Tuesday, April 5, 2011

An ugly pair of shoes

Look at this guy!  He's doing okay.  Lots of nausea, but lots of smiles, too.  Here he is in his "activity chair" getting physical therapy.  He spent a lot of time sitting up like this today and playing games.  He has come such a long way over the past couple of weeks, it makes my heart sing.  Sorry it's sideways, but I can't seem to fix it.

Tomorrow Ty will have an MRI to rule out whether or not the tumor might be causing his incessant nausea.  In my heart I don't think this is tumor related, but I am still a nervous wreck about it.  I will be praying all night, all morning and all day until we get the results following tumor board.  The doctors should also be able to deliver a better idea around next steps post-radiation, as well.  It will be a big day, please pray for us. 

Pasted below is a poem that I've read this on several other blogs from moms who have lost a child or who are in a similar situation as my own.  I don't recall ever reading it before I entered into this difficult reality of mine (or perhaps it just hadn't resonated with me in the past).  It really hits home, especially when I'm so sick and tired of walking these hospital halls that my feet ache.  Since the author is unknown, I took the liberty of adding/omitting so it best fits my situation.

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I cannot take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.  Too many.
Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

- author unknown


  1. Cindy:

    We love you and pray everything goes well.

    Also we pray that you embrace your shoes because you are wearing them for a special reason.

    We pray that soon you can change them for others more comfortable, but that you keep them in your closet to remember that each present day is that: a PRESENT from God.

    We each have our burdens, none as hard as the ones you are confronting, so for you guys I wish your shoes will become... flip flops VERY SOON!

    Hang in there, the rewards are eternal. We are all with you walking by your side. We might not be wearing them, only you can do that; but know that every pain, sorrow, happiness, scary, joy is being shared with all of us; and WE WILL STAND BY YOU!

  2. Cindy,

    Although I have never met you (our husbands know eachother and we are friends of the Schimmels), not a day goes by that I don't find myself lingering on your blog. I have a son Ty's same age (and a daughter around Gavin's age) and I can't stop thinking about all of you. I am continuously amazed by your focus, dedication, love and energy and it's heart warming to know that a boy in his "shoes" has a Mom like you... people can go a lifetime without experiencing such love and devotion.

    In these dark hours you seem so grateful for the love and support around you - and, just wanted to reinforce that... it's even coming from corners that are anonymous to you. My family continues to pray for beautiful Ty. You all deserve every miracle out there.

    Wishing you more wonderful times and strength,

    Janah Angelou

  3. We have never stopped praying. Ty's bad days I find so tied to mine because when I know he is not well my thoughts are with him constantly. I continue to send my guardian angel to stay and walk beside Ty. May God be with you and give you the strength to get through the MRI.

  4. Well said Rosalyn!! After I read the poem I felt like the lights lit brighter and everything appeared clearer. Thanks for sharing!!

    As for the nausea perhaps it is a gastric ulcer..I remember studying whats called Cushings ulcer caused by increase cranial pressure. Just a thought!

    I love Ty's smile in his fun chair!! He looks so great and makes my day and night 'betta' to see!!

    The kids and I never stop praying for you all and will pray extra hard for more fabulous news tomorrow!! Love, prayers, smile and hope!! Thank you God for this day :)!!

  5. Praying, praying, praying...

  6. Your ugly shoes have shown the world what a truly beautiful woman you are. Super Ty continues to amaze with his spirit and strength.

    Love and prayers coming at you from TX today.


  7. All I can say is GOD BLESS YOU. You have touched my heart and the hearts of thousands. Keep the faith and the fight little Ty. We all LOVE you soooo much.

  8. I hope you know that you are not walking alone. So many people have been touched by Ty's life. He is such a beautiful little boy. I will be praying for him and for your family. I can't imagine how difficult these waiting periods must be for you. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that so many people (even strangers like me) are praying for Ty daily. Keep up your amazing strength!

    Ann in Buffalo

  9. We don't know each other but I came across your blog a few months ago and cannot resist checking it daily. I am rooting for all of you, and I feel in my heart of hearts that Ty is meant to do something great in this world, and before you know it he will be feeling completely "betta". He has become an inspiration to all of us, and his strength and courage are a testament to what a wonderful family he has, as well as group of doctors that are by his side daily. I will be looking forward to checking the blog later expecting to read some positive news about his MRI.

  10. What a BIG BOY! Ty looks sooo big and grown up in this photo :O) Today is going to be a stress filled day, I am seriously feeling it and I am so distant from the reality that you are living every day. I pray that these tests will come back with a positive result. I pray that he is having these symptoms due to the sensitivity brought by the change in the steroids. I pray that the doctors will see a significant change for the better and I pray for remission then cured.

    Please be strong and know that Ty will get through this, he has to he is too loved and prayed for!

    I love to see him in his activity chair although it kills me to see him in it as well; I just want to see him out doing activities!!! HE WILL GET THERE!!!!

    We love you Ty, my family and I are so moved by you and your family, you are so sweet and innocent. You deserve the best of life and surely not what you have been dealt. I am here for you in whatever way possible. Know that you have people who love you are care for you all over and that I am one of them.

    Love ya sweet baby boy!
    Mary E. King and the rest of the King Family

  11. Something

    Something beautiful,
    Something brightens your day,
    Lifts up your mood,
    Pushes the clouds away.

    Something wonderful,
    Something you can’t explain,
    Makes you feel good,
    Lets hope it will remain.

    Something inspiring,
    Something just touches you,
    Gives you courage,
    Helps you to see it through.

    {©2009 Jan Brooks}

    That Something is your beautiful boy Ty
    and my Hero. Keep fighting!

  12. Ty and your family are constantly in my prayers. His spirit is so evident through those gorgeous eyes...very captivating! Please let Ty know that he is such an inspiration to so many people. I have shared his story with my Make A Wish chapter and they are following him now. I have accepted 2 wish kids so far and can't wait to get started...all in Ty's honor!

  13. "Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order for us to be tested, we must face challenges and difficulties. These can break us, and the surface of our souls may crack and crumble that is, if our foundations of faith, our testimonies of truth are not deeply embedded within us."