I've said before that this whole experience has helped me to appreciate every day as a gift, but yesterday I was at a pretty low point and struggled to keep a smile on my face. After a number of very long consecutive days where Ty was suffering and my life didn't allow even a moment's peace, I felt like I was close to my breaking point. I cried to my mother because as much as I don't ever want this to "end" because of what that may mean, i felt so vulnerable and so guilty for feeling miserable in my everyday life. I felt so ungrateful because i should love every minute of my life as long as Ty is in it, but the truth is that there are times that I don't. I have some very rough days, even when we are just home, because nothing is normal.
God was listening last night, because today was magic. Ty has been feeling good all day, and we were even able to get out of the house. When ty is feeling up to it, our only ritual in the past four weeks has included going to the supermarket and getting Ty a drive-thru happy meal (that he doesn't even eat more than half the time - but he insists on buying it). I don't know why, maybe it is just a comfortable routine for Ty because it's close to home with no surprises. Today, we drove right past the McDonald's and Ty said he didn't want a happy meal. Eureka! I decided to take a nice long drive through Westchester to see if maybe, just maybe, we could do some shopping and try something different for a change.
We went into a couple of cute gift shops first. Ty was pretty melancholy through it all, but at least I was able to buy some well overdue gifts. I didn't think we would make it anywhere else, but then ty said he wanted pizza! I swear I almost cried. We sat down at a little pizza place and ate such a nice lunch together. When he said he had to go to the bathroom, I almost panicked because i didn't have a urinal or "pee-pee can" with me, but Ty was happy to just use the potty. Again, I was shocked. Then we stopped at Target on the way home, I got a cup of Starbucks at Ty's suggestion, and it couldn't have been a better day. He never once complained of a headache. It felt so beautifully normal!!!
Today was just what I needed. Pizza and a trip to Target with the best boy in the whole world. It was pure bliss.