- so many things remind me to be kind, gentle...and really focus on the people who get it. Hugs to you all! You are amazing. PS the last post with Gavin and the sucker made my boys laugh -- we loved it.

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  28. Dear Cindy,

    I also read Maya's Blog as well as yours and have signed her petition. I agree with everything the anonymous reply above me has to say. I basically do not read a lot of blogs but yours and Maya's have moved me and affected my life so much. I think you are both amazing moms and often think how amazing it would be if you two worked together for your cause. I have a feeling you could both accomplish amazing things together but however you choose to do it I will support you. Anyone who has followed your story could never utter a negative word about you. I didn't read the negative comment but I can't imagine anyone writing such a thing after what you and your family have gone through and continue to go through. Thank you for having the strength to keep up the fight in honor of your beautiful Ty. You continue to be an inspiration to so many of us.

    Ann from Buffalo

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    1. Ditto,
      You are a gift Cindy, you have truly affected my life more than you know. I stop and question myslef more oftne beacuse of you. Sniff the reoses a little more because of you and hold my boys tighter because of you. I praye for your often and than you for all you are doing!

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  30. What gives any of us the right to point fingers and judge a book without walking in your shoes? This blog is for Ty and his fight with cancer, but also a outlet for you. From what I read this has to be the closest to hell on earth. The fight now is awareness and a new cure for kids fighting like hell to live. I applaud you and Maya for opening our eyes to this horrific thing of cancer. Gavin knows you do not love him less or more because you are sacrificing smiles each day just for him. When he grows up to understand all of this he will realize that along Ty,you too,are a true warrior. Rock on and F U cancer.
    Signed the petition. My mom is going in next week to get her ovaries out and a solid cyst that is suspcious. I pray it is not cancer. There has to be a cure and better treatment for cancer patients. I hope Maya gets the gold for Children s cancer!!

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  31. He is beautiful and you're right, anyone who has been following your story would NEVER doubt your love for anyone of your boys :) We all love you and dont know you. I am drawn to Ty and your story because I can feel the love when I read your blog. Keep moving forward and know you are loved and supported!!! xoxo

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  32. Jennifer Russo, Lake Grove, NYJanuary 10, 2013 at 5:54 PM

    I signed the petition. You mentioned the Empire State Building. Is there a petition already started for that because I would like to sign that one too.
    -Jennifer

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  33. Your posts are so raw and true but regardless of the ugliness of cancer that is always prominent, Ty's beauty still shines through and all we can do is bask in that light and learn from him. You don't stray from the reality of what this disease does and I will forever be grateful for that because you put my life in perspective and changed me in ways I never thought possible. If only everyone would read this blog people would finally be grateful for what they have instead of wanting more and more and more. I discovered your blog through Maya Thompson's and all I can say is that when I grow up, I can only hope to be half as good mothers as you two are. You continue to amaze me with your strength and optimism throughout all of this. -Kassidy... lots of love from New Jersey
    p.s. I already signed the White House petition and I was wondering if the one for the Empire State building is already up or still in the works. :)

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  34. I'm so glad I didn't see that negative comment on your blog. People who are "haters" are really people who have no perspective in life, no purpose and no sense of real love. I feel sorry for those people. Meanwhile, you are exactly the opposite of that, as are the rest of your blog readers. Your devotion to your family and your cause are all selfless acts and only admirable. Some people are bored and need to add negativity for some reason. My advice to them is to jump in a muddy puddle and hopefully feel better about themselves. On a more important note, that picture of Ty is so precious and beautiful. Feels like he is smiling at every one of us following his story. Love to the Campbells ALWAYS!!! Keep fighting the fight because it will all be worth it! We are right behind you!
    xo
    Sharon Bryant

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  35. Ty still in love with you as always loving you as usual guess what your mommy is fighting for you a ton!!

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  36. Cindy, you are the most perfect person ever! I hope to meet you someday. Your blogs make me a stronger person. I did not read the negative comment, nor do I care to. That person knows nothing about you, Lou, Ty, or Gavin. Glad you erased this comment! People truly live a better life because of Ty's story! Sending a huge hug your way!

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  37. Don't you ever let anyone make you feel bad for your thoughts or your feelings- you come from a place of love and dedication for a beautiful amazing boy who is changing this world! You bring all of us back to the earth each night, you represent the love and light that only good people can. You, in the midst of hurting so badly and losing a part of your soul, manage to grace us each night with positive memories and hopes for others. You are an angel. Keep posting! Say anything your heart needs to say because you have every right to feel the way you do. I think of you every night and I pray for your family. Thank you for sharing your son with us- he's an amazing boy and he will never be forgotten.

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  38. Hi Cindy & Lou (from OZ!),

    I'm a Dad with a 3 year old son & 2 year old daughter & have been reading your blog for almost a year now. You have strengthened my love for my kids more than I could have thought possible, You know when you love something so much nothing else matters. Opening my computer at work last year on 17th October and going to my link to your blog - I was so devasted to hear of little Ty's passing. From your post the day earlier I too was waiting for the smile photo & the grief that hit me was too much - I had to leave the office as I had tears streaming down my face.
    This day is etched in my memory.
    Your heart felt thoughts & description of events that day just fills me with sadness.
    You guys are inspirational in your efforts to get the paediatric cancer message out there & I will do what I can here in Oz to help out. My mother is in remission for bowel & liver cancer & has been for the past 10 years now. I have lost 3 grandparents to Cancer also and wish this terrible disease had some sort of cure.
    Cindy & Lou...you guys would have to be the best parents out there. No word of a lie, the strength & courage you guys have shown to carry on thru such a sensitive, sad time is unbelievable. You two truly deserve to know (& feel) that Ty is O.K. & in a safe place.
    Cindy.....I hope you have a visit from Ty in your dreams - it will be one to hold on to forever.
    Keep up the foundation work - Ty would be soooo proud.
    God speed Ty - & I will be looking out for signs of Ty Down Under for you!!

    As my son always says - Go Supermaman!

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  39. I wish I would have seen the negative comment...because I would not have been able to shut my mouth. No one has a right to judge you, your feelings or comments. By sharing your love story for Ty, you have inspired all of us to be better parents. Say whatever you want. The rest of us love you unconditionally and are never judging you.

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  40. Cindy please keep keep sharing your feings your storys your love story about Ty . Never stop . You have made so many people better parents . You are the best mother I know and thank you for sharing Ty with us. We pray for you and your family everyday I don't think there is a day I don't speak about ty.
    I will keep spreading the word of super Ty .
    Also Cindy please don't think I forgot I will be stoping in the foundation office on Mon with the msa donation.

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  41. what a beautiful comment thanks for sharing your beautiful words

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  42. Thinking bout u all the time Ty...

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  43. His smile is brighter than the sun--so that is the best artwork ever! I try not to read comments--because I seriously don't understand mean hurtful commenters and they seem to always be out there. I almost went a bit crazy on that Anonymous--but I also thought that only provided attention to the miserable person and that negative energy took something away from Ty and his peace, beauty and goodness--and YOURS too! Unending love and prayers!

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  44. This is going out to the best mother ever, Cindy God has blessed u in ways that have amazed me! Nobody could have done such a great job at being Ty's mother as you. You show so much strength, heart and love thought it all.. I have read every blog and in everyone I feel ur pain but more than pain I feel ur love.. I really believe Ty left for heaven the most happiest , loved boy in the world.. Thru all his battles and pain u still managed to make everyday a happy day full of love for Ty.. From the sill things us do to make him laugh to making beautiful art with him days on the couch ..when it seemed like a rainy day u always knew what to do to make Ty happy.. I'm so happy u been blogging about Ty , I love Ty stories, I read ur words when u describe Ty speaking and sometimes I hear his voice..sounds crazy rite cause I've never heard his voice , but throug u I feel very connected to Ty and I thank u .. Pls never stop cause there are people out here that live with Ty through u.. Lots of love from Toronto

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  45. I have been following your blog posts because I find myself everyday wondering if you are ok, if you are having a bad day, missing Ty. Sounds weird since you are a total stranger! But you and your story have changed me forever. You are an amazing mom and your honest and tender writings about your family have made me realize what is truly important in life. I wish there was some way to take away your family's pain. All I can do is tell you I sob at your posts yet I revel in Ty's spirit and your courage. Ty was a beautiful, beautiful boy and so blessed to have you as a mom.

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  46. This. Exactly this.

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  47. What a great picture of Ty. Thanks, as always, for sharing with us.

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  48. Hello Cindy,
    May everyday that passes give you the strength to heal your broken hearts. The mom of the family not only has to heal herself she has the task of being there for everyone else during this time of unimaginable heartache. Please know so many are thinking of you and your family and most of all that Ty is and will always be with you.

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  49. I love to read of the blessings Ty sends you from home! I can't imagine the heartache you have but, I hope you will find peace in knowing you have a lifetime of beautiful blessings from Ty ahead of you. I was taught in church that those who go before us are building our home until we arrive. Imagine what he's up to! You are doing amazing things! Gavin is on his way to being an amazing man, being witness to you, Lou and Ty. God bless!

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  50. You did the right thing deleting the negative comment. I feel so protective of you want wanted to delete it myself so you would not have to see it. You are special and the hurt in your heart and the love that will always exist should never be questioned unless that person wants to truly walk in your shoes.

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  51. Cindy - You are such an inspiration and amazing mother! Your blog has helped me greatly - I completely relate and get all of your emotions. I too have a 3yr old son suffering from brain cancer (treated at Sloan). As of now, he is cancer free but we are taking it one day at a time... cherishing everyday, as we don't know what our/his future holds. Please know how you have helped and touched so many.

    I think and pray for you all daily! At the time of Ty's passing, whenever I would hear Phillip Phillips' song, "Home" I would cry thinking of Ty transitioning to the other side. Now I hear it and it makes me smile, thinking of Ty being looked after up in Heaven and living a fear-free life up in his new home. I know you miss him beyond words, but hoping you are finding peace knowing how happy he is!

    Thanks for sharing your soul and making a difference in other's lives.

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    1. best of luck to you and your family. Prayers that your boy stays cancer free

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  52. Cindy I have to share a quick story. Over New Years my two daughters and I were in Orlando at the Magic Kindgom walking past the Dumbo ride when out of the blue I noticed a ladybug on the back of my oldest daughter's shirt. (She is an extremely gifted 19 year old spending the last two summers working at NIH and will be a MD/PHD-yeah you can tell I am her mom) Anyway, when I saw the ladybug I said "It's a sign from Ty!!" and I immediatley realized that it had been a while since I had visted your website (with the holidays and everything)and I felt certain that ladybug was visiting us to remind us (yes, my daughters know Ty's story also)to keep spreading the word about Ty. Finally since the ladybug just kept crawling around my hands and arms I decided to take it over to a bush and try to coax it onto a leaf. Just when I thought it wsa safely on the leaf it flew away, I am sure to find another person who would instantly see it and think of Ty. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that we thought of Ty this weekend at Disney World and he really made our day :)

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  53. I'm glad I didn't see the negative comment... There's no room for that.

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  54. We actually had a rainbow here in upstate NY today...In January! Raining, not snowing, sun, not gray...in January! My interrpretation: Ty saying hello to all of us who love and miss him so much. My son took advantage of the rain by jumping in a few puddles. Thanks Ty!

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  55. It's sad that someone could be so filled with hate and negativity that they would troll on the blog of a grieving mom. But, as usual, you handled it with such grace and class. You continue to inspire and amaze me on a daily basis and I have never met you. Cindy and Lou, you are my heroes and there are thousands (so far) of people following your story, praying for you and loving your family. Hugs and prayers to you all

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  56. I am so glad I did not see the post you removed! My heart breaks for you every day and I can't imagine anyone giving you a hard time about any of your posts. as you said, anyone who has followed your story understands your family,your grief,your love,your selflessness.We know how much you love ALL of your family, but they are still here Ty isn't! You have every right to express the special connection between you two after all you had to endure together.I don't know you or Lou and gavin but I love you all like family and I am glad you have each other to get thru the days.I will pray for Ty and his family always.I love seeing pictures of him smiling and having fun, they make me smile too.God Bless you all and don't let anyone make you feel like you are doing anything wrong,it's YOUR life ,not theirs!<3 Jean

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  57. I spent the last few hours watching youtube videos of Ty and crying! :) Yes, Superty and his family are always in my heart. You all have inspired the world. Your story has meaning, it will change things.

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  58. I am so glad that you received that special artwork. She is a very warm hearted teacher. I know because I work a blythedale also, as a nurse. I did have the pleasure of meeting both you and amazing Ty. Everytime I read your posts I smile and cry at the same time. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! My heart continues to ache for you and your family. I would love to help in any way I can you and the foundation. God bless you now and always

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  59. I had a procedure done today and thought of Ty. I'm a grown woman and didn't handle getting an intravenous done well at all. Made me realize even more what a brave and beautiful little boy he was. I wish disgusting posters could just automatically be blocked, I can't believe anyone would want to cause you anymore pain, sick person! Love all of you! Rita xoxo

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  60. Yup just signed the petition so light it gold! Tomorrow I will pass on to my friends and family to help this cause.

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  61. May God Bless you and your family. The gift you received that Ty made is beautiful. You are great mommy and you keeop being so strong. Thank you for always sharing your emotions to us.

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  62. I post here ever so often but come here everyday, always needing to see what you have accomplished and the new photos...:)

    I wanted to tell you that I am sure Ty is EVERYWHERE, how else would so many strangers feel so connected and bonded with him you and your family.
    He has the power to make strangers all over the world look for him and pray for his family and every moment you miss him maybe it would help to know he is everywhere.

    Always know you're all in my good thoughts and prayers...:)

    Sending you some ((((hugs))) from Nashville.

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  63. Dear Cindy,
    I signed the petition, it's the least I could do... for Ty, Ronan and others. I love dearly your writing and how honest and open you are with your feelings. What I love the most is that through the pain... you keep seeing signs and really happy ones, inspiring signs... completely amazing. I hope that these signs help ease your heart and your days. Bless you, Lou, and sweet Gavin. I'll keep checking in, thanks for sharing.

    Mary
    Manhattan Beach, CA

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