The book sits on my nightstand.  I have referred to it often and found Siddhartha Mukherjee’s eloquent writing to be so perfectly explicative whether one has studied cancer at the PhD level, or for someone like me whose own child was diagnosed and who is desperately trying to learn about this evasive disease that took hold of my son.      I first learned that Ken Burns agreed to produce a documentary series based on the book for PBS in early 2014.  When I was asked if I would participate in a series of promotions for the documentary, I jumped out of my chair with enthusiasm.  I was so certain that a documentary like this would be crucial in helping the public better understand this disease that affects each and every one of us.  The magic that they created out of my clumsy interview simply takes my breath away.  My son was diagnosed in 2010 and I have since been completely wrapped up in cancer -- childhood cancer in particular -...

I see a ladybug in my house about once a week.   This has been consistent since October.   The month he would have turned 7.   The month he died.   I think they are hibernating in my home and they are my most welcomed guests.   Of course, there is the occasional bespeckled corpse – belly up by my windowsill.   Sometimes, I might give a ladybug a little tap if I think it is dead, and he or she starts walking again.   I like to think Ty breathes a little life into them just for me… just for a moment… I don’t watch them for long. I prefer to take notice for a few seconds, then carry on with whatever I was doing.   It never fails that the ladybug is gone by the time I glance back.   Always gone. My visits from Ty are frequent, but brief, and because of that, it feels even more magical – as if it was a secret between the two of us. His whisper in my ear.   Sometimes I see one out of the corner of my eye just at the moment I am heavy ...

I'm always a last minute shopper.  I don’t plan ahead well.  And, I am terrible with the Pinterest-type holiday activities.  I can’t make the crafty Valentine’s day cards, or the amazing birthday cupcake tower.  I do my best, but my mom-crafts just don’t pan out the way I plan and Gavin has zero interest in helping so I throw my hands up in defeat. When we bake, he stirs the batter twice before losing interest.  When we make cards for class he starts moaning about signing his name after the first two.  This year Gavin made me a beautiful craft to put my jewelry in (he couldn't wait to give it to me when he brought it home from school) and a set of family portraits.  They broke my heart into a million pieces because Gavin drew his brother with a sad face when the rest of us were smiling big.  When I asked him why, he said "because Ty has cancer."  I held back the tears and reminded him that even though Ty had cancer, he lived ...

There was a tragic accident on the Metro North Railroad tonight.  I was riding on the same train line, in the front car, that rode right over the same intersection just 25 minutes beforehand.  I caught the earlier train in a rush to get home to my family.  A woman in a Jeep drove over the train tracks when the bars were down causing a fiery collision and killing six people including herself - I don't know how many are injured but I can only imagine it was horrific.  The idea of what it must have looked like to be trapped in that train car makes my heart pound outside of my chest.  Sleep is escaping me as my mind races through the scene over and over.  I can't get the picture of Gavin out of my head.  What would happen to him if I were one of the casualties?  There are children at home right now facing that exact reality and it is such a difficult thought to bear.  Life can be so cruel and unfair.  Just like that, lives ar...

Tonight I put Gavin to bed.  99% of the time, that is my husband’s job.  He gets home later from work so it his alone time with Gavin, but tonight he just didn’t get home in time.  Gavin always thinks it’s an open invitation to party if I’m putting him to bed and he just can’t control himself from tossing and turning and TALKING the whole time… You see, we lay with Gavin every night until he falls asleep.  I know, he is almost six years old, but the habit started when Ty was on hospice care and Gavin just upgraded out of a crib and into a big boy bed.  He was constantly getting up and coming into our room where Ty was sleeping and in pain, so we started lying with Gavin until he fell asleep soundly for the night.  After losing Ty, Gavin took his place in our bed and we don’t mind one bit (except for when his elbow is in my face while Lou and I cling to each side of the bed to accommodate his sprawling position).  We found ourselves in a routine that ...

I started writing this post last Wednesday... It’s been quiet here at the Campbell house.  We just keep on keeping on.  Life has fallen into a very busy routine and of course part of that routine will always include missing Ty.  Thankfully, "our new normal" (or so they call it) has been pretty normal lately.  After some serious rough spots around the holidays, things have fallen into place and we are doing well.  On Wednesdays, I work at the TLC Foundation all day until I have to leave to get Gavin off the bus.  It is the only day we don’t have anything to do after school so I like to cook a nice dinner and plan for a movie.   Tonight I went with some of my all-time favorites – fried chicken cutlets with sautéed bacon brussel sprouts, followed by The  Goonies .  We picked up the movie at the library, which is something I love to do with Gavin.  Of course we have Netflix and it’s easier to point the remote, but I still e...

Last Friday night, the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation was selected to be a beneficiary of the ERJADT light display in LaGrange, NY.  ERJADT stands for the initials of Tim and Grace Gay’s three children, because their passion for bringing Christmas joy to the community was ignited after their first child was born – and it has grown into something truly incredible over the years.  And by incredible, I mean record-breaking!!  The Gay family home holds the Guinness Book of World Records for the most lights displayed on a residential property.  That’s right (as I told Gavin 100 times while driving through it), they have more Christmas lights than anyone else in the entire world! And believe me, it is something to see.  I couldn’t hold back the tears every time I drove through (which was several times) because I just know how much Ty would have loved every second of it.  In one night, cars driving through were presented with a good old fashion bucket and our best ...

My eyes are filled with happy, sad and excited tears.  This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  Thank you, PBS #cancerfilms, for seeing the beauty in the Muddy Puddles Project, and explaining it in the most perfectly simple way I could have ever imagined.  Thank you for making sure Ty was remembered, that his incredible perspective is being shared so widely, and that all children with cancer - all everyone with cancer - are being honored in your work.  Click below and watch the video in full screen.  I bet you can't keep a dry eye, either :) http://cancerfilms.org/blog/muddy-puddles-of-joy/ “Everybody says to me, ‘I can’t imagine, I don’t know how you could stay so strong.’ The truth is, when you’re faced with a child with cancer, you don’t have a choice.” Ty Campbell was two and half years old when he was diagnosed with cancer. The diagnosis was a complete shock to his mother and upended the life of a healthy, athletic young boy. In the ...

Now that Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday have come and gone, we thought it would be appropriate to reach out to friends of the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation with our annual appeal for donations on the day that is now dubbed, Giving Tuesday. Giving Tuesday is a reminder to make a charitable contribution at the start of the holiday giving season.  Thank you for continuing to support childhood cancer research by donating to the TLC Foundation in memory of Ty and in honor of all children fighting cancer. We set up a fundraising page specifically for Giving Tuesday with a year-end goal of $10,000.  Last year we far surpassed our goal of $5,000If everyone on this distribution packed a lunch or skipped the Starbucks and instead made a donation, we would reach that goal in no time!  We will be giving out prizes to random donors throughout the day including t-shirts and PRET*TY bracelets! www.razoo.com/story/givingtuesdaytlc All d...

Relationships often become casualties of crisis.  Even the strongest of couples, when faced with life-changing crisis, can find themselves forced apart due to a range of reactions, different levels of coping, or conflicting outlets of grief.  I first saw this when my best friend broke off her engagement following a serious accident that had a tremendous impact on her family.  Her fiancé simply couldn’t relate.  He sank deeply inward to give her space, instead of grabbing hold tight and trying to lift her up out of the dark hole.  I didn’t understand it then, but I can entirely relate now.  Relationships can be blindsided by life.  I have seen too many relationship casualties of childhood cancer and child loss, and I am so incredibly grateful that mine is not one of them. I was 27 years old when I met Lou (or as he likes to say, when I picked him up at a bar).  He was bartending at Bliss Bar in Manhattan, and I was stopping in after work to visit...