Boobies

Today is the last day of September, marking the close to Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  I think it's great that there is more attention for the kids during September, but it's also disheartening that we haven't made more of an impact so that people are aware every day of the year. Since Ty was diagnosed in 2010, however, I have seen improvements.  I have seen social media leveraged to a much higher degree, and I have seen more and more attention in mainstream media. I feel like we are on the verge of making a difference, and I am excited about that. 

Then my excitement turns to pure disgust when I can't escape the fact that my almost five-year old boy is lying on the couch dying a little bit more with each passing day.  I'm kicked in the stomach by a steel tipped boot with the horrifying thought of "too little, too late."  It may be too late to save Ty, but I will never stop trying to spread awareness by sharing his story. His long, painful story where a frightened two-year old boy spends the rest of his life trying to escape the pain, to get home from the hospital, to get out of bed and back on his feet, only for cancer to creep it's way back into his life over and over again... stealing a little bit more from him each and every time until he is left disabled from head to toe, unable to eat and barely able to talk.  He can still smile, though, and that is a testament to the perserverance of our little fighter.  This, right here, is why we call him SuperTy.

Big smiles from Ty this morning

With the end of Childhood Cancer Awareness month, we are also kicking off the month of October... which pretty much everyone knows is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I am always so proud to be a woman when I see all that has been accomplished on behalf of spreading awareness.  The pink ribbon is no longer limited to October, either.  It is recognized year-round with countless "pink" products for sale everywhere you look, at any given time.  The average long-term survival rate for women diagnosed with breast cancer is 81-86% depending on the woman's age at diagnosis.  But with early detection - which is driven by awareness - that survival rate increases to 96%.  I imagine that with increased awareness for our children afflicted with this disgusting disease, the odds for our babies can improve with similar leaps and bounds.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  Instead of offering me a "happy birthday" (because we all know I am far from happy) I ask of you to share his story with anyone and everyone who will listen.  That is the greatest birthday gift you can give to me. 

One of you posted a comment that said how you want to see "I love kids" bracelets everywhere in addition to "I love boobies."  As a mom with two perfectly healthy boobies, you said that you would be more than happy to sacrifice those boobies to save a child with cancer.  That was one of the most beautiful, selfless statements I've read over the past few days, and I couldn't agree more.  Take my boobies.  My arms.  My legs.  My anything.  Save the innocent children from the horrors of cancer.  I look at Ty's baby pictures and I still can't believe that something so pure and so perfect could be afflicted with such pure evil.  Something has to be done. 

Ty had a good day today, but it seems his head pain is increasing.  We have it under control so he isn't suffering too much, but we need to medicate more often and that frightens me because I don't want his pain to get worse.  I sit and debate with myself all day long.  I guess this is really happening?  Wait, no, if this was real he wouldn't be so wide awake.  He wouldn't be so strong!  His breathing sounds better today?  Maybe tomorrow he will be well enough to sit up again, like he did last week.  I think he is getting better and better.  He's sweating profusely and he's had morphine every three hours, I guess this is really happening? 

My mind is all over the place.  I get up from the couch to get something for Ty and I keep finding myself in the closet, staring at his shelves of supplies, with no idea how I even got there or what I'm looking for.  Anyone who knows me well would laugh and think "what else is new?" but this is different.  I'm not so much my usual preoccupied self... I am walking through these days in a foggy cloud of sorrow that is suffocating my mind and I am so afraid of how I will possibly survive if Ty leaves me. 

Thank you for all of your kind words and constant encouragement.  I know you are right.  I appreciate your positivity.  I find comfort when you share your personal experiences, as well.  Thank you for being so open, honest and understanding.  Remember to please talk about Ty today, for me on my birthday.  Hug your children.  Let them act crazy and get messy.  Make sure they have fun and that they know how much you love them.  I know you will.  Thank you.