Saturday, September 29, 2012

The girl with the broken smile


I used to be the girl with the big, ever-present smile. All my life, I have been complimented for that.  Whenever I meet new friends, business colleagues, teachers or sales associates, they would often tell me that I have a great smile.  I believe that's because I was always so easily humored in every day things, and I lived a genuinely happy life.  I love to laugh.  I think I used to smile so much because it is contagious and it feels good when people smile back.
Ty gets his smile from me.  He is exactly the same.  He laughs so easily and I have no doubt that he would live his life with a huge, sh*t-eating grin on his face all the time.  He always has.  Goofballs.
A few people have asked.  Ty's eyes are green (it's always hard to tell in pictures)
 
I don't think I'll be that person again because I'm so broken now. I'm a better person because of Ty, but if he leaves me behind he will be taking my smile with him.  I know I will find so much happiness in Gavin, but it's just not enough to fill the gaping hole in my heart, the open wound that will bleed forever. 

Ty is still sleeping more during the day, but we have had some great interaction with him over the past two days, too.  His voice is very, very low, but he tries so hard to communicate and we are managing well.  Through all of his ups and downs in these two years, speech has always been difficult when he was at his worst, so this is not a new routine for us.  Lou, Mely and I are pretty good and figuring out what he wants and keeping him happy. 

Ty has always been magnetic.  His long, curled eyelashes and his ridiculously cool hair are just so unforgettable.  I mean, his hair looks like this every day, and we don't do a single thing to it to make it stick up like that.  It's awesome.  He's just a little sleepy here, but feeling good, don't worry.  He is the most beautiful boy in the world. 


I received this message recently that is a true testament to my Ty's magnetism. 
My daughter (who is Ty's age) was going through pictures from three years ago and we came across some from a mutual friend's birthday party and there was Ty. I remember him in the white t-shirt with the black skull and those kick ass boots like it was yesterday. I didn't know you at all then, but he stood out. A kid you meet for 2 hrs and fall in love with.

Because of his weak voice and his general sleepiness, we haven't heard Ty actually laugh in weeks.  He smiles, but the laugh just isn't there and I wasn't sure if I would ever hear that most breathtaking sound again.  Then today it happened!!  I brought in the mail and we had an awesome package for Ty and a very fun package for Gavin.  Mely said, "where's my package?" as a joke.  Naturally, as a mother of two small boys I answered "in my butt."  Oh man did that make Ty laugh!!  He was congested so it didn't sound the same, but that doesn't matter.  He laughed out loud several times over the same silly joke.  See?  Ty loves life and finds humor in the simplest, silliest things.  Why can't God take more crotchety old men and leave the little boys here to make this world a better, happier place.   


I was looking in the mirror today and I am just so sad.  I look like a completely different person.  The smile is gone.  My skin is so worn and dry.  I look into my eyes and there is nothing there.  Like I've completely checked out.  Cancer is sucking the life out of me just as much as it is for Ty.  Probably because we are 100% connected and I feel all he feels.  It's pure evil and it has changed me forever.  If we lose Ty, all of our future happiness will only make the void in our lives more obvious at the same time.  I will never smile as easily or live a life filled with happiness, but I will not let my sadness ruin the fun I have planned for Gavin, either.   

Lou and I went online and bought Ty a suit today.  All white.  You know why.  I still hold onto the hope that we won't need it, as I know you all do.  I believe your prayers and your love for Ty is so strong that anything is possible.  But, still... did we really do that today?  Is that even possible?  I hope you never have to experience such pain, and for the countless people who have reached out because they have walked in these same shoes - thank you for helping me with your kind words.  It takes so much strength just to allow my pain to be yours all over again.  Thank you.

A great friend and huge supporter of childhood cancer awareness arranged a beautiful prayer chain for Ty this afternoon.  I think hundreds of people participated and I know that God was listening.  I went into town for the first time in over a week and was joined by a wonderful friend for a late breakfast.  When 12 noon rolled around, we crossed the street, stepped into the church, and prayed together.  It was comforting.  It was also hard to hold back the tears.  Ty has been through hell over the past two years.  He has endured so much.  It sounds selfish to write this, but my prayers for a miracle have stipulations attached - and I struggle with that.  Unless Ty is going to jump off that couch, returned to his full physical potential, then I don't want this anymore.  He has fought too long, and been knocked down harder and harder with every battle.  He always gets up again, but I am ready to tell him "not this time."  His stitches from his 27th surgery are still visible. How many does it take?  I look at him on the couch, how confused and uncomfortable he is, and I just don't want this for him anymore.   

 
Please, please, please, holy, gracious God, help him to jump off the couch and onto his freckled feet. I promise you, he will be the greatest man someday. Ty Louis Campbell will spread so much good and bring so much laughter to this world. He's already doing it and he's not even five years old. I promise to have a permanent smile on my face and it will be contagious!!

90 comments:

  1. As a mom, my heart breaks for you and Lou. I cant imagine what you are feeling. I pray for you and keep Ty in my thoughts every day.

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    1. I am so deeply saddened to read yor story. My little girl also has an aggressive unfavourable cancer and I feel your pain and heartache. Stay strong, Ty is just the most beautiful boy in the world. We are along way from you guys, we live in Australia.
      God bless Angie

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  2. Praying for that super sweet, handsome boy ... tonight and always. May you and your family be as strong as you can be.

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  3. As a mother myself, I cannot even imagine any of this. Still praying, still hoping.
    Jennifer, Illinois

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  4. Cindy, you will smile and be happy again. Yes there will always be that void, but slowly only the good memories will remain and through Gavin especially, Ty and all he is will shine through. It may be hard to believe, but it will happen. I believe in miracles, but I know your mind is racing between two worlds. If this is God's will, your mind is telling you to how to prepare. I can't tell you how many times I've cried with you and prayed. All I can say is that anytime you feel alone know there are a lot of people thinking and praying for your family and you do not walk alone. If Ty does leave this Earth, you will never be alone because he will be there holding your hand always. You may not always feel it, but he will be there. You may also see him from time to time. So be strong and know Super Ty will live forever no matter what God's will is. Love and prayers to Super Ty, You, Lou, and Gavin.

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  5. I have read every word of your blog since day one. I have cried more for you than for myself or anyone in my life. I seriously must have a full bucket of tears at this point. I have never posted a comment before because this entire nightmare has left me speachless. I pray for you, for Ty, and I do make secret deals with God. And will make another one again tonight. And I'm willing to back it up. Please keep the faith. We are all wiling to give our right arm to see Ty become the man we know he will be.

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  6. You posted two years ago, as you started making treatment choices, and said you wished you had a crystal ball. I wonder if, in retrospect, you would wish it still. At this moment, probably yes. To have spared Ty so much pain and suffering would be any parent's wish. But you wouldn't have had those 2 incredible years to savor each touch, each smile. You wouldn't have learned all that Ty had to teach you. Gavin would have no memories of Ty. You wouldn't have discovered how many people love your perfect little boy. The last 2 weeks, especially, seem an unfair price to attach to these treasures, but I think Ty has given all of this freely and willingly. If he is tired now, ready, that is now, and you love him too much to ask him to try again; but do not harbor regrets about what came before. None of us knows the future and you made each choice with love and hope in your heart.

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    1. If you haven't wore these shoes...please don't try and apply logic, let alone judgement. Funny you mention the whole situation of "if you knew what you know now, two years ago would you still do the same?" It's perhap unfair to even ask (or think.). The goal has always been to move mountains to make Ty better. And that goal and approach, can never be, or should it ever be questioned. I think the love and magic that Ty has felt with his parents (and others) over these past two year exceeds (and by far) all the pain. And no matter the outcome, no doubt in the world, Ty knows he's loved by his parents and that they would do anything and everything for him and that is powerfull knowledge.

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    2. I thought the post was beautiful, I haven't a clue as to where you would have thought this person was judging her, if anything it was the opposite telling her NOT to judge herself...


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    3. Please refrain from negativity and bickering responses on this site. We share Ty's story to promote love and unity. For all of us to try and find more meaning out if life. We love and appreciate all comments, as well as understand were your heart is even if the comment may not come across perfect. With love Lou (Ty's proud daddy)

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  7. My heart breaks for you. I pray everyday that God will give Ty the miracle he so desperately deserves. I have talked with both of my kids about Ty recently and my 9 year old has been reading your blog everyday for a week now. He just told me tonight that he prays for Ty every night before bed. This is all so unfair. I will keep praying for that miracle. So much love and prayers to Ty and the Campbell family.
    Kellie Kenny, Ohio

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  8. every thought, every word, every everything, always with prayers for Ty. Your smile will not disappear forever because it is a link to Ty. He smiles, everyone smiles, and his smile will always be that contagious. God Bless you all.

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  9. I pray that Ty will soon be jumping off that couch and that you will be smiling from ear to ear!!! May God hear and answer all of your prayers..........he truly is a beautiful boy........God Bless you all! Deb xo

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  10. God Bless you and your family. Prayers going up from Florida.

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  11. I recently read Kamchatka by Marcelo FIgueras, his first to be translated into English. He is an amazing writer and I imagine an amazing person based on what he writes. In this novel he writes:-- I believe that stories have no end, because even when one life ends, its energy gives life to others. The dead simply nourish the Earth so it can be fruitful and feed those above, who, in their turn, will give life by dying. For as long as there is life in the universe, the story of each single life never ends; it is simply transformed. In dying, the life-story undergoes a shift. We are no longer a thriller, a comedy, an epic; we are a geography book, a biology book, a history book -- keep telling 'his-story' and keep it close to your heart and it will nourish and feed those who remain behind.
    Karen in RI

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  12. Can't believe you bought a suit, I'm sure your heart was torn! I hope you NEVER have to use it.
    Again I tell you, you sound like my mom back in 1994 when my brother was dying. She would say " God unless you get him off that bed, cured & him living a normal, healthy life I beg you to let him live. Otherwise I'm ready to return him to you, no matter how much it kills me." I see you've come to terms with that, no matter how much it hurts.
    Why God takes children? We don't know,all we know children are angels God sends to earth to teach you a lesson. Super Ty has taught so much about love & laughter, from East to West, North to South.
    Prayers from Ft Lauderdale {hugs}

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  13. I pray that he puts on that white suit and dances a jig in his muddy puddles. I pray that he laughs when he gets all muddy. I pray that he takes a bath afterwards and washes away all of the pain, scars, and bad memories. I pray that he plays with his bath toys all by himself while sucking on a lollipop and wearing his captain america hat. I pray and pray and plead with you to God.
    Thinking of Ty all the time.
    Marcela
    Reston, VA

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    1. Amen.


      Michelle, North Ga.

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    2. I love what you wrote, and second all of it! God bless you too

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  14. Hello - I stumbled on your blog only a short while ago. I became curious as to the details so i have read most of what has happened to you in the past 2 years. First, I want you to know that I have been praying hard for Ty and your family everyday. Every night, when I put my 5 month old daughter to bed, I say to her - let's pray for Ty and we do. I sit in her dark room with her and we pray for your son and for your family. Second, I want to tell you what an impact your blog has had on me personally in just the last two weeks. There have been SO MANY times in the past two weeks where I have been ready to be so negative, and so nasty (maybe for good reason though...) to other people (either to their face or behind their backs) and I have restrained myself. I am in a difficult situation myself right now, but I am finding INCREDIBLE stregnth through you... from reading your blog! THANK YOU. Thank you so much for being such an amazing example to a complete stranger. I read every word you say and feel such a connection - I feel for you, though i know I can't nearly feel what you are feeling. I just want you to know that you have had a profound impact on me and I will forever relish your words and actions. Please know that there is someone praying very hard for you oustide of Philadelphia tonight and please know, that no matter what happens, that I will continue to pray for you and your family. I am so sorry for what you are going through, I wish I could take this all away from you and make it better. Please know however, that TY and you have CHANGED my life forever. I am 31 years old and I am honestly changed by this little boy who I never met. Thank You and God Bless.

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  15. Ditto everything you said Cindy - I only want the best for Ty and all of you. I've never wished harder or prayed harder for that true miracle that heals Ty completely. What an incredible message of hope that would send to the world. I only wish I had the power to heal Ty myself. Sending sending love and hope - SuperTy always.

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  16. Oh Cindy. You write so beautifully and so deeply from within your heart. I've come to love Ty so much through your blog. You are all always in my thoughts and prayers. I'm going to make it my mission in life to raise as much money as I can for childrens cancer research. With lots of love and big hugs for Superty...Chrissy from PA

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  17. Psalm 34:17-18

    When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
    The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

    Jesus as a Mother @ grandmother, I stand with Ty @ Family in this prayer! May All who have @ will continue to Pray, night @ day, may we stand in the gap for Cindy @ Dad @ he's Brother, and hold them close to your heart. Please bring your Grace @ Mercy! Please Bring Peace that pases our understanding, to all that are involved!

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  18. Cindy,
    i went to school with Lou,i have been drawn to this page for about 3 months now (twice a day) look for updates from you. he seems like the most amazing boy. i tear up each time i get the updates from you.i do not pray to god often, but in the past 3 months i have prayed so much for this little boy.you and lou are so strong and the most amazing parents.i really enjoyed the post you put up about taking him outside to see the leaves changing colors.You are truly an amazing family. i will continue praying for sweet Ty,always.....

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  19. One night last week I decided I was going to treat myself to more than 5 hours of sleep, by turning in before midnight. I decided to hit the Facebook app one more time before turning in, and noticed a message you posted regarding Ty's devestating MRI results. My heart sank. I felt compelled to goto Ty's website and read your posts from the last couple of weeks. Needless to say, rather than sleep, I cried my eyes out for the next hour. Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear that your sweet boy must endure all of this. Suffering of innocent children always makes me question my faith. How could God let this happen? I pray for Ty and for you. I cannot fathom how excruciating this is for you as a mother. I think about all of you daily and offer up prayers on your behalf. Your eloquence amazes me. I am so very sorry for what you all have been thru.

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  20. I can't sleep and wish I could take

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  21. I continue to pray for Ty everyday. Your faith has restored some of my faith. I lost my mom at a young age, watching her suffer from breast cancer and chose to blame God because she was such a good, loving, religious woman. Many thanks to you for lifting up my spirit, making me a better mommy and for sharing your lovely baby boy and your journey together with me. Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine all the people that follow this blog, wrapping their arms around you and holding you tightly, holding you up and supporting you. It will never feel as mushy and sweet as Ty's amazing hugs of course :) but we all hope you can feel the love and support from your unexpected friends. Love from Smithtown, Kathleen

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  22. Some of your and Lou's worries away. I truly do. I'm filled with sadness to know you are in so much pain. Our family has prayed and talked about Ty always hoping that your blog will turn its course. For a little boy he sure has seen a lot of love.... A love most don't have over a lifetime. You both have led a good fight for your son.

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  23. He will forever love you for it.

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  24. I was really hoping to see a pic of you in Ty's Captain America uniform. You promised!

    You will not have a broken smile forever. Don't talk about your BBT nubs like that. I won't have it. The BBT Nub in the sky is always listening!

    Ha ha! Made you smile.





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  25. "In My Butt"...LMAO! You are truly awesome Momma and Ty soo knows this..lol..Love it, Love it. ;)

    also, tho it breaks my heart, I think it is a wise choice in how you are editing the color out of your recent pictures. :( Love You

    Still in constant prayer for a miracle for your baby boy and yes, one with stipulations most def.!

    MUCH LOVE CAMPBELL FAMILY,

    ~Michelle, North Ga.

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  26. Cindy & Lou,

    This is not fair. I'm sorry but it is not. No child should have to go through what your sweet innocent little boy has gone through. Yes, Ty has touched so many lives and truly has made people better people like myself. He has had such a great life changing impact on my life alone, and so many others. That is incredible. Your family is incredible. But why is he sick, why may he die? To me, that makes absolutely no sense! I do not accept that is Gods way. To me that is a bunch of BS and I am sorry if I offend you others but its how I feel. I will never understand why children die. NEVER. I will never understand why your family is going through all this and why Ty has been put through so much pain. To make people more greatful and better parents? (Although that has happened) That answer just doesn't cut it with me and its not good enough. I will never know how you and Lou will feel if Ty dies. I can't even begin to understand. Ty is amazing, your family is amazing. God needs to step up and do something because I am questioning whatever faith I have left every minute. My heart breaks for you guys. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand why this is happening! Not fair at all and no one will be ae to convince me otherwise. I'm sorry if my words offend anyone, I truly am.

    Thinking about you all day every day Campbell Family. I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for you.

    Joy Marielle
    Baltimore, MD

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  27. I hate what you're going through, but love that you had some smiles and laughs together. I pray all day every day for Ty's full recovery. Still hoping for that miracle...

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  28. Cindy & Lou... God knows your heart. He gave this special little boy because he knew the two of you are so special. You will smile again...Ty will always live in you. Everytime you see a muddy puddle or red leaves on the trees, he will be there making you smile. My family is praying for the miracle of Ty's full recovery along with all here. May you be able to close your eyes, see his beautiful face and feel the arms of thousands embrace you... always.

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  29. Cindy and Lou,

    My heart aches for you and all you are going through. I cannot imagine the pain. I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I think your courage and strength is amazing. Everyone knows the term "life isn't fair," but this is one of those instances in which life has just been extremely cruel to two great parents. I hope and pray that a miracle will happen to make Ty better, but I know we all know the odds, and that breaks my heart as I know it does yours.

    Tom Andriola

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  30. The other evening, my husband and I were out walking with our daughter; she's 7. It had been raining, so there were puddles - muddy puddles - everywhere. She was skipping next to my husband saying she was going to stomp and splash him in those puddles. I immediately thought of Ty, and in my mind he was splashing and laughing. Praying, praying, praying for Ty and your family.

    This is Grace, Julie's daughter, who she just wrote about. I hope that Ty gets well soon. We will keep praying for him and your family.

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  31. What is there to say that everybody else hasn't? Not much and that is because all of us love the Campbell's more then we ever thought possible. As hard as it is to comprehend, God has a plan, has had a plan in place since your beautiful son was born. None of us can ever know what that plan is but I do know that it involves lots of love, smiles and laughter. It boggles my mind that He would make something so incredibly perfect as Ty only to allow so much pain and suffering. I have to believe that there's so much more to Ty's story. I'm also praying for complete healing here on earth. I love you all because you made me with your beautiful words. That love will never end no matter what!!

    Still praying, loving and believing,
    Elaine Hinkle

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  32. You and your family are in my prayers everyday! May God give your strength !
    With love, fellow Oneontan alumni.

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  33. Oh I laughed and I cried at this post. "in my butt", yep that's a total little boy giggle maker and I imagined him laughing to that. I'm sitting here with a puddle on my lap again. Buying a white suit......that did it for me. I mean you know in the back of your mind it's gonna happen, you pray it doesn't, but when you then think of the little details, like the little white suit, it becomes so real. Ty is constantly on my mind. Yesterday, in the midst of errands, and lunch and groceries, I looked like a teenage girl who couldn't put her texting and cell phone down. But each time, was just checking on Ty. :) Oh and I have a suggestion...Charles Manson, there ya go, take him, leave Ty....PLEASE PLEASE leave Ty.

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  34. You dont know me but like many i feel like i know you some...i do know that although your smile is'nt going to be contagious, your strength and will to find a cure for other innocent children will. Although i pray everyday that your son will be the one that gets cured too many little children have suffered and passed to this disease. I know one of them and pray for his family with yours everday. If nothing else his mother has endured such pain that her strength has been an inspiration to many we know and to those she may not.. i have children and try everyday to appreciate mine because i pray to never go through the pain you have and have yet to endure. Please know you will live in another way and you will always be broken but you will heal others in a special way im sure ... God bless your families strength and God bless Ty.

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  35. Cindy,
    You and Ty do have the most beautiful matching smiles Those pictures of you two with your big grins are priceless I do agree with you that he is going to take your smile with him You will still smile, of course, because you will have that goofy Gavin and the world doesn't stop, but I, like you, do believe it will be a different smile That sparkle you have is Ty's and it will go with him because I do believe you two are so deeply connected, but just imagine how much brighter the stars will be at night because that sparkle has to go somewhere and I believe it will just light up the sky And in the meantime, save your receipt for that white suit becuase I am still holding up hope that you will have to return it.
    Lynne

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  36. Dear Cindy. Your pain is hard to imagine even though we try but we don't even come close to it. He is just so perfect and it's unbelievable that something so perfect can have something so ugly inside him. He fought so so hard for two years and you have seen the light at the end of the tunnel just not so long ago. What a cruel joke! It take someone so powerful and strong and loving to let go if it's not strong and healthy because as much as you want him with you is it fair if he is suffering so much. You are right unless he is pain free you don't want to prolong his suffering but how is it possible to let go of something so precious. King Solomon saw two moms arguing about an infant each claiming its hers and his solution was lets cut the baby in half and both of you will have him and the liar said that's it's awesome idea while the real mom said no please let the other one have it. And that's you, strong enough to let him go as long as he is not suffering anymore. No pain for little Ty no suffering. So here dear G-D what we are asking you is to give him a miracle but please make him whole again. Please take his pain away and we all will gladly take it upon us little by little as long as this kid is not suffering. Let him love his life and spread beauty all around him. Will continue to say all the prayers I know.

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  37. I know that you are not Jewish but I asked my Rabbi to give me special prayer for Ty to heal him and I will be doing it using his name if anyone interested it's on http://www.dailytehillim.com/119Tool.aspx?Sick=True

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  38. I'm praying for Ty to just jump off that couch too....that captain America outfit is the only one fit for Ty....no white suit for a special kid like that...he's a fighter and everyone in all eternity should now it! Going to walk along Jones Beach to say some special prayers for him...I always have thought that the ocean is the most beautiful place on the earth and when I was a kid I figured surely that's where God spends a lot of time...always feel closest to Him there....

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  39. Cindy & Lou,
    As we arrived at church last night my son who is an altar boy asked Father Duff if he could say an extra special prayer for Ty. Father said yes let's all pray together right here right now! We all prayed together and Fathers words was so powerful that I could hardly get the words out to thank him. The prayers didn't stop there and won't stop there. Thank you for taking the time to share Ty with us. -rachael

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  40. Oh....and when my brother died I too thought my smile would never be as big & bright...my laugh less loud....but the miracle of life is that when you have people to love and truly love you back, your heart just grows bigger and all those things come back just as they were....and perhaps because of the people who are missing as a tribute to how much they meant to you...just a thought...

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  41. I'm not giving up on Ty! He doesn't need that white suit!!

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  42. I love those smiles! I have only been reading your posts for the past few months and think this is the first picture I have seen of you, Cindy. Ty certainly has your smile.
    I continue to pray for all of you as you spend every minute of the day with your beautiful Ty. I pray the first time Ty wears that little white suit is when he is getting it dirty by jumping in the puddles nearby.
    May He continue to bless and keep you in the palm of His hand.

    Janet
    COLE's Prayer Team

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  43. Dear Cindy and Lou,

    May the Lord bestow a healing miracle on Ty. I pray for Ty and beg for this miracle. I pray for you and Lou to have the utmost strength to continue dealing the hand you were dealt. As a mother of 3 boys, I know the love you have for Ty and Gavin. It pains me to read your words knowing you are struggling with acceptance of the possibility that Ty may not win this battle. My heart truly aches for you all. If love alone could heal then Ty would be up and running...no doubt. You are amazing parents and you have been blessed with two precious boys who know how much they are loved. All my love and prayers.....SuperTy forever. <3<3<3<3<3

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  44. AMEN! I pray that same prayer for you.God let him come back to them ,stronger and healthier then ever.To live a long,happy life singing your praises.Don't leave him here to continue to suffer again and again,give them peace from pain and suffering.Holy Mary, hear his mothers cry and intercede for her,to your son so she does not have lose her son as you lost yours. Feel her pain and comfort her.Hold her and her son in your loving arms.Amen....Jean <3

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    1. Amen.


      ~Michelle, North Ga.

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  45. Cindy-
    Once again, I am brought to tears and my heart breaks for you & Lou. None of this makes sense... I don't think it ever will. How can you make sense of buying a little white suit for your beautiful baby? It's not right..it sickens me. But as hard as it is, we just have to put our faith in God's plan, whatever that may be... & keep praying for that miracle. I simply don't know what else to do...except to smile at your pictures.

    I love the picture of you & Ty ...with his beautiful curls and green eyes laughing at the camera...it is one of my favorites. You do have the same smile. A smile full of goofiness & love. But I don't think you're going to lose it. It may be on "hold" for a while...and yes, your heart will have a huge hole in it. But eventually that hole will start filling up with the joy and happy memories of Ty. It may be hard to imagine now, but I firmly believe that you will find yourself one day with a big "sh*& eating grin" on your face, probably from something crazy Gavin has done, and you will laugh out loud just like Ty would have done. Because Ty is, and always will be, YOU. Beautiful smile and all.

    Love & prayers always..xxxooo

    Oh, the butt comment is priceless!

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  46. AMEN CINDY............... I PRAY FOR THAT ALSO.... YOU ARE ANAZING, AND YOU HAVE AN AMAZING FAILY...... AND SO MANY PEOPLE THAT HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL. GOD HEARS US ALL.... KATHY BRUNELLE

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  47. You are an amazing person to tell all of us not to worry - that the picture of Ty is just him looking sleepy. That did make me feel better. Was anxiously waiting to see if you would post anything last night. I pray for a miracle each time I check your site. Think of him all the time throughout the day and am sending prayers constantly. I pray also that he is having a good day and that you get to enjoy this precious time with him.
    -Jennifer

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  48. Your perfect, angelic son has stolen my heart. Those round cheeks and amazingly innocent face! It reminds me so much of my Ty. I understand when you say there is no happier feeling than his arms wrapped you. My Ty and are I are also connected, when he laughs, I laugh. I could lay next to him forever, just smelling him. I can't even fathom the potential of losing that. You are one strong mama. I pray for you and Tyler to be granted much strength and healing.

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  49. My son told me about your blog. His son ( and my grandson) passed away April 25, 2011 from Brain Cancer. He was 3 and half years old. I was told that I will never understand because I never lost a child. But I lost a grandchild.I hope that your family is srong enough to survive this. Mine was torn apart and no one is speaking to each other. God bless you.

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  50. Cindy, I've never met you and just recently heard about Ty. I keep him and you and Lou and Gavin in my prayers every day. I cannot imagine your pain but if I could I would take it from you. I pray for the miracle you need and pray for strength for everyone in your precious family. Your baby boy is so incredibly gorgeous. I send you all my strength.
    Love, christy golden, new York city

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  51. I let my son jump in puddles yesterday, when in the past I have always told him not to. I pray for Ty and your family every night.

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    1. That is what Cindy, Lou & Ty have taught us all...to love life and appreciate the little things.

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  52. Hi Cindy, I just wanted to say Happy almost-Birthday! (saw your bday on what's public of your fb page) I hope your gift is a great day with Ty (and Gavin and Lou, of course!).
    I continue to pray, and am keeping my "Ty candle" lit, day and night, hoping for that miracle. I also added Ty and your family to our special intentions prayer list at my church down here (St. Barnabus), rallying as many prayers as we can!
    Hang in there! We all love you, and are so inspired by your incredible strength, grace, and love. You have made so many of us so much better as people and as parents. God bless you.

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  53. Hi Campbell family, I wanted you to know that Ty (and the rest of you) are in my prayers every day. Today my Religious Ed. class prayed for Ty & his family. A candle was also lit at St. Rose of Lima in Newtown, CT and Ty was added to the book of parish prayer intentions, too. Praying for peace and comfort for all of you and healing for Ty. Amen! Stay strong--you are each amazing & gifts from God.



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  54. He is the most beautiful boy in the whole wide world!!!

    May god and his angels bless you with the miracle you are praying for!!!

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  55. He is the most beautiful boy who has touched my heart like never before. I pray for you all everynight. I went to Mahopac High School with Lou and he always has that smile and goofball way about him. Smiling is contagious pass is on...Love to all..

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  56. Please know we are all still praying...still hoping...and still believing in miracles. Ty has stolen all of our hearts. God Bless you all.

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  57. You and Ty both have beautiful smiles. Still hoping and still praying for you always.

    Allie

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  58. I just recently start to read your blog and fell in love with Ty and his beautiful face. you are a beautiful person that has given soooo much to the outside world by inviting us in to your world. I find myself seek away at work to read your blog.. I'm praying for a miracle for you and your family . bless you and your family .

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  59. Just thinkIng of you all and wanting to send wishes for a good night for the Campbell family. Thinking of you guys always - saying prayers for Ty. SuperTy - always and forever.

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  60. What an incredible Mother's heart, to put aside your own pain and ask God to give your boy peace in whatever way it will come. That is so hard for you to do, but demonstrates what a truly amazing mother you are. The love that you all share will keep you connected with Ty always. Don't ever doubt that. You will never be the same but you will live on and find peace one day because that is what Ty would want for you. I have vowed to live on because I now do it for me and for my son. Praying for that miracle and sending love and strength your way, Nancy Kreiss

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  61. May God bless you Campbell Family for all that you have shared with us. You have taught us more about ourselves, life and the power of faith can one can imagine. I am praying for Ty throughout everyday and each moment I wake in the night. May all our prayers come true for Ty and those that love him. I want him to jump in those muddy puddles!

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  62. Sending u big hug!!! I put all my faith in God's hands and hope Ty gets healed.

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  63. Cindy, I can not even imagine what you and Lou are going through. I wish that I had some insightful words of wisdom to help you all but I don't...I pray and think about you all daily. Personally I don't know you all. Through your blog I have come to know and love you all..I have laughed and cried with you on many occasions. I am a better mother, friend, sister and daughter because of you all. I am more patient kind and considerate, I try not to let the little things bother me and I try to laugh more and appreciate every little moment with my children..I am not always at my best but reading your story and seeing all the struggling Ty has had to endure I just have a different out look on life and try to appreciate every day that I have...I know no matter what happens you will smile again..The campbell's have made such a big impact on so many people in such a positive way. Ty is one of Gods angels sent down here and you have shared him with so many people. He has had a positive impact on so many. Love and prayers for you all. From Long Island

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  64. Prayed for Ty again in church today...sending all of you love, hope, strength, and miracles! Ty is Angel in so many ways xoxo

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  65. He is a special kind of beautiful. A treasure to behold. My heart aches. I don't know if it will make much sense to you but I truly feel in instances like this it would be better if the whole world ended at once. There is no sense in these types of things taking place. End the suffering for now and for the future. For all man kind. End it all so we can be in our permanent dwelling. Free from harm pain. And suffering. Left only to cherish and indure endless days of laughter and peace with our loved ones. I know the Lord has a plan.....but it doesn't make this any easier.

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  66. You are not selfish for those stipulations. Of course you don't want him to be suffering. You don't just want him to have life, you want him to have QUALITY OF LIFE. That means you are unselfish. The guilt can eat you alive but please don't forget one important thing. It is alright to feel happiness in the midst of all of this. His laugh should tell you that. Do not feel guilty if you smile at something, just because he might not enjoy it as he once did. The people who love us want us to be happy. Ty wants you to smile and I promise you that some day you will be able to smile again - your full on smile - and not want to throw up when you do. The pain won't go away, but somehow, in grieving, we find new little pockets in our hearts that allow us to hold onto our grief and yet experience happiness too. It will happen for you, but it will take time, so be patient with yourself. Prayers and love <3

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  67. Hope and Faith endure and can make miracles happen... I believe this and have experienced a miracle..it is my biggest hope and prayer that you get your miracle too... Ty has so much to give and it is so evident in his beautiful pictures and the words that you write... Hugs to all of you !! xoxo

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  68. I am with you, Cindy. We are all with you now. xo

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  69. I will carry your son in my heart and I do hope you hear him laugh many times over the years. Prayers to you and your brave son!

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  70. Your family, your story and your beautiful little boy were brought to my attention just a few days ago and now I cannot tear myself away from your blogs. My heart breaks for you and I have no words. I will pray and pray for Ty and I am just so so sorry.

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  71. I pray for your son every night with my 9 month old daughter...I cant begin to imagine your pain and what you are going through. I wish for a miracle for you I wish for Ty not too be in pain and that God will give you all strength..your little boy is so brave and can teach all of us a thing or two about life in this sometimes ugly world ....

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  72. Thinking and praying for you always. xoxo

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  73. I came to your blog from Ronan's. Your boy is gorgeous. Please know we are sending our light to him, to you all, from Ontario Canada.

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  74. My name is Gregg Tweedy and I was linked to your blog by the FOJ newsletter and as a fellow brain tumor parent; I am just choking back the tears because I feel your pain and am fearful that your path will be our path. I am so impressed with all you have accomplished with the blog and the foundation as well as being there for TY. Ty does not want to leave you with a "huge gaping hole in your heart" that is not the intention. I pay that you and your family find some peace.

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