tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77972835907761772362024-03-05T06:31:55.575-05:00Ty Louis Campbell - our little fighterTy fought AT/RT brain cancer more than two years. His mother documented his tremendous journey fighting cancer, and shares the raw emotion of everyday life after losing him.Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.comBlogger692125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-89378262530615550982023-05-01T16:22:00.004-04:002023-05-01T16:28:10.845-04:00So Gray Today<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKmv2vpIXJvYYottVsXjiUnCuh70pIUAsTCEhTEWhUW1f08HJDG_NnEnjhUFVbdtqV26l-X1sJ6x2jCQ1J0j8-xU6braTfoq-19uTttGzJf_vmlUV1cozyU8oWHYgtuNXf97hy_tE0cIvdQYHCJ7e4xz7cZz5yfBum9OWyvPkc08SZ66YzUQ4gVToP/s1793/Ty%20and%20G%20morning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1284" data-original-width="1793" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKmv2vpIXJvYYottVsXjiUnCuh70pIUAsTCEhTEWhUW1f08HJDG_NnEnjhUFVbdtqV26l-X1sJ6x2jCQ1J0j8-xU6braTfoq-19uTttGzJf_vmlUV1cozyU8oWHYgtuNXf97hy_tE0cIvdQYHCJ7e4xz7cZz5yfBum9OWyvPkc08SZ66YzUQ4gVToP/s320/Ty%20and%20G%20morning.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ty and Gavin, July 2010</td></tr></tbody></table></p><p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 16px;">Gold is an appropriate awareness color for childhood cancer (shiny and new and triumphant), just as gray is a fitting awareness color for brain tumors. Gray matter (get it?), but even more so, the overwhelming feeling when thinking about brain tumors is quite gray. It’s all gloom because it’s all just goddamn awful.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 16px;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I’m glad it’s been cloudy, cold, rainy and gray because that’s exactly how I feel on this first day of Brain Cancer Awareness month. My memories of what I witnessed leaves me with a dark, colorless range of emotions. I can’t stop thinking of all the things, large and small, that occurred during my son’s far too short time here with us.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">For Mother’s day when Ty was two, Lou bought me a bike with a seat on back for Ty. Ty was so excited to show me in the morning. We went for a ride on the boardwalk but he ended up crying the entire time. He hated the bumps. What I didn’t know is that he hated riding with me because it was giving him a headache. The one and only time he ever rode a bike in his life was painful for him. And I didn’t even know. How did I not realize? What if I was better tuned in and we discovered his brain tumor in May instead of August?</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">One night in August he was up all night, crying on and off. I would say “Ty!” when he started whimpering instead of comforting him because I thought he was being whiney, and I was exhausted. I want a do-over of that night, and so many others. The next morning, we went to the hospital and he fooled everyone with his happy smiles. That’s because his headaches were the result of lying down, it was causing pressure on his brain stem at night. During the day he was lively and happy, running and jumping. The team at the hospital looked at us like we were crazy when we insisted on an MRI.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">After his first surgery, which took more than ten hours, I went back to the ICU with him and the clinicians started to wash him down. I couldn’t bear it because I didn’t want them moving his body after all the trauma he had just been through. I wasn’t allowed to sleep there but I stayed as late as I could. I remember there were five beds in the room with little children who were just so sick, and at 11:30PM the nurses were watching the MTV music awards. It was so harsh and loud, machines beeping, workers chatting and laughing, loud music, lights on, blood pressure and eye checks every hour. Ty was sedated but still, that was my first introduction to overnights at the hospital. There’s nothing quiet, warm, or comforting about it. It’s all quite… gray.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">The surgery resulted in MRSA meningitis and he’s lucky he survived. Everything hurt for weeks. Any bit of light gave him a headache so the curtains were always drawn. At one point he started choking so my mom, the nurse, and I grabbed a suction only to start pulling out strands of glue from his throat. Can you imagine? No one told me that when they surgically accessed the tumor partially through his mouth, that they use sticky glue on the back of his tongue to hold the instruments in place. He wasn’t even three years old yet, how scary for him! What a horrible feeling it must have been to have your throat coated with rubber fucking cement for weeks, unable to tell anyone about it.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBckY4m9ozZ3CsLgW8_dOroNGmHKL-Uznawz1lbPWINsPXQe37lsXW9OFCPqLjplj4y8z-YGu1xUiK2UcgVZWiGI3qxUvVKJERTVlgX8AnbLEHplAt2ctxk4zueODTYqcgpbvb_DdCJnGpBNIxdSR7MMyuG-pSNFSscVOgYNgEcMrT7Ncy2v824iSB/s2592/DSC06785.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1944" data-original-width="2592" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBckY4m9ozZ3CsLgW8_dOroNGmHKL-Uznawz1lbPWINsPXQe37lsXW9OFCPqLjplj4y8z-YGu1xUiK2UcgVZWiGI3qxUvVKJERTVlgX8AnbLEHplAt2ctxk4zueODTYqcgpbvb_DdCJnGpBNIxdSR7MMyuG-pSNFSscVOgYNgEcMrT7Ncy2v824iSB/s320/DSC06785.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">A few weeks later, when we were trying to resume normal life just before starting chemo, Ty was sitting in the backseat of my car with a sippy cup, and he started crying. He threw the cup and he told me, “Mama. My mouth’s not working.” He couldn’t wrap his lips around and suck from the straw anymore. Just like that. How terrible for my baby, who was so proud of climbing the high slide by himself that summer and who was learning to do new things daily until it all started going backwards.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">The changes in his brain started stealing joy from him, bit by bit. First came walking. He was too weak after all that time in the hospital, and every time we would work on making his legs stronger the treatment would knock him back down again.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">His speech became slurred, and people struggled to understand him. How frustrated he would get. His mobility in his hands was compromised so he couldn’t play with his toys or build blocks the way he was used to. He needed help with art. Painting had been his favorite thing before the cancer stole that from him, too (holding and independently moving a paintbrush became impossible).<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Chemotherapy made him so sick all the time. He had countless bacterial and fungal infections that would have made COVID look easy. The constant swelling in his brain gave him unimaginable headaches. Radiation involved a mask over his face that was BOLTED to a table before he was wheeled into a giant machine every morning for another treatment that burned his skin and destroyed his tastebuds.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnr-Leu30Hm1RrHv1ZEfRGHQXcb2Kxd5yVE5BeqEenfTc3sXrdpSmYtb1hXuKKjxzP9FI0dCh3D16z9e4bq3ktQdoxUlil3NpS4s1PjrbrQGK0qx6axnWy4UDtB29J8UNYNXL9kYr-hZJmPXNWw_jdMz_zPX2NRGi5JPt3j2cVfMa1qqYtYIo5ggu5/s2592/gafinonty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1944" data-original-width="2592" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnr-Leu30Hm1RrHv1ZEfRGHQXcb2Kxd5yVE5BeqEenfTc3sXrdpSmYtb1hXuKKjxzP9FI0dCh3D16z9e4bq3ktQdoxUlil3NpS4s1PjrbrQGK0qx6axnWy4UDtB29J8UNYNXL9kYr-hZJmPXNWw_jdMz_zPX2NRGi5JPt3j2cVfMa1qqYtYIo5ggu5/s320/gafinonty.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Radiation to the brain was necessary, but that’s another thing about brain cancer… radiation to the brain also impacts development. And in Ty’s case, he simply had too much, causing necrosis of the brain tissue. He was doing so great, but six months post treatment he suddenly lost his ability to move his entire left side overnight. He couldn't even hold his head up. God that morning, how we both just cried and cried in shock and fear. He was never going to recover from that. He was four years old, and he would never do the things that four-year-olds do - like jumping in muddy puddles.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">This is all very hard for me to write about. There are so many more things I should share for the sake of awareness, but I just can’t. And I am just one mom of thousands who witness such suffering.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Thousands of kids get brain cancer, and we don’t know why!?!? It is the MOST fatal of all cancers in children. Progress has been made since the ten years we’ve been wrapped up in funding research, but there is still so much work to be done before the statistics are going to change. Help us do this. Please. Help us raise awareness and funding for innovative research that will ultimately lead to safer, better, more effective treatments.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I hope you will take a look at the website to see what we've been up to. We have done amazing things, thanks to you - our friends and supporters. Then consider making a donation and sharing this post. #gograyinmay. </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><b><a href="http://thetlcfoundation.org" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: medium;">http://thetlcfoundation.org </span></a></b></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: Calibri; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></p><p><br /><br /><br /></p>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-2674243268078778242022-09-01T11:16:00.001-04:002022-09-01T11:16:38.213-04:00Raising Awareness in September<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbz8tj2FikmBzuST4Y8jNUEWH1dBban_WxXOlEC_l-dKmhPXNMbmy135uznndQVVBC3S3mXv-Zdasj3jJbb83XUz7t2fJyfnW2Nu8CKC1UN9G6kcAj208mD-_y-u79zBr-p7GdIV5TMW-kPReaMClRTScqSbVLPEYSQPyq5trp9wwS5TrSA4qz4NBa/s3072/100_1635.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1728" data-original-width="3072" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbz8tj2FikmBzuST4Y8jNUEWH1dBban_WxXOlEC_l-dKmhPXNMbmy135uznndQVVBC3S3mXv-Zdasj3jJbb83XUz7t2fJyfnW2Nu8CKC1UN9G6kcAj208mD-_y-u79zBr-p7GdIV5TMW-kPReaMClRTScqSbVLPEYSQPyq5trp9wwS5TrSA4qz4NBa/s320/100_1635.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">this is what childhood cancer looks like</div><br /><div><br /></div>September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Social media feeds will be flooded with facts and figures about why it’s so important to raise awareness, help families, and fund research for kids with cancer. We need to raise awareness about how many children are impacted by this disease, what the survival rates look like, and how treatment impacts children in the short and long term. But my post today is intended to raise awareness for what this disease does to families. How it impacts the children and parents who are beside these young patients every step of the way. <br /><br />I spend so much time researching childhood cancer, and in doing so I come across a lot of families. Far too many. Below I've paraphrased a small collection of situations we find ourselves in, and thoughts that haunt us as cancer parents. No one wants to imagine him or herself in our shoes, obviously. But please, take the time to read these sentiments. Allow yourself to feel them with all of your heart. And then share them. Because awareness is important.<br /><div style="text-align: center;">____________</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><i>My son looked up at me, eyes full of tears because he wanted to walk so badly, and he said “I have confidence in you, Dad. Help me. I know you can.” But I couldn't. <br /></i><br />When they wheeled her away for a procedure, I saw pure fear in her eyes for the very first time in her life. When she returned, the fear in her eyes was replaced with unbearable pain. I had seen her jump at the sight of spiders, and cry when she skinned her knee, but nothing could ever prepare me for the depth of what I saw in her eyes today.”<br /><br /><i>I mean, can you imagine? You have this perfect, beautiful little boy who you love more than anything in the world and the doctor tells you… ‘Take him home. Hug him. You have three months left.’<br /></i><br />I’ve been rocking him to sleep singing “You are my sunshine” since the day he was born, but never did the words gut me like they do now. He’s ten now, and I started rocking him in my arms again. I can barely get the words out through my tears… “Please don’t take my sunshine away.” <br /><br /><i>I am her mother and I'm supposed to make her feel better, but my kisses can’t fix this. My weakness is exposed. I am completely powerless against the pain she is suffering, and she looks at me with pleading eyes to somehow make it stop. What am I supposed to do?<br /></i><br />My brother was the star. Everyone loved him. When he had cancer, it’s like we were famous. I remember how people cheered for us! Then he suffered a brain bleed a few years ago. He’s immobile and he can’t speak. My parents are the best, but they have to spend most of their time taking care of him. I’m so angry, so sad, and I’m just so lonely most-of-all.<br /><br /><i>It’s been seven years since she’s been off treatment, and believe me we are grateful. But please remember the cost of the cure. She is at least a foot shorter than others her age. She will never reach a real puberty. Most of her hair didn't grow back after radiation. She wears hearing aids and glasses. She struggles in school. She wears braces on her legs and walks with crutches. She doesn’t have any friends. Most kids don’t just get better and move on after treatment. They suffer a lifetime of challenges due to the treatment received at such a young age. We have to do better than this.</i><br /><br />Cancer took away his ability to run and jump, then to walk, then to sit, then to eat and speak. It hurts to know kids who are so pure, sweet, and innocent can have all the joys of life taken away, when there are so many others who don’t appreciate their own lives, their families, or the healthy bodies they live in.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>The doctor's appointments are constant. Every time I strap her into her carseat she asks "where are we going?" with concern in her voice. I have started ignoring the question. She asks over and over again, but if I tell her the truth the screaming will start and the hour-long drive will be brutal. Instead I deflect. I avoid. I distract her by starting a game of "I-spy." It all feels so deceitful. </i><br /> <br /><div><div style="text-align: center;">______________</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>I just wrote about a recent experience when I received a sign from Ty and his ‘Papa’ who passed away this summer. I spoke about how when our time comes, most parents just want to know that they “did good.” The most important thing God has entrusted us to do is to be good parents. In that regard, I will always know that I failed. I failed to keep him safe from cancer. I failed to save his life. I failed to help him when he was in pain. I failed to keep it together when he needed me to. <br /><br />I know it is not logical. I know, in theory, I should carry no guilt. I should accept the limits of my humanity. And over the course of grieving for ten years, I promise that I have come to terms with these feelings and I am okay. But the guilt will remain until I can hold that face in my hands again, hug him, and tell him how sorry I am.<br /><br />September is childhood cancer awareness month. Our color is gold. Spread the word. </div></div>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-77936976429861312492022-08-25T18:33:00.014-04:002022-08-26T09:39:16.831-04:00We did good, right?<span id="docs-internal-guid-e62f7a36-7fff-5d23-232c-87edf365dd50"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p></span><span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYrWildJYGO0rXF3N_7iJSCXLk1YvovwcB1Kp6-p7MLXCs4_B2foGfqaiG65MlwVboskRy9y7TfbWDfGChsfyhYS6Me8pjVBulQVRR9S2ic72xyMCyLJZ2MNA4uuJagk1OXwSqxwnNkI2imL62e-CtNWjBWneovKmczSoOHl-Td8PZg3_PotQlR97R/s2048/sonny%20and%20ty.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Sonny and Ty" border="0" data-original-height="1351" data-original-width="2048" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYrWildJYGO0rXF3N_7iJSCXLk1YvovwcB1Kp6-p7MLXCs4_B2foGfqaiG65MlwVboskRy9y7TfbWDfGChsfyhYS6Me8pjVBulQVRR9S2ic72xyMCyLJZ2MNA4uuJagk1OXwSqxwnNkI2imL62e-CtNWjBWneovKmczSoOHl-Td8PZg3_PotQlR97R/w400-h264/sonny%20and%20ty.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sonny and Ty in 2011</span></div></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;">This summer, after Lou’s mother suffered a serious heart attack, my father-in-law was able to embrace her after she was extubated and lucid again. “We did good, right?” I heard her say through her loving tears, foreheads pressed together.</p></span>“Yeah. We did good. The kids are good. We did good.” <br /><br />At the end of this crazy, beautiful, life, a mother just wants to know that she did good. A father wants to know that his kids are okay. Facing their own inevitable sunset, it’s all they cared to validate. That they were good parents. The kids are alright.<br /><br />The last conversation I had with my father-in-law, Sonny, was about Ty. We were in the hospital visiting mom, and he was so upset watching her sleep in the hospital bed, knowing how uncomfortable she was. I hadn’t seen him cry like that since we lost Ty. It makes sense, of course, as we sat there reflecting on all that Ty went through, and what mom was going through in that moment. Sonny said that he couldn’t stop thinking about those days in the hospital with Ty, and how unfair it was to watch a tiny little boy suffer like that. In between words he held back his cries with guttural restraint, but he couldn’t stop the tears. Being in that situation again was just so triggering. It fiercely and mercilessly ripped open those wounds, leaving us both so heavy and breathless.<br /><br />His sadness was eating away at him like cancer. His heart was broken beyond repair. Days later, Sonny was gone. He left us to be with Ty. <br /><br />Life is so hard. Watching a child go through treatment for years and losing him the way we did… there is no recovery from that. <br /><br />Even though we miss Sonny beyond words, we are at peace with losing him. Mom is getting stronger every day, and we are lucky to have her living with Lou and I on alternate weeks because we’re spending quality time with her. Of course, being at peace doesn’t mean we are without sadness. It’s been brutal. <br /><br />The other day I was walking in my yard, which is what I do when my thoughts start getting the best of me. I walk, I recite the book “we’re going on a bear hunt,” and I look for ladybugs. Anyone who has read my blog knows that Ty always sends me ladybugs. I started talking to Sonny and Ty, telling them how much I miss them and how abandoned I feel. I wondered if Dad would have a sign of his own. A feather? A dragonfly? Mom had already been seeing red cardinals so that’s what I hoped for. Eventually I sat on a bench, and I waited for Ty and "Papa."<br /><br />Something bright red caught my eye in the bushes. Right there in front of me was the brightest red bird I had ever seen, small, with black wings. Almost resembling – you guessed it – a ladybug. Like a red cardinal and ladybug combined. Could there be a more obvious way for them to show me that they are together!?!<br /><br />The bird stayed for at least two minutes, which is a really long time for a bird! It bounced from branch to branch. It allowed me to get close and softly say hello. I’ve never seen a bird like this before in my life, so I looked it up. <br /><br />Turns out, Scarlet Tanagers are among the brightest, most beautiful birds in an eastern forest, and also one of the most difficult to find as they stay high in the forest canopies. Apparently, it’s known among birdwatchers to be almost impossible to spot because they forage in leafy upper branches high in the forest.<br /><br />I do not live in a forest. Nor was the bird high in the trees. He came down to sit in those branches just to show me that they’re “doing good” and everything is going to be alright. <br /><br />For Sonny and Carol… you did better than good. You did great. <br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZA2kpcWxqHhcT12g_97gOuDZioz-mZuH2QPH_4Joq77xvc7fh9wWLvS8XTNjDh_qCu8HzwdUHlKEjeigPi7w4joOcil_Tph_75Wu5NjMm0F0bL1YvR2XeXm3SliN_wwCXQxFzZ34GOfxJZpuUGjCuANiOiNu-5PN5w31DsxLF5arFmnvvpupxZ4NL/s1000/scarlet%20tanager3.webp"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZA2kpcWxqHhcT12g_97gOuDZioz-mZuH2QPH_4Joq77xvc7fh9wWLvS8XTNjDh_qCu8HzwdUHlKEjeigPi7w4joOcil_Tph_75Wu5NjMm0F0bL1YvR2XeXm3SliN_wwCXQxFzZ34GOfxJZpuUGjCuANiOiNu-5PN5w31DsxLF5arFmnvvpupxZ4NL/s320/scarlet%20tanager3.webp" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">A Scarlet Tanager (credit: Columbia Daily Tribune)</div><span><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div> </span><p></p>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-26205750831816880702021-08-31T18:11:00.008-04:002021-09-01T15:20:10.989-04:00Why I Go Gold in September<span style="font-family: verdana;">Ty was just the sweetest little boy. He was my whole entire world from the second he was born. He didn’t start talking until he was 18 months old, but then he found his words quickly and had so much to say. He loved buttered rolls and blue lollipops. He braved the high slide at Magnolia Park all by himself, curls bouncing as I’d watch him climb the high ladder with a pit in my stomach. He loved to race me home on the boardwalk -- his three steps to my one. He held his baby brother and my heart grew even more. He chased down ocean waves. He flew kites. He gave great hugs around the neck. He went tubing behind the speedboat on Schroon Lake days before his diagnosis. My dad drove the boat just as he used to drive me on that same lake when I was a kid. Ty was almost three years old and life was great. </span><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibDfosh6qb4OGQ6QKwhb4T3mIs383KUyaenHEVOvMJ9uUZmKwxPoshlyrTI1bu8QCeMDJGK1uEkn_NpCOuYA__I6Tgd4dh-rHckLT31fNTqdEFO2wQ_YhdX5jCA2a0Qmcl-L7ddZ-JzIc/s378/ty+lake.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="358" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibDfosh6qb4OGQ6QKwhb4T3mIs383KUyaenHEVOvMJ9uUZmKwxPoshlyrTI1bu8QCeMDJGK1uEkn_NpCOuYA__I6Tgd4dh-rHckLT31fNTqdEFO2wQ_YhdX5jCA2a0Qmcl-L7ddZ-JzIc/s320/ty+lake.jpg" width="303" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Swimming in the lake</span></div></div><br />I loved my life then, I just didn’t know how much because I took it for granted. All of it. I hated that I worked so much instead of being grateful for how that work enabled us to have so much. I lived three blocks from the ocean and walked there in the morning, regretting that I couldn’t stay there all day instead of being grateful for the view at that very moment. I complained about the lack of sleep my babies caused when I would give anything to rock them in that rocking chair again. I worried about having enough money for completely unnecessary clothes and accessories, instead of being grateful that I had the money to pay for good healthcare insurance. My eyes were not yet open. There were so many things I was simply unaware of. <br /><br />Awareness slapped me in the face the day Ty was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Awareness of everything I had, and how suddenly I stood to lose it all. I couldn’t continue working knowing the treatment he had ahead. We would have to leave our house by the ocean to better meet his needs. I would have to trade time with his baby brother for time in the hospital with Ty. But obviously, I was most aware of the reality that I might lose him to cancer. A fault line had ripped through my whole entire world, leaving everything - every single thing - teetering on the edge. All these years later, I still live close to that edge.<br /><br />Today is the first day of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I became aware of a lot of things following diagnosis day in 2010, including the staggering number of children who get cancer. That September, the gold ribbon representing childhood cancer came to my attention when I stepped out of the elevator on the 9th floor at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center for the first time. Who knew the color gold was used for the kids? Quite fitting, I thought, because we all know that “nothing gold can stay.” I just hoped that meant growing older for Ty, and not the other impossible outcome. The one that became my reality. The one where he died in my arms two years later.<br /><br />CANCER does not discriminate. It has impacted each and every one of us in one way or another -- the children being the most innocent victims of all. I have seen tiny infants receiving chemotherapy. Third graders who didn’t know life before cancer after years of relapses. Teenagers who went from playing football one day to facing their own mortality the next. We have to cure this disease. It has to happen. I personally know far too many kids who are depending on research to find those cures <i>right now </i>and it breaks my already broken heart. <br /><br />We have all seen the impact of research since the onset of the pandemic. Imagine the inroads we could make if that level of funding was awarded to the scientists trying to cure childhood cancer. But when it comes to childhood cancer you can take it from me… it’s up to us to raise the funds and it takes a village. It’s not fair and it’s not right that parents are running marathons and hosting bake sales to support the research, but it’s another reality I have become <i>very aware of </i>over the years. <br /><br />So today, on September 1, I'm asking my village to support Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider doing any of the following this month:<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.thetlcfoundation.org/donation-form/" target="_blank">Make a donation to the TLC Foundation</a> in memory of Ty, or any organization close to your heart that funds childhood cancer research.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Fundraise for the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/fund/TLCF.org/" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or Instagram.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Support Ty's Dad as he trains for the triathlon by donating <a href="https://givebutter.com/TeamTY2021/louiscampbell?fbclid=IwAR0BNeYnMQs_QCmQ7S3_sUD8biPW9GFNjuwqNQQF1BMhEGl0kImFMOZOKJQ" target="_blank">to "Team TY"</a> in their efforts to raise money before our annual TYathlon.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.active.com/mahopac-ny/running/distance-running/9th-annual-tyathlon-2021?fbclid=IwAR0k_HS1yx0QlN3jFBt6fyUv4Why3J1oB2wN8TQAqiEp0jxi5Q_s-2gDuiE" target="_blank">Sign up to participate in the triathlon or the 5K yourself!</a> Tell your friends to join you on September 25th!</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Have your kids <a href="https://form.jotform.com/72414853365156" target="_blank">“Take a Stand”</a> against childhood cancer by selling painted rocks, lemonade, seashells, gold ribbons, or whatever they want to sell in support of our efforts. Up to three registrants will win Amazon gift cards!</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Support Wildcats “Spirit Day” activities at Westlake on September 26th.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://www.thetlcfoundation.org/arch-global-advisors-annual-charity-golf-outing/?fbclid=IwAR2xJA02IOq63mnFOlEaZw1evpDaDZf66373Lty2Cbl1oj3HDYxs-yu5vac" target="_blank">Sign up to golf</a> with us on September 27th at Anglebrook Golf Club.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Buy something from the <a href="http://prettystore.org/" target="_blank">Pret*ty store</a> and wear it with pride, or gift it to someone else to help raise awareness.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Slap on a gold ribbon and tell people why. Encourage them to donate or fundraise, as well.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Go Gold on social media by changing your profile picture, sharing posts, and using the hashtags #gogold, #superty, #cancelchildhoodcancer.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ask your local stores if they would allow you to place a change bucket for TLC on their counter throughout the month, and collect the donations afterward.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">Talk to your child's preschool or day care about signing up to <a href="https://www.muddypuddlesproject.org/welly-walks/" target="_blank">host a welly walk</a> during the school year ahead.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana;">LET YOU KIDS JUMP IN MUDDY PUDDLES!</span></li></ul></span><div><span style="font-family: verdana;">There are so many tragedies impacting the world we live in, and countless worthy causes. This is mine. Thank you for loving and supporting my family through this as we continue to grow our nonprofit in memory of beautiful #SuperTy. He was here. His life was important. He continues to make a difference. <u>T</u>hank <u>Y</u>ou.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwjli67JyGdkgmeTK2vahyF6iesfnXIwMIjoCMyqOFysBKysCbcyiNAVwSpYlG9uRndeatVhVeV2bAohwePQJkdKf5dNVec-7-nuIBfWY_Zh1RA9O27YYjulf7K2DUd-NVvRFY3vmwurs/s2048/Ty+and+Me+in+kitchen+in+love.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1138" data-original-width="2048" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwjli67JyGdkgmeTK2vahyF6iesfnXIwMIjoCMyqOFysBKysCbcyiNAVwSpYlG9uRndeatVhVeV2bAohwePQJkdKf5dNVec-7-nuIBfWY_Zh1RA9O27YYjulf7K2DUd-NVvRFY3vmwurs/s320/Ty+and+Me+in+kitchen+in+love.png" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;">We were so in love. I miss him.</span></div></div>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-34102754484263348232020-11-12T16:33:00.000-05:002020-11-12T16:33:54.771-05:00He's right there. On our bench. Waiting for me to notice.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiBxv56Vn1rbREO7swbF5CkR0Q-1a-wdTO77TjBohMvCj66udQvR4mWv_t8XYwwYF9JpL7s4A-qlovuRq_5WlskLd48pqrlzQKiSEn9M9NseduQAmhZDL-kdwk5gKcnd7o16cyLk7T6tw/s640/IMG_2182.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiBxv56Vn1rbREO7swbF5CkR0Q-1a-wdTO77TjBohMvCj66udQvR4mWv_t8XYwwYF9JpL7s4A-qlovuRq_5WlskLd48pqrlzQKiSEn9M9NseduQAmhZDL-kdwk5gKcnd7o16cyLk7T6tw/s320/IMG_2182.JPG" /></a></div><br /><br />God, was it a beautiful day on Sunday. After snow on Halloween, I wasn’t expecting it. After the stress of the election and the weekend that followed, I simply wasn’t expecting a day like this and it really made my heart heal. I made a point to get outside alone to smell the leaves and remember the days in November 2012 when I used to sit outside with Ty’s fleece blanket around me, numb, watching the leaves fall all around. And yes, looking for signs from my love.<br /><br />I broke my foot recently. It was just a clumsy maneuver, not a big deal (or so I thought). But I have to stay put for the most part and that’s hard for me. Sunday, Lou took the kids hiking and I stayed behind and to be honest - it was lovely. Hearing the birds outside and listening to the rustling leaves I had to get out there. All the cushions were already packed away for the winter in our yard, so I hobbled my way over to our date bench across the street from our house. Years ago I used to sit there with Ty. I used to tell him we were going on a date. It glides, it’s in a pretty little spot in front of our house, and Lou and I like to keep the planters filled with colorful flowers each season.<br /><br />I used to sit on this bench more often. Especially in the days following Ty’s death. It’s also my ritual to sit here on every first day of school, sobbing loud with unashamed tears for the child I didn’t put on the bus with his brother that day. <br /><br />So, I went out there on Sunday simply because it was a beautiful day and I had nowhere else to sit outside. It’s been a while and I almost forgot that every single time I come and sit on this bench, I remember exactly how I felt the day I cradled Ty in my arms on this bench during our very last walk outside. He stared up at the sky, barely blinking or saying a word, and I stared into his eyes studying every tiny facet with the fear of forgetting. His pupils were so small, it was a bright sunny day, and I saw every speck of brown in the green and tried to record it in my mind. He had one rather significant brown speckle on the bottom left corner of his right eye. He quietly pointed out that there were no red leaves surrounding our date bench and I continue to try to fix that. I’m grateful for this memory. <br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ty sends me a lot of signs. This is ladybug season, and of course October brought his birthday, my birthday, Bodhi‘s birthday and the day he died, so <i>we’ve had a whole lot of ladybugs around here</i>. Even today in my kitchen and another in my bedroom, and one on the door at the TLC office that hasn’t left for two days. But on Sunday I noticed something so significant I’m actually dumbfounded at how impossible it is. I can’t even tell you how much I LOVE when this happens. I am downright giddy over it. Can’t wait to show you!!<br /><br />PREFACE: After he died, I used to write, “Ty was here,” when I had a memory of him. When I went to places I had been with him. On the sand at the beach, in the dirt in the yard, I even carved it into our date bench one day. There was always such a tremendous need to share my memory with strangers and a fear that he wouldn’t be remembered if I didn’t. My grief has evolved since then and I don’t feel it necessary as I used to, just once in a blue moon. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think of him any less, of course. <br /><br />Anyway, here it is…the carving I made on the bench in October 2014 (pictured above), six years later, now looks like this. Worn, weathered, and faded, but OMG! Forgive my novice editing skills attempting to circle the words...</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-8fa540a8-7fff-489e-ed6b-d8ba43afd999"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfArXBSvIaMBZ4YXM_T8qFkHIWsgDyKi5b6o6TRbxaA4-t_fviw1vXeOF_IP-jT8W0GwHEyL61KZmoDE5hbqIBcshw-7LYl7Uw_38bNUFPaHKJ7t2rlRo2Q1zF7fC-HB0vO_NuCRATQAc/s640/datebench2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="360" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfArXBSvIaMBZ4YXM_T8qFkHIWsgDyKi5b6o6TRbxaA4-t_fviw1vXeOF_IP-jT8W0GwHEyL61KZmoDE5hbqIBcshw-7LYl7Uw_38bNUFPaHKJ7t2rlRo2Q1zF7fC-HB0vO_NuCRATQAc/s320/datebench2.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Do you see what I see? Am I nuts? The word "was" is completely gone. Those letters, and only those letters, have completely disappeared without a trace. I can still read the words “Ty” and “here” quite easily. He is here! You guys, that's just it... he <i>is</i> here. He is always trying to tell me this. This holds true for your loved ones, too. I hope you can believe that. <br /><br />I am beside myself with warmth and comfort and doubt and sadness and happiness and peace and discomfort and... I don't know what!<br /><br /><br /><b>Ty ____ here. Ty is here.</b><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIPmfaICyXyq0XzEDqbzRldf1IqyzY-4UTIoo7G14zprCraQjtNjpm6VKw1-XsIBp-5epUjKMlUSzdo8ydMKIM4mRLvu4RNfMRHp7HTFHpbEMKwUSNCmFr06CLOYkWTXInm7IZHuuf1EI/s640/date+.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIPmfaICyXyq0XzEDqbzRldf1IqyzY-4UTIoo7G14zprCraQjtNjpm6VKw1-XsIBp-5epUjKMlUSzdo8ydMKIM4mRLvu4RNfMRHp7HTFHpbEMKwUSNCmFr06CLOYkWTXInm7IZHuuf1EI/s320/date+.JPG" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><p></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span></div><p><br /></p>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-70811889542783371742020-09-17T08:41:00.006-04:002020-09-17T09:08:08.486-04:00It Should Have Been Me<p>On August 11, 2010, it should have been me. It should have been my headache, my MRI, my cancer. I was almost 35-years-old and, up until that point, I had lived life to the fullest. I was as carefree as I was careless. Money burned a hole in my pocket, I traveled often, I loved concerts, I beached it in the summer and snowboarded in the winter, I ate whatever I wanted, I smoked cigarettes (and weed), and aside from pregnancy, I probably hadn't gone one weekend without drinking since I turned 21. I loved life and I enjoyed the shit out of it. </p><p>Well, there's some honesty I haven't yet shared on this blog! Sorry to those I offend, but this was never a place where I downplay the truth.</p><p>I was married to my best friend, I was a new mom to two healthy boys, and I had seen very little loss in my life thus far. My heart was the fullest it will ever be because no matter how much new love may enter my life, the part of my heart that left with Ty can never be replenished. Once a gaping hole, now a slow perpetual bleed. </p><p>But I only know that now - in hindsight. If it <i>were </i>me at the time... if <i>I </i>had been diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor at 35-years-old, I would have thought, "What will my boys do without me? I'm too young! I need to see them grow up! I have so much more living to do! Why me?!?!?" Rightfully so. But had I been given the choice between me or him - it should have been me. Any parent in my shoes would say the same. I lived <i>enough</i>, and I wanted my two-year-old son to have that same chance and more.</p><p>And it's not just the life experiences he'll never have. It's the unimaginable pain he endured for half of his life. It should have been me! I look at Bodhi, I listen to him play, and I try to imagine what it's like inside a little 3-year-old mind when he has to go to the hospital every day for chemotherapy; when he loses his ability to walk, throws up daily, wakes up from anesthesia to find a tube in his stomach, or worse, wakes up intubated after brain surgery. And so much more. Terrible, horrible things happened to him on a daily basis, I have to stop myself from thinking about it because it nauseates me.</p><p>There is no bargaining in life. You can't trade wealth for health, or one life for another. There are no "do-overs." I begged and pleaded with God. I asked the Universe. Still, here I am - here he is not.</p><p>There is a lot of pressure that comes with knowing it should have been me. I am here, I am healthy, and I have to try my best to be a good human. Many days I fail, but then I read the news or glance at Twitter and pat myself on the back because at least I'm trying. This world is a trash heap and we can do better than this, can't we!?! </p><p>When our fundraising efforts fall short, I feel like I'm failing. I beat myself up every time I think our nonprofit isn't growing fast enough, or that the research we invest in isn't saving enough children. I meet families with kids in treatment almost every single day, and it never gets easier knowing the difficult path that lies ahead of them. </p><p>Bad things are happening every day - really, really bad things. Nothing makes sense. This life is hard. But I do find some comfort in getting older, I guess. I like the wisdom and the sense of calm that is starting to come with it. </p><p>For years, I had truly forgotten what it felt like to be happy. I continued to travel and entertain, but it was to escape life, not to embrace it. About a year ago, I was making my bed and for no reason whatsoever I was humming and smiling as I snapped the sheet. I caught myself and I thought, "Oh my God, I am happy!" I barely recognized the feeling, so spontaneous and unexpected. I wasn't chasing after it with vacations, birthday parties, fundraisers or social gatherings. It just found me again, in the form of sunbeams through my windows and the smell of fresh linens. How simple. How lovely.</p><p>I can't wait to see Ty, but until then I have a lot to do. I have to make sure Gavin and Bodhi grow to be men who work hard, respect others, and fight for what's right. I have to do my part to help preserve this beautiful planet. I have to keep advocating for children with cancer. I know I am relentless (borderline unbearable), but <i>I have to </i>keep fundraising for research. Can you believe we have already funded 13 innovative projects for kids with brain tumors, sarcoma and relapsed leukemia? All research projects, and every researcher working in the field, are advancing the science toward cures. And, without Ty's loss and our nonprofit in his memory, there would be 13 fewer such advances. That means so very much. When I die, I hope I die knowing that I did my best to honor Ty's memory and to drive change. </p><p>It should have been me, but it wasn't. So I am trying hard to make sure that if I have to live without him, I live with purpose. And however you may have supported that purpose, whether attending events, convincing your friends to join you, fundraising, making donations, volunteering, jumping in muddy puddles to raise awareness, or sending words of encouragement to my family or others like us, those actions have purpose and together we are making an impact. I thank you. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm50bPUTehM50t9Ti_0V1i-DBFJIvR6IWud6EnOh1r2iIkI_Jp4zhU353rAbm2zF0vDf4F6ASMW5A2mNgHBRI1DF7aZSqHph1N4xj2s7OxHrXY12vP_QJuul6XnRZdBAsxW8ZtgyO0Zj4/s2048/mom+and+ty+framed.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1592" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm50bPUTehM50t9Ti_0V1i-DBFJIvR6IWud6EnOh1r2iIkI_Jp4zhU353rAbm2zF0vDf4F6ASMW5A2mNgHBRI1DF7aZSqHph1N4xj2s7OxHrXY12vP_QJuul6XnRZdBAsxW8ZtgyO0Zj4/s320/mom+and+ty+framed.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">True Love. Photo Credit: Janice McCreay<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month - pass it on. </p>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-84134109189202593132020-09-01T13:17:00.007-04:002020-09-01T14:00:33.477-04:00Cancer is a War<p>On this day eight years ago, Ty told me he wanted to play in the sprinklers. He hadn't stood on his feet independently in two years, and he was losing his motor skills at an increasing rate with each passing day. I wrote:</p><p>"I swear, sometimes I think he forgets his limitations and what he has been robbed of. It is a child’s right to run through sprinklers in the summertime. To sit in circle time at Kindergarten. To hit a baseball. To have a best friend. A girlfriend or boyfriend! To go to college. To get married. To have kids of their own. We need to do everything we can to help save these little cancer warriors and to protect them from a lifetime of chronic illnesses or handicaps."</p><p>On September 17, I would sit in the backseat of our car with him sleeping in my lap as we pulled away from the hospital, knowing it was for the very last time. </p><p>I still can't believe it sometimes. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. He was just<i> too sweet</i> to suffer like that. And surely a child wouldn't suffer like that only to die in the end? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUTICveGMAhFY4P7PL3Yjd4cDthGfI6dpzK91LTYw3vMDP6GdqICgNNqbOiNPhBTriNzazD4y81hTy979CZ_Wu8SkAOul1LQXGFxP4z1L1ik9tVSX7SJOdmstFFIdZRS-MFEi9dhwQ_0/s2021/waiting+to+meet+max+and+ruby_4714.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2021" data-original-width="1431" height="410" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUTICveGMAhFY4P7PL3Yjd4cDthGfI6dpzK91LTYw3vMDP6GdqICgNNqbOiNPhBTriNzazD4y81hTy979CZ_Wu8SkAOul1LQXGFxP4z1L1ik9tVSX7SJOdmstFFIdZRS-MFEi9dhwQ_0/w290-h410/waiting+to+meet+max+and+ruby_4714.jpg" width="290" /></a></div><br /><p>This face... After eight years, I can look at his photos and smile. I can experience flashbacks and be grateful that I still have them. I can walk the aisles in the supermarket without worrying I might break down into tears at any given moment, without even being able to recall what triggered it. My grief will be forever present because it is a reflection of my love, but it is an ever-changing journey and I have grown as a person because of it. </p><p>I may be able to genuinely say that I am okay now, but what happened to my son and what is happening to children around the world is not okay and it will never be okay. Like I said eight years ago, <i>we need to do everything we can to help save these little cancer warriors and to protect them from a lifetime of chronic illnesses or handicaps. </i></p><p>September is childhood cancer awareness month. If you haven't seen this image shared on social media, please take a moment to digest this now. This is an accurate picture of how it was when Ty was diagnosed, and it is an accurate picture of what a child's experience is, today. We can give our children monikers to empower them, SuperTy, Mighty Mikey, Breanna the Brave; We can have parades for them; We can wear gold ribbons and make bumper stickers; but until we uncover new ways to treat children more effectively and get those innovative treatments into clinic, they are still left to stand on the edge of a cliff as we try our best to support them. Forced to take a leap of faith in the brutal treatments that await them. <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">CREDIT: @idrawchildhoodcancer, a cancer dad who understands this, first hand.</span></b></p><p><b></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmfV_vr-wHeQo5HOvi3ifQxjG20nxohm6m0NXmNA4-S5-AAodCa5lNWz29u_Rr8AM0oZsCVaBQ_9kRdVS0rGzFizKG5lH_QAu6QEu3u8L7txa7AXwvkA_AY1A2qY-PMDu66nw_2uupOGQ/s1198/Screen+Shot+2020-09-01+at+1.07.32+PM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1198" data-original-width="1194" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmfV_vr-wHeQo5HOvi3ifQxjG20nxohm6m0NXmNA4-S5-AAodCa5lNWz29u_Rr8AM0oZsCVaBQ_9kRdVS0rGzFizKG5lH_QAu6QEu3u8L7txa7AXwvkA_AY1A2qY-PMDu66nw_2uupOGQ/w326-h328/Screen+Shot+2020-09-01+at+1.07.32+PM.png" width="326" /></a></b></div><b><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b><p></p><p>We sing "fight song" and we talk about "beating cancer," but this is a game of war, and a war of any kind can't be won without tremendous loss. You can't go to war without significant consequence, and you can't give children poison to kill their cancer without expecting that poison might also harm their healthy cells, damage their organs, wreak havoc on their endocrine system, etc. </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>One out of five children do not survive the first five years post cancer-diagnosis.</li><li>The Childhood Cancer Survivorship Study at St. Jude shows that out of the children who do survive, 70% of children reported chronic health conditions post-treatment, half of which were categorized as <b>severe, disabling or fatal.</b></li><li>Survivors have physical side-effects that can be seen like amputations, wheelchairs, trachs and feeding tubes.</li><li>They have side effects that can't be seen like heart conditions, respiratory disease, hormone deficiencies and infertility.</li><li>A child that undergoes chemotherapy has a 30% greater chance of developing a secondary cancer later in life.</li><li>Survivors of childhood cancer are very likely to develop mental health symptoms including anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and PTSD. </li><li>Childhood cancer survivorship statistics are inaccurate because they don't account for children who die of treatment-related side effects. If the cause of death on the certificate isn't listed as cancer, that patient will still be considered a survivor.</li></ul><div>There is so much work to do, and so many facts to share about why this is such an important cause to get behind, but in light of the current news environment that is so heavy and sad, I want to follow the lead of John Krasinski by ending this post with Some Good News (#SGN) about childhood cancer awareness.</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Ty's foundation has pledged $1.6 million dollars toward research, and funded 13 unique research projects across the country.</li><li>Amazon is going gold again, in support of raising childhood cancer awareness. They have committed to deliver millions of uniquely designed #gogold boxes to customers, and the Amazon Prime Airplane will also display a gold ribbon. </li><li>Solving Kids' Cancer will be hosting their annual #LaceUpforKids campaign, and you can learn more about requesting your gold laces <a href="https://solvingkidscancer.org/2020laceupforkids/?gclid=CjwKCAjw4rf6BRAvEiwAn2Q76p27I3pE3A2r0ErIFVOty1QVR8gn5G-CGa-FjZWcA1AgCK-BQQ2BlBoCc3MQAvD_BwE" target="_blank">here</a>. </li><li>Gold ribbon merchandise can be found pretty much everywhere, and it was non-existent when Ty was diagnosed ten years ago.</li><li>Research labs are open again! </li><li>Cancer researchers are still hosting important conferences online, ensuring that important information sharing doesn't come to a halt in the wake of shutdowns.</li><li>Childhood cancer fundraising events, like our beloved MESS FEST, have seen success after going virtual</li><li>In fact, TLC for families gave financial support to Addyson in 2017, and she is thriving after being treated as an infant for Ewing Sarcoma - Ty would be so proud. She couldn't have been more surprised (and thrilled) to receive her own personalized letter from Peppa Pig!</li></ul><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinzUjEAD7vSlBGGi3s-QSV1T8I1Dm0dEgVJ5U_cyk5HeTi3ZNREMNl9Zzh_pm3gDEh5fnNPoefuwFPQK_egJWKnAkLrgyZggcTQQl5HZGf51zMpgX7QmEUJF1Gy4vyoFfFiceytsFEYbw/s1222/Screen+Shot+2020-09-01+at+1.57.25+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1222" data-original-width="902" height="410" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinzUjEAD7vSlBGGi3s-QSV1T8I1Dm0dEgVJ5U_cyk5HeTi3ZNREMNl9Zzh_pm3gDEh5fnNPoefuwFPQK_egJWKnAkLrgyZggcTQQl5HZGf51zMpgX7QmEUJF1Gy4vyoFfFiceytsFEYbw/w302-h410/Screen+Shot+2020-09-01+at+1.57.25+PM.png" width="302" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>The childhood cancer community has come really far. We continue to suffer tremendous loss, but we are winning this war. Thank you for taking this journey with me and my family. And thank you for continuing to raise awareness this September.</div><div><br /></div><div></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> </p>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-1310641625362743982020-07-31T11:14:00.000-04:002020-07-31T13:14:07.466-04:00A Different Story to Tell<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I couldn’t sleep last night. I miss this face. With so much on my mind, I’m not sure I slept at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Years ago, I would have gotten out of bed and started writing a blog to clear my head. I could settle my anxiety by expelling all of those thoughts from the day onto virtual paper, so to speak. But back then, I had a story to tell. I shared messages of faith and hope as I navigated a life-changing journey that altered my soul. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Last night, as I debated getting out of bed, I was weighed down by the reminder that I don’t have a story to tell anymore. The best five years of my life are forever behind me. But after two cups of coffee this morning, I settled on the notion that I still have so much to share - it’s all just very different.<o:p></o:p></div>
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August 11 will mark TEN YEARS since my husband and I took him to the hospital for the very first time, never imagining the news that would confront us. Brain tumor. Surgery. Chemotherapy. Radiation. The words were garbled - spilling out of the doctor’s mouth while the walls melted all around.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ten years ago, in a small conference room with no windows, I died my first death. The person I was just minutes earlier had vanished for eternity – just like that. Replaced by a girl with a broken smile and a nervous edge. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We are also nearing EIGHT years since Ty died, taking another version of my former self with him. I have been trying to pick up the pieces and rediscover the person who remains, but still I struggle to figure out who that person is. I find that life is so sad yet beautiful… tragic yet exhilarating. A gift to be treasured, regardless of what’s inside. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Tomorrow,</b> we should be hosting the EIGHTH Annual Muddy Puddles Mess Fest in Ty’s memory, and in honor of all kids like him who suffer from such an unfair cancer diagnosis. We should be busy planning for our EIGHTH Annual Super TYathlon in September. These events mean so very much to us. Our hearts explode with gratitude to see thousands of people get behind our cause year-after-year and gather to remember our son. But alas, 2020 arrived with different ideas and sweeping casualties for all of us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Since March, we cancelled so many fundraisers, including: SuperTy Bowl, Muffins in May, WOD’ing for SuperTy with Pawling CrossFit, The 90’s Party with Partner’s Gym, Party with Peppa, our first TLC Golf Outing, BBQ for a Cure, Muddy Puddles Mess Fest, Welly Walks at preschools nationwide, Muddy Puddles Birthday Parties at the Little Gym, Westlake Spirit Week, and potentially more. Wow, what a list. What a huge loss for childhood cancer research.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s no wonder I couldn’t sleep. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Since diagnosis day ten years ago, I’ve tried to live a life with purpose. Lou and I have redirected the time we should be parenting our oldest son in an effort to fundraise for childhood cancer research. A day doesn’t go by that we don’t work toward this end, and that is the truth. Not one day passes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It is very difficult to accept that everything we have worked SO HARD for has been brought to an abrupt halt. We’ve made huge commitments to invest in research, but the lab doors were closed before our eyes and our ability to financially help reopen those doors is in jeopardy. The reality we are faced with is nauseating. We have come too far to stop now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyone who followed Ty’s journey knows it is not my style to end on a sad note, though. So here are my silver linings – and they are pretty incredible. Ty continues to work his magic, that I am sure of.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>First and foremost. </b> His brothers. Gavin is eleven and we are two peas in a pod. I just love spending time with him. He is sweet, calm and content with a peaceful energy. And he is the all-time best big brother to Bodhi. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Bodhi, on the other hand, is a ball of fun and mischief. He has the exact same laugh as Ty and he loves to be funny. And when he is up to something silly, he opens his mouth to smile wide and his eyes light up with such joy that I have to catch my breath. It’s like getting a glimpse of Ty in the room for a split second. And, unlike Gavin, Bodhi has never passed a puddle without jumping in it. He loves it!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Second,</b> we are down but definitely not out. The heaviness of knowing that there will be no mud pit to build tonight, no Mess Fest to enjoy tomorrow, certainly hurts. Every year I have been so worried about bad weather, yet every year the clouds magically disperse, often leaving behind perfect muddy puddles for the kids to enjoy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This year the clearing of the clouds has emerged in a very different fashion. Our biggest partners in his fight – EntertainmentOne (Peppa Pig) and The Little Gym - have helped us clear a path forward in the form of hosting a series of <i>Virtual Mess Fests</i>. Generous sponsors like Hasbro, FatSnax, and Band Aid are kicking off our fundraisers, and we are so incredibly proud to be aligned with such tremendous brands that share our passion to help kids with cancer. Please, if you know any children who might love to get messy at home with Peppa Pig, please share the link with them. This just HAS to be big. Ty would be SO proud. For more information and to register, visit <a href="http://www.messfest2020.org/" style="color: #954f72;" target="_blank">messfest2020.org</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>That’s not all. </b>Our incredible community of support has already shown us that they want to keep helping, even if our events are going virtual. The Dirty Dunk, Team Ty, and the virtual 5K are all underway, and we hope you will consider fundraising for us or contributing to an existing campaign. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m doing the <b>Dirty Dunk</b> with Bodhi this year! I have a bag of dirt and a kiddie pool with my name written all over it. It won’t be the same from home, but we are making the best of it. You can join the team, too! Visit <a href="http://www.dirtydunk2020.com/" style="color: #954f72;" target="_blank">dirtydunk2020.com</a> to donate or join the team.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lou is leading <b>Team Ty</b> as they participate in a very small, socially distant triathlon around Lake Mahopac (nothing can stop these guys!). Please read his beautiful post here <a href="https://charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/8th-annual-tyathlon/louiscampbell" style="color: #954f72;" target="_blank">https://charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/8th-annual-tyathlon/louiscampbell</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwmfxNdf_F5x7ye_ULggB5H2d-oK9sliyECZMNk6lNKg586d-bWXViLkVs76iRGofHvjiH8TO_OWTWf1xQHbP5q-0RsL9pFW9wDf_0PzCa7X9PweFR9vv87UPO4m3GMOUwLqdtke9yDVw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2020-07-31+at+10.55.36+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="860" data-original-width="1290" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwmfxNdf_F5x7ye_ULggB5H2d-oK9sliyECZMNk6lNKg586d-bWXViLkVs76iRGofHvjiH8TO_OWTWf1xQHbP5q-0RsL9pFW9wDf_0PzCa7X9PweFR9vv87UPO4m3GMOUwLqdtke9yDVw/s320/Screen+Shot+2020-07-31+at+10.55.36+AM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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And anyone can sign up to participate in our <b>virtual 5K</b>. I have run a few virtual races since March, and I am 100% honest when I say that I enjoyed it just as much! Please walk or run “with” us to help fight childhood cancer. <a href="https://endurancecui.active.com/new/events/70512953/select-race?e4p=adb97ff9-9c93-47a6-99ab-fa91079c8b03&e4ts=1596206396&e4q=06da9544-217f-43ca-a8b4-828e3b470e01&e4c=active&e4e=snawe00000000&e4h=644ad3fe25feb577e41d53bcc2063bfc&regnow=awe-regnow&e4rt=Safetynet&_p=43702753916727555" style="color: #954f72;" target="_blank">Anyone can register here</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and we are asking businesses everywhere to consider putting out a collection jar for the month, or purchasing a window cling to show your support. If you are interested in learning more about our “Bucket Brigade,” please email me at <a href="mailto:info@superty.org" style="color: #954f72;">info@superty.org</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We will continue our “go gold” initiatives in Hawthorne and surrounding towns to honor Westlake Spirit Week, and we will be releasing a “Save the Date” for a virtual wine and cheese pairing hosted by McKinney and Doyle and Pawling Bread Company very soon! CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Last but certainly not least</b>, there is love all around us. I leave you with a photo of this painting by Mary Pallotta. Mary has loved Ty since day one, and she continues to show us how much he means to her. I can’t even express how special this is. All we ever want is for our boy to be remembered. Thank you, Mary. Our hearts are full. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-25921481400345244832020-07-31T10:52:00.000-04:002020-07-31T10:52:04.980-04:00I miss him... BIG MUCH<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It's been so long since I've written a blog. Ty's Foundation recently pledged a three-year gift to support the Gift From a Child initiative. We are so proud to be part of this incredible program that is changing the landscape of pediatric brain tumor research. I pasted the introduction to my latest blog here, and hope you will read more.<br />
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<i>I took my toddler to the emergency department after a sleepless night, insisting that perhaps he was suffering headaches. Wearing a bright yellow t-shirt that matched his curly blonde hair, cargo shorts and flip flops, Ty jumped and giggled his way into the sunny room at the local children’s hospital. I was met with looks of surprise and confusion by the staff, but my husband and I could see his tired eyes behind that smile and insisted on an MRI.</i><br />
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<i>Just shy of three-years old, I winced when the needle pierced the skin on his arm. I was nauseated as I held him limp from the anesthesia, certain that would be the worst of it. How very wrong I was. That day marked the first of countless needles, MRIs with sedation, hospital stays, and so much worse.
For two and a half years, his pain became routine, the cancer—relentless. </i><br />
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<a href="https://giftfromachild.org/2020/07/07/big-much/" target="_blank">READ MORE</a><br />
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<a href="https://giftfromachild.org/2020/07/07/big-much/">https://giftfromachild.org/2020/07/07/big-much/</a>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-65192785253915646122019-09-03T18:10:00.001-04:002019-09-04T11:16:24.896-04:00A MESSAGE THAT BEARS REPEATING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. In the hopes
that new readers might come across this post (please share), it is
important to start off by stating the fact that my son, Ty Campbell, died in
October 2012. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had just turned five
years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will never really know if
it was the cancer itself or the treatment that ultimately took his life, but we
do know this: he died because there were not enough safe and effective
treatment options available to him, which is the same reason why any child
loses his or her life to cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After trauma, CANCER is the number one cause of death in
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not enough is being done to
advance cures. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This photo was taken two weeks before his tumor was
discovered (he was two years/ten months old).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the course of 26 months in treatment, Ty had more than 20 surgical procedures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any parent who has ever had the difficult
experience of leaving a child in the hands of a surgical team – whether for
something as harmless as ear tubes or as brutal as a brain tumor resection – can
imagine how difficult it was every single time.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSezKGI_Zu-olCNMTyVDQWmhtb-MV-Ne_d68nNs9uBd6BJJ-nyzUCOECo1RyTyJFzSxyZNIxUouh0Xp3-Fkkcvx_lJ1XVPypoWjhBFd9cfWkZRgnX74PPYx3SxmoPwE2PKuy6Zn2tv5E/s1600/ty+two+years+ten+onths.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgSezKGI_Zu-olCNMTyVDQWmhtb-MV-Ne_d68nNs9uBd6BJJ-nyzUCOECo1RyTyJFzSxyZNIxUouh0Xp3-Fkkcvx_lJ1XVPypoWjhBFd9cfWkZRgnX74PPYx3SxmoPwE2PKuy6Zn2tv5E/s320/ty+two+years+ten+onths.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>He was returned looking like this…</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwz6Y5A8viHhuMgfljDsmNPlP8Ex1DJWZtnkFLcp9pTvyuBGSjBcddpopKxvO0VNg2qSlq1b_BDAdZ6NNB0ZpYdJmGuGzq6XYDm9UAptyaJh7yo8pFtgXlR7rhX-QnD7d7EL4MXE9J1dU/s1600/what+do+you+think+hes+thinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1196" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwz6Y5A8viHhuMgfljDsmNPlP8Ex1DJWZtnkFLcp9pTvyuBGSjBcddpopKxvO0VNg2qSlq1b_BDAdZ6NNB0ZpYdJmGuGzq6XYDm9UAptyaJh7yo8pFtgXlR7rhX-QnD7d7EL4MXE9J1dU/s320/what+do+you+think+hes+thinking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
And like this…</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ82SQVCc-bra5FbkzIFw9xA76GxURQ_DvhtmKolrg3rVQYST_yWqmfvmOel3UO2UNlP969Vjno_CO3ITWUiQcrxu0w_oviVXzVv5cgn6BdaLKv771n3Hcc087nwJ6n9Nn8S6QG0gigt8/s1600/1304834351142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="230" data-original-width="408" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ82SQVCc-bra5FbkzIFw9xA76GxURQ_DvhtmKolrg3rVQYST_yWqmfvmOel3UO2UNlP969Vjno_CO3ITWUiQcrxu0w_oviVXzVv5cgn6BdaLKv771n3Hcc087nwJ6n9Nn8S6QG0gigt8/s320/1304834351142.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">And like this...</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiINexjjHsBvQPx05pYaymWWi0WsTdRiPMUqaPBwlJACiFAGkuckCz1TBhiDKlGMgco-bIJXZ0zuHLwncWzZEMndmHs54labX02szWJcxAN2RSk56rYBSexWBHH0CJUw9a16PVrEk0tVXs/s1600/2011-06-21_19-13-57_280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="903" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiINexjjHsBvQPx05pYaymWWi0WsTdRiPMUqaPBwlJACiFAGkuckCz1TBhiDKlGMgco-bIJXZ0zuHLwncWzZEMndmHs54labX02szWJcxAN2RSk56rYBSexWBHH0CJUw9a16PVrEk0tVXs/s320/2011-06-21_19-13-57_280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">And like this...</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6JEbPq47EUcMatZNFspr3KxLuJFb3pirxR4AoLJiFTezUBTB72ACuxha4YnJSMv2aPZQQQAQOtq3RNGEFV4gGC8mzVFglkqgaaOrA3uzPXQNVuEJXLAdxXbSih1LcH8yEcb6SEKz9Fs/s1600/my+poor+baby.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6JEbPq47EUcMatZNFspr3KxLuJFb3pirxR4AoLJiFTezUBTB72ACuxha4YnJSMv2aPZQQQAQOtq3RNGEFV4gGC8mzVFglkqgaaOrA3uzPXQNVuEJXLAdxXbSih1LcH8yEcb6SEKz9Fs/s320/my+poor+baby.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart can't possibly break more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was my greatest gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My biggest responsibility in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I allowed this, over and over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He suffered tremendously as a result of our efforts to cure
him, and still he died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The blame I
place on myself for losing him is my own cross to bear, I can’t change the past and I have come to terms with it. I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, the blame I place on the
pharmaceutical, medical and research community is something that I can do
something about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s something we can ALL
do something about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Childhood cancer is everyone’s cause, because every child is
vulnerable to this disease. <span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">A child is diagnosed with cancer every two minutes. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There is no known cause, and it does not discriminate. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">The majority of agents in use today are not
designed to treat the unique pathology of </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">children’s</i><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
cancers, and they can be very harmful to their small, developing bodies.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">One out of five children will not survive their cancer more than five years, and of those that do survive five years or more, the majority suffer severe long-term side effects that impact their quality of life (including secondary cancers).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">Research and development from pharmaceutical
companies comprises 60% of funding for adult cancer drugs, and close to zero
for childhood cancer drugs.</span></li>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">Therapeutic discoveries in the lab are not
profitable for pharmaceutical companies to manufacture because the volume of
drugs used is comparatively minimal.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">At the same time, childhood cancer receives less
than 4% of the national budget for research, creating a huge funding gap that
leaves small, family-founded nonprofits like ours working relentlessly to
supplement that funding and fill that gap.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">The clinical research landscape is complicated,
resulting in progress at a snail’s pace.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">For example, the average time for a therapeutic discovery just to be
tested in humans is 5–7 years.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">For
pediatrics, that wait time only increases.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">The possibility of discovering appropriate
therapies can be limited by accepted research standards (e.g.,
large-scale/multicenter requirements, testing single-treatments one at a time
rather than jumping right into combinations that we </span><i style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">know</i><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> are more effective, placebo-controlled studies and narrow
eligibility criteria).</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thankfully, many people now know and understand these
facts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I credit the parents of children
with cancer who have done such an incredible job raising awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The gold ribbon is seen far and wide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t open a social media channel without
seeing posts in September about Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I am so
incredibly proud of the awareness we have raised over the past decade.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that you are aware, it is up to you to take action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we are going to change these statistics,
we need to turn awareness into impact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Share
this message about childhood cancer awareness month. Sign up for a 5K (the
<a href="https://www.active.com/mahopac-ny/running/distance-running/7th-annual-tyathlon-2019?int=" target="_blank">TYathlon</a> in memory of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SweetSallySunshine/" target="_blank">Sweet Sally Sunshine</a> is on September 14).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make an effort to deliver on at least one
random act of kindness and leave a note behind about a child who you are
honoring (you can even request free kindness cards <a href="http://prettystore.storenvy.com/products/9696880-pay-it-forward-cards" target="_blank">here</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.thetlcfoundation.org/donate/" target="_blank">Donate</a> to your favorite childhood cancer
nonprofit working to improve treatments for children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Support legislative efforts to increase
research funding and write your local representatives to demand more than 4% funding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Encourage your children to get involved, they can sell painted rocks,
seashells, lemonade, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check out
<a href="http://www.spiritday2019.com/" target="_blank">Wildcats Spirit Day</a>, <a href="https://www.thetlcfoundation.org/goals-4-gold/" target="_blank">Goals for Gold</a> or the <a href="https://www.thetlcfoundation.org/the-blue-lollipop-project/" target="_blank">Blue Lollipop Project</a> for fun and creative ideas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
your children are in preschool, consider asking their teachers to host a <a href="https://www.muddypuddlesproject.org/2019/07/17/welly-walks/" target="_blank">WellyWalk </a>or <a href="https://www.thetlcfoundation.org/host-a-pajama-day-fundraiser/" target="_blank">Pajama Day Fundraiser</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Shave your head for St. Baldrick's! </span>There are so many hands on ways to make a
difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In memory of the angels, in support of the fighters, in
honor of the survivors, I thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together
we can make a difference during Childhood Cancer <s>Awareness</s> ACTION Month
and beyond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /></div>
Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-27685931934718846592019-07-03T13:22:00.000-04:002019-07-03T13:22:14.780-04:00Hazen, forever 5<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I rarely blog anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t have a story to tell anymore. And that’s because I don’t have a
son with cancer anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My beautiful
boy who captured so many hearts died six and a half years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But three weeks ago, I found myself with tears in my eyes and
as our seventh (!!) annual Mess Fest fundraiser is approaching, I thought it
would be an appropriate story to share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alexandra Garcia – Alex – was just a little girl when Ty was
sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her brother Michael was still a
toddler.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know her or her
family, but Alex’s mother is such a deep and caring person that she injected
herself into my life and I am so grateful for her friendship ever since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This family travels for hours from their home in Westhampton
to attend our events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
volunteer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They devise plans behind my
back with a team of my favorite fairy friends to purchase plane tickets for our
Mely to visit with us time and time again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alex has grown into a thoughtful young teen who shares her
mother’s generous heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spoke to
her teacher at school, and asked to host her very own “Mess Fest” in
Westhampton this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next thing
you know I’m getting a call from her teacher, Kelly, whose voice I recognized with
surprise as memories of my school days came rushing back… of course, I knew
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ty always arranges such "coincidences."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The event was amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Alex and Miss Russell planned and executed a flawless event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drove down there with Bodhi and a car full
of supplies to help them with the Mess Fest, including our signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The signs feature photos of children who underwent cancer treatment, a</span>nd it was the signs that compelled me to share
this update with you… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hazen has a freckle on his cheek. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His freckle brought me to tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How come I never noticed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I treat these signs with boundless love!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I clean them off carefully after every event, which means I have cleaned Hazen's sign over a dozen times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never met many of these children but I know
that Kai wears a green crotchet headband and that her adorable right ear sticks
out more than her left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that
McKenna is missing her top left tooth and that her photo was taken on her first
day of first grade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that Rett has
the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never
noticed that about Hazen though, and as I wiped slime and paint splatter from
his face to reveal this cute little freckle on his left cheek, the tears filled
my eyes and they didn’t stop for days.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears because I will never get the chance to meet any of the children with the word "forever" under their names. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears because they never got to experience a Mess Fest event,
where we celebrate them with such fun and laughter. “The best day of the year!” I have been told
time and time again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it is… it
really, really is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears because I am just so very sad they are gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know their stories and I know how they
suffered, and how their families continue to suffer without them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also cried because a beautiful thought
crossed my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They HAVE seen the Mess Fest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The spirit of these children is felt
everywhere, and their laughter echoes across the grass all day long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vision of their very signs splattered
with mud shows me that they are, indeed, participating – and getting dirty just
as they should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Ty never jumped in a muddy puddle after he was diagnosed
with a brain tumor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now he is free
and his spirit will be everywhere at Mess Fest on August 3<sup>rd</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will be jumping in every puddle he can
find.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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If you are on the fence about coming to this event, I hope
you will just “jump in.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A very small team
of dedicated individuals work their tails off to deliver an incredible
experience for everyone who attends – a true celebration of childhood – all to
help change the outcomes for children with cancer by funding research. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In honor of the survivors, in support of the fighters, in
memory of the angels…. Join us to celebrate the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Visit the magic show to see “Amazin’ Hazen” (as he liked to
be called), and admire his adorable freckle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://messfest2019.org/">Messfest2019.org</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If your family has
been impacted by a childhood cancer diagnosis and you would like to have a sign
made in honor of your child, please feel free to <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeG9vOLoVnM1wN-nlTnkF2AFORO6gyN9y9hBptFIY1q61dkcg/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1" target="_blank">fill out this google form</a></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhxlcgp3rN3G_9Bn01dZDdXb9U2TTwInzErEwoWJ0vCdcv4SDnM4ZPWWSPXdhKcZsgbzX7hu1lKTI6ucmNejUTAGH9uZY_e8rNZadnYr9Qw5PRK09xPEFU_qJ8qaz5UGTH2Nk7b8gNTRY/s1600/Hazen+sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhxlcgp3rN3G_9Bn01dZDdXb9U2TTwInzErEwoWJ0vCdcv4SDnM4ZPWWSPXdhKcZsgbzX7hu1lKTI6ucmNejUTAGH9uZY_e8rNZadnYr9Qw5PRK09xPEFU_qJ8qaz5UGTH2Nk7b8gNTRY/s320/Hazen+sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credit: Laurie Spens 2018<br /><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoflOIhZD9Emtma2PE0ifKkFG8f7SGSywCDziOdORuOs-b0KPuJYZV4JW0ykf_e6GuKyaZnVqmzaUHu5Aoin-eQm5WlWQm-gUzm8IO9v-Sn1u1ZpWi54RLFf4fAV-sPtKOtgybUMRdLyM/s1600/alexforblog.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoflOIhZD9Emtma2PE0ifKkFG8f7SGSywCDziOdORuOs-b0KPuJYZV4JW0ykf_e6GuKyaZnVqmzaUHu5Aoin-eQm5WlWQm-gUzm8IO9v-Sn1u1ZpWi54RLFf4fAV-sPtKOtgybUMRdLyM/s320/alexforblog.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alex and friends at the Westhampton Mess Fest!</td></tr>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-74637462395272725482018-10-04T05:26:00.003-04:002018-10-04T05:58:13.261-04:00Turning Eleven in Heaven<div class="MsoNormal">
I stare at my boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually when they are sleeping, or if I can get a longer glimpse of them during a quiet moment in my head, and I think about what kind of lives they will have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I want them to be kids as long as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To have fun and ask to “play” with their friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was eleven years old when I looked twice at my dolls and questioned if I was too old to play with them anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember crying over the idea that maybe I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I wonder if Ty would already be asking to "hang out" with his friends, instead of "play."</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to protect them from the insecurities of high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want them to stand up to the bullies, and they sure as hell better not bully others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved high school and I loved my friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was always happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With all I read today about depression and anxiety, it’s sad to think that all I want for them is to get through it unscathed and ready for the next phase in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to stop them from acting with reckless abandon in college (or at least, help them to find the right balance between experience and learning).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I hope they don’t drink the punch with grain alcohol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They WILL be embarrassed the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they find their love for music and see as many concerts as they can, while they can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From bands in the bar to sold out stadiums - and I hope they find their way to the front row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they respect women, and know to NEVER make inappropriate advances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no excuse for that what-so-ever and I have zero tolerance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I want all the right career choices to fall into place in their twenties so they can live on their own in the big city and I want them to travel while they are young and free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I want to watch them fall in love, marry the sweetest girls, and kick off their thirties with a cute little house filled with love and laughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thirties will bring marriage and fighting, complete chaos when babies are born, and they will start to see all of those “You’ll see” moments that everyone warned them about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they can take it all in stride and remember to focus on the tremendous love, because this will be the first decade in their lives where they are no longer putting themselves first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they know how wonderful and fulfilling and beautiful that is, despite the hardships that go along with loving others so deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">For Lou and I, life got particularly hard in our thirties and forties, and I wish I could protect them from the really sad things that start happening mid-life. People we love most have died, loving relationships have dissolved, addiction and cancer have consumed far too many friends and family, and financial hardships have been debilitating. Life gets real right about now, and I worry for them. </span></div>
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Despite the rough patches, life is great. The world is beautiful. Love is all around us. And, I can't wait to watch my boys grow up. I wish beyond wishing that I could have that opportunity with Ty. I'm up early today, and as I walked down the hall I thought about how I could be sneaking around decorating with balloons for when he wakes up. I imagine he would roll his eyes because... eleven... but deep down he would really love that. I would start cooking the bacon and getting the waffles on for his special bday breakfast before he went off to <i>middle school (!)</i>, served with a blue lollipop on the side. I'd give him extra lunch money and a treat for desert. Everyone would come over later for cake and a song.<br />
<br />
But he is forever five years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you asked me what I would want for any of my sons in their first five years of life, I would say laughter and pure joy in that most innocent time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he suffered, and that was so unfair, so I hope with all hope that there is a heaven and he is celebrating a terrific birthday “up there” whatever that looks like:<br />
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<ul>
<li>I hope he feels safe.<span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The idea that I wasn’t able to hold his hand and be with him will haunt
me forever.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I worry that he felt scared and alone,
and I hope that’s not true.</span></li>
<li>I hope he never feels sadness, even when he knows we are
feeling sad because of losing him.</li>
<li>I hope he could hear what we said to him over and over again
as he left this world, and that he carries those words with him… I love you, I
love you, I love you… because love is everything.</li>
<li>I hope heaven is spectacular.</li>
<li>I hope he continues to keep Nadine strong, and gets to play
with her dogs like they are his own because he never had a pet.</li>
<li>I hope he really is watching down on his brothers, and that
he can guide them through their own ups and downs in life.</li>
<li>I hope nature is his playground.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">That he is painting the sky, and guiding the
ladybugs to visit me, and jumping in muddy puddles every chance he gets.</span></li>
<li>I HOPE HE CAN FLY!<span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">LIKE PETER PAN!</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></li>
<li>I hope when I feel a special breeze, it is his embrace.</li>
<li>I hope the inaudible whispers in my ears are really his.</li>
<li>I hope he has so many little friends.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I hope he found Sally and made her feel safe,
just as I hope McKenna found him and made him feel safe.</span></li>
<li>I hope he isn’t lonely, even though I feel a pang of
jealousy for any spirit that gets to be close to him other than me – as if I’m
losing ground.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So silly, I know.</span></li>
<li>I hope he has Granny there with him, to hold his face and give him super long soft
kisses on his cheeks. </li>
<li>I hope he has access to an endless sea of blue lollipops and
gumdrop trees.</li>
<li>I hope he spends all day laughing – like every day is his
birthday.</li>
<li>I hope the air up there is filled with music and smells like
butterscotch.</li>
<li>I hope he feels me when I’m thinking of him.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></li>
<li>I hope heaven is that beautiful abyss where the sky meets
the ocean, where just looking out at sea brings a feeling of serenity.</li>
<li>I hope he can’t remember the pain.</li>
<li>I hope there are balloons in heaven.<span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">And toys…. Lots and lots of toys.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> And whoopie cushions.</span></li>
<li>I hope time is irrelevant, and all these years on earth without
him will feel like no time passed at all when we meet again.</li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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We lost my cousin Johnny in December, and my Aunt asked me, “Isn’t it weird to believe in heaven?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, what happens when a spouse dies, a person gets remarried, and then they are all awkwardly reunited in heaven?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said to her, "You are visualizing heaven in the context of being human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t understand beyond what we know life to be… but I like to think that heaven is pure love and something like a sixth sense that we can’t possibly understand until we experience it. Humans are way too simple-minded to have any idea what heaven really means.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like that concept, but what do I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am very much looking forward to that day of enlightenment for me, but until then I hope I can live out this life with love as my guide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I miss you Ty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eleven year old boy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would be so tall!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder what your smile would look like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never did get to see your big boy teeth come in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That boggles my mind all the time – that I don’t know what your smile would look like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can otherwise imagine what you would look like at eleven from head to toe, but I get completely stumped at your smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope some-day you’ll visit me in my dreams and give me a big, eleven-year old smile so I can carry that with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the luckiest person in the world because you were mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>XOXOXOXOXOX infinity <span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYLS7u0CfNMAAj3K9-KtYGKmYKMam_PWonvbG2DWVlNxEOCyXtnksGc-bi8cBeBfytlZUUITorZ0YfFAXqTeX3d0GvFU7jmhGsuWE5sWRnSLq3lJ_r4gtf-XdBtgIZca3YnzEQiuXZ8_E/s1600/Ty%2527s+1st+Birthday+%252824%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1340" data-original-width="1600" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYLS7u0CfNMAAj3K9-KtYGKmYKMam_PWonvbG2DWVlNxEOCyXtnksGc-bi8cBeBfytlZUUITorZ0YfFAXqTeX3d0GvFU7jmhGsuWE5sWRnSLq3lJ_r4gtf-XdBtgIZca3YnzEQiuXZ8_E/s320/Ty%2527s+1st+Birthday+%252824%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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</style>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-64097603764129114532018-09-21T09:51:00.001-04:002018-09-21T11:18:01.237-04:00Yellow for Sally<div>
I used to play Candyland a lot. My son Ty was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was 2 and having spent more than 250 nights in a hospital with a toddler (who loved candy, especially blue lollipops), you can imagine it was among his favorite games to pass the time. His favorite color was blue, my other son's favorite color(s) at the time were red and green (yes, both), so I always had to be the "yellow guy." </div>
<br />
I since decided that my favorite color is yellow. It's not a popular choice among kids, and I get questioned about it often. <br />
<br />
What's your favorite color?<br />
Yellow.<br />
<i>Yellow? Really? Why?</i><br />
Because it's a happy color...<br />
<br />
The irony lies within the fact that for me, as a bereaved mom, every ounce of happiness I feel is forever bittersweet, juxtaposed by my loss. <br />
<br />
Yellow <i>is</i> a happy color. The color of sunshine. In a time when I most needed hope and happiness, yellow could not have been a more perfect color to designate as my favorite. The Coldplay song, Yellow, became our love song. <br />
<br />
I met Matt and Nicole just months after Ty died. Their daughter - Sweet Sally Sunshine - had been recently diagnosed with infant leukemia. I drank waaayy too much wine that night, and shared my "fuck the world" sadness with them quite inappropriately (probably to their horror), but I would never know. They were and are the kindest, warmest, most optimistic people imaginable. Nicole has the most beautiful smile you'll ever see. From the moment I met them, I admired them tremendously.<br />
<br />
Over the course of the year (~2013), after several ups and downs, Sally was thankfully cancer-free. Matt and Nicole could have eventually put the ugly and unbearable world of childhood cancer behind them, but instead they chose to advocate for the children. They were the largest force behind the movement to convince the Empire State Building to go gold to raise awareness for childhood cancer, and when the Empire State Building refused, they gave a provoking speech in Times Square as its lights went gold in September to prove that even greater things can come out of such disappointment. <br />
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<div>
Sally and her family brought our community together in a united mission to raise awareness.<br />
<br />
Sadly, cancer wouldn't let them go on with their lives, even if they wanted to. Sally suffered tremendous setbacks over the years, and on Wednesday she died suddenly after becoming septic from an unknown infection. She had just celebrated her sixth birthday. </div>
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<div>
Cancer will not be listed as her cause of death. She is considered a cancer survivor. Statistically, when measuring the impact of childhood cancer, she will be deemed a success story. But the world lost this beautiful girl because of childhood cancer. Because the treatment she endured at such a young age weakened her little, growing body. The growing list of long-term side effects from the treatments that temporarily saved her life included seizures, low oxygen and a weak immune system. Like my own son who suffered necrosis and the onset of paralysis despite the fact that he was cancer free, Sally's quality of life was compromised.<br />
<br />
Sally's story is the reason why we fight so hard to provide funding for safer, more effective treatment options for children. Why I'll never stop fundraising and fighting and talking about kids with cancer. <br />
<br />
Over the years, Sally's sunshine remained bright, no matter what she was faced with. When you were in her presence, you could literally feel her light. Sally made people happy. She was yellow.<br />
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Sally's family has asked that we wear yellow today to honor their amazing girl. It may be my favorite color, but that doesn't mean it works with my complexion so I didn't have much to choose from. I think this is a happy shirt, and I am smiling with tears in my eyes as I take this photo to show Sally's family how loved she is. <br />
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With every ray of light, Sweet Sally Sunshine will be remembered. </div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-3683131607599372462018-09-01T00:19:00.002-04:002018-09-01T07:32:45.040-04:00Childhood Cancer Awareness. What Difference Does it Make?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’ll be the first to admit that after all of this time, I’ve
learned awareness is limited when it comes to impact – but still so very
important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is my ninth September since my eyes have been
opened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nine Septembers since the first day I
walked into the playroom at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer
Center and saw a poster that was emblazoned with gold ribbons and sticky notes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was introverted (still am), overwhelmed, and
walking around in shock over the fact that I was really there because my perfect almost-3-year-old son had cancer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want
to be there and my energy made it obvious that I wasn’t welcoming others to
talk to me. No one approached me, so I didn’t ask about it, but I quietly read through
the adorable handwritten notes on the gold ribbon poster with curiosity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That night I googled it, and I learned that gold ribbons
represent childhood cancer awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
started to feel a passion emerge from within that told me it was important and imperative
that I do everything I can to make gold as well-known/linked to kids’ cancer as
pink is to breast cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I started searching on Facebook, and mind-you, even Facebook
was fairly new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had only joined the
social media network when Ty was born to show off his photos, and Instagram
didn’t even exist yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found a handful
of new groups just starting to emerge that were pushing the “Go Gold”
movement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blogs were just starting to scream about the injustice of it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is everything “pinkwashed” but no one
knows about gold??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If it’s true what they say, that awareness = funding =
cures, then I was sure as hell going to do my part in raising awareness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so were the incredible friends who loved
Ty so much, some of whom later became board members of the Ty Louis Campbell
Foundation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Countless letters were
written, awareness facts were posted, and fact sheets were compiled (with some
fairly questionable accuracy, but we did the best we could).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fast forward to September 2018 and I am kicking off this childhood
cancer awareness month with the following message: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You should all be very proud</i>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eight years after I started blogging, and almost six years after losing
Ty, I can promise you that so much has changed, and every single person reading
this is part of the butterfly effect that has driven that change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you put the words “gold ribbon” in a Facebook search, you
will find hundreds of pages dedicated to childhood cancer awareness compared to
what I found eight years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you google
it, you will find dozens of options to buy gold ribbon merchandise and
childhood cancer awareness tees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> A childhood cancer community has been formed, and it is fierce. </span>There
is now an annual “CureFest” in Washington DC, and a Coalition Against Childhood
Cancer (CAC2) with more than 200 membership organizations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Advances in
social media have connected us all in a way I never could have imagined years
ago, and I promise you, there is a slow but steady impact being made as a
result.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are a few things I want to
share off the top of my head:<br />
<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">In 2010, there was only one drug created
specifically to treat childhood cancer in more than fifty years.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Now, eight years later, there are four.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Is that
good enough? Hell no! But, it’s a tremendous step in the right direction.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></li>
<li>In 2017 the global goliath – Amazon – became the
largest company to support the Go Gold movement, and in 2018 it is even bigger
and better (see below photo).</li>
<li>Major League Baseball is going gold for the third consecutive year by dedicating today "Childhood Cancer Awareness Day" at ballparks.</li>
<li>In 2011 I was in a desperate search for a
clinical trial that would accept my son.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">He had a rare brain tumor (AT/RT) and we were clinging onto hope for a new option.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">There were none – not one AT/RT trial –
posted to clinicaltrials.gov.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Today,
when you search his disease type, there are seven trials open for enrollment in
which he may have been a candidate.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
<li>I have seen companies from Hyundai to Northwestern
Mutual support childhood cancer research, and the list of corporate support
continues to grow.</li>
<li>I have visited research labs that are specific to
childhood cancer research (and now work for one at Weill Cornell Medicine) that didn’t even exist nine
years ago.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
<li>Genomic sequencing and individualized treatment went
from an extremely expensive option that only Steve Jobs could afford, to a
growing frontline protocol, even in pediatrics.<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzvVWlYlo5jF7k-ERYJqKd3AWvB6ADijd7xk2j58QdbM3vqBN8Gl5FJaSwuFTYVrcTSeQ2dWsCZFA0kcjUgLf5w2wjLcEQT_qHScGEgho-M0woa62KjBr6LVYCBnBhGb_-OKlpndnV5_M/s1600/amazon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzvVWlYlo5jF7k-ERYJqKd3AWvB6ADijd7xk2j58QdbM3vqBN8Gl5FJaSwuFTYVrcTSeQ2dWsCZFA0kcjUgLf5w2wjLcEQT_qHScGEgho-M0woa62KjBr6LVYCBnBhGb_-OKlpndnV5_M/s320/amazon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Do I think we can we attribute
this to driving awareness?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Absolutely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I would be remiss
if I didn’t say that it took/is going to take much more than increased awareness if we are going to
see a difference in the overall outcomes for these children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
The clinical trials and research
labs that have emerged are because of the dedicated researchers who took <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">action</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The corporate supporters are a result of a handful of influential people
who leveraged their position and took <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">action</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The funding
that has provided seed money to see big research ideas to fruition are a result
of fed-up families and nonprofits who are fundraising and taking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">action</i>. The regulatory changes, such as the Childhood Cancer STAR Act, are because of the collective effort of the childhood cancer community who took <i>action.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
So I’m following the lead of my
friends at the Children’s Brain Tumor Project, and I’m declaring September <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Childhood Cancer Action Month</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, of course, please continue to raise
awareness… but let’s all think about how we can turn that awareness into action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
Through the Ty Louis Campbell
Foundation, we have taken action by supporting breakthrough research that we
believe in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This September, I’m asking
you to “Take a Stand” against childhood cancer by taking action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Host a fundraiser to benefit TLC or any
childhood cancer organization close to your heart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
You can also find helpful ideas via the links below,
and I hope you will continue on this journey with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Childhood Cancer <s>Awareness</s> Action Month</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "lucida sans unicode" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Sept 1-30: Go Gold for Childhood Cancer Awareness Month</span></b></div>
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<b style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "lucida sans unicode" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.thetlcfoundation.org/pdfs/Take%20a%20Stand.pdf" target="_blank">TAKE A STAND WITH TLC</a></span></span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode", sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://form.jotform.us/72414853365156" style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode", sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">SUBMIT YOUR FUNDRAISING
CAMPAIGN HERE</a></span></b></div>
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<b style="font-family: "Lucida Sans Unicode", sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Or make a donation, here: </b><a href="http://www.thetlcfoundation.org/donate.php">http://www.thetlcfoundation.org/donate.php</a><br />
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Heaps of gratitude coming your way. From my heart to yours. <br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "lucida sans unicode" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">PS - I</span><span style="font-family: "lucida sans unicode" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">t's been such a long time since I've posted a blog, it's only necessary that I also share some fairly new photos of Bodhi Ty Campbell. My love. He has breathed new life into this family... and complete chaos. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "lucida sans unicode" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">All of my love and gratitude to each and every one of you who continue to care and support our family. We would be lost without you.</span></i></div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-42822706395559848832018-05-12T10:42:00.006-04:002018-05-12T11:01:25.007-04:00Lorraine - Our Heart of GoldLorraine Calebrese and Michael Divitto received the TLC "Heart of Gold" awards at the 2018 Kentucky Derby Gala, and they couldn't be more deserving. Today is Lorraine's birthday, and I would like to share with you her touching speech for those who missed it.<br />
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Happy Birthday, Lorraine. You make the world a better place. You ARE the change, and I couldn't admire you more.<br />
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<i><br />6 years ago I started reading a blog on FB.... it was written by a mom I did not know regarding cancer and the horrific treatments her little boy was undergoing. I was so drawn in by the raw emotions that Cindy was able to express in her writings that I followed her to the end of Ty's short life. Little did I know that my following her to the end would be a new beginning. <br /><br />I grieved the day Ty passed and vividly remember going to the candle-lighting at the bridge in Newburgh. For the first time I saw Cindy, Lou and Gavin in person. In such a time of sadness I marveled at their courage and graciousness.<br /><br />For 20 years I have tried to do my part in raising much needed dollars in the fight against cancer. As a cancer survivor I have walked beside my mom and sister at cancer events and on the downside I have sadly lost my husband to cancer. <br /><br />I remember hearing about Mess Fest and the TYathalon and signed up to volunteer even though I knew no one...everyone was so gracious & welcoming and I immediately felt at home! A home filled with people who share a common goal... a home filled with people who wanted to help…</i><br />
<i>In our home and family, fundraising is just as common as Sunday dinner. We need to teach our children and grandchildren the importance of getting involved. My granddaughter Toni-Anne was only 9 years old when she started fundraising. Madison Divitto gets sponsors for jumping in mud puddles, Riley Damiano started the Blue Lollipop project and a young boy named Sean Callahan started a foundation before he died to give kids in the hospital ipads. These young people have raised thousands of dollars and I am confident that they are the generation that will find a cure for cancer. <br /><br />So when you see those kids selling lemonade on the side of the road buy a glass, buy a cookie or cupcake from the cheerleaders at their bake sales. Attend or donate to their fundraisers. </i><br />
<i><br />Last year, Burt Melcher told us that if you have an idea for a fundraiser - go for it. No endeavor is too small. The foundation appreciates these small fundraisers just as much as the larger ones such as Spirit Day and the SuperTy Bowl...believe me these little fundraisers add up!<br /><br />The Ty Louis Campbell Foundation needs all of our help in raising money to continue their work to fund research for better treatment so that no child has to endure what Ty went through. <br /><br /><br />Thank you<br /><br /><br /></i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzV3Dm91rummYk0FvrtpTNueObV6Yf5BIj8a-V74Hw1lcFiSNoGE2y-n2kRZJEjVm5OSiq8AXCQo_8hGIs9cCGsUXd32y6V6FQfp-0H2Ns74J6weFedXMW8z0RfvSfj8704kzf7ooS5Q/s1600/Untitled+design+%252818%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzV3Dm91rummYk0FvrtpTNueObV6Yf5BIj8a-V74Hw1lcFiSNoGE2y-n2kRZJEjVm5OSiq8AXCQo_8hGIs9cCGsUXd32y6V6FQfp-0H2Ns74J6weFedXMW8z0RfvSfj8704kzf7ooS5Q/s320/Untitled+design+%252818%2529.png" width="320" /></a>Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-59170983490121039392018-01-02T23:07:00.001-05:002018-01-02T23:30:06.951-05:00I dreamed of you. Finally. It wasn't for long. It was a restless night, in general, with all sorts of thoughts swimming in my head that lead to all sorts of weird dreams. At one point I remember saying to myself "dream of him... dream of Ty tonight..." I do that all the time, though, and it never works.<br />
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Last night, out of nowhere, I found myself outside on a warm sunny day, surrounded by friends and family. I can't tell you who, I just know we were comfortable and enjoying the day together. Someone came by and handed me Ty. I wasn't surprised to see him. Holding him was as natural as always. He was the same 5 year old boy, but he wasn't in pain. He didn't walk, he didn't hold his head up strong, but he was still sitting up in my arms and talking to everyone around him in his sweet voice. He was wearing red pants and a white tee shirt. His arms were still skinny but his grip was stronger - he was doing well. All I could say to him is... "you see? You ARE getting big! You're growing up! My baby." And I nuzzled my nose and lips into his hair over and over again so I could feel him and smell him. He was laughing and talking low. I couldn't make mush sense of what anyone was saying, and soon the moment was over. I woke up.<br />
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That was it. That was my dream. I don't know how i feel about it, but I do know that the feeling of my nose nuzzled into his hair was so real. It was like a real visit with him. I wish I could dream about him all the time so at least some small portion of my life was still spent with him in my arms. But no matter how few and far between they are, I recognize the dream was a gift and I'm so happy he came to me last night. I've been thinking about it all day and it has lightened my steps a bit. Sometimes I imagine his spirit with me in the bathroom when I'm giving Bodhi a bath. That was always a very special time for us - Ty and me. I like to imagine he would sit on the toilet bowl dangling his legs while watching and laughing.<br />
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Bodhi and Gavin are just amazing together. Bodhi reminds me a lot of them both. I have loads of flashbacks with Bodhi from when Ty was a toddler. I'm constantly reliving his pre-diagnosis behaviors and while they are adorable and amusing, it's hard for me to watch Bodhi play sometimes. It's just a little too familiar.<br />
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Our christmas tradition has become a gift from Ty under the tree for his brothers - a candy house to build as a family in his memory. We built it together the other night, I swear Gavin was really enjoying it - even in his underwear. The roof was already eaten off by the second day :)<br />
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I love my boys. Life is crazy. We jump in muddy puddles, we run outside in 5 degrees, we forget things, we are clumsy, but we find happiness in the craziness. We are the Campbell's :)<br />
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<br />Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-57304016443773975152017-11-30T23:53:00.001-05:002017-12-01T08:05:32.040-05:00For the Love of LollipopsI've been singing this song about childhood cancer for seven years now. Seven years of, "go gold... fund research... cure the kids... more than four... give, give, give... please, please, please..." And, let me tell you, it's exhausting. I am fatigued. But I am also obligated to honor Ty and to keep his memory alive by maintaining my promise to him (and to myself) that I will never stop fighting for him and the kids like him. I am his mom, and this is what mom's do. This is the only way I know how to continue taking care of him.<br />
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What simply amazes me is that there are people who have been on this journey with me every step of the way, and who never left my side after all this time. Many of whom were complete strangers to me before Ty got sick, and who are now my dearest friends. In fact, our entire Board of Directors at the Ty Louis Campbell Foundation didn't even know me before Ty got sick, and they volunteer tirelessly in his memory. I am beyond humbled.<br />
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One of the most incredible examples of someone who has turned Ty's tragedy into a vehicle for helping others is Riley and her "Blue Lollipop Project." She was only nine years old at the time she started on this journey of love and lollipops in Ty's memory, and her commitment has never wavered. When I think about what my priorities were when I was her age, well... let's just say she is far better than I ever was. Riley recently entered a contest via Facebook, and her essay will only be considered if we can get enough votes to get her into the top 30 at #MyGivingStory. W<b>e have one week to vote, and we can all vote once per day. </b> Please take a look at what she wrote about her special mission and help me spread the word about the vote. She really deserves to be recognized. I love Riley so much. I love you all. Thank you for loving Ty and his blue smiles :)<br />
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<a href="http://mygivingstory.givingtuesday.org/fbcontests/profiletab/MyGivingStory/2740685?u=4034416">http://mygivingstory.givingtuesday.org/fbcontests/profiletab/MyGivingStory/2740685?u=4034416</a><br />
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<b>A BOY NAMED TY</b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>- Riley</i></span></b><br />
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<i>Ty loved blue lollipops...</i><br />
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<i>Ty Louis Campbell, a boy I never got to meet, has changed my life. Ty passed away from an aggressive pediatric brain cancer in 2012 when he was only five years old. I was only nine years old when I was introduced to Ty’s story, but it immediately grabbed my attention. Pediatric cancer is severely underfunded and due to this, under-researched. I find it so unfair that innocent children are being robbed of their childhoods and that the options to save their lives are ones that are harsh, outdated and usually meant for adults. </i><br />
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<i>I knew that I wanted to do something to help fund pediatric cancer rlesearch while also honoring Ty in the process and that’s how The Blue Lollipop Project was born...</i><br />
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<i>Did I mention Ty LOVED blue lollipops? Why? Because to a child they are magical. It isn’t their delicious taste that holds the magic, but the way that it turns your smile blue. Your tongue, lips and teeth all turn blue when eating a blue lollipop and that’s where the magic resides. In honor of TY, I created The Blue Lollipop Project. For every dollar donated to The Blue Lollipop Project, a blue lollipop is sent to a pediatric cancer warrior and all of the money funds pediatric cancer research through the TLC Foundation (the organization founded by Ty’s family in honor of Ty). One hundred percent of the money that the TLC Foundation raises goes toward pediatric cancer research. Through the support they have given me, I have partnered with hospitals throughout the United States, raised thousands of dollars for pediatric cancer research and donated thousands of blue lollipops through The BLue Lollipop Project. </i><br />
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<i>I continue to work closely with the TLC Foundation to bring blue smiles to kids throughout the country and to best support pediatric cancer research. I hope to continue my project and support the TLC Foundation for many years to come in order to spread the magic of blue lollipops. It is so amazing how something so simple can be so uniting and powerful. </i><br />
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Riley. You are my second favorite super hero of all time:<br />
1 - SuperTy<br />
2 - SuperRiley :)<br />
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How I wish you got to meet him. He would have hugged you and loved you and laughed out loud at your blue lollipops. I wish you could have shared a blue smile with our very special boy. He will always, always be in your heart and watching out for you. There is a palpable connection between you both, and I find such comfort in that. I hope you do, too.<br />
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<a href="http://mygivingstory.givingtuesday.org/fbcontests/profiletab/MyGivingStory/2740685?u=4034416">http://mygivingstory.givingtuesday.org/fbcontests/profiletab/MyGivingStory/2740685?u=4034416</a><br />
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LET'S DO THIS! :)<br />
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<br />Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-78926049900220203612017-10-17T09:27:00.001-04:002017-10-17T09:27:25.680-04:001841 DAYS<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">In 1,841 days, Ty Louis Campbell lived a remarkable life. His life was filled with such great love, and this love transcends time. It is still just as strong and palpable today as it was before he died, and I can feel him in my heart when he is near. I never sense that his spirit is above me, or beside me… rather, he is always just behind my right shoulder, like where he sat in the backseat of my car. Just close enough that he is a whisper in the ear and a warm breath on my shoulder. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I watched my baby boy suffer for almost half of those 1,841 days. Seeing him under certain circumstances in the hospital were as difficult to watch as if my child was strapped to a chair being tortured. I helplessly witnessed his excruciating pain, and when the treatment failed to save his life, I was left to live the years that followed plagued with guilt for allowing it all. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Today is a hard, hard day. My loving son, the boy who made me a mother, was in my life for exactly 1,841 days. And today, I have lived without him for 1,841 days. Tomorrow will be day 1,842, because for some reason, my heart continues to beat although he took a huge piece of it with him. I will open my eyes tomorrow morning and it will be the day that he has been gone for longer than he was here. I accept this truth because I can’t change it, but I will never understand it. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I often read about grief and coping, and somewhere I read one mom reflecting on the act of begging “let it be me, instead.” She claimed that her wishes came true because her child died and was no longer suffering, but she was left with a pain so great that she will never recover. It rang true for me. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">When Ty was sick, I used to pray for physical torture. Do anything and everything to me so my son could be saved… because no pain could be greater than watching him hurt. I didn’t know yet, that the grief would be even worse. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">However sad and heavy this day is, I can’t allow our love story to be dark. Where there is love there is light and these 1,841 days without him have had many glimpses of that. Just as our time with him had it’s share of pain and trauma, our time without him has been sprinkled with good fortune.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My relationship with Lou has been tested so much over these past five years, that we learned just how inseparable we are. He is my other half, and I am his. Gavin has grown into a remarkable boy who keeps us laughing and I can’t hug him enough. Bodhi Ty was born on October 18, 2016, and his smile makes everything feel better. Our friends and family take such good care of us, which reminds us that we are still blessed. The nonprofit we founded in Ty’s memory continues to thrive, and the office is regularly filled with ladybugs (as is our house - by the hundreds at times). His spirit remains so connected with mine, and the love we share will never diminish. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">In 1,841 days, I was transformed. I never loved so deeply. I never saw so much pain. I never knew a child with cancer. I never saw anyone die. I never imagined it would happen to my son, or to me, until it did. I never had such faith in God and so little religion, and I make a conscious effort to be a gracious griever because of that. I don’t pray for anything anymore. None of my most desperate prayers have ever been answered and I have to resist the urge to question. So, instead, I’ve relinquished to God’s will over the years, and started making a habit of being grateful. No matter how difficult a day I might have, I remember what I am thankful for and say a prayer or thanks. Upon closing my eyes each night, the first thing I express gratitude for is the 1,841 days that I was lucky enough to hold my boy in my arms. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Thank you for being on this journey with us. </span></div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-54841951895040002862017-09-19T01:10:00.003-04:002017-09-19T01:11:12.963-04:00The Changing of the SignsThe annual Muddy Puddles “Mess Fest” wasn’t created just because Ty wanted to jump in a muddy puddle. It’s also because Liam never had the chance to ride a zip line. It’s because when Brynlee had low immunity, she couldn’t go near anything “messy” and fun. It’s because when Riley was in the hospital he passed the time making goop, and because Jared would love to try the climbing wall but his treatment left him too weak. <br />
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Every activity hosted at the Mess Fest is planned and executed with the children in mind. We dedicate each one in honor… or in memory… of a child that has been impacted by a cancer diagnosis. We do this because it is most important that everyone attending the event remembers how this event came to fruition, and the underlying reason why they are there. We make a sign for each child that includes a photo, age, type of cancer, and whether or not the child is a survivor, a fighter, or a forever child (for example, Ty passed away when he was five, so he is listed as “Forever 5.”).<br />
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The TLC Board of Directors and the close-knit team of Mess Fest volunteers have all gotten to know the different children, even if just from having the hard-earned responsibility of handling the signs. We talk about them around the office when we hear updates on any one of our “kids,” and each and every sign is handled with our utmost loving care.
The signs can get messy at the event, with mud splatters, food from the food fight, finger paint splashes, etc… and when we wipe them down we run a washcloth over the faces of these children as if they are our own kids needing a gentle but proper cleaning.<br />
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Each year, we also have to inventory the signs and make updates. On one hand, we marvel at how much the kids have grown. For example, Dylan was 8 when we made his original sign. He has since had 3 more surgeries to remove new tumor growth and address infectious complications, yet he recently won the roller hockey championship in his league on Long Island and we will update his sign to read “12 years old” for next year’s event (he celebrated his 11th birthday at Mess Fest this year). He amazes us.<br />
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On the other hand, some of the signs need to be updated to “forever’ signs, and those are the signs that break us. This year I had to make new signs for Brooke, Leslie, Ava, Trucker and more. I have to go into the file on my desk, delete the existing words and write “forever.” When the new signs arrive, I have to find the nerve to dispose of the previous signs without breaking down (which, is easier said than done). This year I struggled and cried when I came across Tessa’s sign just days before the event and realized her forever sign wouldn’t arrive in time. Questions like “Do I leave her sign down this year, cover the status, or leave it as is?” swam in my mind with tears forming in my eyes. I decided I simply couldn’t leave her out, but when I tried to cover up the word “fighter” I felt nauseated. So, I decided her beautiful sign would be proudly displayed as-is, and I would have an updated version for next year.<br />
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Three years ago, there were two little girls in treatment for brain tumors and I followed their stories on social media religiously. Ellie and Kai. They were close in age to when my own son was diagnosed, and I relived every happy (and horrific) experience as they walked down a path I am all-too-familiar with. I admired how their moms were so active in their care, and progressive about treatment options. I hoped with all the hope in my heart that they would both thrive against cancer, and I couldn’t wait to dedicate an activity at Mess Fest in their honor.<br />
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I got photos from their moms, and we agreed that it would be sweet to dedicate the same area to both girls because they knew one another from the hospital. I decided it would be absolutely adorable to envision them both in the mud kitchen, side-by-side making mud pies. And that is where their signs have been displayed ever since.<br />
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This year, both Ellie and Kai were changed to “forever” signs.<br />
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I beg of you, as parents, to remember the signs. Remember that there are so many children in treatment who can’t have the childhood they deserve. Let your kids get wild and messy sometimes, and take a step back to enjoy the moment yourself. Donate, because we can’t stop fighting for these kids until there is a cure. Share this blog and ask others to donate, too.
How my heart explodes to see Gretchen and Addie playing in the mud kitchen in memory of Kai and Ellie.<br />
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Back-to-school is here and life is crazy… but I hope you will remind yourself that moments like this are what’s most important.
September is childhood chancer awareness month. We hope you will read, share, care and be aware. Donate today! #curechildhoodcancer #childhoodcancerawarenessmonth #muddypuddles #cancerisnotachildhood<br />
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<a href="https://www.muddypuddlesproject.org/?essential_grid=give" target="_blank">DONATE HERE</a></div>
Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-78918185858813545252017-08-31T22:57:00.000-04:002017-08-31T23:02:51.615-04:00September is Exhausting<br /><br />I wrote my first blog about childhood cancer awareness month in 2011. My son was diagnosed with brain cancer in August of 2010, but it wasn’t until after I saw them taking down some of the “awareness” signs from the playroom at Memorial Sloan Kettering that I learned about September. I didn’t know that gold ribbons were for childhood cancer. I didn’t know that September was “our” awareness month, and I was thrilled and humbled when President Obama signed a proclamation making it official in 2012. <br /><br />I always thought gold was such a perfect color to represent youth, but the dual meaning of “nothing gold can stay” from the Robert Frost poem haunted me immediately. The beauty and newness of “gold” is usurped by unstoppable aging, and there is an underling message of natural progression and eventual death that was my worst nightmare. I understood that “nothing gold can stay” but wondered about just how numbered our days/his days might be.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">
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<br /><br />So, September 2012 was the first “official” childhood cancer awareness month. It was also the month we took my son home on hospice care. In September 2012 I saw my son live out the rest of his days on my couch in the family room, adorned with more comfy blankies and surrounded by more toys than a child could dream of. But his real dream would never be realized. His dream of jumping in muddy puddles, his dream of being cured, his dream of feeling “bedda.” Instead, with every passing day he felt worse. With every passing day, hour, minute, I lived knowing that it was one less day, hour, minute I would have with him. He was dying. He was four years old, and I was holding onto hope that maybe he would get through September to turn five on October 4th. <br /><br />I made the very unreasonable decision that I was going to throw him a carnival party. I bought so much crap from Oriental trading company and had a vision of blocking off my entire street to have kids flood it like a block party - complete with men on stilts and elaborate inflatables. There was a movie called “My Life” where actor Michael Keating was dying of cancer, and his wife (Nicole Kidman) throws him a similar birthday party in his backyard. It’s such an emotional scene from the movie, and I couldn’t help but reflect on it as I planned for Ty’s carnival. The whole time, I guess I knew it was never gonna happen. I just didn’t want to believe it. Instead we buried him with a stack of carnival tickets in his hands, given to us by our friend Rachel.<br /><br />I planned to write something very different. Something more about the awareness and the ACTION that we need to take against childhood cancer. But I started typing and my mind went elsewhere. The truth is… there are thousands of blogs, social media posts and essays written by parents like me who want to raise awareness for childhood cancer – and they all sound exactly like the posts that I’ve written in 2011, and 2013, and 2014, and 2015 and 2016 and so on. It’s exhausting! If you want to read my favorite one about childhood cancer, <a href="http://tylouis.blogspot.com/2016/09/when-your-child-has-cancer.html">please visit my post from last year. It was most informative</a>.<br /><br />And if you want to DO SOMETHING, <a href="http://www.thetlcfoundation.org/pdfs/Take%20a%20Stand2.pdf">read about our TLC September initiative where all fundraising efforts in September will ensure that 100% of donated dollars support the TLC for Families program and are paid out to families in Houston who are displaced by Hurricane Harvey and who also have a child in treatment.</a><br /><br />So, I guess my “awareness” post today is just to make everyone “aware” that it still hurts. That it will never ever be okay. That grief doesn’t go away and time doesn’t heal. Insert great quote here about waves and scars and blah blah blah. I’ve read and agree with them all. <br /><br />I will never recover from losing my son. The intensity of my grief is forever commensurate with my boundless love for him. I hope that the intensity of my anger, on the other hand, will subside when the research teams, regulators, biotechs and pharmaceuticals stop dragging their feet and make new treatments available to more children FASTER. My son died because there wasn’t an effective treatment available to cure him, and I know with complete confidence that there could have been. All of this incredible science…. these amazing discoveries.. the truly brilliant minds that take my breath away… but where is the progress? If all of it was taking place twice as fast, with twice as many people focused on it instead of parents selling lemonade and riding bikes across the country to raise money for research, maybe it would have happened fast enough to save my son. (Important note: if you believe the cure exists and the government is hiding it from us, or if you think cannabis alone, Jesus, seaweed in a bottle or herbs could have saved him - you don’t understand the kind of cancer we were dealing with, the genomics, the rate of progression, etc. and I beg you to keep your thoughts to yourself). <br /><br />I can’t wait until all of these “Fuck Cancer” cries are heard with the implementation of real, curative treatment protocols that truly fuck cancer up in every direction. I can’t wait until September rolls around and I don’t have to contemplate writing a blog about “knowing the facts” and “taking action against childhood cancer.” Like I said, I am exhausted. I talk about cancer all day every day, I fall in love with more and more kids on a daily basis, and I continue to hear bad news every week. I want to be bored in September. I want to focus on foliage and falling leaves and geek out on the apple picking and corn mazes around the corner. I want to shop for impractical fall jackets that are worn once per season, not gold ribbons and gold shoelaces and t-shirts adorned with my son's face on it to get the message across.<br /><br />I am sitting in the doctor’s office as I write this blog, and the song “You’ll be in my heart,” is playing. That was Mely's song for Ty and I can’t stop the tears from flowing like a river. Everyone is so politely pretending not to notice, but it’s so obvious. Mely got married over the weekend. She sent me this photo of her bouquet - with the locket we gave her just before she left us in 2013. Forever our family. She kissed Ty’s face a thousand times after he died and we cremated him with her tears soaked into his skin. She is the most giving, loving person I know, and I hope she has an incredible life filled with love and happiness. My Mely deserves nothing but the best. Ty will be watching over her for an eternity. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbrMm7MVoR3H2anYzVIFrp-GA9VSvZM2Nck2iMkQsxWQP8vEJZ9ZTUBgscaUJa-HbQmz5e8CmSCVBVbnPt8K4202mA6wCwOyaRm_Yd-PiOow2f8fc2cfLdiTHU99-J-W-y-4ZN5IWMTUQ/s1600/21146887_10155620776881530_1742180180_o.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbrMm7MVoR3H2anYzVIFrp-GA9VSvZM2Nck2iMkQsxWQP8vEJZ9ZTUBgscaUJa-HbQmz5e8CmSCVBVbnPt8K4202mA6wCwOyaRm_Yd-PiOow2f8fc2cfLdiTHU99-J-W-y-4ZN5IWMTUQ/s320/21146887_10155620776881530_1742180180_o.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdert9slCkgjYsUTUnoa38hmWC5kYievX1GacWA4DfnG9tTgYaf-rCDxlsBLifmb_G0GvOP8vzehqRa3-yBSyIled5Ocx5yg7mV6SKOeLp9oW1Ti4t5vBIuSw8GgNr9LzrPozPAPqQfZ4/s1600/21216272_10155620777751530_677259275_o.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdert9slCkgjYsUTUnoa38hmWC5kYievX1GacWA4DfnG9tTgYaf-rCDxlsBLifmb_G0GvOP8vzehqRa3-yBSyIled5Ocx5yg7mV6SKOeLp9oW1Ti4t5vBIuSw8GgNr9LzrPozPAPqQfZ4/s320/21216272_10155620777751530_677259275_o.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Thank you for still caring and reading and sharing Ty’s story. Even when my writing is so filled with sadness, I am grateful for your listening ears and kind hearts. Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-66058518233220237012017-08-12T23:01:00.000-04:002017-08-12T23:01:10.486-04:00The Emotional Hangover<div class="MsoNormal">
For the fifth year in a row, thousands of people gathered to pay tribute to all kids who have been impacted by a childhood cancer diagnosis and to celebrate childhood in their honor at the Mess Fest. The event was outstanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had more people than ever (which is hard
to imagine knowing that 2,000+ people have come year-over-year), we added lots
of fun new activities, Peppa Pig was everywhere, the media coverage was what
dreams are made of, and there were so many VIP families that touched my heart
and made it that much more special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
day before the Mess Fest, I felt Ty’s presence and it was SO STRONG that I was
immediately at ease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t explain it,
but somehow he communicated to me that it was going to be amazing, and I was
100% confident in that notion, enabling me to thoroughly enjoy that magical day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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An event of this magnitude takes months upon months of planning, and an army of dedicated Board members and volunteers who work so incredibly hard to pull it off. My gratitude for them brings tears to my eyes. </div>
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The most amazing part of the day was seeing the VIP kids who
we honor at various activities, and knowing how far they’ve come!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what it’s all about!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Mess Fest is for Dylan, and Brynlee, and Chloe and 100+ more honored
children represented by these signs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaePuSwF9-qG5q6PxXx2Edccvqvk61d_1yg00At3n0ERdG4A32VkjVEX2rCB9YsN_2Dk-mEdzYiMKEc-Y2CIfhhcAE8l_RCx6rJlOhlvzf3UBPKjNDJw8XBsJ8xSwlUDga-_sD_fHBiQU/s1600/Untitled+design+%25286%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="1024" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaePuSwF9-qG5q6PxXx2Edccvqvk61d_1yg00At3n0ERdG4A32VkjVEX2rCB9YsN_2Dk-mEdzYiMKEc-Y2CIfhhcAE8l_RCx6rJlOhlvzf3UBPKjNDJw8XBsJ8xSwlUDga-_sD_fHBiQU/s320/Untitled+design+%25286%2529.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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But for all of the incredible triumphs, and the families of children who are thriving against cancer, there are families like us, whose children are on the "forever" signs. It was
McKenna’s birthday and I thought of her often throughout the day. For as light and fun and happy I was, I felt equally
heavy each time I took a moment to remember the children I know and love on the forever signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> McKenna's beauty stops me in my tracks, and David is just the coolest kid I never got to meet. I could go on and on. Whenever we go through the signs at the TLC Foundation, I am always so touched how everyone treats their photos as if it was one of our own, and we often stroke our hands across their faces as we read their names aloud. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinoQCbcQmuTE7R6vSZR3CnLx0bpbTpQTZrXTjufIkOLebBZVdeUvEcnB633NRwpDfXVALjD1xBPXQB1foZbsqgIylZLZI5DPq1M2HN0Dt0Zs67C8cFAVTkgEjkoeTKAtoErYZ4uS718QI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-08-12+at+8.25.12+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="382" data-original-width="651" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinoQCbcQmuTE7R6vSZR3CnLx0bpbTpQTZrXTjufIkOLebBZVdeUvEcnB633NRwpDfXVALjD1xBPXQB1foZbsqgIylZLZI5DPq1M2HN0Dt0Zs67C8cFAVTkgEjkoeTKAtoErYZ4uS718QI/s320/Screen+Shot+2017-08-12+at+8.25.12+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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After such a tremendous high from a successful event that required so much planning, I’ve suffered a severe “emotional hangover” all week. And I can’t stop myself from getting totally hung up on all of the anniversaries coming up. Like today, for example. </div>
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Exactly seven years ago I called the pediatrician in the
middle of the night to request a call-back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The on-call physician and I spoke calmly about how poor Ty was whining
all night, and couldn’t tell us what was wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, it’s happened before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
were scheduled for a sleep study in a couple of weeks to test for night terrors
or physical discomforts, but I couldn’t wait any longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seemed like more than tired
whining.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seemed like he was in pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We agreed it would be best to take him to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone came over to watch Gavin at sunrise
(my mom, most likely) and we drove to Cohen’s children’s hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was wearing black shorts, reef sandals,
and a yellow “NYC Triathlon” t-shirt because Lou had recently completed the
race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came across that t-shirt
recently and chuckled because Bodhi could easily fit into it… Ty was 2 years
and 10 months old with a head full of golden curls at the time (Bodhi is not
yet 10 months).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Ty was happy when we arrived at the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the exception of tired eyes, he was so
sweet and thought the waiting room was very exciting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The blood pressure machine was a hoot!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scale… loads of fun! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The adjustable bed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forget about it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The finger prick… not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurses adored him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one showed even an ounce of concern that he was a child who was sick, because there was none.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was jumping, laughing, they were as
baffled as we were and seemed confused about why we were there.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I appreciate that the pediatrician, however, agreed that his
sleeping behavior was odd enough to call for a scan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was kind, she was sure it was nothing,
but ordered the MRI just to be sure and to help us get to the bottom of
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was grateful for her validation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And from that day forward, August 11, 2010, my baby boy
suffered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s just the cold hard
truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The suffering began with the very
first blood draws/IV lines and it never ended for the rest of his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Literally, overnight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life as we all knew it was forever changed.</div>
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I try to be positive and I often claim that I am a better
person because of what we’ve been through, and I do believe that to be
true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lived in a bubble before cancer
– the same one I see a lot of moms living in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a fine, often happy, neurotic little bubble, but a bubble
nonetheless where silly little things have a big impact and criticisms run high
– of oneself and of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Starting August 11, 2010, mine popped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes were opened and I can’t unsee the things…
I can’t unfeel the feels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I experienced
a love so deep, and a fire in my heart so fierce, I became a lioness – followed
by a loss so grave that I can never feel unbridled happiness ever again (until
the day my spirit binds with his again).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Today I like to think that I am more loving, empathetic,
compassionate, and grateful for my blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I live with clarity and perspective. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to remember and be grateful for the time
I had with him at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How lucky was
I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was mine!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That still amazes me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It all sounds so positive and admirable, I know, but most of
the time I call bullshit on myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because
I know that I would still be all of those things, a better person, blah, blah, blah, if he survived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I would also
be happier because I would have him by my side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want the stupid bubble
back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seven years and I don’t even know
who I am when I look in the mirror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">'It's so much darker when a </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6a6a6a; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; font-weight: bold;">light</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.' - John Steinbeck</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixZbDk7h9VdHjO0-Y2tPjf4BdiA1obWYBJDhoi1_MRx-_lDNO-DvcLRvlRa5YFSvu9pXuIHsrJhyphenhyphenWaT12D9jhwAISbGdv64rMNCBmTEb23R0-KqvHO2TdI_EvTDbBw9Z45o-mE2eyDJOc/s1600/steinbeck+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixZbDk7h9VdHjO0-Y2tPjf4BdiA1obWYBJDhoi1_MRx-_lDNO-DvcLRvlRa5YFSvu9pXuIHsrJhyphenhyphenWaT12D9jhwAISbGdv64rMNCBmTEb23R0-KqvHO2TdI_EvTDbBw9Z45o-mE2eyDJOc/s320/steinbeck+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-44720196187172134202017-06-23T15:46:00.001-04:002017-06-23T15:46:21.820-04:00Where's My Baby?<div class="MsoNormal">
On my way to work today, I stopped at the supermarket to
drop off recyclables.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I stepped out
of the car, I had that inexplicable “mom” feeling to double check the backseat
for Bodhi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That, “where’s my baby”
feeling that shakes you up for just a split second until you recall he’s safe
at home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After Ty died, it happened to me all the time, but I never had
that comforting relief of remembering he’s safe at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead it would be followed by the immediate
sensation of my heart dropping into my stomach, a brick weighing down on my
chest, and a knot in my throat because the opposite was true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that instant I was sucked back to reality
and reminded that he’s gone forever.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slowly the instinct faded away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rarely look for him in my backseat anymore,
and although it is a very natural progression, it still comes coupled with
guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to feel any distance
between us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are approaching an
anniversary where he’s been gone longer than he’s been with us, and that is
just too impossible to imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remain
in shock over losing him, and I will feel this way for the rest of my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I simply can’t believe or accept
all that has happened to him and to our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ty and I used to spend every day in the car together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Driving to NYC for clinic, driving to
treatments in Westchester, to “school” and Physical Therapy at Blythedale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would reach back while driving and hold his
foot all the time, glancing back whenever possible to catch a peek at him seated
diagonally behind me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I continued on my way to the office this morning, driving
what used to be our usual route on 22 South, I started playing “I Spy” out loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I spy, with my little eye, something….
Green!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave clues to the empty
backseat, “it’s not up high in the trees… it’s down low on the ground…” and I
tried to recall the sound of his weak little voice saying “gwass!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the next challenge, “I spy with my
little eye, something… white!” I immediately felt pathetic and desperate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These intense feelings come on so
strong and out of nowhere, sometimes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then again, maybe it wasn’t out of nowhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Gavin’s last day of second grade
today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thumbed through his elementary
school yearbook and identified all the kids I remember from Ty’s preschool and
I’m in awe of how much they’ve grown – many of whom are moving up to Middle
School next year!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Social media has been
filled with graduation photos, and first/last day comparisons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friends are making signs and going to the
school to pick up their kids in celebration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I just can’t find the energy to pretend today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to take Gavin to Splash Down or
something special, but I think I’ll simply leave work a little early, snuggle
him, and just survive today, instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It looks like rain is in the forecast for the next couple of
days here in New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you see a
muddy puddle… please… you know what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jump in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re never too old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s celebrate our kids, and rejoice in our
children who are growing up, graduating, living life and loving it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>XOXOXOX.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m so proud of them all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQ3K4PYGkHBRxz_Lg515q88q7OENEV54rjefPCEEj5R-IT-Y53G2fgvF-dxDUcn1H1iI7lcgG6Fm69HCIU_OHBHs8TZ2_R0PeIpidmzfTVJkuJZFK-eaRk7y2OtSpkaj7jFZYx_qw5PQ/s1600/bodhi+and+gavin+bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="676" data-original-width="960" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQ3K4PYGkHBRxz_Lg515q88q7OENEV54rjefPCEEj5R-IT-Y53G2fgvF-dxDUcn1H1iI7lcgG6Fm69HCIU_OHBHs8TZ2_R0PeIpidmzfTVJkuJZFK-eaRk7y2OtSpkaj7jFZYx_qw5PQ/s320/bodhi+and+gavin+bw.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bodhi and Gavin watching TV together - my heart is exploding!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-37552085070335928852016-12-22T23:56:00.004-05:002016-12-26T15:27:03.195-05:00The Birth of Bodhi<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPhSViA4Fv_06b4eEzpdLD2p1woO0W7OqEAkZx-4I3O5Wvsn6lvgSlo6rcvA8GSpQyS0pzSRnx58Hh6FbdoEuNPTIspOyJzJdLgyg4CYDFZvOwAq4fq1ZSdVsWkesYAR-5w_H4b9e-Nk/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-12-13+at+9.30.55+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNPhSViA4Fv_06b4eEzpdLD2p1woO0W7OqEAkZx-4I3O5Wvsn6lvgSlo6rcvA8GSpQyS0pzSRnx58Hh6FbdoEuNPTIspOyJzJdLgyg4CYDFZvOwAq4fq1ZSdVsWkesYAR-5w_H4b9e-Nk/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-12-13+at+9.30.55+AM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo credit: Catie McCabe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Bodhi Ty Campbell<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
October 18, 2016<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
8lbs, 9oz. 20 inches</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bodhi (pronounced
BO-dee).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A Sanskrit name meaning
“Awakened” or “Enlightenment.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
Buddhist concept for Bodhi is spiritual awakening and freedom from the cycle of
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bodhi is also the name of the
sacred tree under which Buddha sat and obtained his enlightenment/nirvana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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We had trouble agreeing on a name for our baby boy for the
longest time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, after he was born,
Bodhi just seemed to suit him perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lou and I have been through our own spiritual enlightenment on so many
levels, it just sounded right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone wants this story to be beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A light at the end of the tunnel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rainbow after the storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, the birth of Bodhi was much heavier
than it was happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was more painful
than I ever imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it has taken
me 2 months to share this truth openly and honestly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Physically, I was okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is the emotional pain that has been so unbearable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, eight weeks later, I can finally say I
have recovered from the deep sadness that has weighed on me ever since this
little soul was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can finally see
him for who he is, without searching for something more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Upon checking into the hospital early that morning, I was so
lucky to walk into a very quiet maternity ward, greeted with friendly smiles,
and escorted to my serene corner room where I would deliver the baby that my
heart yearned for over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
girl checking me in recognized my name, and we shared tears over Ty. Then my
nurse came in and said she followed Ty’s story for years, and she would take
the very best care of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t even
surprised that my angel would have arranged this for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This is going to be perfect.” I thought, almost as if to
convince myself, but I was already feeling like everything was all wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was wrong because this wasn’t supposed to
be my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing felt the same as it
did when I was in labor with Ty and Gavin, and the flashbacks began rolling
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With every contraction I couldn’t help but
think “this is nothing compared to what Ty experienced.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I re-lived seeing him in his hospital bed
after so many painful surgeries, when he was suffering with MRSA meningitis,
when he would tell me his head hurt, or his mouth “not work.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Gavin was born labor was fast and intense. I was
certain labor would be even faster the third time around so I didn’t hesitate
to call for the epidural.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time, however,
labor was slow and steady. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uncontrollable
tears rolled down my face as my legs went numb because I couldn’t stop
wondering… “Is this what it felt like for Ty when his arm suddenly slipped from
around my neck that night?” In an instant, my
four-year-old super hero lost his ability to walk and could barely move his arms
or hold up his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How did that feel
for him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was going through his mind
when all of a sudden he was robbed of these most simple movements that most of
us take for granted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t walk and
my legs felt so unbearably heavy - but for me it was only temporary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How unfair it was to think my son endured
this feeling of helplessness for six months until he died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I tried to get comfortable in my hospital bed and wondered
if Ty could feel me when I used to lay down beside him among the countless
wires post-surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each time I winced
in pain, I was ashamed of myself, knowing that the labor pains I was
experiencing didn’t compare – not even close – to what my young son endured for 2 and-a-half years with such bravery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the
memories I try not to think of, but being in the hospital made it impossible to
avoid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every procedure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time his skull was opened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every infection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His cries when the head pain would come and
go with waves of intense pressure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These
are the thoughts that consumed my day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was unable to focus on the new life that was being brought into this
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could only think of the
loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Bodhi was born in the late afternoon, and I was immediately
in awe of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt so light, it was
almost as if it wasn’t really happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My first thought was that he looked so much like Gavin, but with more
hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked for Ty in his face
without finding much resemblance beyond a hint here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bodhi was placed on my chest and I could
barely believe it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A baby!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What a beautiful life I want for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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Over the course of the next few days, so many people came in
and out of my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had a lot of
advice on caring for the baby, getting comfortable at the hospital, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and making sure everything the baby is exposed
to is clean and sanitary (I had a kid with cancer, believe me, I get it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of them realized just how experienced I
am with hospitals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor could they
imagine just how hard it was for me to be a patient there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Coming home I found myself even more weepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so unfair that women go through all the
pain of labor and what it does to your body, only to go home with such
heightened hormones that can truly make you feel insane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why can’t they be happy hormones?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Couple that with the intense grief I was
suffering and a newborn that cries constantly… that’s where I was at for the
first six weeks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was an absolute
wreck. We are just now finding our groove and falling in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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There, I said it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
did not have a fairytale “birth story.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bodhi was a screamer, and it made me want to pull my hair out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt fat, ugly, old, and incapable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it took a lot longer than I expected
before I started feeling better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
relieved to say that I am better now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That this beautiful baby boy has blessed our home with new energy and
excitement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gavin is the best big
brother, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s so proud and so
helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just love watching them together.</div>
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How I wish Ty was here, but I know he is watching over his
brothers every second of every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was a ladybug crawling on my window at the hospital – the first of
many signs that he was there all along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not the same, and it will never be okay, but I am coping with this
reality and I do know I am blessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Be sweet, Bodhi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
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Merry Everything to Everyone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-58531776484818118602016-10-16T22:21:00.002-04:002016-10-16T23:00:24.889-04:00He is gone. He is here. Four years without Ty.<div class="MsoNormal">
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The ladybugs came today. Our house is covered with hundreds of them. How fitting that they came on this day… the day before the anniversary of his death. When our house was so heavy with his absence, he sent them in undeniable abundance to say, “I am here.”</div>
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They say it’s therapeutic to tell the “death story” of your loved one. I don’t disagree with this theory. With the anniversary of Ty’s death tomorrow, I have been reliving his for weeks. More and more vividly as the days get closer. It makes me weep beyond control while it simultaneously reminds me how certain I am that I witnessed his spirit being lifted elsewhere with my own eyes, and I saw real peace wash over his. I have no idea what Heaven is, but I do know with certainty that it is REAL. I know this, because I saw my beautiful boy go there exactly four years ago.</div>
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Instead of retelling the story of his death this year, I want to tell you about how he has given the gift of life to one very special person. I am grateful for a woman named Nadine, who was once a stranger and who is now a true friend. Let me explain.</div>
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Some of you may know that several of my loved ones – like so many (too many) – have struggled with addiction. In fact, Lou’s brother Jimmy died from his alcoholism just six weeks after Ty was born. I remember our last conversation over the phone vividly and I am so grateful for that memory. He was calling to congratulate us on Ty, and he ended the call saying “I love you.” That was the last time I ever heard his voice. Ty learned to say goodnight to Uncle Jimmy every night as he ended his prayers, and I have beautiful visions of Uncle Jimmy there to welcome him into heaven. They are both free of pain and at peace. </div>
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While I don’t understand from experience how a vice can have such control over a person, I do know and completely accept that addiction is as much of a disease as cancer. And addiction can have a worse prognosis than some cancers. That being said, every single day – albeit impossibly hard – an addict has a choice that my son didn’t have. It was that truth that helped Nadine to embrace Ty’s story as inspiration for her own recovery. </div>
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Nadine struggled with alcoholism for 30 years. When she started following Ty’s story in 2012, she was in a terrible place. She came to love him, and she began talking to him after he passed away. She recognized the unfairness of the fact that he wanted so very much to live… yet, he had no choice but to pray for a miracle. Whereas, on the other hand, she gave up on life completely despite the fact that she had a choice/the ability to try and turn it all around. </div>
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I like to imagine that it was Uncle Jimmy who first found Nadine. This wonderful woman who has so much love to give, yet who spiraled down his same path of destruction. She loves children and was known as Aunt Nadine to dozens of little ones in her lifetime. Uncle Jimmy saw all of this and sent Ty to be the angel on her shoulder. Ty has been with her every step of the way to sobriety, and he will never leave her side. I mentioned that she mailed us her three-year sobriety coin on his 4<sup>th</sup> birthday, which is such an incredible milestone. He saved her life, I know this in my bones. </div>
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Ty had such purpose during his short time here on earth. He touched so many lives. I can’t help but cry when I get such reassurance that he also serves an even greater purpose in spirit. He guides us as we work to fund research for children like him. He finds others who need him, like Nadine, and he cares for them. He is an incredible soul, and sometimes I can’t even believe that God allowed him to be mine. </div>
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Pasted below is a triumphant post from Nadine, in her own words. Her love and beauty spills right off the page. It’s no wonder Ty loves being around her. </div>
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<i>"STAYING DRY FOR TY" BREAKING RECORDS.............Today I broke my own personal record. This is the longest I have not had a drink since I was 19 years old, I am now 55. Oh Ty, how do I thank you??? How do I thank your beautiful mommy for putting her agony into the words that would help save my life???? Momma Cindy's blog came to me in the last stages of alcoholism, when you know you are headed to the end and you welcome it. My days were spent in fear, self-loathing, and hateful bitterness. Ty's story was perfect – another reason to read, cry, and convince myself that this life was crap. But there he was.... one of the most beautiful boys I had ever seen, fighting for his life, still smiling, in his extreme weakness, still loving. He was left with no choices, praying for a miracle was all that was left and it didn't come. I heard a voice in my head "YOU still have a choice," and I did so I made it. “Staying Dry for Ty” became my mantra. I hated myself… but I loved him in his videos, pictures, and stories, his story became my lifeline. A bond formed between me and the memory of this boy. I took it everywhere with me, even a few times to the liquor store where I would sit and stare at the door, but "my miracle" had come at a steep price and there is no way I could dishonor it. Now today, I am a vibrant, sunny, smiling and sometimes annoying healthy happy woman. It is not easy, it never will be, a 30 year addiction does not just go away......EVER. But those days I muddle through knowing it will pass, thinking of all Ty went through. Easy doesn't teach us anything and I want to Live, Learn, and Love and fully clearheadedly experience ALL life has to offer. Ty Louis Campbell I love you with all my heart and Mommy, Daddy, Gavin, and baby Campbell too. Thank you Ty. Until my sober soul meets your sweet cancer free one, you can bet your last blue lollipop I will be ''STAYING DRY FOR TY'' And for all those still fighting cancer and addiction, and those who have left us, we are still here, we love you, and we are fighting.</i></div>
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I am so honored on Ty’s behalf. It comforts me to no end to know that he has done something amazing in the four years he’s been gone. Like Nadine said, “I will never know for sure until we meet, but I guarantee there is something very special about your boy and the proof is that I am here and writing you today!”</div>
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It’s almost impossible to imagine that four years have passed since I last looked into his eyes, kissed his lips, or ran my fingers through his hair. I swear I can still feel his skin on my fingertips, and hear his whisper in my ear. I think it’s because he never really left. He is with me wherever I go. <span class="s1">T</span>hank <span class="s1">Y</span>ou for loving him and for giving us all such tremendous support over the years. I am grateful for everyone that Ty has brought into my life. It feels like I’ve lived 100 years without him, just as much as it feels like he left just yesterday. </div>
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Soon we will have a new life in this family, and can’t even write about it because my emotions are so mixed up and confused. All I know is that he is hand-picked by his brother from heaven, which is pretty incredible. Stay tuned for more on that…. any day now…. </div>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797283590776177236.post-28808072133645725552016-10-04T23:01:00.000-04:002016-10-04T23:06:31.153-04:00Blue Lollipops for Your Birthday<div class="MsoNormal">
To Ty, on your ninth birthday...</div>
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All day I’ve wondered what you would look like at 9 years
old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How your voice would sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All day I have had a weight on my chest
greater than most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went through the
motions like a zombie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I slept poorly last night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every time I woke up throughout the night, I knew it was your birthday
and begged to dream of you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I’m
not sure if I really slept or dreamt at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I heard Gavin’s giant footsteps early in the morning, and my first
thought was how big he is, and how you would be even bigger if you were still
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What size shoe would you wear, I
wonder?<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day before, I received a package via priority mail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a wrapped gift just for you – so I placed
it next to your picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gavin has been
dying to open it, so it was the first thing he asked to do this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was one of the most special gifts we have
ever received – a 3-year sobriety coin that Nadine says you helped her achieve
after 30 years of addiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you
for giving her the strength to face those demons, you are a true guardian angel
and you saved her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t be
more proud, and I will cherish your gift forever.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I often imagine two lives other than the one I’m living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the first life, you never got sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are strong and athletic, tall and
handsome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You and Gavin are inseparable,
and your little baby brother wouldn’t be nine years younger than you – because
cancer wouldn’t have interrupted our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the second life, you survived your cancer, but not without the
horrific side effects you suffered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re
in a wheelchair, I would still puree your meals for your belly tube, and I
wonder if I could still carry you in my arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There would be no baby brother at all, because I would be too consumed
with your care (and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing on earth I would rather do
than take care of you).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Did you see me crying this morning?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope it didn’t make you sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need to feel sad like that sometimes – it helps me
feel closer to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After your brother
got on the bus, I rushed home and collapsed into the couch with loud, ugly
tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried for an eternity until I
felt like a balloon – every last bit of me swollen and stretched – somehow I fell asleep on the couch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grief
is exhausting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I woke up soon after with a jolt, and knew I had to get out of our sad
house right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ironically, the weight
of the day made it impossible to move any faster than a snail’s pace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I showered forever, I made the bed, I moped
and moaned as I picked up around the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On my way to the office Daddy called.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We decided to meet up for lunch, and that probably saved me for some of
the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We love each other so much, and
he is the only one I need when I’m missing you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I felt you with me every minute of this day yet I couldn't find an ounce of happiness no matter how hard I tried. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bought blue rock candy after lunch,
and later I decided to go to Hannafords (Heiny-Farts) to get your favorite
things for dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard your voice
directing me the entire time, so I bought a pear (even though I haven’t eaten
one in years), filet mignon, ditalini noodles, Locatelli cheese, bacon, and
beer for daddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daddy called Ria (the
Bakeria in Pawling) and asked her to make a blue velvet cake for you, and the
girls at the bank made sure it was properly decorated with blue lollipops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How incredibly special it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I couldn't even sing "Happy Birthday" through my tears, but Gavin and Daddy did a good job. Gavin made a wish, and he told me he felt like you heard his wish and you helped him to blow out the candle. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a foggy, heavy day, with countless teary-eyed
outbursts of sadness throughout.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To tell
you the truth, I need days like this, to just focus on you and all we’ve been
through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single day used to be
like this… so I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned to live
with gratitude, despite it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so
grateful for you, Ty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the chance I
had to be your mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For everything you
taught me and continue to teach me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Baby boy, I hope your birthday today was filled with
heavenly fun - running, jumping, flying and laughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss you so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will see you again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSqDr7Zax2w_uvDt5WxGFqtMO3KwDaMZg3w6lDOSgq_48-xkSv5_pK9yRzQTkuoLbXlbCg3VY4cjYyFQT7CjQ-TRwvD_E0gZj5JLf683KwHsYu0HhYAao27h9SwvPuRWoN5vDURcrBglI/s1600/ty+is+one.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSqDr7Zax2w_uvDt5WxGFqtMO3KwDaMZg3w6lDOSgq_48-xkSv5_pK9yRzQTkuoLbXlbCg3VY4cjYyFQT7CjQ-TRwvD_E0gZj5JLf683KwHsYu0HhYAao27h9SwvPuRWoN5vDURcrBglI/s320/ty+is+one.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">October 2008</td></tr>
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Cindy Campbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04723218098733495295noreply@blogger.com22