I have so much to write about, but my laptop has been taken over by Ty and Gavin.  The hotel here in Riviera Maya doesn't have a DVD player, so they use my computer to watch their movies which makes it impossible for me to get online to post an update.  Our vacation has been wonderful.  Better than we could have ever imagined.  I will share a full update tomorrow - hopefully we will have internet during our flight home.  In the meantime, here are some photos so you can see how much fun we've been having.  This trip has been so long overdue. Building sandcastles at the beach Swimming in the kiddie pool (or, according to Gavin, the "kitty" pool) Drinking strawberry smoothies at the kid's bar This is my favorite so far!

We had such a wonderful weekend.  On Friday, Aunt Theresa came over with Ty's cousins James and Ryan.  The way all the boys played together made me wish so much that Ty and Gavin had a bunch of older siblings to keep them entertained and laughing all day long.  I hardly had to do anything all day!  It was amazing!  And, Ty was more motivated to scoot across the floor and be active with his cousins which was great for his physical therapy.  He even wanted to take a bath, a rarity, because his cousins were taking one with Gavin.  He hopped in and really enjoyed it.  My house was totally destroyed, but it was also filled with roaring laughter.  It was great.  My sister slept over that night and after we put the kids down we stayed up late with a bottle of wine.  We talked about family and friends and so many other silly things... but surprisingly, we didn't talk about cancer.  At least, not too much.  I am at the begin...

Tuesday was one of the most stressful days of my life.  It already seems like it was sooo long ago.  I have been walking on clouds ever since and life just doesn't feel real yet!  Following a sleepless night on Monday (of course) Lou and I hit the road at 5:30 in the morning to arrive in time for Ty's 7:30 MRI appointment.  We arrived five minutes late, but because Ty's mediport wasn't accessed yet (which caused delays) they had to push his appointment back to 11AM.  Can you imagine having to wait another three and a half hours on top of the endless waiting that preceded?  I was falling apart.  On top of the obvious anxiety, Ty was NPO so I wasn't going to eat or drink anything in front of him all morning.  I went without my morning coffee and I was dying for it.  Oddly enough, I crave caffeine the most when I feel the highest levels of stress.  Ty was under anesthesia for more than two hours, so Lou and I went to our usual...

As many of you already know from Ty's facebook announcement, his MRI was clean!!!!!!!!  There was no evidence of disease, which means Ty remains cancer free.  May he remain cancer free forever. This is truly a miracle.  Ty was diagnosed with terminal cancer less than a year ago, and today he has no evidence of disease.  Thanks be to God, to his doctors and nurses, and to all of you who are praying for him and sending words of encouragement.  Please continue to do so.  He is still in treatment and he is having a tough time with the chemo, but we will never stop fighting.  Here he is at the marathon just two days ago.  He looks great, doesn't he? I have so much to share, but I am in too much shock to organize my thoughts.  I was terrified today.  Ty was showing so many signs that have meant "tumor" in the past.  The drooling, the vomiting, the slurred speech (in hindsight, it was probably the chemo taking a toll ...

Just opened this Fortune Cookie.  How perfect.

26.2 miles.  That is a long way to run.  Yesterday was very emotional, very inspiring, and very exhausting.  Lou, I meant it when I said that I have never been more proud of anyone in my life.  Aunt Debi, you are amazing.  We love you. Ty and I went out for breakfast yesterday morning before we set off to cheer on Fred's Team outside of the hospital  (as usual, Ty wan't interested and I ended up eating breakfast for two).  There are 775 men and women running to raise funds for Memorial Sloan Kettering cancer research.  We saw someone running for Fred's Team pass by every minute!  It was awesome.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  We shared the sidewalk with so many of the nurses who care for Ty, and some of the boys and girls staying in the hospital were allowed to come down to cheer on Fred's Team, too!  One runner stopped to give his medal to a little one in a wheelchair.  He said, "I'm running for you" and...

Ty and I traveled down to Manhattan to be with Lou and Debi tonight as they prepare for the Marathon.  The midtown hotel is buzzing with anticipation for tomorrow's race.  I am so happy to be part of all of this excitement. Ty had a terrific day today.  No vomiting whatsoever and he had a decent appetite so I feel a bit more at ease tonight.  I don't know how any of us are going to sleep a wink regardless, but still - at least I can exhale just a bit.  We took Ty to Dylan's candy shop this evening and then to one of my favorite sushi restaurants on the Upper East Side.  He was such a good boy the entire time!  I think he likes the city very much when he is here for reasons other than going to the hospital.  He especially enjoyed hailing the cabs.  He was adorable.  I'm SO glad that the G-shots kicked in and he is no longer neutropenic.  Otherwise none of this would have been possible.  Tomorrow we will be waiting for...

There is blood all over my beautiful new sheets.  I was picking my cuticles in a nervous state of stress last night and five of my fingers are raw and bleeding.  It hurts, but I still continue to do it over and over again.  Until cancer entered my life, I had never known what a full-blown panic attack feels like.  I experienced high stress - mostly work related - where I swear I could feel wiry gray hairs sprouting from my scalp.  But this level of panic and anxiety was foreign to me.  I wish it still was.  Lou had the day off yesterday so he got up extra early with Ty and I slept until Gavin woke up.  When I came downstairs, I noticed Ty was in different pajamas.  I asked him, "Hey, what happened to your Sponge Bob PJ's?"   He didn't answer.  Lou game me an exaggerated frown.  "What?  What happened?"  Lou made a gesture that showed me Ty threw up.  Since I am incapable o...

I have three things that I want to report on tonight before I get back to the mounds of dishes and piles of garbage leftover after cleaning out my refrigerator.  There is a plus side to the power outage... I had some very old c*ap in my fridge and freezer that must have been buried in there since the ice ages.  It was actually liberating to throw away the freezer-burned, family pack of pork chops that was dated 2009 (how it even made it here in my move from Long Beach is beyond me).   Clearly, I'm not exactly big on cooking ;)  FIRST - I have several "Happy Birthday shout-outs .  Colleen, what can I say?  You make me laugh constantly.  You lift my spirits.  You have been my friend since Kindergarten and even with 3,000 miles between us I feel as close as ever.  I love you.  Hope you had a happy birthday.  Catherine is friend who I've known for 12+ years, and we've only gotten closer as time goes by....

Ty's bloodwork showed that his counts were still dropping as of Friday.  We cut his daily chemo dose by another 25% (this is the second week in a row we lowered his chemo) and he was so happy I thought he must be bouncing back.  Unfortunately, his bloodwork today showed his white blood cell count to be dangerously low.  We are down to an ANC of 0.2 from 0.6 (for those who are familiar with the term) and we are going to have to stop the chemotherapy altogether for a while.  I will also have to begin giving Ty his "G" shot every day starting tomorrow.  This was definitely unexpected, but for me it only verifies that we made the right choice by beginning this metronomic chemotherapy regimen instead of traditional chemo because Ty's bone marrow just isn't strong enough for all of these toxins.  His spirits are so great, you would never know that he is neutropenic.  He has always been that way.  I remember the first time I brought him ...

NBC New York ran a story about Lou and Fred's Team on the evening news yesterday!  It will also be running throughout this weekend (watch it here http://www.nbcnewyork.com/video/#!/news/local/One-Fathers-Special-Reason-to-Run/132827623 ).  There was some adorable footage of SuperTy at the doctor's office as well :)  Lou is one of the top ten fundraisers for Fred's Team among more than 700 runners on the team - and we hope over the next few days he can be among the top 5!  We are so proud of him.  As you know, this is a cause that is so near and dear to us because Fred's Team funds go directly to research at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (where Ty is being treated).  This research saves lives.  Thank you so much for supporting Lou in this accomplishment of a lifetime :)  CLICK HERE to make a donation on behalf of Lou.

My friends have been worried about me. I guess my posts lately have been a little weary and I sound fatigued.  These peaks and valleys are to be expected after all we've been through.  It can be hard to avoid living in limbo and waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Well, to quote my friend Linda, "F--- the other shoe!"  She's right!  There will be no other shoe dropping.  I am totally inspired to turn my attitude around.  Even at four in the morning I feel really good despite the fact that it's often these middle of the night ramblings that tend to bring out my worst fears.  Of course, the fact that I am wide awake at four in the morning is another issue that I will have to conquer at some point, but for now I can be friends with my insomnia.  I should try to use this time to accomplish some long overdue tasks, or just some mindless online shopping to clear my head ;)  Ty had such a great day today, I am loo...

I had a lot of fun with Ty and Gavin today.  Gavin was a little off the wall, but he makes up laugh.  Ty is feeling so much better with the exception of a nagging cough.  I give him a prophylactic antibiotic in order to avoid the development of pneumonia (should he become congested in his lungs), but I think this will subside in a few more days.  He is tired from the new meds, but in such great spirits.  I am so happy that he is happy and having fun, regardless.  You should see him walking!  I will have to post a video soon, he barely needs support anymore.  He is doing great!!  Today we started supporting him with only one arm to help his balance and he is otherwise doing so much of it on his own.  I am beaming all over whenever he goes for a walk around the house.  He gets around so much by scooting across the floor, too, that I actually lost him twice in the last week.  Can you imagine how great it f...

I don't consider myself weak, nor am I all that strong... but I do still cry often despite how amazing Ty has been doing.  I am sure that I will be so much better off, mentally, once Ty's scan on November 8th shows no evidence of disease.  Until then, I will continue to worry about his drooling and his eyes.  His eyes are just "off" ever so slightly.  I'm not the only one who mentioned it... Lou has been worried about his eyes, too.  His doctor says it can be from overall weakness as a result of the current chemo, and I have to believe he is right.  The cyclophosphamide he is getting this month has taken a worse toll on him than the previous meds - his counts are low, his hair is thinning and he has mouth sores - but Ty seriously never complains.  He is much more tired and cranky than his usual self, but other than that he laughs his way through the day.   Today I was holding him while we looked through some of his toys in storage downst...

On the night before Ty went to the hospital for his very first surgery, Lou and I took him down to the beach at dusk.  The weather was a perfect, mid-August night with a beautiful breeze, an amazing sunset, and calm, rhythmic waves.  It was one of the most depressing nights of my life.  I've probably written about it before, but it has been on my mind alot lately so it bears repeating.  Ty was already showing signs of the tumor.  His speech was slurred, he was drooling, and he suffered from headpain.  All three of us were very quiet and there was a numb sadness around us.  Ty seemed to be particularly heavy.  It was as if he knew why we were on the beach that night, trying to enjoy one more beautiful night with our beautiful boy before officially entering the horrific world of life after cancer. When the sun set, we looked up in the sky and I asked Ty to pick out a star that we would designate "Ty's Star".  Of cours...