Monday, February 16, 2015

My Valentine from Ty

I'm always a last minute shopper.  I don’t plan ahead well.  And, I am terrible with the Pinterest-type holiday activities.  I can’t make the crafty Valentine’s day cards, or the amazing birthday cupcake tower.  I do my best, but my mom-crafts just don’t pan out the way I plan and Gavin has zero interest in helping so I throw my hands up in defeat. When we bake, he stirs the batter twice before losing interest.  When we make cards for class he starts moaning about signing his name after the first two. 

This year Gavin made me a beautiful craft to put my jewelry in (he couldn't wait to give it to me when he brought it home from school) and a set of family portraits.  They broke my heart into a million pieces because Gavin drew his brother with a sad face when the rest of us were smiling big.  When I asked him why, he said "because Ty has cancer."  I held back the tears and reminded him that even though Ty had cancer, he lived his life with a huge smile on his face.  "Oh," was all he said. 

So, as usual, I didn’t have much of a plan for Valentine’s Day.  The day before Gavin and I went to the local bakery after school where I noticed they were selling giant heart shaped cookies so I bought one for Lou. It occurred to me that I should go to the card store next door for some Valentine’s Day cards.  While I browsed the racks I was reading through a number of cards for Lou and Gavin and none of them seemed right but they were good enough, I guess.  I thought about Ty and how I need to buy him some blue lollipops and his favorite chocolate truffles.  I opened another card and right there…. inside the card!.... was a ladybug alive and well and crawling up and down.  INSIDE THE CARD - can you believe that?  I have said it a million times, I can’t make this stuff up.  I didn’t know what to do so I just closed it gently and returned the card to the rack as I headed to the register for my purchase.  On my way I spotted these socks and decided Ty wanted me to have them as my Valentine’s Day gift from him.  I’ve worn them for two days straight (I’m gross).  I don’t know what I would do without these incredible signs from my boy.  It’s always just so amazing!

Lou bought me beautiful roses, we opened a great bottle of wine with my favorite Manchego cheese and he surprised me with chocolate covered strawberries (he’s much better at this).  I gave him the cookie, but I guess it cracked in transport and he teased me for giving him a broken heart for Valentine’s Day.  He always makes me laugh and I just love him so.
We have been extremely busy planning for our big Share the Love event at the Grand Hyatt in Greenwich, Conn.  We hope you will join us because this event is going to be truly a great night out.  We have a lot of incredible fun planned for the night, and we are so happy to have our TLC friends Scott Winters there to talk about his involvement in giving spiritual support to victims of cancer, in addition to presenting our first annual “Heart of Gold” award to our amazing friends at Kiwi Country Day Camp for helping us make the Muddy Puddles Mess Fest a reality beyond our wildest dreams. We will have a charitable casino, dinner, dancing, prizes and did I mention any of the outrageous auction items yet?  This is just a small example of some of the things we will have up for auction:
  • A one-year membership to The Hermitage ski and gold club in Vermont (valued at $15,000)
  • An opportunity for your kids to be the ball boys/ball girls for the Brooklyn Nets
  • Tickets to Saturday Night Live, Jingle Ball 2015, Billy Joel, Yankees, Mets, Rangers, Giants (Coaches Club), Phantom of the Opera, Seth Meyers and so much more.
  • Signed Islanders Jersey, Rangers Jersey and Eli Manning Jersey, along with signed Peyton Manning memorabilia and a signed copy of The Fault in our Stars by John Green.
  • Weekend getaways to Killington ski resort and various golf packages.  Gift certificates from my favorite restaurants and stores (like $1,500 at Theory), items from London Jewelers, MAC Cosmetics and Trish McEvoy, Photography and portrait packages, and so much more.  Our friends at Brother Jimmy's donated dinners as well.  It's going to be an incredible night. 
Email us at to inquire about sponsorship or absentee bidding.
CLICK HERE for tickets, CLICK HERE to book a room overnight. 

NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT OUR INCREDIBLE SPONSORS! Why not ask your company to consider sponsorship?  We hope to see you there!

Dibico Construction
NBC-New York
Signature Bank

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Hugging my boys tight tonight

There was a tragic accident on the Metro North Railroad tonight. 

I was riding on the same train line, in the front car, that rode right over the same intersection just 25 minutes beforehand.  I caught the earlier train in a rush to get home to my family. 

A woman in a Jeep drove over the train tracks when the bars were down causing a fiery collision and killing six people including herself - I don't know how many are injured but I can only imagine it was horrific.  The idea of what it must have looked like to be trapped in that train car makes my heart pound outside of my chest.  Sleep is escaping me as my mind races through the scene over and over. 

I can't get the picture of Gavin out of my head.  What would happen to him if I were one of the casualties?  There are children at home right now facing that exact reality and it is such a difficult thought to bear.  Life can be so cruel and unfair.  Just like that, lives are changed forever.

Just the other night I wrote about how I promised Gavin we would die together.  I don't want that, of course, (I hope Gavin lives a long happy life beyond my years) but I have never felt such fear of leaving him here to live his life without me as I did tonight.  His world would be shattered.  His beautiful face would carry nothing but heartache.  I can never ever let that happen!  How can I be sure that it never ever happens?  As much as I couldn't control the cancer for Ty, the reality of an accident any time, any way, is heavy on my mind tonight.  It's just so effing sad. 

At night before falling asleep I always whisper "Good Night, Ty.  I can't wait to see you again."  Because it's true, I really do look forward to the day I die so I can be with him again someday.  But thinking about Gavin here without me is as difficult as thinking about Ty in heaven without me.  Harder even, because life on Earth is so tough and Gavin needs me here so desperately.  At least now, while he is so young and so needy. 

I love both my boys so much it hurts.  I'm heading upstairs to my bedroom to kiss Ty's urn goodnight and watch Gavin as he sleeps while I kiss his chubby little lips and breathe in his sweet breath.  Wish I had them both with me to hug tighter tonight, but I will double up on Gavin so much that Ty will feel the extra snuggles wherever he is.