I'm always a last minute shopper.  I don’t plan ahead well.  And, I am terrible with the Pinterest-type holiday activities.  I can’t make the crafty Valentine’s day cards, or the amazing birthday cupcake tower.  I do my best, but my mom-crafts just don’t pan out the way I plan and Gavin has zero interest in helping so I throw my hands up in defeat. When we bake, he stirs the batter twice before losing interest.  When we make cards for class he starts moaning about signing his name after the first two.  This year Gavin made me a beautiful craft to put my jewelry in (he couldn't wait to give it to me when he brought it home from school) and a set of family portraits.  They broke my heart into a million pieces because Gavin drew his brother with a sad face when the rest of us were smiling big.  When I asked him why, he said "because Ty has cancer."  I held back the tears and reminded him that even though Ty had cancer, he lived his life with a huge smile on his face. 

There was a tragic accident on the Metro North Railroad tonight.  I was riding on the same train line, in the front car, that rode right over the same intersection just 25 minutes beforehand.  I caught the earlier train in a rush to get home to my family.  A woman in a Jeep drove over the train tracks when the bars were down causing a fiery collision and killing six people including herself - I don't know how many are injured but I can only imagine it was horrific.  The idea of what it must have looked like to be trapped in that train car makes my heart pound outside of my chest.  Sleep is escaping me as my mind races through the scene over and over.  I can't get the picture of Gavin out of my head.  What would happen to him if I were one of the casualties?  There are children at home right now facing that exact reality and it is such a difficult thought to bear.  Life can be so cruel and unfair.  Just like that, lives are changed forever. Just the other night I wrote a