In addition to the TYathlon, there is a team of wonderful women who are also fundraising for the foundation at the Warrior Dash tomorrow. Go team "warriors for muddy puddles!" I will thinking of you all tomorrow with gratitude.
As I've mentioned time and time again since I started this blog, September is childhood cancer awareness month. Something I did not know in September of 2009, but became all too familiar with in 2010. So, this is my third childhood cancer awareness month since I became "aware" myself. This year, I can't help but think it's different.
In my opinion, more and more people are really getting behind the go gold initiatives in 2013. So many more foundations and support pages are on Twitter, and are sharing one another's initiatives. I'm so proud every time I see childhood cancer foundations sharing from other childhood cancer advocates. There have been PROFOUND blog posts on childhood cancer - pretty much every day. I am living this entire month in a whirlwind of vivid memories from the saddest days of my life, sandwiched between the need to read what others are sharing about their own childhood cancer experiences because I can't believe how much I am connecting with their words. It is therapeutic in the saddest way imaginable. I feel so much less alone in my world of grief and gumption.
Maybe it's because I've had more time to pay attention, but I don't think that's it. I really do think more and more people are listening. AND, I really do think more and more of the childhood cancer community is uniting to share what one another has to say. Thank God. As my tee shirt of the day reads, "Together We Are Stronger." (I really am wearing a shirt that says that right now - how fitting).
I can't even begin to write about the emotional roller coaster this month has been. The truth is, Lou and I are sad. Maybe sadder than we have ever been! There is something about the "one year" mark that makes everything so real. It's as if I spend the entire year living one day at a time, hoping tomorrow I will wake up and Ty will be back in my bed again. After the reality of one year hits, for some reason that silly little world of denial seems to explode into bits and the truth hits you over the head like a ton of bricks. It's been a year. Don't you get it?
NO! I don't get it!! I never will!! I lay in my bed at night and I try to pray but my mind is blank. It used to take me so long to get through my ritual of prayers... begging for Ty's healing. Now I pray for my family and for children with cancer, but all I really want to ask is to please, please, please make it happen so that Ty comes back. Rewind and let's go back to when he was okay and let him never ever have cancer. I make silly promises to be the best person ever. I say things that I know are ridiculous like, "you're God, you can make anything happen. Won't you please just do this one thing?" I know how pathetic it is before even asking so I can usually refrain... but every once in a while... I just can't help but ask.
I need to be up so early to get to the race tomorrow with Gavin and my nephews in tow. I really should cut this short and try to rest this crazy, mixed up mind of mine. I have been torturing myself with photos, so here a bunch of Septembers for you before I sign off. Thank you, as always, for your tremendous love and support. I am humbled and oh so grateful for everyone who continues to care about our family after all we've been through. Thank you. good night. I hope to see you tomorrow.
|Ty Campbell. September 2008, 11 months old|
|September 2009, Gavin's Christening|