Despite the fact that Ty had another amazing, pain-free day (two in a row!!)... I have been carrying a huge weight around all day. I can't seem to shake it. Every time Ty says something sweet (like when he told me I look "pwitty" today) my eyes well up with tears. I am so afraid that I won't have good days like this for such a long time once we check into the hospital on Thursday. It took so much pain and suffering for him to get here, for him to finally feel better. I can't help but have my doubts about whether or not we are doing the right thing. I can't help but fear the biggest fear of all. I can't help but get angry over last week's results. He has come so far, we were supposed to be approaching an end to all of this. Instead, this feels endless.
As I've always said, I will happily do this for years upon years as long as Ty is cured of his cancer, but what about him? How many more hospital stays can a 3-year old handle before his motivation starts to decline? I already know the answer and I'm sorry for even taking this in that direction, but I am sad and I don't want to see him sad even for one more day. I know Ty is amazing - he is SuperTy - and he never ceases to amaze me. I'm sure he will take this on like the little champ we all know and love. Aargh! I'm just so mad that he has to.
A damper to an otherwise beautiful day
Instead of traveling all the way to the city for some pre-chemo testing, Lou called our local Putnam County Hospital yesterday to explain Ty's situation and to see if their lab can handle the bloodwork. He told them that Ty has a mediport, and that he needs to have blood drawn as part of the advance screening prior to chemo. They said they could do it, no problem. The doctor ordered a 24-hour urine test followed by bloodwork. Yesterday I rushed over there to pick up the special "pee-pee can" for Ty at 6PM and I was told to come back the following day at 6PM to drop it off and to get his bloodwork done.
When I got there today it was just after 5. Gavin was asleep in the car with the babysitter. It should only take a minute. Unfortunately, when we entered the room I was told that the phlebotomist was not licensed to draw off the mediport line. That she would have to stick him in a vein. "But, my husband called you... you said you can do this off the needle that is already in his shoulder??..." No. They didn't recall that conversation. Apparently, they don't have any nurses on staff in the lab, and NY State requires that a licensed nurse draws off the mediport. "Well, this is a hospital, right? Can't we get a nurse in here?? He is a weak baby and finding access to a vein in his arm is not going to be easy - trust me!!" I asked them to put themselves in my shoes. That he is three years old and I promised him up, down and sideways that he would not get any needles today. I explained how important it is that he believes me and trusts me through all of this. How I always tell him when something is going to hurt and when it isn't. I was crying and yelling! They looked at the bald spots on his head. They stared at the scars. Then they asked me to be patient while they tried to find a nurse who could help out. More than one hour later, I was told no one was available and Ty ended up with a needle in his arm. I swear, what I want to say on this blog might get me arrested. When I got back to the car, Gavin had been crying for over a half hour and his diaper leaked.
To say I was upset over the outcome in this situation is an understatement, but I do want to give credit to the women who ended up drawing the blood. They were very sympathetic, they were very professional and they had excellent skills. Ty didn't require more than one stick, and they were as gentle as possible from start to finish. Afterward he was walking around showing his boo-boo to anyone who would look. I guess you could say that he kinda liked the attention he got for it afterward - no surprise there!
Tomorrow I will spend the day bending over backwards to keep Ty smiling from ear to ear. I will be fanning him and feeding him grapes. I hope to capture some fun pictures to post for you all. Thank you for the love and support. Giant hugs and kisses from Ty and all of the Campbell's tonight. XOXOXOXOXO!!