Monday, April 30, 2012

I shall not want

Tonight I was staring at Ty's sleeping face and thinking about how lucky I am to have him.  And, how much I want him to enjoy life.  It occurred to me how much fun I've had, always, and how incredibly blessed I've always been.  I thought about how I took everything for granted.  I have no regrets for carelessly enjoying life.  It's more like I reflect with a wry smile and find gratitude for all the fun I've had in my previous life.  And all of the fun I intend on having in the (near!) future.   

I always knew I was lucky to have my loving family and friends.  To have my health, my education, my opportunities.  But still, I always wanted more.  I worked like crazy.  I stressed over money.  I wanted more time to myself.  I wished for everything in life to be just a little easier. 

It still amazes me that it wasn't until my son got cancer that I stopped wanting.  That I understood Psalm 23.  That I even read Psalm 23 with understanding and depth. 

Of course I want Ty to be cured.  But I accept that aside from giving him the best care I know how, what the future holds for him is out of my hands. 
Tonight I am very worried about him.  His speech is so slurred that I had a very hard time understanding him all day.  I can't be sure if it is actually worse, or if I'm noticing it more now that he can speak a bit louder and more frequently. He is sweating a lot.  He doesn't have much of an appetite.  His physical improvement is so slow and so minimal.  However, if I look back to three weeks ago - he is certainly doing much better in every way. 

We are all set for discharge on Friday.  Just three more painful nights after tonight!  Yippeeeee!  This has been one of our longest and worst stretches inpatient.  It won't be until we are home for a few days that we will really know how Ty is doing.  It takes such a toll on Ty on so many levels - I expect to see his greatest improvements once he is in the comfort of his own home again.  Let the countdown begin!

Goodnight everyone.  As always, thank you so much for loving Ty and encouraging us to keep fightng.  Never stop believing!  XOXO. 

7 comments:

  1. I will never stop believing !
    I pray every night for Ty to get better. You are a strong person. Keep believing!

    Prayers from Texas,
    Robert

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  2. I will always keep Ty in my thoughts and prayers. I think you are both amazing and I am so grateful that you have shared your lives with all of us.

    Ann from Buffalo

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  3. Always praying....always believing. Simple as that. Hugs to you all

    ~ Kim
    Kent, NY

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  4. It such a tough hand that you were dealt. Keep the faith..I am praying for you, Ty and your whole family.
    Try to keep your head up..
    Michelle

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  5. always praying, wishing, hoping for more and more improvements.

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  6. And always comforting to know he has you as his mom, Dr., lawyer, nurse, advocate....

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