I have had so much on my mind, it’s been several weeks that I’ve wanted to get some of it out on virtual paper and I am happy tonight to find the time.   I have had a hard few weeks, for so many reasons, not the least of which was Back to School .   Ty’s time of the year is upon us… the memories of the day he was born, the hazy September days where we were ripe with fear post-diagnosis, the day we drove home from the hospital knowing we would never return, and the day he died in our arms.   The perfect weather that September and October brings is forever filled with these memories.   I look at Gavin, a first grader who already rolls his eyes at me and knows just how to get under my skin when he wants to, and I see a boy.   Like I always say… where did my baby go?   I never had a big boy before.   Ty was the older brother, but still he was a baby.   He needed me so.   I’m not suggesting that Gavin doesn’t need me, but it’s not th...

Before I jump into the magic of Mess Fest and how much we have planned for this year to make it bigger, better and longer than ever... PLEASE check out our page on Thunderclap and join the campaign by allowing access to your Facebook and Twitter so we can spread the news about Mess Fest far and wide.  It is so important to help bring our cause and our event into the spotlight.   Speaking of spotlight... I posted an article to Huffington Post just the other day all about the Power of "Yes" and why we created the Mess Fest.  I hope you'll read it and share it with your friends. This quick snapshot represents just some of the children who will be honored at Mess Fest on Saturday.  They are the reason why we spend the entire summer planning for this day.  We hope you will help us help these kids while enjoying a ridiculously fun afternoon. Most of you can't possibly understand how incredible it feels every time I see a Muddy Puddles photo posted to my wal...

...and I don’t mean Ty.  Because that is a question I won't know the answer to for as long as I live.  I mean... really… where is he?  I believe in a beautiful place but I don’t understand what that means, what it looks like or where he is exactly.  None of us do -- no matter how confident we are in our faith.  No, I mean my baby.  My Gavin.  What the hell just happened?  When did he get so tall?  How is it that he is finished with kindergarten already?  Off to the first grade soon!?!  On the first day of school he was such a baby.  With his oversized backpack and new sneakers that were one size too big for growing into.  Today, it became obvious that my baby is long gone and far away. He speaks perfectly.  That adorable speech delay has vanished completely and he hasn’t asked to watch Paw Patrol in so long I can’t even remember.  He watches big kid movies and he thinks Sharknado is hilarious. ...

Gavin recently learned the word weirdo and he loves it.  He has been having a lot of fun testing in out in all different ways to see if he can get a rise out of me.  Of course I have told him over and over again that it’s not a “nice” word, which probably makes him want to use it more. “Hey… You… Banana in my banana bread (pointing to the slice of banana bread I gave him for breakfast)… You’re a WEIRDO!”   Me: “Why don’t you want to invite any girls to your birthday party?” Him: “Because they’re weirdos.” Me:  “You love all superheroes, but Superman. Why don’t you like Superman?” Him: “Obviously, because he’s a weirdo.”  I had to stop arguing with him on that one when he pointed out how Superman wears his underwear on the outside of his uniform.  Superman immediately lost his cool status with me. What my sweet boy doesn’t realize is that he is as weird as they come.  And I love my little weirdo.  Which means my husband and I...

When Johnny Cash sings those palpable words, so somber and sad, he describes my day on Friday quite perfectly.  I didn’t know I was doing it.  I didn’t realize my trip into the city would turn into a haunting day of torture.  I thought I was strong enough.  I was even looking forward to it; longing for some time in the neighborhood that we used to call our home away from home.  There is a piece of me that still lives there, and I miss it.  When Gavin turned six in April, his pediatrician discovered a heart murmur during his annual physical.  She assured me it was likely nothing to worry about and referred me to a local cardiologist.  After knowing what we know, Lou and I decided to take him to a specialist at NYP-Weill Cornell, instead.  My best friend’s niece, Savannah, was feeling tired and sluggish – she had a tumor growing around her heart.  Ty had trouble sleeping, he had a tumor growing at the base of his skull.  Ma...

Seven children are lost to cancer each day in the US.  More than 2,500 moms over the past year alone will be grieving their loss on this day, because their child is not there to make a card, or gift a handful of flowers picked from the garden (or dandelions picked from the lawn).  It's a hard, hard day.  Almost impossible. Thanks to our incredible supporters, we will be able to send out 200 more lockets to bereaved moms of childhood cancer.  It is the most heartbreaking thing we do at the TLC Foundation, we have shed countless tears as we print photos of these beautiful children and place them in the lockets.  Our hearts break over and over again, but at the same time it is the most meaningful project to work on.  We pour love into each and every locket, and we cry happy tears each time a mom reaches out to say thank you.  It means so very much to us that we can give this gift of remembrance, and it is your generosity that has made this program a ...

Zero through 5 years old The Big Boy is SIX Today, Gavin is six.  It is almost impossible to believe.  I know every year and every milestone tends to result in the same feeling of "where did the time go?" but there's something about SIX that seems so surreal.   Even he thinks so!  For days upon days leading up to his birthday he would talk about turning six and just how big a number it was.  He was so excited for this day, that I think he actually woke up pretty disappointed. "Mommy, what's it supposed to feel like when you turn six?" "Gavin, it feels kind of the same as when you were five.  When you are growing up, the changes seem to happen gradually." "What do you mean?" "I mean you really don't feel much different on your birthday than you did the day before, but if you look back and think about one year ago you'll realize how much you've grown!" "Oh.  I just thought I would feel bigger.  I th...

Last summer, I was so honored to appear on the Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda to talk about the Muddy Puddles Project.  At the end of our segment, they surprised us with a 3-day trip to Disneyworld.  We were approaching the one year mark in May (when the trip expires) so Lou and I thought it would be a great treat to surprise Gavin with the trip for his birthday (he turns 6 on Wednesday, can you even believe it?). It was absolutely NO surprise to Lou and I when Gavin was less than impressed with his surprise.  We waited until we were at the airport to tell him where we were going and his reaction was, well, mediocre at best.  He rolled his eyes and told us we were wrong, Disneyworld is not a magical place, because there’s not even any such thing as magic.  Well, okay then…  Guess that video won’t be going viral! Kathie Lee and Hoda won’t be playing a cute clip of the excited little kid relishing in their generosity!  Nope.  We’ll save ...

As many of you probably noticed via social media, we decided to declare April 1 st “ National Jump in Muddy Puddles Day ” on behalf of the Muddy Puddles Project.   I had a blog posted on Scary Mommy yesterday that was shared over 18,000 times ( READ ITHERE ).   We created a Facebook page that has more than 1,050 likes in one week.   And we collected more than 150 photos in 24 hours – and counting.    I took off from work for the majority of the day and I took Gavin and his buddy on a hunt for Muddy Puddles.  Since it was April Fool's Day, we also made some mud soup for the Daddy's for dinner :)  My favorite part of the day was when they broke into a muddy puddle dance party - their idea.   I didn’t know what to do with all of these incredible photos – how best to share them, so I created a slideshow (forgive my poor video editing skills).   Eventually we will convert the new Facebook page to be solely dedicated to the Muddy Pu...